Build Date: Fri Feb 14 10:30:30 2025 UTC
I had a beer at lunch.
-- Dick Cheney
Weird Science
Pigdog Journal Articles
2023-08-16
Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE?
2017-03-11
I was browsing through the auto parts at OReillyAuto.com, when I stumbled across a listing for a flux capacitor. "Plutonium is required to properly operate," warns its description. It also adds that plutonium is "not Available at O'Reilly Auto Parts."
2017-01-20
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix.
2011-03-01
When Canadian scientists get all hot and bothered about a cooling neutron star in the constellation Cassiopeia, their thoughts quickly turn to glasses of superfluid.
2006-06-10
Anyone can dump a couple of Mentos into a 2-liter of Diet Coke for fun. It takes sheer genius to turn it into artistry.
2006-03-12
In this shocking video, a fully autonomous armored assault vehicle is seen performing manouvers somewhere in the California desert. Or maybe it's just a 1982 Toyota Camry. Decide for yourself.
2004-06-15
Doctors from the Long Island Jewish Hospital found in a study that some people who take pain killers for headaches get headaches more frequently.
2003-01-02
This is about the damn funnest website I've come across all year. Granted, it's only the second of January, but it's still pretty damn fun in its way.
2002-04-04
Gianni Golfera has been captured by Italian scientists and is being studied so that the secret to his genetic mind superpowers can be harnessed. Okay, except for the part about capturing.
2002-04-03
This whole genetically-modified food debate has been very difficult for me. On the one hand you have reactionary hippies pitching a fit, and I'm pretty used to agreeing with those people. But on the other hand you have mad wild-haired scientists violating the very laws of God and Earth, and I love those guys too! It's like if Gabrielle got into a fight with Agent Scully. How could I choose?
2001-12-03
Since firing the SF Comical as my newspaper two years ago, I've kicked over to the Internet as my main info source for the goings on in the real world. It's really good to be able to get a balanced viewpoint from multiple sources with just a few clicks. The place I usually start is on Top Stories at Yahoo. There, the neatly subdivided sections guide me through the global morass with relative ease. Over the last year and a half, there was this item in the Business and Technology sections entitled "Ginger" or "IT".
2001-05-11
Apparently there just aren't enough whip-cream canisters in New Zealand to satisfy the N2O cravings of the countries bored teenagers and junkie dentists so scientists there have been forced to seek out a new source of laughing gas-- cow dung!
2000-06-16
21st century technology transforms the world of dental hygiene, as unsuspecting users find they've purchased not just an electic toothbrush -- but the InterPlak RTB2.
2000-06-05
Ghost hunters are alive and well and posting their pictures on the Squirreled Wide Web.
2000-05-26
A group of the world's top mathematicians have decided that math is really, really hard. Some math anyway. So they've decided to do what dumb kids with too much money have always done, they're going to pay people like YOU to do their homework.
2000-05-01
Those crazy physicists have re-weighed the Earth and found it missing a few pounds -- 6,000,000,000,000,000 metric TONS to be exact!!! And I don't know about you, but that seems like a FUCK OF A LOT OF WEIGHT TO ME.
2000-05-01
Well, SURE, Y2K came and went like a gentle lamb. Everything is running along just hunky-dory, civilization didn't collapse, and no one is rioting in the streets, more or less. But don't despair! Survivalist leaders say there's ONE MORE CHANCE for total destruction!
2000-03-27
We just can't do ANYTHING anymore.
2000-02-09
I knew it! I'm doomed to die an early painful death! I'm completely unsurprised by this -- in fact, I pretty much expected that things would turn out this way. The Mayo clinic has just released a report that pessimists die younger. OK, it doesn't actually mention pain, but I'm sure it'll be horrible.
2000-01-20
The moon! It's like a big COOKIE that some intergalactic ANDRE THE GIANT took a big BITE out of!
1999-12-21
So, tonight around 11:45PM PST the winter solstice will occur. Beaujolais to that! And it's a full moon, too! Also Beaujolais! There's a bunch of other weird elliptic mathematical things going on, too, but who cares? Go enjoy the moon.
1999-12-20
Some crazy wacked-out sadistic freaks at Johns Hopkins Hospital forced a bunch of poor smucks to hold their hands in buckets of freezing water until the pain became unbearable. Half the guinea-pigs were asked to fantasize about sex, the other half were got to day dream about something dull like walking to class. Turns out shock! thinking about launching your moisture seeking love missile can help lessen the pain of freezing cold water -- or the fact that your significant other is a big pain in your ass...
1999-12-06
Yup, some good-old fashioned New England astronomers picked out a naked-eye visible nova a few days back. So what if some guy in Portugal saw it first? Well, at least it's not a comet heading this way.
1999-11-10
The British have come up with a way to get rid of slugs. This crazy limeys has built this machine that hunts down and kills slugs. So what makes this better than a tin of beer? It runs of the power it generates through the decay of its victims!
1999-10-12
So, by now you know that the 6 billionth person on planet Earth has been born some time today. And, you've also probably heard all the hand-wringing about the horrible things this child is going to do to the world. But no one has faced the hard facts and made the demand: We must kill Baby 6 Billion!
1999-10-07
Ever wonder what happens after we die? How do cells die? What makes a stiff stiff? You can find out about how all this exciting stuff happens by reading this article. A chart summarizes a way to estimate the time of death. Decomposition is also charted out for the reader's convenience.
1999-10-07
Spock Mountain Research Labs strives to bring you the best in modern hillbilly technology. But even we realize that you have to get out of the house now and then. And what better of a reason, than a chance to play Quake for real?
1999-10-02
Finally, a site for kids that Pigdog can endorse!
1999-10-01
...because he'll find some way to work wing nuts and lag bolts into it... This years winner of the Annals of Improbably Reasearch Ig Noble Prize for Managed Health Care deserves some special attention. US Patent #3,216,423, entitled "APPARATUS FOR FACILITATING THE BIRTH OF A CHILD BY CENTRIGUGAL FORCE" may be one of the scariest things I have ever seen in all my years of reporting for Pigdog Journal.
1999-09-21
Astronomers have found three "weird" moons orbiting Uranus. You might want to have a doctor take a look at that, I'm sure some antibiotics wold clear it right up. One of those little pillow with the hole in the middle might make things more comfortable for you... are you eatting enough fiber?
1999-08-18
Sometime early this month an iceberg the size of our smallest state left Antarctica and headed north... which when you think about it is the only way it could go...
1999-08-10
As any maiden-kidnapping, wax-moustache-twiddling blackguard will tell you, the secret to success is removing the powers of those who would be your undoing. Especially when Rocket Boy is involved.
1999-07-12
Spock Mountain Research Labs' crack team of hillbilly scientists was given a very special assignment to "test-drive" a crazy new technology that only we could handle. Each volunteer was issued a lab coat OF THE FUTURE and sent out to party like it was 1999!
1999-07-01
Okay, so what kind of SICK scientists came up with a study like this one?? Don't these people have anything better to do?!!
1999-06-11
According to a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Maryland, people who tend toward bouts of extreme anger, like actor Harvey Keitel, put themselves at risk of high blood pressure or even heart damage.
1999-01-12
Once again the Australians lead the way in high tech alcoholic packing as the Boys Down Under have managed to freeze it into Popsicles. - or Icy Poles as the Aussies apparently call them. And although at only 6% ABV, necessitating the consumption of an entire box for a buzz, the Australian's climate obliges with millions of square miles of desert.
1999-01-04
Well, it would seem that my predictions as to the future strategic importance of alcohol in the technology arena are coming true. Manhattan Scientifics Inc. has finally perfected what the Canadians have had for decades: fuel-grade booze!
1999-01-03
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate!
1998-12-17
MAJ, holder of the Danny Cassalaro Chair in Revisionist Linguistics at Spock Mountain Research Labs, deconstructs the deep structure of SMRL's primary research pursuit.
1998-11-22
Can it really be true that everything we eat that tastes good is bad for us? I've often intuitively felt that things like beer, and pizza -- the soul food of programmers -- HAVE TO BE good for you. I have absolutely no proof for this position, but now the BBC is reporting that chocolate is the new health wonder drug, according to the latest research. Chocolate is a powerful immune system booster. Chocolate is just plain good medicine. So gobble some up right away.
1998-11-18
Didn't know whether to file this under 'Pigs' or 'Science', but anyways: we have initial reports of PIG CLONING going on in Great Britain somewhere. Probably somewhere very boring and sanity-threatening, because this is an INSANE thing to do. England needs _no_ more pigs, for fuck's sake! Anyways, this was forwarded from some bad Extropians, who are a pretty disreputable lot, so I can't vouch for this 'BBS' news organization. Take it all with a grain of salt, eh?
1998-11-16
Wonderful! Do you need to get some of that blecherous fat vacuumed off your bloated cheese pile ass? Well, thanks to the Internet, now you may be able to get one of those fun cosmetic surgery operations absolutely free! ONLINE SURGERY is offering free liposuction, breast augmentation, nose jobs, and face lifts to "eligible candidates." You wont mind having the operation broadcast LIVE via Real Video will you? Heh heh heh... Take a peek at the SURGICAL ARCHIVES, where you can view hot, goopy liposucking action!! Sponsored by DuPont.
1998-11-14
"Today, we can offer more than just trepanning (cranial ventilation). Modern surgical techniques allow you to choose as much or as little brain modification to best suit your lifestyle -- from simple Trephination; to lobotomy; to complete decephalization.
1998-11-10
The San Francisco Bay Guardian is reporting on a Florida biochemist who's developed THC-bearing oranges. Since oranges are not illegal (yet), you could theoretically get high from your morning glass of Sunny Delight. Unfortunately the Bad Guys have come down on this guy and stopped him from distributing his orange seeds to dopeheads until they have time to make it illegal.
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2021-05-07
2004-11-16
2004-06-19
2004-04-17
2002-06-13
2002-04-23
How magnetism will make us super smart!
2002-03-09
Two cans of shaving cream can fill a car. Who knew?
2001-11-19
2001-11-02
2001-04-17
2001-02-23
2000-11-01
It's a car that runs on air. No batteries or gas in there!
2000-08-10
When you combine a web of wires with resin and a chip of something special, what do you have? No, not that! "Smart pebbles", aka cybeRox, the newest defenders of British shores. "Dumb as a box of rocks" now has a whole new meaning.
2000-06-16
2000-06-01
2000-05-23
2000-05-04
1999-08-17
1999-08-05
The world's tiniest web server- built by Tiny Elvis.
1999-07-16
1999-07-12
1999-05-27
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Negative Nancy, touring the gin joints of the world, sent us her latest Spocktail creation, The Inattentive Beachcomber, which she concocted and field tested somewhere in South East Asia. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Robert Helms makes a living volunteering for medical experiments. Though Helms — and almost all guinea pigs — get paid for their participation in medical trials, they are still "volunteers" according to a byzantine legal code. They are compensated for their time, not paid to ingest medicine. He and "guinea pigs" like him have learned the intimate art of taking catheters in their veins, tubes in their intestines, EKG electrodes on their nipples. (More...)
