Build Date: Thu Dec 7 06:40:53 2023 UTC
Thanks for the free diagnoses, but I prefer my doctors to have more than two brain cells to rub to together. Some minimum education beyond grade school would be nice too.
-- Ratsnatcher
Liberty
Use it or lose it.
Pigdog Journal Articles
2012-02-27
I want to strongly urge all U.S. pigdoggies who are currently registered as Democrats (and who live in states that don't enjoy open primaries) to do as I have done and re-register as Republicans, for the specific purpose of voting for Rick Santorum in the upcoming primaries.
2011-03-13
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton railed about crappy news yesterday at a congressional hearing. "Don't you know that Al Jazeera has the best real news anywhere?" (she forgot to mention the Daily Show, maybe because it's technically not news, even though it is, just like the Onion can be about the real-est news if you can reverse-engineer the stories adequately). She pointed out many flaws in American news media: talking heads, no real news, unbelievable, useless, crazy shit. She did not comment on what should be done about it.
2008-04-08
Naming schools, public buildings, and city streets after politicians and presidents is a long and honored tradition in this country. With President Bush slated to leave office in just a few more months, residents of San Francisco are already gearing up with a ballot initiative to rename a public facility after our departing 43rd President. If the ballot measure passes, San Francisco's shit will be processed by the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.
2006-03-05
One of the European newspapers which found itself caught up in the scandal last week involving cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed was the French comix and left-politics rag Charlie Hebdo (the name of which means roughly Chuck Weekly). Charlie is well known in France and the French-speaking world for publishing pretty much whatever, including gross cartoons of the private sexual lives of leading French and world politicians (and the imagined sexual lives of Catholic leaders).
2005-07-16
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of people right now are saying that there are more important issues at stake and something so trivial is a waste of time. Believing such is really losing sight of some very key changes happening in our nation right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag burning.
2004-06-15
Today on national television, President George W. Bush managed to utter a complete sentence that was grammatically correct and contained only words found in the English language.
2003-07-22
We don't want your stoned mouse without nipples. We don't want The Philadelphia Story, we don't want Bing Crosby, we don't want anything else you think you can squeeze a few extra pennies out of. You want 'em, you keep 'em. We're taking the rest, assholes.
2003-07-13
After a couple of weeks of tense negotiations between the Executive Branch of the United States Government, the CIA, the NSA, the SRO, the FBI, and multiple intelligence services of the DOD, it was revealed this weekend that the CIA would serve as the official scapegoat for the various intelligence "goofs" passed off as "facts" leading up to the invasion of Iraq.
2003-04-21
Remember Mahir Cagri? The anonymous Turkish doofus who welcomed women to his home page saying "I Kiss you! Who is want to come TURKEY I can invitate ..... She can stay my home ........" It's four years later, and his new web site -- IKissYou.org -- has apparently been offlined by radical censors at a Turkish ISP.
2003-01-28
I would like to see Iraq without Saddam Hussein or his heirs in power.
I would like to see sanctions against Iraq lifted -- but only after Saddam is gone. I would not want someone like Saddam Hussein to be able to spend the oil wealth of Iraq on weapons that might be used against the citizens of my country. I would like to see the oil wealth of Iraq spent on making the lives of Iraqi citizens better.
2002-12-17
When Dmitry Sklyarov, a programmer employed by the Russian software firm Elcomsoft, was arrested by federal agents in July of 2001 for giving a speech in which he talked about how Adobe's eBook content could be copied, a series of nationwide protests followed, targeting Adobe offices and Federal Buildings.
2002-06-26
A federal appeals court ruled that kids can't recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States flag in public schools because the phrase "under God" endorses religion. Hell, we don't need it anymore anyways, now that we can see The Flag stuck to the rear window of every God Fearing SUV that roams This Our Great Nation Land That I Love.
2002-06-23
Wow! The California State Senate has sure pulled some boners in the past, but this one has got to take the cake. They are seriously considering a new bill -- passed UNANIMOUSLY by the State Assembly! -- that would try to enforce regulations that have ALREADY been ruled unconstitutional. Tell them not to waste your money!
2002-05-21
I only wish there was some new angle to this kind of story, I really do. Because it's the repeated story of the Internet, it's the story that we tell over and over again: superstrong midget barbarian and Gerard Depardieu attack German laptop Linux Web site. OK, well, kinda different, I guess.
2002-01-07
After 7 or 8 years of this World Wide Web thing, we've all come to know the story: a great piece of art, of news reporting, of critique or of satire goes up on the Web somewhere. It gets hits, it gets kudos, it gets involvement from the world. And then, one day, it's gone. Why? Where'd it go?
2001-12-31
Around the globe tonight bloated plutocrats and their lackeys celebrate the grinding wheel of a NEW YEAR of the OPPRESSOR rolling over the bones and sinews of FREE MEN everywhere. But for the true friends of FREEDOM, it's just another 12th of Nivose. Beaujolais to that!
2001-12-21
You may have never heard of this guy, but he is quickly becoming one of the most important voices trying to defend our hallowed and beloved 1st Amendment rights from the increasingly determined corporate lobbyists bent on maximizing their master's profits in this digital age - free speech be damned. Lawrence Lessig is a Law Professor at Stanford University and is the author of several well written and well received books on the subject, including his latest The Future of Ideas.
2001-10-19
Spyware is the new and mostly unknown evil that silently installs itself on your computer, then tracks your every move and reports it to a central database where your personal information is sold to the highest bidder. It is amazing how quickly spyware has become almost de rigueur for most Windows computers these days and sadly most people don't even know they installed this horrible crap on their system.
2001-09-28
Hey, folks. Gar gar gar. Crazed nutbags across America think that curbstomping the rights of Americans will somehow show those terrorists a thing or two. What, I dunno. But we need to put the nutbags in their place.
2001-09-14
Our focus on freeing Dmitry Sklyarov has been muddy lately - both by BurningMan and the traggic incidents that occurred on Sept 11.
2001-09-08
If I had Andrew Jackson in my reach right now, I'd grab him by the throat and squeeze until his cocksucking mouth turned blue and cold. I'd take an icepick to those fishy little eyes. I'd tear out that oh-so-windblown bouffant hair of his and rub salted fire ants into his bleeding skull. And why would I do these things? Because I'm a patriot.
2001-08-18
2001-05-20
Direct democracy comes up head-to-head with lily-livered federal legislation. The Supreme Court says that the lily-livered ones get the prize. So, what next?
2000-12-18
At long last, the promise of PEER-TO-PEER PIGDOGGERY has arrived. Pigdog Journal is now mirrored in the Freenet for your viewing pleasure. The first major Web magazine to do so, by the by. But you knew that we'd be in there first, didn't you? Because we rock like Spock!
2000-11-08
The Presidential election this year has shown us one of the biggest flaws in our political system. Any third-grader can tell you that the electoral college is a stupid idea. Now it will bring us a President who won fewer votes than his opponent.
2000-11-06
Goddamnit! It's like, every time you turn around, THE MAN is coming down on the Internet. You know what I have to say about that? "Fuck you, 'THE MAN'!" I don't care if you're Bill Jones or the Chicago Board of Elections, if you squash freedom of expression and the press, you have a fiery shit burrito with your name on it waiting for you in Hell.
2000-10-18
d00d, I have to say that I really am not a big fan of O'Reilly and Associates or their many books. I dunno, they get a good rap from most geeks, but in general I find them tedious, convoluted, and pretty much lame.
2000-10-12
Well, this shouldn't be too surprising: your Federal government is once again trying to trample any rights you might have on-line. I'm getting sick of writing these damn articles, people! Fucking fuck!
2000-10-05
Gar! It's fucking FLEET WEEK in San Francisco, and as usual I feel like fucking SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC in his secret bunker or hiding from NATO bombers or some shit. I hate this damn week!
2000-07-08
"Calling all jammers, hackers, ne'er do wells, travellers, detourners, street urchins, lumpen, comedians, poets, singers, dancers, autonomists, anarchists, reformists, and insurrectionists! Billionaires for Bush (or Gore) is a mass, participatory media stunt designed to focus national attention on the big-money, corporate takeover of electoral politics, and the ramifications of this takeover for the poor and middle classes of America."
2000-06-30
Okay, so my first thought about this is that I'm worried that some asshole is going to swipe the President's password and start forging e-signatures on e-bills. I mean, your dog's name? Dumbass. My next concern is that the evil robot AIs use these signatures to take over....
2000-03-24
Well, just when you think FREEDOM is on it's way in, there's a huge pig industrial backlash from the sleeping pork giants. Napster, MP3.com, gar gar gar are all getting slapped down by the MAN! Mother fuck. Well, let's see what happens with Yo!nk.
2000-03-15
Forget DoS attacks! It's time to start a distributed DoBBS attack on the Web. Agent C528 gives you the scoop on ridding your Web trousers of privacy-leeches.
2000-03-09
The Privacy Protection Act of 1980 was intended to keep the police from shutting down newpapers and killing stories by journalists under the pretense of searching for evidence. Janet Reno wants to change that.
2000-02-24
Ever wish you could go back to 1991 and get in on the ground floor of the World Wide Web? Well you CAN'T. It's not gonna happen. But what CAN happen, right now, is for you to get in on the start of FREENET. Freenet! Can you smell the freedom!?
2000-02-09
A substitute teacher in Boston is reportedly being "shunned" (uh-- new word for "fired"?) for saying that he thought Hitler is "cool." Now I'm no fan of the big-bad-H or anything, but you gotta checkout some of the comments made by those in change of grooming the next generation.
1999-11-14
George W Bush is nothing more than a privileged, coke hound from Texas. He oozes so much slime, that you would think you were in the presence of Cthulhu. Bush and his followers (all of them worshipers of Nyarlothep) thought they would be sneaky by buying up any and all possible anti-bush domain names (bushsux.com for example). But guess what? They overlooked the most important one
1999-10-23
I make no bones about it: I hate cops. In my entire life, I've only met two cops that I consider to be shinning examples of being a peace officer. The rest I consider to be nothing more than uniformed thugs with guns. They exist within their own social circle with little to no contact with anyone who isn't a cop. They behave as if anyone who isn't a cop is considered a subhuman form of life to be looked down upon and herded like sick cattle. I'm certainly not the only person that feels this way about cops.
1999-10-05
I love how the headline for this article is "Customs Snares Hemp-Laced Birdseed." It makes it sound like Customs had busted some big bad guy trying to pull one over on them. If you actually read the story you find out they're just harassing poor Canadian farmer. Normally I'm all for harassing Canadians, but this is just silly.
1999-09-08
Junior High and Middle Schools across the country are beginning to "profile" students much like serial killers or terrorists. Teachers will recieve a checklist of "warning signs" such as swearing, social withdrawl, feelings of rejection and poor academic performance and writing about the "dark side of life." So, basically, acting in any way like a teenager. Students matching the bad seed profile can be expelled.
1999-08-03
Here's some more guys who are real mad about China, except it seems to be Americans this time. Those Chinese guys are real bad, I think.
1999-08-03
Maybe you haven't heard: the latest craziness happening in China is the large-scale protests against the recent banning of the heretofore little known New Age religion known as Falun Gong (pronounced fah-luhn gung). The Chinese government has launched an all out campaign against the estimated two million followers in China, including mass arrests, and BRUTAL propaganda attacks, which have now spilled onto the Internet.
1999-07-20
The Internet is supposedly an unrestricted medium available to anyone who wants to express him/herself. You can put a Web site up and talk about blaw blaw blaw, and instantly it will be available to millions of people. Nobody can censor what you have to say... That's the mythology anyway.
1999-07-08
Are you cool? Are you unique and individual like the rest of us are?
1999-07-05
Were you out with the rest of the knuckle-dragging mobs of people, drinking crappy beer, and chanting "U-S-A" as cheap fireworks were shot off into the air? Not me. I proudly spent the entire Fourth of July showing my mother (yeah, my mom) videotapes of Bill Hicks' performances. And, dear readers, there is no greater thing you could possibly do to show that you love your country than that.
1999-06-26
Few images remain as clear in the public mind from the O.J. Simpson trial as that of tanned SoCal surfer-cum-actor and perennial houseguest Cato Caelin in the witness stand, testifying in court about his night in Brentwood. A diligent public citizen, Caelin has found a way to turn his notoriety to good use: he's founded the Cato Institute, a conservative Washington-based think tank that deals with tax issues relevant to beach guys and struggling actors.
1999-05-24
Online training! It's the wave of the future! Everybody's doing it... including the US Navy.
1999-05-20
Do you live in your truck? Did you buy that fancy police scanner at Radio Shack and have no idea what the fuzz is talking about? Never fear, this website has all the confusing CB codes.
1999-04-22
Aggggg!!! Good God! Every time I think that this country has reached some sort of disgusting narrow-minded short-sighted scapegoat-burning LOW, the morons of the public school system come up with something so frustratingly dumb and obviously misguided that I actually get why some school kids are going completely POSTAL.
1999-01-05
So, just in case you thought you were safe from the Spooks, here's another threat to your sanity and liberty: The FDIC is proposing new rules that would _make_ banks snoop into your daily life!
1998-12-24
So, Jim Goad, editor of and primary writer for the zine Answer Me!, is in the slammer in Portland, OR. Some of you will probably say, "good riddance" - but the ugly twist is that Goad's writings are being used as evidence against him in an unrelated charge.
1998-12-11
Once again, the long arm of the law invades our privacy, chipping away at our rights as American citizens!
1998-11-23
Break out the Aqualube! The Georgia State Supreme Court has overturned the state's anti-sodomy law as unconstitutional. CNN reports that a Georgia man charged with sodomizing his 17-year-old niece is a free man today -- free once again to ass-fuck the under-aged girl-folk of his clan, as is his constitutional right.
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2006-11-13
My name is Abdur Sayed Rahman. Abdur Zahid Rahman was the deputy foreign minister of the Taliban. I was taken to this camp and they began to interrogate me. An American told me I was wrongfully taken and in a couple of days I would be free. I never saw this American again. I'm still here.
2006-02-17
In Tucson, Arizona, Democrats took back the city council by defeating two Republican incumbents.
2005-11-16
Yes, that's right -- if you notice that you're being followed and head to the police to report it, the FBI following you will arrest you, ignore the assistant DA's instructions not to charge you, and stash you in jail for half a week. For, er, nothing. 'Cuz they suck. Weenies.
2004-11-16
2004-09-14
2004-06-19
2003-06-08
They are finally starting to speculate in the mainstream press that if BushCo misused or distorted intelligence data to build their case for war, it could be an impeachable offense.
2002-07-29
2002-02-13
Holy Jeebus! Some bubblehead at Applied Digital wants to implant SECRET CHIPS in the GENITALS of foreigners visiting the US to track their WHEREABOUTS. Thank God it's just for FOREIGNERS... right?
2002-02-03
2001-04-15
2000-12-15
2000-05-11
2000-03-11
2000-02-14
1999-11-11
1999-08-18
Konformist: New Illinois law -- Led Zeppelin bumper stickers PROBABLE CAUSE for a vehicular search...
1999-08-11
1999-07-22
T O P S T O R I E S
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
A group of self-righteous assholes converted exactly zero people to their cause by blocking the highway to Burning Man this week. The group, which used a flimsy trailer, some lengths of chain, and a few folding chairs to block the road, put up signs including "Burners of the World Unite," but none of the burners stopped in traffic wanted to unite with them for anything. (More...)
How much force does it take to pull out nose hair?
Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE? (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
