Democrats have secret weapon in race for President.
As I'm sure you are all aware of, there has not been a definitive outcome in
last Tuesday election for the office of the President of the United States. It
seems that due to the some obscure parts of the Constitution and etc. etc. etc.
and yadda yadda yadda (like we need to talk about how the Electoral College
works again) the most powerful position on the planet is being decided by Cuba
exiles and Jewish retirees in southern Florida right now.
Or is it?
The crack reporting staff here at the Pigdog Journal has been talking with
unnamed sources inside the National Democratic Committee and it seems that the
Democrats have an ace up stuffed down their pants due to some precipitous and
long range planning.
As long as Gore takes Oregon, the sources said, they got the election in the
bag. Because with Oregon going to Gore and Florida to Bush, the Electoral
College would be 267 to 271. However, the sources say, they planted moles deep
inside the Republican Party long ago. These sources assure us here at the PDJ
that at least 3 of these moles will be selected by the Republicans as delegates
at the Electoral College. With these 3 swing votes, moving from the Bush
column to the Gore column, the Electoral College vote count would reverse and
Bush would get 268 and Gore would have 270 and would become the next President
of the United States.
These moles are apparently hippies that went underground 35 years ago, forced
to trade their Levis and VW-Buses for Armani suits and Lexus'. These
radicals have been living in the suburbs, forced to raise their kids in elite
public schools and attend morning Republican funding raising pray breakfasts
all these years will finally have their revenge. Fuckin' A, who'd a thunk that
the fate of the nation is controlled by a small group of ex-hippies.