Pigdog Journal Articles
Pigdog Journal Annual Christmas Essay Contest WINNING ESSAY
It started 20 years ago -- and we're STILL HERE, dammit! So because Christmas is a TIME OF TRADITION, and to honor Pigdog.org's glorious resurrection, we announced the return of our most hallowed tradition: the Christmas Essay contest.
And now we're announcing the BIG 2017 WINNER!
What is hanty?
Do you want to give gifts that stand out? Gifts that can't be mistaken for mall drek? Do you want to give a gift that says "love" and maybe "help!"? Don't fight the Wal-Mart crowds, stay home and make a custom hanty for your special someone.
FIFTH ANNUAL PIGDOG JOURNAL CHRISTMAS ESSAY CONTEST
Can you believe it? We've been having this WACKASS CONTEST for FIVE YEARS. FIVE! That's a lot of years! To have a contest! About Christmas essays! I mean serious! And it's time once again (OK, a little past time, I agree) to do it to me one more time! For Christmas's fucking sake! Beaujolais!
Every year Santas get together all over the globe to bring children presents, to offer tidings of joy, and TO RAMPAGE IN YOUR BUNGHOLE LIKE DEMONS FROM HELL during an annual bachanalia known as SANTARCHY!
Santa's 2001 Official FAA Flight Clearance
As most people are aware, War against Terror and Drugs and other Bad things has resulted
in a monumental shift in American security precautions as we now face the threat of
military trials and executions for disobeying President Bush and Attorney General John
Ashcroft. This heightened security also threatens to cancel Santa Claus' annual
delivery of presents -- many people who are paid to worry about such things were
concerned about just how much damage a sleigh filled with 50,000,000 toys could do if it
missed a roof top and plowed into the side of a building.
Pigdog Journal FOURTH Annual Christmas Essay Contest
Beaujolais!! Can you believe it's Christmas time again? I really haven't been able to
plan around it since we survived Y2K -- never saw that
coming. Anyways, send in
your essay submission and LAUNCH YOUR CAREER TO THE STARS.
Christmas On Spock Mountain
The return of a holiday favorite the whole family can enjoy!
A charming saga of a bunch of drunk cyberbilly hyperscientists
and their encounter with a VERY SPECIAL VISITOR on Christmas Eve.
Read it with someone you love.
Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest
Hooray! It's that time of year again! The Season of Caring and Sharing!
When all the people of the world come together in the Joy of the Season!
And Pigdog Journal is so full of MAUDLIN COMMERCIALLY-MANUFACTURED
EMOTION and SAPPY SACCHARINE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT that we're having
YET ANOTHER Christmas Essay Contest!
Aw Fuck. It's That Time Of The Year Again
Once again, you've found yourself with a holiday shopping list a mile long. You have no idea what to get for anyone, and all the stores are packed with shoppers with a staving piranha mindset! May we suggest that you let The Stranger be your guide?
More Pigdog Christmas Wish Lists
OK, well, more Pigdog staffers came in with Christmas
wish lists over the weekend. I don't know what these are
to prove, but I'd be remiss not to report them -- if only to
publicly record their dreams, so when they're dashed on
12/25/1999, we can all laugh at them.
Pao Tzu's Christmas essay comes in a few days late
and a few dollars short. But, considering that no one else but
and Lenny submitted essays, he gets the 1st Runner-up prize in
Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest. Sure, it's a travesty of
justice, but what can you do?
Furbiling Trend Rises to Disturbing Levels
Hospital workers at San Francisco General have
reported a 15th emergency-room case involving the deviant sexual
practice of "furbiling". City health officials have formed a
force to raise public awareness of this problem.
A Clone Christmas In Guelph
Lenny Tuberose, Grand Prize Winner of the Pigdog
Journal Christmas Essay Contest, presents a heart-warming tale of
what Christmas is all about: brutal assaults and substance
abuse. Destined to be a Christmas classic!
Pigdog Christmas Wish Lists
We realize it's getting a little late in the game for
you to get presents for the Pigdog Journal staff like you really
should. But some of us are a little disappointed with this year's
take and we thought we'd give the Fat Man one more chance to come
through with the goods. And, no, we don't mean
THEY'RE GONNA NUKE SANTA!!!!!
OK, here's one classic example of poor re-use of
military technology: NORAD, AKA the Nuke Spooks, are using your
tax dollars to supposedly "track" Santa Claus through the
Hemisphere. What a crock of shit!
Offsite links shared by staff writers