| There couldn't be a society of people who didn't dream. They'd be dead in two weeks. -- William S. Burroughs |
|
[So, about TWO YEARS ago, a Pigdog contributor sent in a
topical parody song about the Our First Time Web site.
The site, which turned out to be a hoax, purported to be a live streaming Webcast by
two Southern California teenage virgins, intended to educate people about sex and
gar gar gar.
At the time, I didn't think the song was very Pigdog,
and frankly I thought it was a horrible idea to publish the
thing at all. But Pigdog Journal is if nothing else dedicated
to hit-mongering
giving people the news they want at a price they deserve. In a
relative bind, I relegated the article to the deep dark
recesses of Pooniedog,
Pigdog's strange and horrible porno site.
I hoped the damn thing would disappear, but as it turned
out, our anonymous contributor had his finger on the
loathesome pulse of the Internet. [The man is good.] For some
reason, "The Ballad of Mike and Diane" has been a spectacular
hit-getter for two years running. It's consistently been one of the most-viewed
pages on pigdog.org over all that time, even long after "Our
First Time" is pretty much a meaningless saying that brings
blank stares from most Innurnet users.
So, in a belated salute and an apology to our a.c., I'm
pulling up The Ballad from the unseemly depths of the farm
leagues to the harsh and bitter light of Pigdog Journal
proper. Welcome to Pigdog, Mike and Diane! And thanks for the
hits, Oh Anonymous One! -- Mr. Bad]
The Ballad of Mike and Diane
To the tune of John Cougar's "Jack and Diane"...
A little ditty
about Mike and Diane.
Two American kids growing up
with a new LAN.
Mikey's gonna be a porn page power.
Diane's got her own domain where she's gonna get deflowered.
Checking out their e-mail, deciding what to read.
Mikey says "Hey Diane, we need a real-time picture feed.
People on the web will clog up our line
If we get a spy-cam and then do it on-line."
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
Mikey sits back, collects his thoughts for the moment
Towels off his groin and checks his usage log.
"Well now, Diane, we got a million fools to watch us."
Diane says "Mikey, you make me feel like a hog."
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
So let em fuck.
Let em pole...
Let their counter climb till they
reach their goal:
your fifteen minutes
the way that you choose.
Changes come around real soon
make you yesterday's news
[See also Bye, Bye, America
Online]
[Oh, and if you want more info on Mike and Diane, see Yahoo!'s coverage.]
dabble@pigdog.org
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
by Tjames Madison
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
by JRoyale
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
by El Snatcher
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the
weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the
strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the
forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should
all be super grateful that this system exists.
(More...)
The Inattentive Beachcomber
by Negative Nancy
Negative Nancy, touring the gin joints of the world, sent us her latest Spocktail
creation, The Inattentive Beachcomber, which she concocted and field tested
somewhere in South East Asia. (More...)
Place the Lighter on the Ground and Let Us See Your Hands
by Teufeldoggy
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning
issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of
people right now are saying that there are more
important issues at stake and something so trivial is
a waste of time. Believing such is really losing
sight of some very key changes happening in our nation
right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently
serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am
actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag
burning. (More...)
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