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Crazy Drunkard Yeltsin Ruins Kremlin
1999-08-02 21:08:31


Crazy Ivan
 
Disneyland is like an airport: a fascist subdomain of the general ecosphere.
-- Mr. Bad

 

In a feeble comeback attempt President Yeltsin has redecorated the inside of the Kremlin in a style that the director of the Art Research Institute of the Russian Academy of Sciences describes as "monstrously bad."

Yeltsin was once a builder, but any competence he might have had deserted him while building his latest vodka-soaked fantasy. Double-headed eagles sprout from "spiraling columns of gilt and marble made to sparkle." As well as restoring portraits of Peter and Catherine the Great, he has built three new rooms: the Conversation Hall, the Smoking Room and the Red and Blue Hall. Yeltsin calls this the "New Power Style," showing off as many baubles and trinkets as possible, while combining gilded splendor, Russian Orthodox styles and Tsarist elements. The end result is a little like a moldy wedding cake, but seen through the eyes of a man who regularly, viciously and maliciously attempts to murder his liver, it would make Louis XIII puke with jealousy.

It's just So DAMN BAD that an investigative magistrate in Geneva, Daniel Deveau, is subjecting Y-boy to a Criminal Investigation in which it will be revealed that Boris flagrantly and oafishly wrecked one of the world's coolest architectural gems. There is also the possibility that the whole thing's a scam to launder loads of money.

The folly's cost is an official state secret. The Swiss firm that's doing the work mumbled a figure in the hundreds of millions of dollars region, but I didn't get that confirmed. However, the last job this firm did for Boris, refurbishing Catherine the Great's Senate Palace, worked out at $13,000 per square metre. Jesus Christ! If he's got that kind of money floating around, why is he still stuck on vodka? He needs some of those South American satellite states to get him set up with coke. Those are the perks of being the leader of a nation that is absolutely fucked but still gets noticed because it has nukes. Yeltsin's a fool not to take advantage of his position.

Oliver Green and the Pro-Corruption Crew

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

tablesalt@pigdog.org


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