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My problem with spontaneous human combustion is that never seems to happen to the "right" people.
-- Johnnie Royale



A Wil Shipley Thanksgiving

By El Destino
Pigdog Staff Writer

"I went to Thanksgiving at Britta and Kevin's, but I was a zombie," OmniGroup president and founder Wil Shipley writes. In an on-line essay, Shipley chronicles how his break-up with net-celebrity Kim Rollins has complicated his holiday celebrations -- also sharing memories of the evening before Thanksgiving. "In the middle of reading the paper I broke down and started crying again...." Shipley reports that "I went upstairs and had a good cry, then read for a while."

Shipley's prescription for the anti-depressant Zoloft has now been doubled.

The drug offers a therapeutic affect, Shipley observes -- but there's also a downside. "It's a little harder to drive now that I'm not compulsive." In 15 essays composed over the last nine days, the OmniGroup executive has offered candid portrayals of his varying mental states. ("Up and down go the moods....") Tuesday Shipley announced he was sad "in a new way," eleven days after Rollins left him for another man. "I've started really being tormented by thinking about them together," Shipley writes. "She and I spent a long time learning to making love together, and we became very, very good at it...."

Rollins's absence has left Shipley facing questions. (Like "Is she doing all the things with him that she invented with me?") But life without Kim poses other challenges to the Omnigroup founder, as thoughts of visiting Hawaii seem less appealing. "I'm guessing the topless islander women thing is a myth."

In a series of journal entries, Shipley sorts through romantic memories of his time with Rollins -- and of being both lover and employer. "If no one was looking, sometimes I'd just maul her against a wall," Shipley remembers. Life at OmniGroup was not all business, the OmniGroup founder acknowledges. "Sometimes I'd page her and say, 'Can you come in here please?' in an official tone, and she'd say, "Certainly, sir," and she'd come in and shut the door and we'd mash."

A different perspective was offered by Rollins, who described her "office manager" position in an on-line essay written before their break-up. Rollins reported the position enabled her to fulfill her lifelong ambition "of being a little snotty head that sticks up behind a ledge when you first walk into an office building."

"I now have the pleasure of being able to say, to walk-in clients and vendors, 'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. Would you like to wait for him here?' "

Rollins ultimately left the OmniGroup founder for another man November 15.

But Shipley's writing output hasn't been limited to journal entires. "I did write some new song lyrics last night, about my fuzzy, good cat's new habit of sleeping on the bed now that the stripey, bad one is gone." Still, Shipley's productivity appears to be limited. Early Wednesday morning, Shipley reviewed Tuesday's accomplishments. "After writing that last entry I ordered some new checks, called someone to fix the dishwasher, got a referral to a shrink, and curled up on my couch and slept five hours."



Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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