Build Date: Sun Jan 18 06:50:31 2026 UTC
As your attorney... I advise you to get drunk. As a drunk... I advise to go for it.
-- Johnnie Royale
More Pigdog Features
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Last week was the anniversary of the last time Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin appeared as an act. 67 years ago, as the show ended at New York's Copacabana Club, "Dean threw his arm around Jerry, pulled him toward him, hugged him," remembers one biographer. "The joint was in an uproar. It was the biggest night in the club's history.
"There was no encore. Dean took one aisle away from the stage, Jerry took another." (More...)
Goddamn Toothpaste Marketing Department Fuckwads
I like the flavor of peppermint, tolerate spearmint, and absolutely hate wintergreen. So why can’t toothpaste companies label their products so I know which of those three very different mint flavors they’re putting in the tube? (More...)
Record Studio Admits It: Napster Was Awesome
You've heard the song, which introduced millions to Hawaiian music legend Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. He'd posthumously shot to fame after his famous 'ukulele version of "Over the Rainbow" began turning up in ads and movie soundtracks, prompting curious music lovers to wonder, who is that singer?
Years later, a music journalist explored exactly what happened...
(More...)
You're grooving to some groovy tunes on your favorite music streaming service when... bam... you're knocked out of your reverie by the Most Annoying Song in the World. You didn't ask for it, you didn't choose it, and the music streaming service's AI didn't pick it because it's similar to 5 other songs you recently played. The AI chose that specific moment to ruin the mood with the "1-877-Kars4Kids" jingle for one reason only: to get you to pony up for a paid subscription. (More...)
Depending on whether you've smoked a bowl of some supreme weed, eaten some psilocybin mushrooms, or microdosed on LSD, a Cheeto can take on a life of it's own. Appearing to some as a duck or a character from Game of Thrones, rare Cheeto aficionados are taking their delicious miniature sculpted cheesy discoveries and selling them off on EBay to the highest bidder, raking in tens of dollars. (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
A better retirement idea for William Martin Joel. (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: Did Anyone Like 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi'?
It's being released on DVD tomorrow -- but did anyone actually like Star Wars: The Last Jedi? That debate rages on at our sekrit headquarters... (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: Music to Protest By
Back in our sekrit headquarters, we collaborated on the ultimate music mix for a world where Donald Trump is president.
Flesh led the charge... (More...)
Pigdog Journal Annual Christmas Essay Contest RUNNER UP ESSAY
A funny thing happened Pigdog Christmas Essay Contest. We got a second entry -- a raunchy, rowdy fable that seemed destined for glory, to RUN HARD and STEAL THE PRIZE, a strong contender to be this year's grand prize winner. (More...)
Pigdog Journal Annual Christmas Essay Contest WINNING ESSAY
It started 20 years ago -- and we're STILL HERE, dammit! So because Christmas is a TIME OF TRADITION, and to honor Pigdog.org's glorious resurrection, we announced the return of our most hallowed tradition: the Christmas Essay contest.
And now we're announcing the BIG 2017 WINNER!
(More...)
PIGDOG JOURNAL CHRISTMAS ESSAY CONTEST - 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION!
Because Pigdog.org is entering OUR 20TH YEAR! And because the world is even MORE BATSHIT CRAZY than ever! We're announcing the glorious return of our most sacred tradition: the Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest. (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)
The One Trump Conspiracy That Will Explain Everything
I have a theory that President Trump wants to be impeached. Maybe it's a desperate cry for help... (More...)
I want to strongly urge all U.S. pigdoggies who are currently registered as Democrats (and who live in states that don't enjoy open primaries) to do as I have done and re-register as Republicans, for the specific purpose of voting for Rick Santorum in the upcoming primaries. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Raw Democracy : Yesterday Edition
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton railed about crappy news yesterday at a congressional hearing. "Don't you know that Al Jazeera has the best real news anywhere?" (she forgot to mention the Daily Show, maybe because it's technically not news, even though it is, just like the Onion can be about the real-est news if you can reverse-engineer the stories adequately). She pointed out many flaws in American news media: talking heads, no real news, unbelievable, useless, crazy shit. She did not comment on what should be done about it. (More...)
iPad2 brings new possibilities for porn
All of San Francisco's most cutting-edge masturbators gathered at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts today for the unveiling of the iPad2 from Apple, a device which promises to revolutionize porn creation and delivery. (More...)
I have been camped outside Moscone Center, waiting for Macworld Expo to open, since 4:00 in the morning. Not this morning, since 4:00 in the morning January 4th. I had to be in line so I could be among the first to hear what new products Steve Jobs would announce. Getting a report two minutes after the announcement from someone's blog or Macworld.com just wouldn't do. I had to be FIRST. I had to hear it FIRST, directly from Steve Jobs.
This day could change my life. (More...)
Rev. CyberSatan Allegedly Burns the Man
Pigdog contributor Reverend CyberSatan, aka Paul Addis, was brought up on charges of arson for allegedly setting fire to The Man at Burning Man early Tuesday morning. The Man, which is basically a large pile of wood and other flammable material designed to be burned to the ground this coming Saturday night, caught fire in the early hours of Tuesday morning. When The Man is burned this coming Saturday night, it will mark the culmination of the week long festival. It will be art. It will be a party. However, if you burn it on a Tuesday, the powers-that-be call it arson. (More...)
Place the Lighter on the Ground and Let Us See Your Hands
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of people right now are saying that there are more important issues at stake and something so trivial is a waste of time. Believing such is really losing sight of some very key changes happening in our nation right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag burning. (More...)
Yet Even More TV Shows We'd Like to See
The last installment in a three-part series of TV shows we'd actually watch if anyone would produce them. Are you listening Hollywood? (More...)
Tired of bitching about high gas prices and want to do something about them instead? Here's a sure-fire way that your direct action can bring prices at the pump down. (More...)
More TV shows we'd like to see
The second in a three-part series of TV shows we'd actually watch, if anyone in TV-land would put down their coke-straw long enough to do something original. (More...)
The first in a three-part series of TV shows we'd actually watch, if anyone had the balls to put them on the air. (More...)
My Big Fat Obnoxious President
Fox presents the ultimate, ultimate practical joke with their latest and greatest brainchild-- MY BIG FAT OBNOXIOUS PRESIDENT (More...)
A Comic (More...)
Mysterious Special Ed Resurfaces Deep Within Jungle?
The world has held its breath since that fateful day last June when word came that a plane carrying world-renown Beverotologist Special Ed Ward had crashed in the South Pacific, miles from the nearest landmass, all occupants presumed dead. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
I bought myself a cell phone for Christmas so that I could send private little text messages back and forth with my boyfriend. Generally I can't stand the idea of being reachable anytime, anywhere, day or night. But who am I to impede the progress of love? So, I knuckled under and took advantage of this great AT&T "Free-2-Go" Wireless and Nokia offer at my local 7-Eleven store. Now, I'm all fired up. (More...)
I have been in love with manned spaceflight since I discovered the Tom Swift, Jr. books at the age of six.
When I was eight years old, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to leave the Earth, journey through space and return alive to tell the tale. And I danced for joy at the news, although it was the height of the Cold War and Gagarin was a Soviet citizen, because we -- the human race -- had finally, finally set out on the greatest adventure of this or any age.
(More...)I would like to see Iraq without Saddam Hussein or his heirs in power.
I would like to see sanctions against Iraq lifted -- but only after Saddam is gone. I would not want someone like Saddam Hussein to be able to spend the oil wealth of Iraq on weapons that might be used against the citizens of my country. I would like to see the oil wealth of Iraq spent on making the lives of Iraqi citizens better. (More...)
Pigdog Journal Fifth Annual Christmas Essay Contest WINNING ESSAY
That's right! The moment we've ALL been waiting for ALL YEAR LONG since the beginning of this anus horribilis is FINALLY HERE! The ANNOUNCEMENT of the WINNING ESSAY in the FIFTH ANNUAL PIGDOG JOURNAL CHRISTMAS ESSAY CONTEST! Boojho! Huzzah! (More...)
FIFTH ANNUAL PIGDOG JOURNAL CHRISTMAS ESSAY CONTEST
Can you believe it? We've been having this WACKASS CONTEST for FIVE YEARS. FIVE! That's a lot of years! To have a contest! About Christmas essays! I mean serious! And it's time once again (OK, a little past time, I agree) to do it to me one more time! For Christmas's fucking sake! Beaujolais! (More...)
Every year Santas get together all over the globe to bring children presents, to offer tidings of joy, and TO RAMPAGE IN YOUR BUNGHOLE LIKE DEMONS FROM HELL during an annual bachanalia known as SANTARCHY! (More...)
As I write this, an oil tanker containing 20 million gallons, less the roughly 2 million gallons that have already leaked out, has broken in half and sunk off the coast of Spain. There are numerous reports as to the ownership of the vessel as well as its "inspection" record in various sketchy ports of call. The ship's owners are quick to defend themselves against potential liability, Spain is jousting with Portugal over who's going to pay for the cleanup, and there are already the usual wildlife casualties of any such toxic disaster. But one thing is conspicuously missing from this whole scenario: The oil's real owner. (More...)
If Martha Stewart ends up going to trial for insider trading, I'll have to have a crash transsexual operation and seek immediate employment with Bear Stearns. Since I'll be a seriously hot woman, the dicks at the firm will want me to start immediately. Who knows, maybe I'll even get down on my knees and suck a couple of sexual harassment settlements out of them before I finish my master plan. That is to commit gross insider trading or massive fraud so that I can be sent to Club Fed and have Martha as my prison bitch. (More...)
This cautionary tale of dyslexic satanists and Klingon-speaking demon-dweebs just might save your worthless, unpopular Goth ass. But you didn't listen to us when we told you to lose the black nailpolish, so why start now. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Some of you have come to think of Cheney as the Invisible Man, while others of you cannot shake the image of No Hair the Pirate. This naturally depends on whether you want to ask him questions about his Halliburton dealings or if you want to add more viscosity to his already greasy palm. While the debate rages about actual existence of Cheney's heart (say, wasn't that surgery to install rather than repair?), developments in Cheney's apocalyptic cheerleading demonstrate something that Mrs. Cheney has known for years: the li'l Dick hasn't worked since the day Richard Nixon resigned. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
India and Pakistan - Strongly Preparing for the War
I received an e-mail from a friend of mine in India a few days ago. Raghu and I used to work together at a (now defunct) dot-com. He was the head DBA, and I managed all of the web infrastructure. Since Raghu didn't have a car and he lived nearby, I used to give him rides back and forth from work. We got to know each other pretty well. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
What's Your Debian Package Name?
It's a "What's your
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)
Script revision for A New Hope
To address pesky continuity errors, George Lucas' army of clone screenwriters have has revised a few scenes for the Special Limited 26th Anniversary Collector's Edition of "Star Wars IV: A New Hope". I think that's the one where Spock throws the Ring Of Power into the Hellmouth or something. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it... many Bothans died to bring us this information. (More...)
I'm here to talk to you about regrets. You know, those things you wish for the rest of your life that you did or did not do. The things that create Sour Grapes. The things you KNOW would've turned out perfectly the way you wanted them to, but you justify your choices by imagining that not making them would've ruined your life as you know it. I'm lucky. I have only one regret. And it haunts my dreams on a regular basis. Now that I am in love with that show The Osbournes, it's getting worse. (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
The Ins and Outs of a Very Sucky 2002
Ever since the Supreme Court selected our current half-wit President, an ill wind has whipped this noble attempt at self-government, straining our will to persevere and chilling our resolve. Large and very duplicitous forces are conspiring to reduce this nation into a bunch of mindless morons, braindead zombies and marketing whores, incapable of anything more then unquestioning obedience to the dictums of our self-anointed rulers. Don't believe me??? Just look at the Ins and Outs of 2002 and tell me things haven't gone from bleak to horrible lately. (More...)
The radio station Brian Cooley is on claims to be a news station. Brian Cooley's web page claims that he has a "long history of delivering engaging newscasts and absurd antics." So which is it? Is Brian supposed to be delivering entertainment or is he delivering news? Is anyone at CNET bright enough to know the difference? (More...)
Swastikas and Maple Leafs and Hosers, Oh My!
Pigdog Journal gets a lot of email these days from Canadians displeased with our ongoing effort to inform the world just how much Canadia Sucks. It's pretty much the only thing the entire PDJ editorial staff agrees on... which is staggering considering that we normally have fistfights over trivial issues like who ate the last chocolate-covered old-fashion donut in the Break Room. It is also a rare day that a PDJ staff meeting doesn't end with automatic weapons fire. Trying to get agreement on anything in the staff room is worse then herding a pack of psychotic free-range feral cats. (More...)
Canadians Not So Different After All
Nobody wants to be prejudiced. But sometimes you can be biased and not even realize it. I think many Americans are biased in this way against Canadians. I never really stopped to think about it, but I myself used to be this way. I guess I thought that Canadians were "stuck-up" — you know, smarter and better cultured than us. But then I got educated about Canadia. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
The Rev lays it down, once again. Kinda like Joyce Carol Oates, except he's bald and wears leather. (More...)
Cowardly Olympic Athletes Dodge Duty On War Front to Play in Snow
One might think that in time of national war the cream of America's youth, her most hale and hearty corn-fed offspring, would be giving every minute of their day to fight Osamur bin Laden and his demonous Al-Qaedur network wherever they were needed. One would be, in fact, wrong: America's finest are thousands of miles away from the front, playing children's games in the snow for the entertainment of humorless Mormons. How could this have happened? Have the terrorists already won? (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
PAKISTAWNY, AFGHANISTAN -- The world's most wanted terrorist, Pakistawny Osama, emerged from his burrow Saturday and saw his shadow, indicating Afghanistan will see six more weeks of bombing. (More...)
New World has Own, Strange Colloquialisms
This fascinating article from the 1883 Chambers's Encyclopedia provides a snapshot of late nineteenth-century British fascination with things American. (More...)
Pigdog Journal Fourth Annual Christmas Essay Contest GRAND PRIZE WINNER ESSAY
Beaujolais and Meli Kalikimaka! The Pigdog Journal Fourth Annual Christmas Essay Contest is OVER, and you are MOMENTS AWAY from reading the GRAND PRIZE WINNING ESSAY! Destined (ha ha) to be a holiday classic for years and years and years and years to come! (More...)
Pigdog Journal Fourth Annual Christmas Essay Contest FIRST RUNNER-UP ESSAY
Beaujolais! X-mas time for the whole family with the FIRST RUNNER-UP winning X-mas essay! It's a holiday extravaganza that's sure to make everyone warm in their cockles. (More...)
Pigdog Journal Fourth Annual Christmas Essay Contest SECOND RUNNER UP ESSAY
Beaujolais for the pimpin' Christmas year! Despite the complete and utter passing of the holiday season of sharing and caring, Pigdog Journal continues to pump out the essay contest extravaganza winners! (More...)
There are dire tidings from the Badlands this Christmas. (More...)
The Catholic Church: Keeping Abreast
You can't live in—or even visit—San Francisco without seeing a large pyramid-like building in the skyline. Many don't know that it's actually a Catholic cathedral. But even fewer suspect the source of this building's power: RAW FEMALE SEXUALITY. (More...)
I never really believed things could get this bad. (More...)
Pigdog Journal FOURTH Annual Christmas Essay Contest
Beaujolais!! Can you believe it's Christmas time again? I really haven't been able to plan around it since we survived Y2K -- never saw that coming. Anyways, send in your essay submission and LAUNCH YOUR CAREER TO THE STARS. (More...)
Our Wacky Women and "That Time of the Month"
In my never-ending search for bizarre anecdotes and very strange statistics, I've uncovered some astounding facts about "That Time of the Month" that you may not know about. (More...)
Naked Australian Redhead -- Missing!
She posed naked on the web, fought for pornography online, and even kept an online "Diary of a Virtual Girlfriend." But after earning a place in internet history, Bernadette Taylor vanished without a trace. (More...)
Two down, two to go. While I weeped really hard when John Lennon's life was taken in a disgusting act of delusional desperation, I marked the passage of George Harrison with an Elton John track called "Funeral for a Friend". I imagine that when all the remembrances are finished, everyone else will reach the same question I'm at now: which one will be the last? (More...)
George Harrison has defied the critics once again. Rest in peace. (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
Kaiser denied me health insurance. Bring on the cascading bummers! (More...)
How to Take Out a Suspension Bridge
How would one take out a suspension bridge? You could ram an airplane into it, but it's harder than ever to commandeer an airplane these days. Also, unlike tall buildings that fill the skyline, where you have a pretty good chance of hitting your target, bridges are low to the ground and don't have much of a vertical cross-section. Trying to hit one with a 747 wouldn't be impossible, but it would be difficult. (More...)
A lot of humorous stuff rolled in off the web today and since I'm tired of looking that feature about the Free Dimtry Hearing on September 24th I'd thought I'd smash them all together sort like they do on Slashdot every once in a while and see how it goes. Enjoy. (More...)
As a result of recent terrorist attacks on the world trade center and talks of retribution (AKA WW3), virus coders have found a perfect time to release their latest plague. (More...)
Next Dimtry Hearing is Scheduled for September 24
Our focus on freeing Dmitry Sklyarov has been muddy lately - both by BurningMan and the traggic incidents that occurred on Sept 11. (More...)
Announcing the BRAND Spanking NEW PDJ Quote Daturbase Page
That's right folks, all of our collective witticisms are now available on one convenient page for your viewing pleasure. (More...)
Court Hearing for Dmitry - Aug 23rd - POSTPONED!!
Dmitry Sklyarov Bail Hearing on Monday - More Protests Planned
On MONDAY, AUGUST 6TH, Dmitry Sklyarov will be given a bail hearing in a San Jose courtroom. Here's what you can do to help get Dmitry set free... (More...)
More Protests Scheduled for Monday
Still more protests demanding the release of Dmitry Sklyarov are scheduled for MONDAY, JULY 30TH, around the country. Protests will be happening in San Francisco, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, New York, and Seattle. (More...)
Free Dmitry Sklyarov - March on the Feds!
After Monday's demonstrations, Adobe has decided that it no longer wishes to see Dmitry Sklyarov in prison. However, since the charges against him are criminal, not civil, the feds are keeping Dmitry on ice for now. (More...)
The protest to free Dmitry Sklyarov was outstanding. The turnout was huge. I got there late. TOTAL COVERAGE means lots of pictures. We have 'em. Best of all, Adobe backed down! (More...)
Free Dmitry Sklyarov - March on Adobe!
Dmitry Sklyarov wrote a clever piece of software which showed that the encryption system used by Adobe software doesn't protect anyone's confidential information. Rather than fix the problem with their software Adobe chose to have Mr. Sklyarov arrested under a provision of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which makes it a crime to demonstrate flaws in copyright protection schemes. (More...)
John Lee Hooker died for your sins. (More...)
So, like, there's this Old Mine. (More...)
Andrew Leonard is a Nutless Boob
Man, what a creep that Andrew Leonard over to the Salon Magazine is. Wickety-wack half-hearted TOOL of the MAN! Listen to my long vent on street demonstrations for Information Freedom. (More...)
San Francisco: A Tale of Two Office Markets
Noodling thoughts on SF Real Estate from Mr. Bad. (More...)
Canada, What Have You Done for US Lately?
About a month ago I received some SPAM from a "friend" which contained an "inspiring message." The message was a tract titled America, the Good Neighbor and it was written and broadcast by a Canadian radio journalist. The tract went on at length about how great Americans are and how Americans get bashed far too often by nasty foreigners, especially Canadians. I immediately suspected that it was some sort of sneaky Canadian trickery, and after a small amount of research I found out that's exactly what it was. (More...)
San Franciscan pedestrians are getting killed at a rate that's four times higher than the San Francisco murder rate. I've compiled a list of ideas for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors on how to solve this appalling problem. (More...)
Here's your chance to be Freedom's Fifth Column in the fight for information liberation! Agent C528 gives you the lowdown on how to be a human dagger in the heart of oppression. (More...)
Pigdog Journal Third Annual Christmas Essay Contest WINNING ESSAY
Beaujolais! We have a winner! And none too soon -- the most magical day of the year is nigh upon us. Curl up to your iMac and read another touching Yuletide tale by none other than our Xmas essayist emeritus, LENNY TUBEROSE! (More...)
The return of a holiday favorite the whole family can enjoy! A charming saga of a bunch of drunk cyberbilly hyperscientists and their encounter with a VERY SPECIAL VISITOR on Christmas Eve. Read it with someone you love. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Third Annual Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest!!!!!!
That's right, folks! It's back again, better than before, like Rocky VI or some shit. The Third Annual Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest! You can practically smell the Christmas Magic! (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
GREAT ELECTION COMEDY, PART DUH
The Rev gives it to you like it is: election day blues. (More...)
News FLASH!!! Demos Assured of a White House Victory
Democrats have secret weapon in race for President. (More...)
The Presidential election this year has shown us one of the biggest flaws in our political system. Any third-grader can tell you that the electoral college is a stupid idea. Now it will bring us a President who won fewer votes than his opponent. (More...)
Ever wonder how your favorite (or least favorite) PDJ editor is gonna vote come this Nov 7th. Well, we'll tell ya. (More...)
Elections, The Middle East, and Sweet, Sweet Oil
The Rev lays it down on leading the Free World and spreading, uh, oil on the waters and shit. (More...)
For some time it may have seemed as though it were Pigdog Journal editorial policy that Canadia is Bad. Considering that this is the Online Handbook for Bad People of the Future, some of us aren't sure if that's a Bad thing. Or a Good thing. Or... whatever. (More...)
We have a lots of discussions on the Pigdog mailing list, most of it is pretty banal and stupid. But every once in awhile a post rises up above the noise. (More...)
Wish I'd Been There To See It, Part II
I'm so proud of my almost-kinda home town of Branford, CT. They've found the best way to combat the encroachment of corporate chains into a small town—an act of God. (More...)
Disregarding the law is all well and good, but you know, sometimes common sense should tell you to just read the signs, you know? (More...)
Waste the MPAA and DVDCCA's Time
David "NetRangerrr" Green (linuxman@geek.com) writes to Pigdog: "Why not write lots of letters to the MPAA and DVDCCA like: "Is there any legal way to get a DVD player for Linux? We are creating software based training for DOD and would like to make our training stations run LINUX for an incredible cost savings and greater stability. I see you are suing against DeCSS so I presume that you have an alternative." (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Shootout at the Cyberbuss Corral
Reverend CyberSatan of the Cyberbuss KREW gives Pigdog Journal the SCOOP on the haps at Saturday's Cyberbuss Costume Ball. Beaujolais! Bad cops and badder guests sparred with countering and feinting and parrying and all that rot! It was the best failed event of the season. (More...)
A Little Ditty About Mike and Diane
From the secret files of Pigdog Journal comes the long-forbidden story of a love that could not be. Mike and Diane! The teenage slut virgin fakes something something! Go see it today! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
The Insipid Underbelly of SXSW
South by Southwest is the DEFINITION of a sellout alterno-entity that collapses under its own weight. Our man RAGBOY, chief of Pigdog Ranger Station One (Austin, TX), gives us a blow-by-blow of the weird side underbellies and crazy hair farmers that make SXSW the weird craziness it is. Beaujolais! (More...)
Denial of Big Brother Service (DoBBS)
Forget DoS attacks! It's time to start a distributed DoBBS attack on the Web. Agent C528 gives you the scoop on ridding your Web trousers of privacy-leeches. (More...)
Although my e-mail inbox is regularly filled with unsolicited messages selling APL Compilers, Dutch pastry recipes, and Czech get-rich-quick schemes, my postal mailbox is full of even more nefarious spam. Here's how I deal with it. (More...)
Pigdog Journal DeCSS Distribution Center
Do you want to fight the MPAA and distribute DeCSS as far as the eye can see, but you're too chicken of their trained steel-toothed attack lawyers to put the DeCSS code on your Web site? GOOD! Me too! That's why I'm distributing the OTHER DeCSS. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
The tumultuous events in Indonesia have left Megawati Soekarnoputri in the vice-president's seat. Nationalists cheer but sensible people shudder: is she from the same Soekarno family that includes presidents, porn stars, dangerous drunks, phallus-obsessed megalomaniacs and gay dancers? She sure is! So, discarding journalistic integrity, let's take a look at her family to gauge just how dangerously insane she really is. (More...)
YET ANOTHER Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest HONORABLE MENTION
Man, I bet you, the general public, have pretty much had enough of the sporadic serial publication of Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest winners and honorable mentions and stuff! But don't forget, CHRISTMAS AIN'T OVER YET. So KEEP READING, DAMMIT! (More...)
The Second Millenium - A Look Back
On the eve of the Millennium, Mr. Bad looks back over the last 1000 years. (More...)
Pigdog Journal Second Annual Essay Contest HONORABLE MENTION
This is one of the fabu entries in our Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest. It is honorable, so we mention it. It manages to weave Hitler, cryonics, and etoys.com into a single narrative thread. Beaujolais! Enjoy! (More...)
Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest SECOND PRIZE WINNER
Huzzah! A second prize winner in our fabuloso Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest! This one is from our VERY OWN Ms. Bunnypenny! Wee haw! (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest WINNER
The results are in! Pigdog Journal's expert array of AI software essay-judging programs have returned a result -- and what a result it is! (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
Charged Pigdog hacks have penetrated the notorious London Arms Fair and penned this cynical and blatant HST plagiarism. (More...)
An Open Letter to Tim Berners-Lee
Mr. Bad busts the Father of the Web over an egregious spelling mistake! (More...)
Spock Mountain Research Labs: A Short Primer
SMRL will be making another appearance at Burning Man next week. For the uninitiated, the question is: who are these guys? (More...)
DJ Christ Superstar (a rock opera)
WOW! Mr. Bad interviews the makers of A RAVE OPERA at the Burning Man festival this year. This is gonna be GREAT! Jesus Christ, RAVE ON. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Crazy Drunkard Yeltsin Ruins Kremlin
In a feeble comeback attempt President Yeltsin has redecorated the inside of the Kremlin in a style that the director of the Art Research Institute of the Russian Academy of Sciences describes as "monstrously bad." (More...)
Back by popular demand -- coverage of the wild KPFA protests in downtown Berkeley, California. Check out the FANCY SIGNS! These people have the best protest signs EVER! Yes, Berkeley really knows how to have a protest with STYLE. (More...)
Pacifica Board Ousts KPFA Staff; Hammers Down on Protesters
In an update to our earlier piece detailing the savagery which has ensued since the Pacifica National Board has tried to force unwelcome and restrictive new management and policies on its San Francisco-area flagship station, KPFA, Pigdog has learned that KPFA's entire staff was ejected from the radio station's building tonight, and riot police were called in to forcibly disperse a crowd estimated at approximately 500 protestors gathered in support of the troubled franchise. (More...)
The Tale of the People with the Long, Gray Beards and Their VIP NGO Friends (An Internet Fable)
Internet watchdog Thom Stark explains why Al Gore HAD TO INVENT THE INTERNET to protect you and me from the secret net cabal known as the "Graybeards." Along the way Stark demystifies their incantations and mystical code words -- ISOC, IETF, NSI, NGO, and many more. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Canuck UBERMENCH Lenny Tuberose will worm his way into your heart with this piece of crazy fiction... Bourbon, hillbillies, and Elvis. Read this instead of going to lunch. (More...)
Art Bell Fires a Warning Shot Across the Pigdog Bow?
Yesterday, while checking the Pigdog Journal feedback system, I was surprised to see a letter from influential talk show host Art Bell, asking if we would mind giving him a phone call. He wanted to talk about our recent article, which is about his attempts to manage the information coming out about his feud with the former guests of his program, David John Oates and Robert A. M. Stephens. (More...)
Talk Show Wars Spin-Doctoring Backfires
Like an old-fashioned minister of information, Art Bell has tried to control the propaganda coming from his opponents, and failed. Apparently unaware of the famous aphorism that the Net routes around censorship, he has tried persuasion and cajoling to shut down opposing viewpoints on web sites and discussion forums. But it hasn't worked. (More...)
Convert Your Model M to a Post-Ban Dvorak
Defend your right to free expression by converting your Model M keyboard to the Dvorak simplified layout! PIGDOG JOURNAL shows you how with step-by-step instructions. (More...)
Talk Show Host Blames Downfall on Chatroom Vixens
A pornographic photo of wild Australian talk show host David Oates has been making the rounds of the web. It has become the centerpiece in a multimillion dollar law suit, and countersuit, between Art Bell and Oates. The issue at hand is, how did this nasty photo get on the web in the first place? (More...)
Banana Baffles British Boffins
A 500-year-old banana skin has been discovered in London, which predates the earliest recorded arrival of a banana in Britain by 150 years. Archaeologists are stunned by the rogue fruit, which has shattered the conventional wisdom of British banana eaters. (More...)
Horrible Misogynistic Porn Poem
Check out this porn poem! It's real gross! You'll go "Ewww!" And it's ONLY ON PIGDOG. (More...)
Upstart American Spirits Puts Ancient Wisdom in Every Pack
It's not often that a new face bursts onto the scene in the rough-and-tumble world of the tobacco industry. Mr. Bad covers the recent explosion of upstart tobacconists American Spirit. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Jerry Springer May Defect to England
Jerry Springer has been lying low since the latest episodes of his show were yanked from syndication by a nervous Studios USA. Now it looks like he may jump ship to British television, where they aren't afraid to handle risque topics, such as marrying your horse, and the whole bare-knuckle, down and dirty, gossip talk show format. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
An excellent memoir by longtime pigdogger Sylvia Maxwell, detailing her life in Guelph amidst the clones. Serious, strange, funny, and ABSOLUTELY TRUE. (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Is Someone Trying to Silence Art Bell?
While you drive along in your hillbilly truck listening to the various radio talkshows, you probably are unaware that there is a fierce battle going on behind the scenes, and on the net. These nighttime talkshow hosts and their guests can be meaner and more ornery than pole cats! This is the latest... (More...)
Perilous afternoons at Café Freedom
The most dangerous bar in Phnom Penh is Café Freedom on the west side of Boeng Kak Lake. The number of dangerous things here is great and comes from a whole load of different angles. There's a constant threat of siege by the military police, who are likely to come at any time to apprehend the viciously insane Scottish owner, Brian. (More...)
Happy Herb's, as the sharp-minded of you will have guessed, serves ganja and since the Russian market got busted expatriates have had a reasonable excuse to go and munch some herb for supper. Herb also does hash coffees for brekky and will sell you a large Nescafe jar full of weed for a dollar. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
500 regular visitors to Kim Rollins's on-line journal Tuesday found instead a link to an essay titled "Ouch" written by her ex-boyfriend Wil Shipley -- the founder and president of Omni Development, Inc. A series of pages ultimately led readers to a document posted at 12:37 Tuesday offering Shipley's version of their relationship's final days. "[S]he ran off to Portland for a sex weekend...." The bitter Omnigroup founder in fact uses the phrase "sex weekend" three times to describe Kim's meeting with the man for whom she ultimately abandoned her nine-year relationship in Seattle. Shipley reflects on Kim's preparations with irony. "I guess she felt too guilty to take the chocolate I gave her...." (SEE LINKS IN FULL STORY!) (More...)
Jake Busey Dazzles Audiences As 'Krug'
The latest Jake Busey vehicle, ENEMY OF THE STATE, is a creepy, paranoid thriller focusing on the shadowy world of satellite surveillance, communications monitoring, and secret intelligence agencies. Jake Busy is "Krug," the perfect "Black Ops" thug--an NSA operative, and former marine, who spent some time in the stockade for assault on a superior officer... (More...)
The Pat Boone Lounge Has Been Mustard Gassed
Are you still using that watered-down pepper spray crap to defend yourself against buggering, mugging, and whatnot? That stuff is no good. What you need is to get you some bear repellent!! (More...)
A police officer visited a Seattle-area hotel after Omni Development founder and president Wil Shipley paid an unexpected call on ex-girlfriend Kim Rollins. The policeman's visit culminated an ongoing series of humiliations for the Omni Group founder... (More...)
If you missed the Spock Mountain Research Labs Tour at this year's Burning Man here's your chance to hear a copy of the tour tape. Unfortunately, those wizards at SMRL (leaders in the field of beverage research and leisure technology) haven't yet figured out how to deliver HyperWhiskey (TM) via the web - so we here at Pigdog advise you to drink massive quantities of alcohol and stand outside in the blazing sun for six hours before you listen to the tape. (More...)
"I went to Thanksgiving at Britta and Kevin's, but I was a zombie," OmniGroup president and founder Wil Shipley writes. In an on-line essay, Shipley chronicles how his break-up with net-celebrity Kim Rollins has complicated his holiday celebrations -- also sharing memories of the evening before Thanksgiving. "In the middle of reading the paper I broke down and started crying again...." Shipley reports that "I went upstairs and had a good cry, then read for a while." Shipley's prescription for the anti-depressant Zoloft has now been doubled. (More...)
Shipley's Doctor Prescribes More Pills
"I got a prescription for a bunch more pills." In an essay titled "More Drugs," OmniGroup President and founder Wil Shipley reports enthusiastically on his struggle for mental health. "I'd push my own mother in front of a train to keep taking Zoloft," Shipley jokes... (More...)
Shipley Renames Journal: 'Scab'
Wil Shipley, online diarist beloved by millions, has changed the name of his journal from the pain-induced "Ouch" to the gently-healing "Scab". El Destino, as usual, has TOTAL COVERAGE. (More...)
Wil Shipley Makes Fun of HIMSELF
Wil Shipley posted his own top ten list. "Top 10 Pickup Lines I've Had No Luck With So Far." (More...)
More Pigdog Christmas Wish Lists
OK, well, more Pigdog staffers came in with Christmas wish lists over the weekend. I don't know what these are supposed to prove, but I'd be remiss not to report them -- if only to publicly record their dreams, so when they're dashed on 12/25/1999, we can all laugh at them. (More...)
Pao Tzu's Christmas essay comes in a few days late and a few dollars short. But, considering that no one else but he and Lenny submitted essays, he gets the 1st Runner-up prize in the Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest. Sure, it's a travesty of justice, but what can you do? (More...)
Furbiling Trend Rises to Disturbing Levels
Hospital workers at San Francisco General have reported a 15th emergency-room case involving the deviant sexual practice of "furbiling". City health officials have formed a task force to raise public awareness of this problem. (More...)
Lenny Tuberose, Grand Prize Winner of the Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest, presents a heart-warming tale of what Christmas is all about: brutal assaults and substance abuse. Destined to be a Christmas classic! (More...)
We realize it's getting a little late in the game for you to get presents for the Pigdog Journal staff like you really should. But some of us are a little disappointed with this year's take and we thought we'd give the Fat Man one more chance to come through with the goods. And, no, we don't mean J.L. McCabe. (More...)
Once again we present the story of "Christmas on Spock Mountain", wherein a band of hillbilly cyberscientists receive a midnight visit from an unexpected guest. (More...)
Burning Man, Part 2: Funky Hoedown at the Research Lab!
Crazy journalist Joab Jackson gives his personal account of visiting Pigdog's own SPOCK MOUNTAIN RESEARCH LABS theme camp at this year's Burning Man festival. (More...)
MAJ, holder of the Danny Cassalaro Chair in Revisionist Linguistics at Spock Mountain Research Labs, deconstructs the deep structure of SMRL's primary research pursuit. (More...)
NET LOSS: Find out the latest scoop on the Shipley/Rollins break-up HERE. (More...)
Shameful Arrests of Good-natured Ganja Ladies in Phnom Penh's Russian Market
PHNOM PENH, Cambodia -- Early on the morning of Friday the 12th, when the Russian market in downtown Phnom Penh was beginning a day of hard sell and fish guts, police arrested seven of the much-loved local ganja ladies when they resisted certain policemen's extortion attempts. Peeved policemen confiscated 38 kilos of ganja without explanation and on tenuous legal grounds. (More...)
George Orwell Imitates a Cuisinart From His Grave
Pigdog expresses sympathy to the families of the Little Town victims; Rabid Speculation at 11. (More...)
Another Jackboot Footprint on Your Face
Welcome to Seattle Washington, land of Grunge, Starbucks Coffee, Microsoft and the Space Needle. At one time, it was known for individuality and personal responsibility. Not any more. (More...)
Lenny Tuberose, master of the macabre, spins a tale about the end of the world and other bad things. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Who is Jed Sanders? Story teller, hillbilly genius, database expert... Why do people call him "America's Favorite"? Find out for yourself by viewing up-to-date pictures of Jed and his shotgun. By the way, did you know that he made the camera that took these pictures HIMSELF, from miscellaneous parts that he found at WeirdStuff Wharehouse in Sunnyvale!! Somehow it all works with RJ-11 phone cord and a piece of wood. Absolutely fantastico! (More...)
The Despicable Farce of Cambodian Justice
Isn't it just shithouse crazy how we have a correspondent in Cambodia? Crazy, but true. Cambodia is still a bad, bad place... and our roving Southeast Asia reporter, Oliver Green, is full of rage, and has the latest scoop on how the Cambodian government is treating its genocidal maniacs -- who seem to be everywhere, living the good life. Quick, look at it now!!! (More...)
Oh The Humanity! Oh For A Little Perspective
"25 STUDENTS DEAD IN SCHOOL SHOOTING!" scream the headlines. "THIS IS THE BIGGEST TRAGEDY OUR NATIONS SCHOOLS HAVE EVER KNOWN!" screams the media. And both are wrong. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
LOSCON, or, Travels with Rick Moen
Crackmonkey travels to an LA SF convention and does unspeakable acts of cruelty to goths and Mac freaks. Rick Moen heavily featured. (More...)
Offical Rules of TNiPNaZ (More...)
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
