Build Date: Thu May 1 02:10:43 2025 UTC
If that's all there is, my friend, then let's keep dancing. Let's break out the booze and have a ball. If that's all there is.
-- Peggy Lee
The Grass Is Always Greener -- Reported 1999-01-14 00:45 by Lenny Tuberose | |
It didn't look like much from the outside--a rundown diner in a rundown neighborhood, the dilapidation of the former mirroring perfectly the decay of the latter. The windows were streaked and greasy. One window had been broken years before and replaced with a clumsy patch of corrugated cardboard and newspaper. The headline was still legible on the yellowed newsprint: July 9, 2006--VATICAN LOOTED IN ROME FOOD RIOTS. Uri's lips pursed in a disapproving scowl. He remembered those riots well--they had popped up all over Europe like lethal dandelions. They had flared like lightning-fires in the prolonged storm of the worldwide food shortage that had begun before the millennium. Africa was first to experience the crushing despair and aching emptiness of mass starvation. Millions had died, either victims of starvation itself, or of the waves of violence that had followed as the refugees had struggled to break out of the desert that Africa had become. The international community, in a rare exhibition of co-operation, had sent more than a million soldiers to cordon off Africa and turn back the waves of desperate souls that sought salvation in self-imposed exile from the land of their birth. Censorship ensured that none would ever know whether hunger or bullets had taken the greater toll. Asia and South America were next to feel the burden of burgeoning population and shrinking resources. A dramatic shift in weather patterns had confounded agriculture, turning productive farmland into deserts and swamps. The concentration of wealth in the hands of the few had hastened the collapse of civilization as coups and counter-coups fragmented nations into collections of rural baronies ruled by brutal warlords. The West had watched in rapt and morbid fascination as civilisation disintegrated around them. It wasn't until the disastrous crop failures of the Great Plains of North America in the first decade of the twenty-first century that the West began-- too late--to recognize the precariousness of their position as the last bastion of civilization. Europe had been cut off from the granaries of North America, and panic had overwhelmed its peoples as they saw that their allies and kinsmen in North America were prepared to sacrifice them. War had been declared, but Europe no longer had the resources to take the war across the Atlantic. They had contented themselves with the wholesale butchery of those North Americans that had been unwise enough to be travelling in Europe when the crisis had come to a head. Uri had escaped to North America via the polar route in 2009 when it had become painfully apparent that the fledgling democracies of the Republics of Russia and the Ukraine would be unable to defend their burgeoning prosperity against the starving and desperate hordes of Asia and Europe. His father had been shot dead during the escape; his mother had died of hunger and exposure during the arduous trek across the barrens of Northern Canada. He had been left an orphan in a time that did not welcome children, in a place far from the land of his ancestors. The terror and despair that had descended upon his wounded spirit like vultures and carrion crows had left him so numb that he had thought that he might never feel anything ever again. |
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
War on Terror produces excess inventory of doomsday ready laptops
The War on Terror has resulted in a rush of new technology useful to the general population. (More...)
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)