Canadia Sucks
In fact, chances are that you found this web page because you typed "Canadia" into a search engine. Subconsciously you already believe that the country to the north of the United States should be called Canadia. Thank you for seeing things our way.
For those of you who went to public school in the U.S. and haven't heard of Canadia before, it's a small, third-world country just north of the United States. Once you learn to understand their peculiar dialect of English, it's not too hard to converse with Canadian natives.
Canadia is a poor and sparsely-populated country where up to 98% of the citizens are alcoholics. Most Canadian citizens have government jobs where they are paid to say "Eh?" all day long.
OK, here's the inside explanation for all of you Canadians who have, by now, worked yourself into a seriously indignant, perturbed, and self-righteous Canadanista fury:
There's an American stereotype known as the "redneck". A redneck thinks all foreigners are scary, threatening people who are out to overthrow America. A completely looney redneck would think that Canadians are a threat to the American way of life, when in fact Canadians have a hard time threatening beavers. By appearing to attack Canadians, we're actually making fun of an American stereotype -- fearful of outsiders, poorly educated, and patriotic to the point of stupidity. We're poking fun at Americans.
The fact that Canadians completely fail to understand this is an endless source of amusement to everyone on Pigdog. The flaming letters to the editor all wrapped up in Canadian patriotism -- complete with tales of hockey, health care, Molson beer, and Canadian peace-keepers -- are as unintentionally heart-warming as they are hilarious. It's hard to imagine that that kind of heartfelt innocence still exists these days, because here in jaded America, it doesn't.
Sweet, innocent Canadians, we salute you!
Pigdog Journal Articles
2022-05-18
2003-05-21
2003-01-31
2002-07-20
2002-05-28
2002-05-24
2002-04-17
2002-03-21
2002-03-21
2002-02-28
2002-02-18
2002-02-15
2001-12-22
2001-08-09
2001-05-28
2000-10-23
2000-06-05
2000-05-10
2000-05-10
2000-04-10
2000-03-10
2000-03-07
2000-02-21
2000-02-17
2000-02-08
2000-01-29
2000-01-11
2000-01-05
1999-12-20
1999-06-16
1999-06-13
1999-05-21
1999-01-03
1998-12-30
1998-11-30
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2002-07-27
2002-06-18
2002-05-16
2002-02-12
2001-05-14
2001-03-15
2001-02-23
2001-01-17
2000-10-01
2000-07-30
2000-06-12
2000-06-08
2000-05-09
2000-05-08
2000-04-27
2000-03-24
2000-01-05
1999-07-26
1999-06-11
1999-05-30
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Boo-zho-lay for you, Pigdog reader! Another fine Spocktail of the week is available for you. And this week's offering is EXTRA special and fancy, since it celebrates the birthday of Pigdog's own STAR TWINS! (More...)