Reported 1999-06-20 14:27 by Mr. Bad
It's not often that in the hardscrabble tobacco industry a new kid on the block can make a dent in the market share of the Giants of Smoking like RJR and Philip Morris. And yet, that's exactly what scrappy upstart American Spirit has done, gaining 15% share in the all-important 18-24 target demographic in the 5 years since they entered the fray. | |
How do they do it, you ask? The New Mexico-based corporation has a secret weapon up its sleeve: the traditional cigarette-making wisdom of an ancient and noble people. | |
American Spirits cigarettes are the collective pride of the citizens of the Waiala Pueblo Tribe, located 150 mi. northeast of Santa Fe. The Waiala have created tobacco products by hand since time immemorial. | |
"Our elders say that the first cigarette was created by our Father the Sun after begetting all the things of the earth by our Mother the Moon," Waiala leader Sam Tchakaiolo informed Pigdog Journal during a recent visit to the Great Southwest. "We celebrate the post-coital glow of the All-Father each time we make a relaxing American Spirit cigarette." | |
Tchakaiolo, the wiry, sun-wrinkled 54-year-old kapa or "cigarette big man" of the Waiala, led us on a tour of the scenic Waiala Pueblo where American Spirits are made. PJ was surprised to see that cigarette production on a massive scale goes on side-by-side with traditional tribal living. | |
"This is our way of life," the kapa explained. "Sooner ask us to stop eating coyote-gut stew, to stop selling firecrackers and anatomically-correct novelty statuettes by the roadside, than to stop producing 50,000 gross of regular, light, wide and menthol cigarettes per day." | |
American Spirits begin in the terraced tobacco fields of Waiala Pueblo, hand-carved into the 4000-foot high walls of the Waiala Mesa. The back-breaking labor of tending the fields is performed by the married women of their tribe, who can often be seen bent in a permanent agonizing stoop over the green, leafy tobacco rows, and occasionally falling to their deaths on the canyon floor below. | |
No chemical pesticides or fertilizers are used on the plants. "We fertilize them with corn husks, fish skeletons and human dung," says Tchakaiolo. "This gives American Spirit cigarettes their unique 'close-to-nature' flavor." | |
Once the tobacco is harvested, dried, and chopped, it's on to the rolling kiva. It's here that we find the traditional rolling paper, made from mesquite wood chewed for hours by the tribe's virgins, stamped flat by foot and dried in the life-draining desert sun. Also on hand are filters made of finest lambs' wool, sheered from the nether regions of the newborn females on the night of the first full moon in the Spring. | |
Rolling the cigarettes themselves, though, is the province of the tribe's warriors. | |
"The men of the tribe prepare for hours in the kiva, or religious trailers, of our reservation," explains Ivan Kachumoro, the garana or "rolling big man" of the Waiala. "We fry on all kinds of crazy-ass desert plants for, like, _days_. You ever try to roll 100,000 cigarettes? You'd wanna be heap big fucked up, too." | |
Once spiritually and physically prepared for the task of rolling, the men sit in the circular rolling kiva and begin their task. Taking a filter and a handful of tobacco between the fingers of his right hand, the warrior tears off a square of paper in his left, and with a flick of his wrist, a perfect cigarette is made. This is repeated thousands upon thousands of times per day. | |
Finally, the finishing touches are put on the cigarette itself. A thin gold band is painted around the filter end of the butt. "We had some problem coming up with all that gold," admits Tchakaiolo, "We made a deal with the Mexican government to use the melted-down remains of Aztec ceremonial masks. Turns out there's international indigenous peoples' agreements out there that allow us to desecrate priceless works of all humanity for our own gain. Who'd a thunk it?" | |
As cigarettes are made, they are gathered into packs of twenty (a holy number to the Waiala) in the hands of small, dirty children who run them over to the Packing Pueblo. Here, the eldest, wisest women in this matriarchal society put the cigarettes in their final packages and seal the closure with a brief chant and wave of a smudge stick. | |
The packages themselves are made by hand by in Waiala Pueblo. Tin ore for the foil is mined on ancestral lands 200 miles away and carried by llama back to the Pueblo, where it is smelted over dense, hot buffalo-dung fires. | |
The cellophane wrapper is harvested from the plentiful ana'i, or cellophanus cactus -- it's peeled like sunburnt skin off the plant's outer husk. Finally, the paper shell of the package is lovingly hand-painted by a skilled artisan after much prayer and fasting. | |
But what about the logo on the American Spirits package, a silhouette of what is obviously a Plains Indian smoking a peace-pipe, not a cigarette? | |
"Well," Tchaikaolo says, "our most revered elder was visited in a dream by Kahi'iki Pa'ona, the Kachina of Marketing. He was told that having a picture of one of us Southwest Indians with our traditional Moe the Stooge haircut just wasn't gonna get us anywhere. So we use the Chief, there, instead." | |
Yet more proof that modern wisdom, matched with ancient ways, makes for good business! |
T O P S T O R I E S
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
A group of self-righteous assholes converted exactly zero people to their cause by blocking the highway to Burning Man this week. The group, which used a flimsy trailer, some lengths of chain, and a few folding chairs to block the road, put up signs including "Burners of the World Unite," but none of the burners stopped in traffic wanted to unite with them for anything. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)