Build Date: Sat Mar 7 14:50:16 2026 UTC
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, That's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-- Frank Sinatra
Songs Of Love And Special Things
2002-04-21 23:50:08
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to.
Porneokie, brought to you by The Forces of Chaos, will be presented in the theatre at Spanganga this Friday, April 26. Porneokie is karaoke combined with some of the nastiest porn known to Man. Porn everywhere. Video monitors chock full of porn. Men writhing in a sunny glade on the lyrics monitor. Gigantic money shots on a big screen behind the singers. Moaning, slapping, squirting, Ron Jeremy.
Binders full of song selections float around the theatre and on the sign-up table. There are many marvelous songs to choose from. Particular charmers include, The Rose:
"Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower, and you it's only seed."
As well as Brandy:
"She could feel the ocean fall and rise
She saw its ragin' glory"
My favorite, though, was the synchronistic surrealism of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus sung during a hot action scene involving a dwarf in an Elf suit. Other song selections include: My Boyfriend's Back, You've Lost That Loving Feeling, That's Amore, and My Way. One specticipant was such a karaoke geek that he brought his own CDs. His selections weren't very Porneokie-ish. But the fact that the Karaoke Scene has reached this level fascinates me.
Unfortunately, it is a felony to sell open containers of alcohol in close proximity with obscene material in a California business establishment. There is apparently a case pending in the Supreme Court right now which, if it wins, can allow the neighborhood pub near you to host Porneokie. So if anyone has information/news regarding this matter, please let Miss Conduct know right this instant. (There is a feedback link directly to your left). Keeping porn and alcohol apart is un-American.
Meanwhile, Miss Conduct's Porneokie Pointers: Do Not Block The Porn, select a back-up song in case a CD is missing or there's a numbering error on the song list, be prepared to stall the crowd, avert your eyes when there is scat, tip the DJ, bring friends.
You can view some Porneokie here. But be careful, there's porn.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
