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Canadia Sucks

Canadia is the proper spelling for a country where the people call themselves "Canadians". If the country's name was spelled "Canada," then the people there would call themselves "Canadans." Since they call themselves "Canadians", it's only reasonable to spell the name of their country "Canadia." After all, people from Germany don't call themselves "Germanians" do they?

In fact, chances are that you found this web page because you typed "Canadia" into a search engine. Subconsciously you already believe that the country to the north of the United States should be called Canadia. Thank you for seeing things our way.

For those of you who went to public school in the U.S. and haven't heard of Canadia before, it's a small, third-world country just north of the United States. Once you learn to understand their peculiar dialect of English, it's not too hard to converse with Canadian natives.

Canadia is a poor and sparsely-populated country where up to 98% of the citizens are alcoholics. Most Canadian citizens have government jobs where they are paid to say "Eh?" all day long.


OK, here's the inside explanation for all of you Canadians who have, by now, worked yourself into a seriously indignant, perturbed, and self-righteous Canadanista fury:

There's an American stereotype known as the "redneck". A redneck thinks all foreigners are scary, threatening people who are out to overthrow America. A completely looney redneck would think that Canadians are a threat to the American way of life, when in fact Canadians have a hard time threatening beavers. By appearing to attack Canadians, we're actually making fun of an American stereotype -- fearful of outsiders, poorly educated, and patriotic to the point of stupidity. We're poking fun at Americans.

The fact that Canadians completely fail to understand this is an endless source of amusement to everyone on Pigdog. The flaming letters to the editor all wrapped up in Canadian patriotism -- complete with tales of hockey, health care, Molson beer, and Canadian peace-keepers -- are as unintentionally heart-warming as they are hilarious. It's hard to imagine that that kind of heartfelt innocence still exists these days, because here in jaded America, it doesn't.

Sweet, innocent Canadians, we salute you!

Pigdog Journal Articles

2003-05-21 Strange Brew
2003-01-31 The TRUTH about September 11 EXPOSED!
2002-07-20 Canadian Women: Inferior and Insecure
2002-05-28 Diabolical anti-American diatribe
2002-05-24 Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
2002-04-17 Raisin Scare Grinds Canadian Economy to a Halt
2002-03-21 Canadian Government Whores
2002-03-21 Canadia to Return to Normalcy in 2004?
2002-02-28 Canadians Not So Different After All
2002-02-18 Eternal Life for Canadian Cult
2002-02-15 Canadians Earn Olympic Medal for Whining, Poor Sportsmanship
2001-12-22 Canada "Not Ready to Attack Iraq"
2001-08-09 Canadian Poison Wieners
2001-06-06 Lesbian Sex Toys Wow High School Students
2001-05-28 Allons-y! Let's go to Mars!
2000-10-23 NEWS FLASH! Canadia Now Good!
2000-06-05 I Am Not Canadian!
2000-05-10 Boycott Molson!
2000-05-10 Once More Into the Behavioral Sink, Boys!
2000-04-10 Stupid Canadian Words
2000-03-16 Canadians Fear Sexy Coke Machine
2000-03-10 The Fast Food Chain is Actually a French Fry Dish
2000-03-07 Canadian Prime Minister is a Fast Food Chain
2000-02-21 Canadia Is Dreary And Depressing
2000-02-17 Wretched Canadians Are Up To No Good, Again!
2000-02-08 Let's See Him Get Out of This One
2000-02-03 Canadian Techs Watch Porn All Day
2000-01-29 Canadians Are Still Real Dumb
2000-01-11 Canadia, Land of Perverts
2000-01-05 Evil Canadia Poisons The World
1999-12-20 Dreary Canadianism Marches On
1999-06-16 Zany 'Nucks Claim: "We Led NATO Missions"
1999-06-13 Amazing True Life Parallel to Burt Reynolds Film!
1999-05-21 Canadian Authorities Cracking Down on Fish Molestation
1999-01-03 More Canadista BULLSHIT!!!
1998-12-30 Canadistas Talk SMACK!!
1998-11-30 It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Canadia

Offsite Links

NOTE: content of offsite links is (usually) found and not created by Pigdog Journal staff. Read at your own risk.

2005-11-08 Canadian culture drops several notches today with the filming of the final episode of The Red Green Show.
-- Baron Earl
2004-02-17 "I wonder how he'd feel if we let Canada's Insulting Beaver Puppet loose on U.S. TV to yuk it up about Sept. 11."
-- Daemon Agent
2002-07-27 Sex Machine
God Bless Canadia and the important discoveries being made there -- Daemon Agent
2002-06-18 Big Gulp scandal rocks Canadia
Big Gulp scandal rocks Canadia. Ashcroft calls for more emergency powers. Cheney demands more oil drilling. Bush suspends habeas corpus and denounces Bill of Rights as being Terrorist-Friendly. -- JRoyale
2002-05-16 Fat Guy Eats Canadia
Fat Guy Eats Canadia. -- Mr. Bad
2002-02-12 Olympic Judges Conspire Against Hapless Canadians; World Laughs Heartily
Egregious misconduct on the part of Olympic judges has dashed the gold medal dreams a pair of young hopefuls. But, since they're Canadians, everyone's laughing and calling them shitbags. Ha! -- Mr. Bad
2001-11-28 Canadian Cult clones human embryos, provides surrogates.
-- Downer Cow
2001-05-14 Canadians terrorize young stick figure
-- El Destino
2001-03-15 Strange Candian Ice Rings Baffle Researchers
-- El Snatcher
2001-02-23 .ca is for CANADIANS!
The .ca Domain is for CANADIANS! (Oh yeah, and Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second and her successors.) -- Baron Earl
2001-01-17 Raising the Red Maple Leaf
The Right Honorable Lester Bowles Pearson announces the new flag of Canadia. "May the land over which this new Flag flies remain united in freedom and justice; a land of decent God-fearing people." -- Mr. Bad
2000-12-06 Canadian Government Standards on "Group Ejaculation" and "Bootlicking"
-- Baron Earl
2000-10-01 Never trust a Canadian musician
-- El Destino
2000-07-30 THE ANCIENT ONE: Canadian Psychic
THE ANCIENT ONE: Canadian Psychic. -- Mr. Bad
2000-06-12 Canadia Kill Count
Survived Half-Life? Fragged your way through Quake 3? OK, you might be ready to help save humanity from Canadians, the ultimate horror. -- 'Tricky' Rick Moen
2000-06-08 Other things that suck and why.
t.uz/suxx even links a picture of a BREAD COMPUTER. -- Pao Tzu
2000-05-09 Evil Canadia and the Masturbation Gap
-- JRoyale
2000-05-08 Canadia Currency Shrinking
Canadia Currency Shrinking -- JRoyale
2000-04-27 Evil Canadian propaganda
-- El Destino
2000-03-24 Adopt a Retarded Canadian Maple Leaf
Adopt a retarded Canadian maple leaf. Fuck, don't ask me. -- Mr. Bad
2000-02-11 Demented Canadian mating rituals
-- El Destino
2000-01-05 The Heart of Darkness -- Canadia's Asbestos Institute
Look on the Heart of Darkness and despair! It's Canadia's Asbestos Institute, shadowy poison-mongering puppetmasters of the Frozen North! -- Mr. Bad
1999-08-02 Canadians now better at tea than Brits, study says...
Canadians now better at tea than Brits, study says... (Yeah, six of one, half a dozen of the other.) -- El Snatcher
1999-07-26 Yet *MORE* Canadista Bullshit!
-- Crackmonkey
1999-06-11 Canadians are Evil!
Canadians are evil! -- El Destino
1999-05-30 Moxie.ca
Canadian chyx are, like, all liberated and shit. But they still put out. -- Mr. Bad

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