Build Date: Wed Aug 27 16:59:32 2025 UTC
I know better, because I'm American, and I pledge upon the altar of Spock eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.
-- Tjames Madison
Songs Of Love And Special Things
2002-04-21 23:50:08
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to.
Porneokie, brought to you by The Forces of Chaos, will be presented in the theatre at Spanganga this Friday, April 26. Porneokie is karaoke combined with some of the nastiest porn known to Man. Porn everywhere. Video monitors chock full of porn. Men writhing in a sunny glade on the lyrics monitor. Gigantic money shots on a big screen behind the singers. Moaning, slapping, squirting, Ron Jeremy.
Binders full of song selections float around the theatre and on the sign-up table. There are many marvelous songs to choose from. Particular charmers include, The Rose:
"Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower, and you it's only seed."
As well as Brandy:
"She could feel the ocean fall and rise
She saw its ragin' glory"
My favorite, though, was the synchronistic surrealism of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus sung during a hot action scene involving a dwarf in an Elf suit. Other song selections include: My Boyfriend's Back, You've Lost That Loving Feeling, That's Amore, and My Way. One specticipant was such a karaoke geek that he brought his own CDs. His selections weren't very Porneokie-ish. But the fact that the Karaoke Scene has reached this level fascinates me.
Unfortunately, it is a felony to sell open containers of alcohol in close proximity with obscene material in a California business establishment. There is apparently a case pending in the Supreme Court right now which, if it wins, can allow the neighborhood pub near you to host Porneokie. So if anyone has information/news regarding this matter, please let Miss Conduct know right this instant. (There is a feedback link directly to your left). Keeping porn and alcohol apart is un-American.
Meanwhile, Miss Conduct's Porneokie Pointers: Do Not Block The Porn, select a back-up song in case a CD is missing or there's a numbering error on the song list, be prepared to stall the crowd, avert your eyes when there is scat, tip the DJ, bring friends.
You can view some Porneokie here. But be careful, there's porn.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
