Build Date: Fri Feb 6 11:50:24 2026 UTC
If you are sober you should be trying to get drunk.
-- Johnnie Royale
Liberty
Use it or lose it.
Pigdog Journal Articles
2012-02-27
Political Judo
I want to strongly urge all U.S. pigdoggies who are currently registered as Democrats (and who live in states that don't enjoy open primaries) to do as I have done and re-register as Republicans, for the specific purpose of voting for Rick Santorum in the upcoming primaries.
I want to strongly urge all U.S. pigdoggies who are currently registered as Democrats (and who live in states that don't enjoy open primaries) to do as I have done and re-register as Republicans, for the specific purpose of voting for Rick Santorum in the upcoming primaries.
2011-03-13
Raw Democracy : Yesterday Edition
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton railed about crappy news yesterday at a congressional hearing. "Don't you know that Al Jazeera has the best real news anywhere?" (she forgot to mention the Daily Show, maybe because it's technically not news, even though it is, just like the Onion can be about the real-est news if you can reverse-engineer the stories adequately). She pointed out many flaws in American news media: talking heads, no real news, unbelievable, useless, crazy shit. She did not comment on what should be done about it.
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton railed about crappy news yesterday at a congressional hearing. "Don't you know that Al Jazeera has the best real news anywhere?" (she forgot to mention the Daily Show, maybe because it's technically not news, even though it is, just like the Onion can be about the real-est news if you can reverse-engineer the stories adequately). She pointed out many flaws in American news media: talking heads, no real news, unbelievable, useless, crazy shit. She did not comment on what should be done about it.
2008-04-08
San Francisco to Honor President Bush
Naming schools, public buildings, and city streets after politicians and presidents is a long and honored tradition in this country. With President Bush slated to leave office in just a few more months, residents of San Francisco are already gearing up with a ballot initiative to rename a public facility after our departing 43rd President. If the ballot measure passes, San Francisco's shit will be processed by the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.
Naming schools, public buildings, and city streets after politicians and presidents is a long and honored tradition in this country. With President Bush slated to leave office in just a few more months, residents of San Francisco are already gearing up with a ballot initiative to rename a public facility after our departing 43rd President. If the ballot measure passes, San Francisco's shit will be processed by the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.
2006-03-05
The Manifesto of Twelve Against the New Totalitarianism
One of the European newspapers which found itself caught up in the scandal last week involving cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed was the French comix and left-politics rag Charlie Hebdo (the name of which means roughly Chuck Weekly). Charlie is well known in France and the French-speaking world for publishing pretty much whatever, including gross cartoons of the private sexual lives of leading French and world politicians (and the imagined sexual lives of Catholic leaders).
One of the European newspapers which found itself caught up in the scandal last week involving cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed was the French comix and left-politics rag Charlie Hebdo (the name of which means roughly Chuck Weekly). Charlie is well known in France and the French-speaking world for publishing pretty much whatever, including gross cartoons of the private sexual lives of leading French and world politicians (and the imagined sexual lives of Catholic leaders).
2005-07-16
Place the Lighter on the Ground and Let Us See Your Hands
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of people right now are saying that there are more important issues at stake and something so trivial is a waste of time. Believing such is really losing sight of some very key changes happening in our nation right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag burning.
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of people right now are saying that there are more important issues at stake and something so trivial is a waste of time. Believing such is really losing sight of some very key changes happening in our nation right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag burning.
2004-06-15
Bush Manages a Complete Sentence
Today on national television, President George W. Bush managed to utter a complete sentence that was grammatically correct and contained only words found in the English language.
Today on national television, President George W. Bush managed to utter a complete sentence that was grammatically correct and contained only words found in the English language.
2003-07-22
We Don't Want Your Pantsless Duck
We don't want your stoned mouse without nipples. We don't want The Philadelphia Story, we don't want Bing Crosby, we don't want anything else you think you can squeeze a few extra pennies out of. You want 'em, you keep 'em. We're taking the rest, assholes.
We don't want your stoned mouse without nipples. We don't want The Philadelphia Story, we don't want Bing Crosby, we don't want anything else you think you can squeeze a few extra pennies out of. You want 'em, you keep 'em. We're taking the rest, assholes.
2003-07-13
Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
After a couple of weeks of tense negotiations between the Executive Branch of the United States Government, the CIA, the NSA, the SRO, the FBI, and multiple intelligence services of the DOD, it was revealed this weekend that the CIA would serve as the official scapegoat for the various intelligence "goofs" passed off as "facts" leading up to the invasion of Iraq.
After a couple of weeks of tense negotiations between the Executive Branch of the United States Government, the CIA, the NSA, the SRO, the FBI, and multiple intelligence services of the DOD, it was revealed this weekend that the CIA would serve as the official scapegoat for the various intelligence "goofs" passed off as "facts" leading up to the invasion of Iraq.
2003-04-21
"I Kiss You!" guy censored by Turkish ISP?
Remember Mahir Cagri? The anonymous Turkish doofus who welcomed women to his home page saying "I Kiss you! Who is want to come TURKEY I can invitate ..... She can stay my home ........" It's four years later, and his new web site -- IKissYou.org -- has apparently been offlined by radical censors at a Turkish ISP.
Remember Mahir Cagri? The anonymous Turkish doofus who welcomed women to his home page saying "I Kiss you! Who is want to come TURKEY I can invitate ..... She can stay my home ........" It's four years later, and his new web site -- IKissYou.org -- has apparently been offlined by radical censors at a Turkish ISP.
2003-01-28
An American's Dilemma
I would like to see Iraq without Saddam Hussein or his heirs in power.
I would like to see Iraq without Saddam Hussein or his heirs in power.
I would like to see sanctions against Iraq lifted -- but only after Saddam is gone. I would not want someone like Saddam Hussein to be able to spend the oil wealth of Iraq on weapons that might be used against the citizens of my country. I would like to see the oil wealth of Iraq spent on making the lives of Iraqi citizens better.
2002-12-17
The Jury is in on the Elcomsoft Trial
When Dmitry Sklyarov, a programmer employed by the Russian software firm Elcomsoft, was arrested by federal agents in July of 2001 for giving a speech in which he talked about how Adobe's eBook content could be copied, a series of nationwide protests followed, targeting Adobe offices and Federal Buildings.
When Dmitry Sklyarov, a programmer employed by the Russian software firm Elcomsoft, was arrested by federal agents in July of 2001 for giving a speech in which he talked about how Adobe's eBook content could be copied, a series of nationwide protests followed, targeting Adobe offices and Federal Buildings.
2002-06-26
I Pledge Adieu
A federal appeals court ruled that kids can't recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States flag in public schools because the phrase "under God" endorses religion. Hell, we don't need it anymore anyways, now that we can see The Flag stuck to the rear window of every God Fearing SUV that roams This Our Great Nation Land That I Love.
A federal appeals court ruled that kids can't recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States flag in public schools because the phrase "under God" endorses religion. Hell, we don't need it anymore anyways, now that we can see The Flag stuck to the rear window of every God Fearing SUV that roams This Our Great Nation Land That I Love.
2002-06-23
California State Senate Seeks to Throw Away Taxpayer Money on Unconstitutional Law
Wow! The California State Senate has sure pulled some boners in the past, but this one has got to take the cake. They are seriously considering a new bill -- passed UNANIMOUSLY by the State Assembly! -- that would try to enforce regulations that have ALREADY been ruled unconstitutional. Tell them not to waste your money!
Wow! The California State Senate has sure pulled some boners in the past, but this one has got to take the cake. They are seriously considering a new bill -- passed UNANIMOUSLY by the State Assembly! -- that would try to enforce regulations that have ALREADY been ruled unconstitutional. Tell them not to waste your money!
2002-05-21
Thuggish Cartoon Gauls Rampage In Internet's Bunghole
I only wish there was some new angle to this kind of story, I really do. Because it's the repeated story of the Internet, it's the story that we tell over and over again: superstrong midget barbarian and Gerard Depardieu attack German laptop Linux Web site. OK, well, kinda different, I guess.
I only wish there was some new angle to this kind of story, I really do. Because it's the repeated story of the Internet, it's the story that we tell over and over again: superstrong midget barbarian and Gerard Depardieu attack German laptop Linux Web site. OK, well, kinda different, I guess.
2002-01-07
The Chilling Effects of Legal Threats
After 7 or 8 years of this World Wide Web thing, we've all come to know the story: a great piece of art, of news reporting, of critique or of satire goes up on the Web somewhere. It gets hits, it gets kudos, it gets involvement from the world. And then, one day, it's gone. Why? Where'd it go?
After 7 or 8 years of this World Wide Web thing, we've all come to know the story: a great piece of art, of news reporting, of critique or of satire goes up on the Web somewhere. It gets hits, it gets kudos, it gets involvement from the world. And then, one day, it's gone. Why? Where'd it go?
2001-12-31
FUCK Your Bourgeois New Year! I Choose Liberty
Around the globe tonight bloated plutocrats and their lackeys celebrate the grinding wheel of a NEW YEAR of the OPPRESSOR rolling over the bones and sinews of FREE MEN everywhere. But for the true friends of FREEDOM, it's just another 12th of Nivose. Beaujolais to that!
Around the globe tonight bloated plutocrats and their lackeys celebrate the grinding wheel of a NEW YEAR of the OPPRESSOR rolling over the bones and sinews of FREE MEN everywhere. But for the true friends of FREEDOM, it's just another 12th of Nivose. Beaujolais to that!
2001-12-21
Lawrence Lessig Interview on Slashdot
You may have never heard of this guy, but he is quickly becoming one of the most important voices trying to defend our hallowed and beloved 1st Amendment rights from the increasingly determined corporate lobbyists bent on maximizing their master's profits in this digital age - free speech be damned. Lawrence Lessig is a Law Professor at Stanford University and is the author of several well written and well received books on the subject, including his latest The Future of Ideas.
You may have never heard of this guy, but he is quickly becoming one of the most important voices trying to defend our hallowed and beloved 1st Amendment rights from the increasingly determined corporate lobbyists bent on maximizing their master's profits in this digital age - free speech be damned. Lawrence Lessig is a Law Professor at Stanford University and is the author of several well written and well received books on the subject, including his latest The Future of Ideas.
2001-10-19
Get Rid of Spyware
Spyware is the new and mostly unknown evil that silently installs itself on your computer, then tracks your every move and reports it to a central database where your personal information is sold to the highest bidder. It is amazing how quickly spyware has become almost de rigueur for most Windows computers these days and sadly most people don't even know they installed this horrible crap on their system.
Spyware is the new and mostly unknown evil that silently installs itself on your computer, then tracks your every move and reports it to a central database where your personal information is sold to the highest bidder. It is amazing how quickly spyware has become almost de rigueur for most Windows computers these days and sadly most people don't even know they installed this horrible crap on their system.
2001-09-28
Strike A Blow For Common Sense
Hey, folks. Gar gar gar. Crazed nutbags across America think that curbstomping the rights of Americans will somehow show those terrorists a thing or two. What, I dunno. But we need to put the nutbags in their place.
Hey, folks. Gar gar gar. Crazed nutbags across America think that curbstomping the rights of Americans will somehow show those terrorists a thing or two. What, I dunno. But we need to put the nutbags in their place.
2001-09-14
Next Dimtry Hearing is Scheduled for September 24
Our focus on freeing Dmitry Sklyarov has been muddy lately - both by BurningMan and the traggic incidents that occurred on Sept 11.
Our focus on freeing Dmitry Sklyarov has been muddy lately - both by BurningMan and the traggic incidents that occurred on Sept 11.
2001-09-08
I Hate That Fucker Andrew Jackson
If I had Andrew Jackson in my reach right now, I'd grab him by the throat and squeeze until his cocksucking mouth turned blue and cold. I'd take an icepick to those fishy little eyes. I'd tear out that oh-so-windblown bouffant hair of his and rub salted fire ants into his bleeding skull. And why would I do these things? Because I'm a patriot.
If I had Andrew Jackson in my reach right now, I'd grab him by the throat and squeeze until his cocksucking mouth turned blue and cold. I'd take an icepick to those fishy little eyes. I'd tear out that oh-so-windblown bouffant hair of his and rub salted fire ants into his bleeding skull. And why would I do these things? Because I'm a patriot.
2001-08-18
Court Hearing for Dmitry - Aug 23rd - POSTPONED!!
Dmitry might be out on bail, but certainly
isn't free as he remains the first (and
hopefully only) person criminally charged under the DMCA. He still needs our support and
we need to show the Judge and the Government that we are watching.
2001-05-20
Medical Mota: What's Next?
Direct democracy comes up head-to-head with lily-livered federal legislation. The Supreme Court says that the lily-livered ones get the prize. So, what next?
Direct democracy comes up head-to-head with lily-livered federal legislation. The Supreme Court says that the lily-livered ones get the prize. So, what next?
2000-12-18
Read Pigdog Journal on Freenet
At long last, the promise of PEER-TO-PEER PIGDOGGERY has arrived. Pigdog Journal is now mirrored in the Freenet for your viewing pleasure. The first major Web magazine to do so, by the by. But you knew that we'd be in there first, didn't you? Because we rock like Spock!
At long last, the promise of PEER-TO-PEER PIGDOGGERY has arrived. Pigdog Journal is now mirrored in the Freenet for your viewing pleasure. The first major Web magazine to do so, by the by. But you knew that we'd be in there first, didn't you? Because we rock like Spock!
2000-11-08
Take Back American Democracy!
The Presidential election this year has shown us one of the biggest flaws in our political system. Any third-grader can tell you that the electoral college is a stupid idea. Now it will bring us a President who won fewer votes than his opponent.
The Presidential election this year has shown us one of the biggest flaws in our political system. Any third-grader can tell you that the electoral college is a stupid idea. Now it will bring us a President who won fewer votes than his opponent.
2000-11-06
Fuck You, Bill Jones, My Vote Is STILL For SALE!
Goddamnit! It's like, every time you turn around, THE MAN is coming down on the Internet. You know what I have to say about that? "Fuck you, 'THE MAN'!" I don't care if you're Bill Jones or the Chicago Board of Elections, if you squash freedom of expression and the press, you have a fiery shit burrito with your name on it waiting for you in Hell.
Goddamnit! It's like, every time you turn around, THE MAN is coming down on the Internet. You know what I have to say about that? "Fuck you, 'THE MAN'!" I don't care if you're Bill Jones or the Chicago Board of Elections, if you squash freedom of expression and the press, you have a fiery shit burrito with your name on it waiting for you in Hell.
2000-10-18
Steve Feuerstein, You ROCK!
d00d, I have to say that I really am not a big fan of O'Reilly and Associates or their many books. I dunno, they get a good rap from most geeks, but in general I find them tedious, convoluted, and pretty much lame.
d00d, I have to say that I really am not a big fan of O'Reilly and Associates or their many books. I dunno, they get a good rap from most geeks, but in general I find them tedious, convoluted, and pretty much lame.
2000-10-12
Yet More Humongous Bullshit From Congress
Well, this shouldn't be too surprising: your Federal government is once again trying to trample any rights you might have on-line. I'm getting sick of writing these damn articles, people! Fucking fuck!
Well, this shouldn't be too surprising: your Federal government is once again trying to trample any rights you might have on-line. I'm getting sick of writing these damn articles, people! Fucking fuck!
2000-10-05
Imperialist Yankee Go Home!
Gar! It's fucking FLEET WEEK in San Francisco, and as usual I feel like fucking SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC in his secret bunker or hiding from NATO bombers or some shit. I hate this damn week!
Gar! It's fucking FLEET WEEK in San Francisco, and as usual I feel like fucking SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC in his secret bunker or hiding from NATO bombers or some shit. I hate this damn week!
2000-07-08
Billionaires for Bush (or Gore)
"Calling all jammers, hackers, ne'er do wells, travellers, detourners, street urchins, lumpen, comedians, poets, singers, dancers, autonomists, anarchists, reformists, and insurrectionists! Billionaires for Bush (or Gore) is a mass, participatory media stunt designed to focus national attention on the big-money, corporate takeover of electoral politics, and the ramifications of this takeover for the poor and middle classes of America."
"Calling all jammers, hackers, ne'er do wells, travellers, detourners, street urchins, lumpen, comedians, poets, singers, dancers, autonomists, anarchists, reformists, and insurrectionists! Billionaires for Bush (or Gore) is a mass, participatory media stunt designed to focus national attention on the big-money, corporate takeover of electoral politics, and the ramifications of this takeover for the poor and middle classes of America."
2000-06-30
President Himself Uses Shitty Password
Okay, so my first thought about this is that I'm worried that some asshole is going to swipe the President's password and start forging e-signatures on e-bills. I mean, your dog's name? Dumbass. My next concern is that the evil robot AIs use these signatures to take over....
Okay, so my first thought about this is that I'm worried that some asshole is going to swipe the President's password and start forging e-signatures on e-bills. I mean, your dog's name? Dumbass. My next concern is that the evil robot AIs use these signatures to take over....
2000-03-24
Yo!nk, and Away! *SMACK*
Well, just when you think FREEDOM is on it's way in, there's a huge pig industrial backlash from the sleeping pork giants. Napster, MP3.com, gar gar gar are all getting slapped down by the MAN! Mother fuck. Well, let's see what happens with Yo!nk.
Well, just when you think FREEDOM is on it's way in, there's a huge pig industrial backlash from the sleeping pork giants. Napster, MP3.com, gar gar gar are all getting slapped down by the MAN! Mother fuck. Well, let's see what happens with Yo!nk.
2000-03-15
Denial of Big Brother Service (DoBBS)
Forget DoS attacks! It's time to start a distributed DoBBS attack on the Web. Agent C528 gives you the scoop on ridding your Web trousers of privacy-leeches.
Forget DoS attacks! It's time to start a distributed DoBBS attack on the Web. Agent C528 gives you the scoop on ridding your Web trousers of privacy-leeches.
2000-03-09
Freedom of the On-line Press a Problem for Janet Reno
The Privacy Protection Act of 1980 was intended to keep the police from shutting down newpapers and killing stories by journalists under the pretense of searching for evidence. Janet Reno wants to change that.
The Privacy Protection Act of 1980 was intended to keep the police from shutting down newpapers and killing stories by journalists under the pretense of searching for evidence. Janet Reno wants to change that.
2000-02-24
Get in on the Ground Floor of FREEDOM
Ever wish you could go back to 1991 and get in on the ground floor of the World Wide Web? Well you CAN'T. It's not gonna happen. But what CAN happen, right now, is for you to get in on the start of FREENET. Freenet! Can you smell the freedom!?
Ever wish you could go back to 1991 and get in on the ground floor of the World Wide Web? Well you CAN'T. It's not gonna happen. But what CAN happen, right now, is for you to get in on the start of FREENET. Freenet! Can you smell the freedom!?
2000-02-09
Free Speech Shushed Once Again
A substitute teacher in Boston is reportedly being "shunned" (uh-- new word for "fired"?) for saying that he thought Hitler is "cool." Now I'm no fan of the big-bad-H or anything, but you gotta checkout some of the comments made by those in change of grooming the next generation.
A substitute teacher in Boston is reportedly being "shunned" (uh-- new word for "fired"?) for saying that he thought Hitler is "cool." Now I'm no fan of the big-bad-H or anything, but you gotta checkout some of the comments made by those in change of grooming the next generation.
1999-11-14
Drug Free since 1974? Yeah, Riiiiiiiiiight.
George W Bush is nothing more than a privileged, coke hound from Texas. He oozes so much slime, that you would think you were in the presence of Cthulhu. Bush and his followers (all of them worshipers of Nyarlothep) thought they would be sneaky by buying up any and all possible anti-bush domain names (bushsux.com for example). But guess what? They overlooked the most important one
George W Bush is nothing more than a privileged, coke hound from Texas. He oozes so much slime, that you would think you were in the presence of Cthulhu. Bush and his followers (all of them worshipers of Nyarlothep) thought they would be sneaky by buying up any and all possible anti-bush domain names (bushsux.com for example). But guess what? They overlooked the most important one
1999-10-23
Officer Friendly Howls in Frustration
I make no bones about it: I hate cops. In my entire life, I've only met two cops that I consider to be shinning examples of being a peace officer. The rest I consider to be nothing more than uniformed thugs with guns. They exist within their own social circle with little to no contact with anyone who isn't a cop. They behave as if anyone who isn't a cop is considered a subhuman form of life to be looked down upon and herded like sick cattle. I'm certainly not the only person that feels this way about cops.
I make no bones about it: I hate cops. In my entire life, I've only met two cops that I consider to be shinning examples of being a peace officer. The rest I consider to be nothing more than uniformed thugs with guns. They exist within their own social circle with little to no contact with anyone who isn't a cop. They behave as if anyone who isn't a cop is considered a subhuman form of life to be looked down upon and herded like sick cattle. I'm certainly not the only person that feels this way about cops.
1999-10-05
Customs Seizes Birdseed With 0.0014 Percent Hemp
I love how the headline for this article is "Customs Snares Hemp-Laced Birdseed." It makes it sound like Customs had busted some big bad guy trying to pull one over on them. If you actually read the story you find out they're just harassing poor Canadian farmer. Normally I'm all for harassing Canadians, but this is just silly.
I love how the headline for this article is "Customs Snares Hemp-Laced Birdseed." It makes it sound like Customs had busted some big bad guy trying to pull one over on them. If you actually read the story you find out they're just harassing poor Canadian farmer. Normally I'm all for harassing Canadians, but this is just silly.
1999-09-08
Fear Your Children!
Junior High and Middle Schools across the country are beginning to "profile" students much like serial killers or terrorists. Teachers will recieve a checklist of "warning signs" such as swearing, social withdrawl, feelings of rejection and poor academic performance and writing about the "dark side of life." So, basically, acting in any way like a teenager. Students matching the bad seed profile can be expelled.
Junior High and Middle Schools across the country are beginning to "profile" students much like serial killers or terrorists. Teachers will recieve a checklist of "warning signs" such as swearing, social withdrawl, feelings of rejection and poor academic performance and writing about the "dark side of life." So, basically, acting in any way like a teenager. Students matching the bad seed profile can be expelled.
1999-08-03
China Is Bad and Must Now Go Sit in the Corner
Here's some more guys who are real mad about China, except it seems to be Americans this time. Those Chinese guys are real bad, I think.
Here's some more guys who are real mad about China, except it seems to be Americans this time. Those Chinese guys are real bad, I think.
1999-08-03
China Uses Info-War Techniques to Suppress Religious Following
Maybe you haven't heard: the latest craziness happening in China is the large-scale protests against the recent banning of the heretofore little known New Age religion known as Falun Gong (pronounced fah-luhn gung). The Chinese government has launched an all out campaign against the estimated two million followers in China, including mass arrests, and BRUTAL propaganda attacks, which have now spilled onto the Internet.
Maybe you haven't heard: the latest craziness happening in China is the large-scale protests against the recent banning of the heretofore little known New Age religion known as Falun Gong (pronounced fah-luhn gung). The Chinese government has launched an all out campaign against the estimated two million followers in China, including mass arrests, and BRUTAL propaganda attacks, which have now spilled onto the Internet.
1999-07-20
The Case of the Full-Tilt Backpedal
The Internet is supposedly an unrestricted medium available to anyone who wants to express him/herself. You can put a Web site up and talk about blaw blaw blaw, and instantly it will be available to millions of people. Nobody can censor what you have to say... That's the mythology anyway.
The Internet is supposedly an unrestricted medium available to anyone who wants to express him/herself. You can put a Web site up and talk about blaw blaw blaw, and instantly it will be available to millions of people. Nobody can censor what you have to say... That's the mythology anyway.
1999-07-08
Through Being Cool
Are you cool? Are you unique and individual like the rest of us are?
Are you cool? Are you unique and individual like the rest of us are?
1999-07-05
Goatchildren on the Rise
Were you out with the rest of the knuckle-dragging mobs of people, drinking crappy beer, and chanting "U-S-A" as cheap fireworks were shot off into the air? Not me. I proudly spent the entire Fourth of July showing my mother (yeah, my mom) videotapes of Bill Hicks' performances. And, dear readers, there is no greater thing you could possibly do to show that you love your country than that.
Were you out with the rest of the knuckle-dragging mobs of people, drinking crappy beer, and chanting "U-S-A" as cheap fireworks were shot off into the air? Not me. I proudly spent the entire Fourth of July showing my mother (yeah, my mom) videotapes of Bill Hicks' performances. And, dear readers, there is no greater thing you could possibly do to show that you love your country than that.
1999-06-26
Down, Cato!
Few images remain as clear in the public mind from the O.J. Simpson trial as that of tanned SoCal surfer-cum-actor and perennial houseguest Cato Caelin in the witness stand, testifying in court about his night in Brentwood. A diligent public citizen, Caelin has found a way to turn his notoriety to good use: he's founded the Cato Institute, a conservative Washington-based think tank that deals with tax issues relevant to beach guys and struggling actors.
Few images remain as clear in the public mind from the O.J. Simpson trial as that of tanned SoCal surfer-cum-actor and perennial houseguest Cato Caelin in the witness stand, testifying in court about his night in Brentwood. A diligent public citizen, Caelin has found a way to turn his notoriety to good use: he's founded the Cato Institute, a conservative Washington-based think tank that deals with tax issues relevant to beach guys and struggling actors.
1999-05-24
COMNAVAIRESFOR is One Hell of an Acronym
Online training! It's the wave of the future! Everybody's doing it... including the US Navy.
Online training! It's the wave of the future! Everybody's doing it... including the US Navy.
1999-05-20
CB Radio Codes
Do you live in your truck? Did you buy that fancy police scanner at Radio Shack and have no idea what the fuzz is talking about? Never fear, this website has all the confusing CB codes.
Do you live in your truck? Did you buy that fancy police scanner at Radio Shack and have no idea what the fuzz is talking about? Never fear, this website has all the confusing CB codes.
1999-04-22
Oh That's Really Gonna Help...
Aggggg!!! Good God! Every time I think that this country has reached some sort of disgusting narrow-minded short-sighted scapegoat-burning LOW, the morons of the public school system come up with something so frustratingly dumb and obviously misguided that I actually get why some school kids are going completely POSTAL.
Aggggg!!! Good God! Every time I think that this country has reached some sort of disgusting narrow-minded short-sighted scapegoat-burning LOW, the morons of the public school system come up with something so frustratingly dumb and obviously misguided that I actually get why some school kids are going completely POSTAL.
1999-01-05
Know Your Oppressor
So, just in case you thought you were safe from the Spooks, here's another threat to your sanity and liberty: The FDIC is proposing new rules that would _make_ banks snoop into your daily life!
So, just in case you thought you were safe from the Spooks, here's another threat to your sanity and liberty: The FDIC is proposing new rules that would _make_ banks snoop into your daily life!
1998-12-24
Free Jim Goad... Maybe
So, Jim Goad, editor of and primary writer for the zine Answer Me!, is in the slammer in Portland, OR. Some of you will probably say, "good riddance" - but the ugly twist is that Goad's writings are being used as evidence against him in an unrelated charge.
So, Jim Goad, editor of and primary writer for the zine Answer Me!, is in the slammer in Portland, OR. Some of you will probably say, "good riddance" - but the ugly twist is that Goad's writings are being used as evidence against him in an unrelated charge.
1998-12-11
Perhaps He Should Move To Georgia
Once again, the long arm of the law invades our privacy, chipping away at our rights as American citizens!
Once again, the long arm of the law invades our privacy, chipping away at our rights as American citizens!
1998-11-23
There Will Be Much Buggery In Georgia Tonight!
Break out the Aqualube! The Georgia State Supreme Court has overturned the state's anti-sodomy law as unconstitutional. CNN reports that a Georgia man charged with sodomizing his 17-year-old niece is a free man today -- free once again to ass-fuck the under-aged girl-folk of his clan, as is his constitutional right.
Break out the Aqualube! The Georgia State Supreme Court has overturned the state's anti-sodomy law as unconstitutional. CNN reports that a Georgia man charged with sodomizing his 17-year-old niece is a free man today -- free once again to ass-fuck the under-aged girl-folk of his clan, as is his constitutional right.
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2006-11-13
I'm Still Here
My name is Abdur Sayed Rahman. Abdur Zahid Rahman was the deputy foreign minister of the Taliban. I was taken to this camp and they began to interrogate me. An American told me I was wrongfully taken and in a couple of days I would be free. I never saw this American again. I'm still here.
My name is Abdur Sayed Rahman. Abdur Zahid Rahman was the deputy foreign minister of the Taliban. I was taken to this camp and they began to interrogate me. An American told me I was wrongfully taken and in a couple of days I would be free. I never saw this American again. I'm still here.
2006-02-17
Democrat's Annual Report
In Tucson, Arizona, Democrats took back the city council by defeating two Republican incumbents.
In Tucson, Arizona, Democrats took back the city council by defeating two Republican incumbents.
2005-11-16
Holy mother of fuck, the FBI are weenies
Yes, that's right -- if you notice that you're being followed and head to the police to report it, the FBI following you will arrest you, ignore the assistant DA's instructions not to charge you, and stash you in jail for half a week. For, er, nothing. 'Cuz they suck. Weenies.
Yes, that's right -- if you notice that you're being followed and head to the police to report it, the FBI following you will arrest you, ignore the assistant DA's instructions not to charge you, and stash you in jail for half a week. For, er, nothing. 'Cuz they suck. Weenies.
2004-11-16
2004-09-14
2004-06-19
2003-06-08
Distorted Intelligence
They are finally starting to speculate in the mainstream press that if BushCo misused or distorted intelligence data to build their case for war, it could be an impeachable offense.
They are finally starting to speculate in the mainstream press that if BushCo misused or distorted intelligence data to build their case for war, it could be an impeachable offense.
2002-07-29
2002-02-13
Satan's Henchman Reveals Secret Plan for Last Days
Holy Jeebus! Some bubblehead at Applied Digital wants to implant SECRET CHIPS in the GENITALS of foreigners visiting the US to track their WHEREABOUTS. Thank God it's just for FOREIGNERS... right?
Holy Jeebus! Some bubblehead at Applied Digital wants to implant SECRET CHIPS in the GENITALS of foreigners visiting the US to track their WHEREABOUTS. Thank God it's just for FOREIGNERS... right?
2002-02-03
2001-04-15
2000-12-15
2000-05-11
2000-03-11
2000-02-14
1999-11-11
1999-08-18
Led Zeppelin bumper stickers PROBABLE CAUSE for a vehicular search
Konformist: New Illinois law -- Led Zeppelin bumper stickers PROBABLE CAUSE for a vehicular search...
Konformist: New Illinois law -- Led Zeppelin bumper stickers PROBABLE CAUSE for a vehicular search...
1999-08-11
1999-07-22
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
