Build Date: Tue Jan 21 12:40:21 2025 UTC
Pigdog Journal: The Weapons Grade Handbook for Bad People of the Future
-- The Compulsive Splicer
Raw Democracy : Yesterday Edition
2011-03-13 22:58:00
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton railed about crappy news yesterday at a congressional hearing. "Don't you know that Al Jazeera has the best real news anywhere?" (she forgot to mention the Daily Show, maybe because it's technically not news, even though it is, just like the Onion can be about the real-est news if you can reverse-engineer the stories adequately). She pointed out many flaws in American news media: talking heads, no real news, unbelievable, useless, crazy shit. She did not comment on what should be done about it.
For the record, she also does not approve the use of Psy Ops (psychological operations) against random members of Congress. Thinks we should use more Black Ops against tyranny, though, for sure. All those fuckers taking down the Internets should be the very first targets. Then the assholes who are messing with my reproductive rights. Then the people who still fight a drug war.
In other radio news, a super rad (as in cool, not radical) Utah environmentalist (eco-activist Tim DeChristopher) was convicted yesterday of two counts of "obstruction" or some crap. What happened is that the Bush Administration made a devil deal with the Bureau of Land Management (those people who decide every year if Burning Man goes on or not, after pocketing several hundred thousand dollars for the dry lake bed's use and subsequent clean-up oversight).
You'll all remember that the Republicans got trounced in the 2008 elections. Well, the Bushes never forgive a transgression, plus they sleep with people in the oil and power industries. This is relevant because right before Obama came to power, George W. organized a land auction to sell gazillions of acres of federal lands for private resource raping and pillaging. The plan was to get the devil deals in right under the wire, like those last few bullshit appointments and amnesties the power crazy unleash in wanton bridge burning.
Back to our story. Some passionate environmental crazies decided to crash the auction, hoping they might get arrested and cause a stink. Well, the auction people mistake main activist guy for a bidder. So guess what he did... and why he might go to prison for ten years.
He bid on some land. Twelve parcels. Then he got cut off when the organizers realized he wasn't one of the old, fat gray guys who usually make such deals. Still he won the land he won, went and talked to a bunch of cool people and raised enough money in a very short period that he was able to initiate a payment to BLM.
"No! You can’t pay us for that land! You couldn’t really win because you never intended to go along with the program. It’s obvious that you were just trying to disrupt the process."
"But we were going to pay, your honor."
"Doesn't matter. And counsel, let’s not mention any of the irrelevant issue of whether the land would be paid for. It will just confuse the jury."
Later... Sequestered... Two counts, ten years. Our intrepid activist organizes a rally.
"Yes, it seems inevitable that I am going to prison. But that is just part of this job... the job of building a world for our children. To achieve that vision, many more will have to join me."
You bad people are getting pwn'd and you don't even know it. I laugh at you. Don't you dare turn off my Internet.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my! (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
