Build Date: Mon Jun 17 09:20:19 2024 UTC

I trust you as far as Stephen Hawking can throw you.
-- Flesh

Canadia Rocks

For those of you who went to public school in the U.S. and haven't heard of Canadia* before, it's a TOTALLY ROCKIN' country just north of the United States. It's a land of free health care, superior hockey teams, cheap universities, and birthplace of some of the most hard-rocking rockers ever, including Rush, William Shatner, and Céline Dion.

Useful tips when visiting Canadia:

  • Canada has two official languages: English and French. If you meet a Canadian who just speaks French, try speaking English with a French accent -- they'll understand what you're saying just fine.
  • "Eh?" is a verb. If you try to use "eh?" as a noun, people will look at you funny.
  • Cuban cigars are tasty. Yes, those really are Cuban cigars behind the counter at the convienence store. To date, there are no known instances where not buying cigars from a country has caused a dictator to fall from power, so buy some and smoke 'em.
  • Need a new liver? Go to Canadia. Health care is free, and they don't check ID. Just be warned: The liver you get may have processed more alcohol than the urinals at Yankee Stadium.

*Canadia is the proper spelling for a country where the people call themselves "Canadians". If the country's name was spelled "Canada," then the people there would call themselves "Canadans." Since they call themselves "Canadians", it's only reasonable to spell the name of their country "Canadia." After all, people from Germany don't call themselves "Germanians" do they?

In fact, chances are that you found this web page because you typed "Canadia" into a search engine. Subconsciously you already believe that the country to the north of the United States should be called Canadia. Thank you for seeing things our way.

Pigdog Journal Articles


Canadians Pick Greatest Canadians
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation is having a contest to nominate the 100 GREATEST CANADIANS OF ALL TIME. In at #3 is Don Cherry, a hockey announcer. Is this really the best that Canada can come up with? -- Baron Earl


Canadian Women Not Good Enough
Up in the Great White North that is British Columbia, Canadia, one lonely man decided that the local women just weren't to his liking, so he dressed up his dogs in women's underwear and fucked them instead. What's really got Canadian authorities irked though, is the fact that the dogs ended up dead in the process. -- Baron Earl


Canada, What Have You Done for US Lately?
About a month ago I received some SPAM from a "friend" which contained an "inspiring message." The message was a tract titled America, the Good Neighbor and it was written and broadcast by a Canadian radio journalist. The tract went on at length about how great Americans are and how Americans get bashed far too often by nasty foreigners, especially Canadians. I immediately suspected that it was some sort of sneaky Canadian trickery, and after a small amount of research I found out that's exactly what it was. -- Baron Earl


Microsoft Contemplates Move to Canadia
Pigdog journal scoops every old media source on the planet YET AGAIN. Pigdog reported rumors heard from sources close to Microsoft (over a MONTH ago) that the software behemoth might just move to Canadia. (Microsoft to Move to Canadia? 04/29/2000 by Baron Earl) Now old media sources are climbing aboard the Pigdog bandwagon, jumping on the story like a swarm of rabid maggots on a pile of rotting meat. -- Baron Earl


Microsoft to Move to Canadia?
In an exclusive interview with the Pigdog Journal, a former Microsoft employee divulged that to avoid a break-up of Microsoft, Bill Gates may just move the entire company, buildings, employees, and all, to Canadia*<.sup>. -- Baron Earl

Offsite links shared by staff writers

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