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I guess my main point is: less lectures, more riots. -- Mr. Bad
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I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal
Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions
barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for
any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement.
[The following essay is in response to a letter from a elementary school
child who had taken a community outreach tour of the PDJ offices in the summer
of 1995. The letter dealt in part with a poster on one of the printing
facility's walls, asking, "Isn't 'Lolita' a little high-brow (not to
mention long-winded) for Pigdog?" Quick to answer and quicker to instruct,
binky answered as follows. -- ed.]
God damn it man, what are you thinking? Too high brow? Setting
aside for the moment that "Lolita" is a masterfully directed film with no
major pacing flaws I can think of, who do you think is working in this lab,
anyways? I mean, sure, there's a higher than normal concentration of
backwoods stock, but don't forget that most normal hillbillies wouldn't
use a computer for anything but a fancy doorstop. What we have here on
this list is the next generation of hillbilly - the Cyberbilly.
[the following is excerpted from Hillbillies in Tomorrowland, 1997]
While there is some debate as to whether the cyberbilly formally
constitutes a new species or not (see "Hillbillies in the Trees: A
Review of Cladism After the Missoula Man", 1994), there are unarguably
gross physical characteristics unique to the breed. A dramatic reversal
in the previous trend towards a smaller brain pan, a tendancy towards
higher mean body fat, and what seems to be a functional adaptation in
the forearm tendons reducing suceptibility to repetative stress injuries
have all been noted previously (Clampet, 89). On the behavioral side,
there is a new and pronounced disposition towards nocturnal activity, a
greatly increased incidence of literacy, and a startlingly increased
facility for formal logic (Clancy, 92a).
However, the cyberbilly has, by no means, completely abandoned
his past. Many of the defining characteristics of the common hillbilly
are still clearly evidenced in this new strain. The increased average
mass, the highly adapted liver, the unusual dietary composition - all
these are unquestionably present. So too are many of the classic
psychological and behavioral abnormalities, including insularity,
xenophobia, fanaticism, paranoia, fascination with conspiracies
(especially those involving UFOs and or the government), and pronounced
superstition with respect to machines and alcohol (Clancy, 92a).
So, where did these cyberbillies come from? Research conducted
at the University of Appalachia tag the first known appearance of the
differentiating physical characteristics to the early 1970s, but the
behavioral characteristics developed over time. Only by the early- to mid-
1980s had the breed really separated from their progenitors. The current
leading theory as to the cause of the separation is the culmination of
ten years of work by Dr. Billy Bob Clampet (Clampet, 87, 87a, 89, 91, 97).
He explains how he first noticed the changes himself. "When the
young-ans started talkin' about calculators and video games like they was
trucks or somethin', that's when we knew there was gonna be trouble."
Dr. Clampet believes that the natural hillbilly predisposition
towards emotional bonding with their automobiles has been changed to
allow that same kind of bonding with computers and electronics in
general by a single genetic mutation. His theory suggests that many, if
not most, of the other behavioral alterations are secondary adaptations
that are the direct result of the primary shift. He believes that the
new physical adaptations, while not forcing the change in and of
themselves, did facilitate the change in those individuals where the
mutation occured. He predicts, then, that some, if not all, of those
same physical characteristics should also be found in certain transitional
individuals. His current work is concentrating on finding an example of
such a "missing link."
dunsmuir@pigdog.org
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