For some time it may have seemed as though it were Pigdog Journal editorial policy that Canadia is Bad. Considering that this is the Online Handbook for Bad People of the Future, some of us aren't sure if that's a Bad thing. Or a Good thing. Or... whatever.
To my knowledge, there is no such editorial policy here at PDJ. In fact, I can
assure our readers that the professional journalists here at PDJ rely on
scientific testing and sound logic when determining the relative Goodness or
Badness of Canadia. The facts are reported accuratley without any anti-Canadia
PDJ has taken quite a bit of flak over this issue. Many irate Canadian readers
have written in (sometimes we get several pieces of such hate mail every day)
to complain about our treatment of Canadia. A recent example:
Buddy, first of all, you're a fucking retard. To think it's called
Canadia is to be an american. Or as we call it here, an idiot. You might think
Canada sucks, but you know what, you're just jealous. You're jealous that we're
the #1 Nation of Hockey, the best place to live, (voted I don't know HOW many
times consecutively), and you're also jealous of the fact that our Canadian
girls are FUCKING HOT!!!!! First, if you wanna bash us, have a good reason. You
know, we don't sleep in igloos, we have running water, and explain to me why us
Canadians keep doing incredible things with our population of 30 million, where
as yours, of over 200 million can't fucking keep up with anything we do? Canada
(or as idiots, oh, pardon me, americans call it, Canadia, according to you)
rocks the world, and you know it. You just can't admit it. So fuck you, and
have a great life.
The reader makes some cogent points. In fact, our crack investigative team has
found evidence of running water in Canadia. Much progress has been made in
turning this frozen wasteland into a colony habitable for human life. For this
Canadians are to be commended. Furthermore, there's the issue of hockey which,
although not quite as elegant or refined a sport as Argentinian lesbian midget
jellowrestling, clearly has its merits.
But the real point this gentleman makes is, in his words, "our Canadian girls
are FUCKING HOT!!!!!". This is a credit to Canadia as well as a chief obstacle
to Canadian Goodness. See, the problematic thing is, while Canadia has
undeniably brought us lovely young women such as Dorothy Stratten, Canadia ultimately
has brought us also the likes of her husband Paul Snider. I think we can all see what
the problem is here. What's the point of having "FUCKING HOT!!!!!" babes if all
you do is kill them in such a way that doesn't even leave a pretty corpse?
So dear reader, I'm sure that you can see why we've had such difficulty with
It must however be noted that Dorothy Stratten did live long enough to take her
clothes off in front of numerous photographers. Her legacy has been preserved.
We have to look at the gestalt of this sort of trouble and accept the rose
along with the thorns. The question becomes, rather than "is Canadia all good
or all bad?", instead, "on the whole, is Canadia more good or bad." See,
professionals such as the ones you may read here in this marvelous publication,
rely upon empirical scientific data rather than base prejudice when determining
the spin to put on events north of the border.
Because of all this, I am pleased to announce that new scientific evidence has
been released that nudges Canadia up to 51.2% good and only 49.8% bad. Hooray