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Slim-Fast bars are pretty good if you dip them in batter and deep-fry them.
-- h.r.taffs

 

Time to Vote...
2000-10-26 22:40:22

Pigdog Journal
Power Corrupts

 


Ever wonder how your favorite (or least favorite) PDJ editor is gonna vote come this Nov 7th. Well, we'll tell ya.

Don't like what you see... send us feedback and tell us your beef.

 

PDJ Staffer
Voting For
and Why
JRoyale
Nader

It is time to Reform the American system of leadership. Corporations, with their deep pockets, have bought control of both Congress and the White House. Both G. Dubbya Idiot Bush, and Al, the Bore Gore have been bought so many times over by the multinationals corporations, it stopped being funny, or even newsworthy.

But it is still wrong. And still very EVIL.

This is suppose to be Government, Of the People, By the People and For the People - Not Government Of GM, by Chevron, for Microsoft.

Make your voice heard and say NO MORE CORPORATE GOVERNMENT. Vote Nader and let the chips fall where they may.

Mr. Bad
Nader
Nobody should have a job as powerful as President of the United States. But if there's anyone who gets close to having the decency and integrity to wield that power, it's Ralph Nader. When the major party candidates are talking about how better to give away money to corporations and the super-rich, Nader's talking about making America a better place for every single person. Nader wants to change the global power structure. Beaujolais for Nader!
Compulsive Splicer
Nader
We have a choice between a republican who grew up in a pro-choice household (Daddy Bush voted pro-choice until becoming Reagan's VP. Then as Prez he "accidentally" nominated a pro-choice juctice to the Supreme Court) or a democrat who has a pro-life voting record? Bizarre. Bush is running on an "education" platform yet can't be bothered to speak proper English ("we is"?) when debating in front of millions of TV viewers. Gore's book details automobile exhaust and deforestation destroying our environment yet Gore continues to sell out national forests to folks to clearcut. Why bother voting for someone with whom you agree when you can't trust them to represent those views? I agree with what Ralph Nader stands for, but this year it seems like icing on the cake. What's important is that he can be trusted.
Miles Standish
Browne
Yes, the Republicans and Democrats are money machines, plutocratic conspiracies and big stompy monsters. Yes, both of them back all kinds of privacy-invading, bloodthirist, fag-bashing, vote-selling stompinesses. Third-party is pretty much the only way to vote without needing a long shower afterwards. If you have political opinions, neither Bush nor Gore really are the people to vote for. If you don't have political opinions, I will personally break down your door and curbstomp you. If someone votes for a party besides Republican and Democrat, they're working to end the stranglehold and I'm happy, even if they vote for a goatfucker like Buchanan. Personally, I'm voting Libertarian. Government is big and heavy and growing more powerful every day, like some sort of 50's science fiction monster. Kill it! Cut off its head and roast it in the streets! The government cannot ever be a force for good. No matter how much they smile and offer candy, do not talk to them and do not make eye contact. The less government, the more social and economic freedom. And isn't that what Christmas is all about, after all?
CrackMonkey
Diefenbaker
I for one am voting for The Right Honourable John George Diefenbaker. He's led government to greatness in the past, and he's served in the military to boot. He's had a strong stance on the rights of native peoples, and he has a good record for female and aboriginal appointees. He also took strong action on health rights. That's why my vote goes to the Progressive Conservative party!
Flesh
Nader

Having Gore & Bush as choices is like having to choose between Satan & Lucifer is somthing I've said for quite a while. But in this case, the comparison is not accurate enough. These two are actually Romulas & Remus. Both are the unholy offspring of some whore-mother who left her terrible bastard twin sons of some drunken Canadian baby seal hunters in the wild to be raised by a three-legged coyote (whom they ate after they slowly bashed her brains in with a rock).

Continuing with our Roman analogy, we come to Harry Browne, who is best compared to Tiberius. If elected, Harry would bring back blood games in which anyone making less than $10,000 a year would have to fight for their lives. Private armies of mercenaries hired out to protect people from having their throats slit on the streets would be the fastest growing business.

Pat Buchanan is best compared to either Nero or Caligula, but without the fun sides. Pat is the man who George Orwell pictured as being Big Brother when he penned 1984. And while it's been said many times before (Mostly because it's true), the only people who would vote for him are the same people who think Hitler was too liberal.

Then there's Ralph Nader. The man leading the charge of the barbarians to the gates. I count myself as one of those unwashed masses looking forward to hanging those responsible for the state we're in by their hamstrings from the nearest freeway light.

Baron Earl
Evil

We do not live in a proportional democracy, we live in a winner-take-all democracy. The candidate who gets the most votes gets to represent ALL of the people, not just the portion that voted to elect him. In a proportional democracy, I could vote for a Harry Browne or a Ralph Nader, and know that if 6% of the people voted for the same ticket we could have 6% of the power of Congress, we could make 6% of the decisions, we could make 6% of the mistakes, and we could be responsible for 6% of the good that government sometimes achieves.

But I do not live in a country like that. In the country I live in, the person who gets the majority of the votes cast gets elected. This is why I usually end up voting for Evil. I try to vote for the lesser of the two evils that are presented as choices by the two major parties, because I don't want the bigger Evil to win. I know that if I vote for a minor candidate, that might help the more evil candidate win the election.

I vote for the lesser of two evils. I vote for Evil.

Tjames
Biafra
I'm voting for Jello Biafra, seminal punk rock singer and semi-annoying self-righteous monologuist. Sure, he's not on the ballot, but neither is my second choice, loveable comic dog Howard Huge. I'll vote for Jello anyway, even though the vote probably won't even get counted, mainly because I think if the situation were reversed, Jello would vote for _me_, but also because whatever else you can find to say about Jello, no one can deny that the man has always had a talent for sniffing out the festering shit-speck from the bottom of the pile of glittering political poop posing as diamonds. Take Diane "Banker Butt-Licker" Feinstein, for instance. Biafra nailed this bint almost two decades ago, way before Our Miss Diane waved her brightly colored buttocks in the direction of the Senate, and years before the gnomish Feinstein did her Dance of the Seven Veils before a bamboozled liberal constituency that snorted down her act like a line of pharmaceutical grade cocaine and hen went out and voted for her again and again and again. Never mind that she's still doing the dance nowadays, talking like a tough, straight-from-the-hip liberal while voting and enacting like a Goldwater Republican, toeing the line of the Moderate Sturmabteilung who now appear to rule all or most points on the contemporary political schema. That Biafra sussed this out 20 years ago _just from the smell of her_ is proof enough that the man comes complete with the most accurate bullshit detector in existence today, which is why he gets my vote, and also because he proposes in his platform, among other things, to "Fight gentrification by allowing those under siege to spray whipped cream on those who flaunt their upwardly mobile invader status until the interlopers leave town."

 

Totals

Candidate
Votes
Buchanan
0
Bush
0
Gore
1
Nader
4
Hagelin
0
Browne
1
Phillips
0
Diefenbaker*
1
Biafra
1
Not Voting
0

 


*Write in candidate. Alleged Canadian, deceased

 

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

yaddayadda@pigdog.org


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