Build Date: Sun Apr 21 07:20:23 2024 UTC

I love pornography. One of my biggest fears in life is that I'm gonna die and my parents are going to clean out my apartment and find that porno wing I've been adding onto for years.
-- Bill Hicks

The Corporate Fuck

The Corporations are out to fuck you raw. You got money, they want it and they'll do whatever it takes to separate you from your hard earned cash.

Pigdog Journal Articles


Goddamn Toothpaste Marketing Department Fuckwads
I like the flavor of peppermint, tolerate spearmint, and absolutely hate wintergreen. So why can’t toothpaste companies label their products so I know which of those three very different mint flavors they’re putting in the tube? -- Baron Earl


Amazon HQ2 building approved by Arlington County
The Arlington County Board gave unanimous approval Saturday to Amazon's plans to build a unique, buttplug-shaped tower as the centerpiece of its emerging second headquarters in northern Virginia. The new Amazon headquarters design takes inspiration from the brief love affair between The Flying Bum and Jeff Bezo's Penis Rocket. -- Baron Earl


Expensify files for their IPO
Expensify filed for their IPO the other day. As required by law they released a statement describing their S-1 filing with the SEC. The announcement was rather dry and formal and legal, as such announcements are, so to give it some zing they had a three-eyed spokesperson read it while eating fish food and gold coins on a 97 second Twitter video. -- Baron Earl


What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? -- Andrew A. Gill


General Electric: Corporation with Benefits
GE reported global profits of $14.2 billion with $5.1 billion of the total from U.S. operations. Its American tax bill? LESS THAN ZERO. Based on tax laws which G.E. lobbyists helped to write, G.E. managed to claim a tax benefit of $3.2 billion. -- Baron Earl


SF Chronicle finds a new way to keep subscribers
The San Francisco Chronicle has found a new way to keep their newspaper subscribers from canceling their subscriptions -- they don't provide a "Cancel Subscription" option on the Subscriber Services page. -- Baron Earl


Big Oil Completely Innocent
Buried somewhere in the relatively insignificant annals of this afternoon's secondary or tertiary news stories is a little piece about how the Federal Trade Commission has released its report that Big Oil hasn't been gouging Americans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, or any time in the last 20 years, for that matter. There's been no market manipulation, no Enron-like scams, no nada. Big Oil has played by all the rules, succumbed to market forces, and otherwise been an upstanding capitalist citizen. Thank gawd the FTC was there to vindicate their buddies! The mind boggles as to what an actual investigation by a non-conflicted FTC might have found. -- Reverend CyberSatan


Help Reclaim the Public Domain
Would you like to have a positive impact on copyright law, take a stand against corporate greed, and help put works back in the public domain that belong there? Lawrence Lessig needs your story. -- Baron Earl


Fucking CBS
First CBS executives won't air an ad made by which asks the very simple question of who is going to pay for the current half trillion dollar deficit we are running. The obvious answer is the children. Duh. But CBS won't run it. -- JRoyale


CBS Wipes Corporate Ass on 1st Amendment, Flushes Fairness Doctrine
As anyone who's followed the antics of Adbusters or PETA knows, it's hard to buy airtime for your commercials if your message conflicts with the world view of television executives. Now has joined the ranks of the rejected when CBS refused to air MoveOn's paid ad Bush in 30 Seconds during this year's Super Bowl. -- Baron Earl


The Ugly Orphan
As I write this, an oil tanker containing 20 million gallons, less the roughly 2 million gallons that have already leaked out, has broken in half and sunk off the coast of Spain. There are numerous reports as to the ownership of the vessel as well as its "inspection" record in various sketchy ports of call. The ship's owners are quick to defend themselves against potential liability, Spain is jousting with Portugal over who's going to pay for the cleanup, and there are already the usual wildlife casualties of any such toxic disaster. But one thing is conspicuously missing from this whole scenario: The oil's real owner. -- Reverend CyberSatan


On Your Knees, Martha
If Martha Stewart ends up going to trial for insider trading, I'll have to have a crash transsexual operation and seek immediate employment with Bear Stearns. Since I'll be a seriously hot woman, the dicks at the firm will want me to start immediately. Who knows, maybe I'll even get down on my knees and suck a couple of sexual harassment settlements out of them before I finish my master plan. That is to commit gross insider trading or massive fraud so that I can be sent to Club Fed and have Martha as my prison bitch. -- Reverend CyberSatan


A Slippery Exit
So let me get this straight. U.S. oil companies, such as ChevronTexaco and ExxonMobile, have been buying Iraqi oil since 1996 under the oil-for-food program implemented by the UN so that average Iraqis would have food, medical supplies, and a semblance of infrastructure. Now, all of a sudden, those same oil companies are dropping Saddam's crude exports like a Catholic priest drops his boyfriend in the light of day. And according to our "diplomatic sources," the whole reason is because, all this time, Saddam has been skimming money off the top in the form of a surcharge per barrel. -- Reverend CyberSatan


Boil Them in Oil
Yesterday, Dynergy, a large energy company that is in many ways very similar to Enron, announced that it had inflated its revenue streams some 4.5 BILLION dollars through various trading shenanigans - mostly reverse trades. -- JRoyale


Down at the Money Mart
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. -- Siduri


Making the Planes Run On Time
Staggering up from a holiday-binge induced coma, this correspondent fears a Rip Van Winkle hallucination because it's looking a lot like Italy... in 1939. -- Dunkin' Idaho


Adobe Nabbed for Piracy!
After playing the heavy on piracy issues all over the place, Adobe has been barred from distributing or selling InDesign 1.5 because it contains.... unlicensed software! -- The Compulsive Splicer


Copy-Protected CDs Coming
Universal announced on Monday that they will be releasing copy-protected CDs in the US this week - so no longer will citizens be able to excercise their 1st amendment rights of fair use to listen to "their" music how they choose. Corporate Bastards!!! -- LiquorPig

Offsite links shared by staff writers




Enron Voicemail
Listen to the voicemail of Enron, "the world's greatest company". Flash/Audio only -- JRoyale

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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