Build Date: Mon Jun 17 10:30:18 2024 UTC

Van Morrison would have arranged this song much tighter!
-- Arkuat

Behold the Assman!

Everyone's Favorite! The Assman! Hooray for the Assman!

Pigdog Journal Articles


Ass play stops heart attacks
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. -- Ersten Wiles


When Assmen Collide
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. -- Tjames Madison


The Single Worst Thing Ever
OK, this is the worst Assman ever. There will never be anything worse than this. Consider this category condemned, with extreme prejudice. -- Tjames Madison


Try Assman's First!
Once again, dredged from the slushpot of discarded Pigdog Journal article categories comes an old favorite made new again: THE ASSMAN AWARD. -- Mr. Bad


Mahir Needs Women
Mahir is looking for that special woman... or two or three or as many he can get. Mahir is a journalist in Turkey. He has a house, a car, an accordian, and a mobile phone. (Telephone number 90 532 31235 50) He wants women to come and visit him. He likes sex. -- Baron Earl


Oh You Didn't Know? You Better Call Somebody!
It's a fairly well know fact, that professional wrestling styles itself as a social barometer, as a way of staying popular and keeping it's soap opera story lines flowing seamlessly. Example: in the 70's during the Iranian crisis, we had the Iron Sheik. Flash forward to the edge of the millenium. What does pro wrestling have to give us? Mr. Ass, of course! -- Flesh


Assman Better Have My Money!
Mr. Bad asks, "Can someone be an Assman if they don't call themselves 'Assman'?" Sure, this may not seem an important distinction, any more than calling a Mennonite "Amish," but it's CRUCIAL to the Assmen themselves. And sometimes, you're an Assman and you don't even know it... -- Tjames Madison


Flowers For the Assman
I swear to god, they're just JUMPING RIGHT IN THE BOAT nowadays. Back in the day, when I first started searching the web wide and far for Assmen, they were sort of hard to spot. You had to look between the lines back then, back in, ah, May. But now the wily Assman senses the potential for cheap, pointless celebrity! Something all Assmen crave innately! -- Tjames Madison


Ugly, or Just Plain Annoying: Pick One
This site is so mean that I paused for a moment as I started to record it into the Pigdog Data Vault here at Spock Mountain Research Labs: should I put this thing up? Should I give this nasty person credibility? -- Tjames Madison


I Am the Assman! Goo Goo Ga Joob!
Examine the plight of the poor Assman. Left to his own devices the Assman will attempt to express himself through whatever means he has access to. In the case of web-faring Assmen, this often means a web page, usually a simple affair telling some facts about the Assman and the kinds of things which interest the Assman. -- Tjames Madison


The Assman Cometh
I used to think that nobody could possibly call themselves something like "Assman," even in a "Hey looka me everybody -- I gotta lampshade onna my head!" self-deprecating, party animal kind of way. But it's true. LOTS of people want to be the Assman. They probably even live closer to you than you THINK, friend! -- Tjames Madison

Offsite links shared by staff writers


Stupid Drunk Tricks
David John Verrow, 46, was booked into Santa Rita Jail on a laundry list of crimes after he hit two parked cars, dashed from his truck and barricaded himself in his room. Once there, he used an ax to hack his way into an attic crawl space -- only to fall through the ceiling into the arms of the police below. -- Baron Earl


Cryotherapy - not just for heads anymore
Experience the healing benefits of a glacier fresh cool-down spa treatment for that most deserving of body parts - your butt! -- Miss Conduct


You've come a long way, baby.
Use your ass wisely. -- Miss Conduct


Everybody needs it.
'Here at ShitBegone, I know your ass is important.' -- Miss Conduct

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