Build Date: Wed Jul 23 06:12:11 2025 UTC
My problem with spontaneous human combustion is that never seems to happen to the "right" people.
-- Johnnie Royale
Special Ideas
Some ideas are good... some ideas are great... but these are Special Ideas.
Pigdog Journal Articles
2025-01-04
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality.
2004-08-23
2003-07-29
Once upon a time I was in a Laundromat with nothing to read. The only literature on the public news rack was the Berkeley Psychic Reader. It featured an article about how bugs in western culture, with the exception of possibly butterflies and ladybugs, get an unfair evil rap, whereas bugs in eastern culture are revered as symbolic icons. The article suggested ways we can access the Grand Message of the Inner Bug God from each creepin’ critter that crawls into our sphere of reference.
2002-05-13
The French are known for having unique ideas about bathroom hygiene. They invented and still use bidets, now recognized by environmentalists as a superior, earth-friendly solution. Now the French toilet industry has leapfrogged its U.S. counterpart with an amazing toilet that cleans itself.
2002-05-11
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother.
2001-08-25
Back in the glory days of Silicon Valley, you couldn't be a libertarian hacker without owning a pair of Chi-Pants. Unfortunately, Loma Prieta took out the business and we've all had to wear uncomfortable, restrictive pants since then. Until now!
2001-01-17
San Franciscan pedestrians are getting killed at a rate that's four times higher than the San Francisco murder rate. I've compiled a list of ideas for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors on how to solve this appalling problem.
2000-11-11
Yeah, that's a lame title, but everyone who writes a puff piece about earthquakes uses it, and as a Professional Journalist I feel obliged to submit to the tradition. (Just so you know, I will also use the word "temblor" later in this article). However, this puff piece is different -- it's not just about earthquakes as scary natural phenomenon, but earthquakes as a tool for VIOLENT SOCIAL CHANGE!
2000-10-20
This is a really good this piece by Scott Rosenberg over at Salon. He clearly identifies one of the major fundamental flaws in the premises that most e-Commerance sites are built on.
2000-09-14
These brave entrepreneurs have cornered an e-commerce market niche I never would have dreamed of.
2000-08-15
Thinking about moving to Silly-con valley in order to become an overnight millionaire? Think again.
2000-06-28
It's not every day you can buy a car with 18" McCulla retractable pneumatic saw blades, a U.S. Navy PX18 periscope, an Airtronics remote control homing pigeon, and pneumatic auto jacks for jumping. Then again, there's only one Mach 5!
2000-06-03
So, California is a BIG state. Like, a REALLY big state. There's just a lot of stuff here. A lot of people, a lot of land. And the folks in Jefferson want to take part of that away. Beaujolais for them!
2000-05-18
TeX formatted pigdog early release.
2000-04-04
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues!
2000-03-10
So, if you knew your language was becoming obsolete, what would you do? If you're the French government, you'd rage, rage against the dying of the light. Also, if you're the French government, can I borrow a few thousand bucks? American currency only. Thanks.
2000-02-21
Although my e-mail inbox is regularly filled with unsolicited messages selling APL Compilers, Dutch pastry recipes, and Czech get-rich-quick schemes, my postal mailbox is full of even more nefarious spam. Here's how I deal with it.
2000-02-14
A few thousand years ago in Rome, February 14th was a big carnal love fest where boys and girls would hook up for a year of orgys and parties at the vomitorium. Around the same time this guy Valentine was beaten with clubs and beheaded by Claudius II. The poor persecuted party-pooping Xtians decided to sabotage the chick-picking party and replace it with there own platonic holiday-- Valentine's.
2000-02-08
Gene Ray, Cubic, explains it all for you! You see, since there's four midpoints to the day (mid-day, mid-night, sun-up, and sun-down), there are actually four days happening at once. That's right, a simultaneous 4-day time cube! Obviously, this means that god is an evil invention, education induces stupidity, and self-god is lowest human behavior.
1999-12-15
So, if you haven't heard already, there's a big hullabaloo about online toy retailer Etoys.com. They are the undisputed Kings of SUCKASS! They took the crazy Krafwerkian eurotrash art group etoy.com to court for having a name SIMILAR to theirs. Let us punish them with ELECTRONIC FRONTIER JUSTICE!
1999-10-01
Crazy! Straight outta the pages of Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi come a whole shitload of Glass Bead Games! What's up with THAT?
1999-09-14
Pop quiz: You're at a party, and some hottie comes on to you. And you are in the mood to the horizontal bop as they are. But they look rather young, so you ask them how old the are. As it turns out, they're under the age of 18. What do you do?
1999-07-14
So, I first heard of this Arcosanti on "Real People" back in, like, 1978 or something. I think they sent that weird guy named "Skip" out to Arizona to harass these poor hippies who were building a new, ecologically sound and self-sustaining city. It came on right after the dog with three legs.
1999-06-18
Boy, you sure have to hand it to the Chinese when it comes to fun! China has taken our prophylactic technology and moved it one step further...
1999-06-11
"I was a Wobbly... back when it meant something." Man, Matewan is a kick-ass flick! But anyways, so are the Wobblies! AND they're still wobbling around!
1999-06-06
Girlfriend can't stand the pill and you hate wearing your "party" hat whenever you want some pussy. Well good news -- the Sponge is BACK.
1999-05-23
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs!
1998-11-20
Are you still using that watered-down pepper spray crap to defend yourself against buggering, mugging, and whatnot? That stuff is no good. What you need is to get you some bear repellent!!
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2005-02-17
Your kid might be a k1dd1e if...
2002-10-12
2002-07-20
2002-06-19
2002-05-20
Get feedback on your half-baked plan.
2002-05-07
Wanna play with my doll?
2002-04-02
2002-03-28
'Images of dangerous emanations and wounding of the body.'
2002-03-14
It may come as a surprise, but "there is no international body responsible for upholding simple standards of vexillilic aesthetics."
2002-01-29
Let's all go to hobbit camp!
2001-08-14
There are two things important to me in life: The d20 Open Gaming License, and Nature's Harmonious Time Cube.
2001-08-12
2001-06-16
2001-05-27
2001-01-03
New Hampshire legislator advocates killing corrupt rogue cops if they try to kill you. Everyone acts like there is something egregiously wrong with this. I dunno, it's kind of a head-scratcher.
2000-10-16
2000-10-16
2000-09-19
2000-07-07
2000-06-22
2000-04-10
1999-09-21
1999-07-07
1999-05-28
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
