Build Date: Mon Jan 26 01:00:17 2026 UTC
Too bad they don't let you wander around a museum with a big cup of beer and a foot long hotdog like you can at the ballpark.
-- Johnnie Royale
Cheap Gas for Everyone
2004-06-16 21:51:00
Tired of bitching about high gas prices and want to do something about them instead? Here's a sure-fire way that your direct action can bring prices at the pump down.
We've all seen net flotsam e-mail forwarded to us by "friends" declaring another "solution" to high gas prices. No, I'm not going to tell you to stop buying gas from company X and company Y. No, I'm not going to try to start a national "don't buy gas on July 4th" movement. And no, I'm not hawking a 200 mile-per-gallon carburetor or the Nazi's secret formula for synthetic gasoline. This solution is based on solid free-market economic principles, it's amazingly simple, and with your participation gas prices will come down. Way down.
It takes months for a barrel of crude oil to make its way across the ocean, get refined, and end up in the tank of your car. But somehow some oil workers get shot in Saudi Arabia and THE NEXT FUCKING DAY THE PRICE AT THE PUMP GOES UP. Why is that? Eventually the price per barrel of oil drops back down to half the inflated price, BUT THE PRICE AT THE PUMP TAKES SIX MONTHS OR MORE TO DROP DOWN TO THE OLD PRICE, IF IT EVER DOES. Why is that?
The answer is simple: YOU ARE BEING SCAMMED. Gas stations jack up prices because they can. Consumers know that there's some relationship between the price of crude and the price of gas, so gas stations jack up the price as soon as there's any possible justification for doing so.
However, gas stations can only jack up prices when consumers are "price insensitive". That is, when convienence, force of habit, marketing, or some other bullshit happens that lulls you into buying gas at a more expensive station when a less expensive station is just a block away or across the street.
How many times have you bought gas at a station because it was the most convienent place to buy gas? Or because they had a mini-mart and you wanted a soda? Or because you bought into the marketing hype and decided that your car needs a gas with Techroline added to it, whatever the hell THAT is?
You may think "Why should I buy gas from a cheaper station if it's only 5 cents a gallon cheaper and not as convienent?" If that describes your shoddy thinking my friend, THEN YOU ARE A PART OF THE PROBLEM. If you want to be PART OF THE SOLUTION, keep reading, because the answer to lower gas prices is incredibly simple.
The solution is called "shop around". It works like this:
With your efforts, we'll all have lower gas prices.

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)