Pigdog Journal Articles
How much force does it take to pull out nose hair?
Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE?
O'Reilly Auto's Site Now Sells Parts For Time Machines
I was browsing through the auto parts at OReillyAuto.com, when I stumbled across a listing for a flux capacitor. "Plutonium is required to properly operate," warns its description. It also adds that plutonium is "not Available at O'Reilly Auto Parts."
is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix.
Deadly Robot Car Wreaks Havoc in Desert Rampage
In this shocking video, a fully autonomous armored assault vehicle is seen performing manouvers somewhere in the California desert. Or maybe it's just a 1982 Toyota Camry. Decide for yourself.
He Is Smart And You Suck
Gianni Golfera has been captured by Italian scientists and is being studied so that the secret to his genetic mind superpowers can be harnessed. Okay, except for the part about capturing.
Bruce Banner Beans
This whole genetically-modified food debate has been very difficult for me. On the one hand you have reactionary hippies pitching a fit, and I'm pretty used to agreeing with those people. But on the other hand you have mad wild-haired scientists violating the very laws of God and Earth, and I love those guys too! It's like if Gabrielle got into a fight with Agent Scully. How could I choose?
Since firing the SF Comical as my newspaper two years ago, I've kicked over to the
Internet as my main info source for the goings on in the real world. It's really good to
be able to get a balanced viewpoint from multiple sources with just a few clicks. The
place I usually start is on Top Stories at Yahoo. There, the neatly subdivided sections
guide me through the global morass with relative ease. Over the last year and a half,
there was this item in the Business and Technology sections entitled "Ginger" or "IT".
Some Funny Shit
Apparently there just aren't enough
whip-cream canisters in New Zealand to satisfy the
N2O cravings of the countries bored teenagers and junkie dentists so
scientists there have been forced to seek out a new source
of laughing gas-- cow dung!
Gonzo ToothBrush Tech
21st century technology transforms the world of dental
hygiene, as unsuspecting users find they've purchased not
just an electic toothbrush -- but the InterPlak RTB2.
You Do the Math
A group of the world's top mathematicians have decided that
math is really, really hard. Some math anyway. So they've
decided to do what dumb kids with too much money have
always done, they're going to pay people like YOU to do
Missing Parts of Planet Earth
Those crazy physicists have re-weighed the Earth and found
it missing a few pounds -- 6,000,000,000,000,000 metric TONS
to be exact!!! And I don't know about you, but
that seems like a FUCK OF A LOT OF WEIGHT TO ME.
Last Chance for Catastrophe
Well, SURE, Y2K came and went like a gentle lamb. Everything
is running along just hunky-dory, civilization didn't collapse,
and no one is rioting in the streets, more or less. But don't despair!
Survivalist leaders say there's ONE MORE CHANCE for total destruction!
Ha! I Just Knew Something Bad Was Gonna Happen!
I knew it! I'm doomed to die an early painful death! I'm
completely unsurprised by this -- in fact, I pretty much
expected that things would turn out this way. The Mayo
clinic has just released a report that pessimists die
younger. OK, it doesn't actually mention pain, but I'm sure
it'll be horrible.
Who Loves the Sun?
So, tonight around 11:45PM PST the winter solstice will occur.
Beaujolais to that! And it's a full moon, too! Also Beaujolais!
There's a bunch of other weird elliptic mathematical things
going on, too, but who cares? Go enjoy the moon.
This May Explain Love
Some crazy wacked-out sadistic freaks at
Johns Hopkins Hospital forced a bunch of poor smucks
to hold their hands in buckets of freezing water until the
pain became unbearable. Half the guinea-pigs were asked to
fantasize about sex, the other half were got to day
dream about something dull like walking to class.
Turns out shock!
thinking about launching your moisture
seeking love missile can help lessen the pain of freezing cold water --
or the fact that your significant other is a big pain in your ass...
There's a new star in town...
Yup, some good-old fashioned New England astronomers picked
out a naked-eye visible nova a few days back. So what if
some guy in Portugal saw it first? Well, at least it's not
a comet heading this way.
Could We Get One in Human Size?
The British have come up with a way to get rid of slugs. This crazy limeys has built this machine that hunts down and kills slugs. So what makes this better than a tin of beer? It runs of the power it generates through the decay of its victims!
Kill Baby 6 Billion!
So, by now you know that the 6 billionth person on planet Earth
has been born some time today. And, you've also probably
heard all the hand-wringing about the horrible things this
child is going to do to the world. But no one has faced the
hard facts and made the demand: We must kill Baby 6 Billion!
When Rigor Mortis Sets In
Ever wonder what happens after we die? How do cells die?
What makes a stiff stiff? You can find out about how all
this exciting stuff happens by reading this article. A
chart summarizes a way to estimate the time of death.
Decomposition is also charted out for the reader's
Wanna Play Quake For Real?
Spock Mountain Research Labs strives to bring you the best
in modern hillbilly technology. But even we realize that
you have to get out of the house now and then. And what
better of a reason, than a chance to play Quake for real?
Never Ask A Man To Do A Woman's Job
...because he'll find some way to work wing nuts and lag bolts into it...
This years winner of the Annals of Improbably Reasearch Ig
Noble Prize for Managed Health Care deserves some special
attention. US Patent #3,216,423, entitled "APPARATUS FOR
FACILITATING THE BIRTH OF A CHILD BY CENTRIGUGAL FORCE" may
be one of the scariest things I have ever seen in all my
years of reporting for Pigdog Journal.
He Said "Anus"
Astronomers have found three "weird" moons orbiting Uranus.
You might want to have a doctor take a look at that,
I'm sure some antibiotics wold clear it right up.
One of those little pillow with the hole in the middle might make things
more comfortable for you... are you eatting enough fiber?
Better Make that a Double Spocktail...
Sometime early this month an iceberg the size of our smallest
state left Antarctica and headed north... which when you
think about it is the only way it could go...
Enter the Seedy World of Rocket Belt Ownership
As any maiden-kidnapping, wax-moustache-twiddling
blackguard will tell you, the secret to success is removing
the powers of those who would be your undoing. Especially
when Rocket Boy is involved.
Pigdog Disco Jackets of the Future!!
Spock Mountain Research Labs' crack team of hillbilly
scientists was given a very special assignment to
"test-drive" a crazy new technology that only we could
handle. Each volunteer was issued a lab coat OF THE FUTURE
and sent out to party like it was 1999!
Harvey Keitel's Life in Danger, Say Experts
According to a new study conducted by researchers at the
University of Maryland, people who tend toward bouts of
extreme anger, like actor Harvey Keitel, put themselves at
risk of high blood pressure or even heart damage.
Australians Lick It Up
Once again the Australians lead the way in high tech
alcoholic packing as the Boys Down Under have managed to
freeze it into Popsicles. - or Icy Poles as the Aussies
apparently call them. And although at only 6% ABV,
necessitating the consumption of an entire box for a buzz,
the Australian's climate obliges with millions of square
miles of desert.
American Hooch Technology Catching Up!
Well, it would seem that my predictions as to the
future strategic importance of alcohol in the technology arena
coming true. Manhattan Scientifics Inc. has finally perfected
what the Canadians have had for decades: fuel-grade
Light and Time and Bars
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect
of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by
sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate!
MAJ, holder of the Danny Cassalaro Chair in
Revisionist Linguistics at Spock Mountain Research Labs,
deconstructs the deep structure of SMRL's primary research
Chocolate New Wonder Medicine
Can it really be true that everything we eat that tastes good
for us? I've often intuitively felt that things like beer,
and pizza -- the soul food of programmers -- HAVE TO BE good
for you. I have absolutely no proof for this position, but
now the BBC is reporting that chocolate is the new health
wonder drug, according to the latest research. Chocolate is
a powerful immune system booster. Chocolate is just plain
good medicine. So gobble some up right away.
Mars Demands Pigs!!!!
Didn't know whether to file this under 'Pigs' or
'Science', but anyways: we have initial reports of PIG CLONING
going on in Great Britain somewhere. Probably somewhere very
boring and sanity-threatening, because this is an INSANE thing to
do. England needs _no_ more pigs, for fuck's sake! Anyways, this
was forwarded from some bad Extropians, who are a pretty
disreputable lot, so I can't vouch for this 'BBS' news
organization. Take it all with a grain of salt, eh?
Hot Surgical Voyeurism
Wonderful! Do you need to get some of that blecherous fat
off your bloated cheese pile ass? Well, thanks to the Internet,
you may be able to get one of those fun cosmetic surgery
absolutely free! ONLINE SURGERY is offering free liposuction,
augmentation, nose jobs, and face lifts to "eligible candidates."
wont mind having the operation broadcast LIVE via Real Video will
Heh heh heh... Take a peek at the SURGICAL ARCHIVES, where you
view hot, goopy liposucking action!! Sponsored by DuPont.
The Trephination Clinic Will Drill Your Brain Real Good!
"Today, we can offer more than just trepanning (cranial
ventilation). Modern surgical techniques allow you to
choose as much or as little brain modification to best suit
your lifestyle -- from simple Trephination; to lobotomy; to
Orange You Glad You're Alive?
The San Francisco Bay Guardian is reporting on a
Florida biochemist who's developed THC-bearing oranges. Since
oranges are not illegal (yet), you could theoretically get high
from your morning glass of Sunny Delight. Unfortunately the Bad
Guys have come down on this guy and stopped him from distributing
his orange seeds to dopeheads until they have time to make it
Offsite links shared by staff writers
Roxx Like Spoxx in a Boxx
When you combine a web of wires with resin and a chip of something special, what do you have? No, not that! "Smart pebbles", aka cybeRox, the newest
defenders of British shores. "Dumb as a box of rocks" now has a whole new meaning.