Build Date: Thu May 1 05:00:48 2025 UTC
It's my experience that it's better to blow the monkeys AFTER you give them a nice, warm enema.
-- Tjames Madison
Shipley Renames Journal: 'Scab' -- Reported 1998-12-24 09:34 by El Destino | |
![]() |
Wil Shipley has renamed his journal to "Scab". Its motto? "When a wound starts to heal." Positive signs are scattered throughout Shipley's on-line essays.
Ms. Rollins's charges had left Shipley with a painful dilemma: how to categorize it in "Quicken". But a solution quickly presented itself. "As it happens, she put it on the Quicken credit card, so it was automatically entered for me." Shipley did, however, enter information for the final cashier's check given to Ms. Rollins. "The memo was 'Goodbye'." Shipley pauses to reflect on their relationship. ("I think, as I got crazier, she started losing respect for me.") But Shipley's self-assurance is returning. "I think I'm plenty good." "On Zoloft, I'm even better, but even not on Zoloft I'm still kind and concerned, I'm just grumpy and edgy as well." Zoloft remains a recurring theme in Shipley's life -- and his on-line journal documents the effects of his recent release from obsessive-compulsive behavior. Shipley notes that "My driving has become completely crazy. I drive at 80 m.p.h. on city streets. I weave in and out of traffic. I burn out my tires all the time." In earlier essays, Shipley disparaged the previous lack of spontaneity in the "non-drug-enhanced me." Now he characterizes spontaneity's side effects. "Going the wrong way? No problem! Dead end? Pull a y-turn! Back streets? Don't care. Totally lost? La-la-la." In a later essay, Shipley revisits the theme. "I'm not really worried about getting a ticket. It's just a ticket. I'm not super-worried about wrecking up my car. I have insurance. I'm not particularly worried about killing myself. Ok, that one is a little strange." Later, Shipley reveals his nickname for his car: "Whiplash." Shipley's returning sense of humor may be another positive sign. One essay jokes that Shipley's pile of dirty laundry is "now large enough to become the 51st state." Early in December, Shipley reported that he succeeded in sorting the pile. "Did not get as far as putting one of the heaps in the machine, but I felt just the sorting was pretty good progress." Shipley soon found new tactics. "I realized today that if I can just squeak by for 4 more days, I won't have to do laundry ever (Tuesday my laundress comes). And, last night, true to my new optimism, I found a hidden cache of extra underwear in a little-used drawer...." Shipley also reports discovering a stash of unused socks. "Yes! I can make it!" Now Shipley's optimism knows no bounds. After a co-worker's wife served him home-made pasta sauce, Shipley asked her to marry him. "[S]he pointed out she was already married, and that she wouldn't want to marry someone who only appreciated her cooking. I pointed out I thought she was hot, as well. "No go." But at least getting up at 2 p.m. has its advantages. "The sun is so beautiful. I've missed it." |
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)