Build Date: Thu May 23 23:50:12 2024 UTC

Mutations are the engine of evolution.
-- Mr. Bad

JRoyale

Johnny ROYALE, however, is the King of the High Rollers! He's Elvis, Dean Martin, Dennis Farina and Joe Pesce all wrapped up into one! He drinks top shelf liquor and pays rock-bottom prices. He brunches in Atlantic City, does cocktail hour in Beverly Hills and then jets to the other coast to prowl the streets of Manhattan after midnight. He can mix a Perl-Java Web site with one hand and a pearl-onion gimlet with the other and still not break a sweat.
If there's just one thing I know in this mixed-up, crazy world, Mister Turkish for Bent or Curved, it's that if there's an UNHOLY PLOT going on somewhere, JOHNNY ROYALE is the man behind it.

Pigdog Journal Articles

2011-03-18

Oh Hey... LOOK, We Have Comments
Wow... we have comments... I mean the PDJ now allows you, our shithead readers to leave us comments.

2011-03-17

The Bacon Rocket
These blokes attempt to answer the age old question... can you make a rocket out of bacon?

2011-03-15

WWE SMACK DOWN - From the Schoolyard
So I'm generally against all types of violence... but sometimes they just cross the line. And admittedly, I don't have the complete back story here, but honestly, you really don't need more than this video to figure out who's right and who's wrong and who deserved to eat concrete.

2007-05-24

Finally, the MSM does some real reporting
Knock, knock, knock... is this thing on? Hello??? Anybody out there? Guess it doesn't matter. Anyways, I'm back, for one article at least, maybe more. So what's all the big deal that drags Johnny Royale out of his drunken stupor? Well, ok, I'm still in a drunken stupor, but I have something to say.

2004-12-30

The Johnnie Royale Game
Ok, so this isn't the really the Johnnie Royale game, in fact, the author of this little Flash page not only doesn't know who in the hell I am, but happens to live somewhere in Eastern Europe, not that there is anything wrong with Eastern Europe, just that it's a long way away and I've never been. And since I'm jumping off this rather pathetic article with disclaimers, I might as well mention that our own esteemed Frank Jones was the PDJer that discovered this applet and laughingly named it after me.

2004-11-19

Babs and Jenna Go Hungry
Ahhh the Bush Twins. I remember when they were underage and overdrinking. Pissing off that fucking nut of a father they have. You know, that coke snorting, draft dodging, Constitution ignoring butthead who happens to the POTUS for the next four goddamn years. Jesus, how did that happen? Man, I’m depressed these days.

2004-11-19

Mach 3 Power
So this is a review about a disposable razor. I suppose long-time PDJ readers might find that a bit strange...but then again, given the complete lack of new content over the past couple of years, the PDJ really doesn't have any more long-term readers. Maybe we can fix that and maybe this review will be on the main page for two years. Who knows?

2004-02-03

Bush Lied
Really. He did. Bush lied. It is really that simple. And this wasn’t some little white lie about a blow job in the Oval Office. This whopper has cost America 500+ lives, a couple of hundred billion dollars, massive loss of trust from our friends and allies and there is no end in sight.

2004-02-01

Fucking CBS
First CBS executives won't air an ad made by MoveOn.org which asks the very simple question of who is going to pay for the current half trillion dollar deficit we are running. The obvious answer is the children. Duh. But CBS won't run it.

2004-02-01

A Wiki Travel Guide
Wikitravel.org is unsurprisingly a Wiki that is focused on travel. It is also the latest venture for long time PDJ contributors, Mr. Bad and his very lovely wife-to-be, Maj. If you don't know what a Wiki is go here. If you don't know what a travel guide is go here. If you don't know what marriage is like go here.

2004-02-01

Spreading the word one frothy and consensual ass at a time.
Rick Santorum (Penn-R) is an asshole's asshole. The upper santorum crust (see below) of the homo-hating right-wing über conservatives that don't believe that Americans have a right to privacy or the right to fuck anyone that is willing to be fucked in whatever orifice they choose. And fuck that—what two (umm, or more) people do in their bedroom is up to them and Santorum should just pretend that they are in there reading the Bible together.

2004-01-29

We'rrreeeee Baaaaaccccckkkkk
As you long time readers have probably figured out, the PDJ has been experiencing some "minor" technical difficulties over the past several months, which have prevented from updating our site.

2003-07-11

Record Label's Money-grubbing Grab
Unable to figure out a digital business model and about to be disintermediated out of existence, the record labels have started eyeing the revenue bands generate on tour. Once the exclusive province of artists, records labels now want a share of the cash that comes from selling seats and T-Shirts.

2003-07-08

"Justin Banged Me" Sez Britney
Banged her like the cheap lying ho she is. For years now, Britney has claimed, to the snorts and chuckles of the world, that she was a virgin saving herself for marriage. However, in a recent interview with W magazine, Britney admitted for the first time that Justin and she did the dirty deed and screwed like bunnies.

2003-06-30

Two, Count Them Two, Livers!!!
Jealousy... it makes one green and right now I’m emerald and lime. It seems for the first time in recorded medical history a person has two fully functional livers.

2003-01-22

Rosen Resigns from RIAA
With the record label obituaries being written after they stupidly ignored and then fought tooth and nail against the coming age of digital music, the leader of this failed crusade and abysmal business model, Hilary Rosen, is resigning as the head of the RIAA at the end of this year.

2003-01-17

These Boots are Made for Marching
As the Bush Administration continues to bang the drums of war while moving hundreds of thousand of troops to the Middle East, millions of Americans are questioning why. Why are we going to war with Iraq? Is it because of oil? Is it because of terrorism? Is it because of weapons of mass destruction? Is it because Saddam is an evil-doer? Does he smell bad? Is it because he embarrassed the Bush the First? Just what’s the beef, dude?

2003-01-13

Time to Put the Governor in Jail
With an estimated 35 Billion (that's a illion with a "B") budget deficit looming over the state of California, Gov. Gray Davis has been forced to slash just about every conceivable program in existence to meet the state’s constitutionally mandated balanced budget requirement. Every program regardless of merit, from schools, to roads, to agricultural advertising campaigns in Central Africa will share the pain. Every program that is, except the Department of Corrections.

2003-01-13

Winner by a Knockout
AOL über critic and founder of AOL Watch, David Cassel was finally declared the victor in his battle to expose the lack of substance and management skill that Steve Case brought to the helm of America OnLine, as Mr. Case formally announced today that he would retire as chairman of AOL- Time-Warner in May.

2002-10-23

SSM Decompression Issues
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada.

2002-10-03

Smallpox Vaccinations for EVERYONE
In an abrupt change from last year's policy, the selected Bush Administration is now considering vaccinating all 280 million Americans against smallpox. Unfortunately, this vaccine is not foolproof and 1 or 2 people per million will die when they are inoculated.

2002-09-06

Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why.

2002-05-30

A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology.

2002-05-29

Boil Them in Oil
Yesterday, Dynergy, a large energy company that is in many ways very similar to Enron, announced that it had inflated its revenue streams some 4.5 BILLION dollars through various trading shenanigans - mostly reverse trades.

2002-05-17

A Girl's Best Friend
It certainly is tough to be a white supremacist these days, as one Hayden Brent McKenzie recently found out. Stuck in a 5 week alcohol and drug rehab program, McKenzie received numerous letters from "his girl" extolling the virtues of her new hobby - dog sex. An act I think Hitler would have disapproved of.

2002-04-30

Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom.

2002-04-25

Swim, Jesus, Swim
Straight from last week's pick on Jesus of the Week is this little flash site that has Jesus swimming. Yeah, just swimming. In a vast turquoise sea under a cloudless aqua sky, the son of god is swimming. Did I mention that Jesus is swimming?

2002-04-24

Congress Shocked - Adolescent Abstinence Programs Unable to Prove They Work
Congress, used to having the massive programs they fund return piles of documentation proving just how much value the taxpayers are getting for their money, is shocked that no one has been able to prove that the annual 500 million dollars the US spends attempting to brainwash teenagers into not having sex outside marriage is money well spent.

2002-04-22

The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room.

2002-04-19

You Say Potato, I Say Skank
HAHAHAHA... I love this country sometimes. The Court of Appeals ruled yesterday that it isn't slander to call someone a skank on the radio.

2002-04-19

Drill or the Terrorist Have Already Won
The Oil Companies attempt to gain corporate control to the ANWR through their private governmental subsidiary located that 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue failed miserably today as the Oil Barons were unable to even muster a simple majority to get the bill on the floor of the Senate.

2002-04-18

Federal Judge Bitchslaps USAG John Ashcroft
US Attorney General John Ashcroft quest to cripple Oregon's Right to Die Law suffered a serious set back yesterday as a Federal Judge ruled that John Ashcroft and the United States government had no legal reason to prevent doctors in Oregon from distributing drugs that allow terminally ill patients to end their lives.

2002-04-07

Fucking Lying Government Whores
Everybody knows that US needs more oil, especially since the Bush Administration simply REFUSES to either mandate improved energy efficiency or more importantly, invest in any sort renewable energy technologies. So sooner or later we are gonna run out of oil and the Bush Administration has a plan to make that date little latter then sooner.

2002-04-07

Would You Like a Little Information with Your Anarchy?
InfoAnarchy is a nice little weblog with cute graphics and a pleasant, appealing style that seeks the violent overthrow of the US government.

2002-04-06

How Many Would it Take?
In a new twist on that now very ancient game of "Am I hot or not?", "How Many Would it Take?" trys to determine how many beers you would have to consume in order to find the person in the picture you are looking at hot.

2002-04-06

Where No Caveman Has Gone Before
Join the crew of the Enterprise as they "Flash" back into the pre-Bronze era and join Stonefleet on Stonedate 25,000 B.C.

2002-04-05

Norway Government Caves to Student Partying
Realizing that it is impossible to stop 18 year old Norwegian students from participating a 17 day orgy of partying fueled by alcohol and drugs as they celebrate the end of their compulsory schooling, the Norwegian Government has capitulated and moved the final tests these students take back two weeks.

2002-04-05

Monkeys Attack Girls School
In what has become apparently an annual ritual, a pack of ultra fundamentalist Monkeys, incapable of accepting Mankind's rise as the dominate species on the planet, has attacked a girls school in India, in an apparent attempt to thwart the education process with the ultimate goal of toppling our civilization.

2002-03-21

SSSCA Renamed and Introduced
As has been expected, Sen. Hollings, who after 40 years of service in the Senate is still the junior Senator from South Carolina, introduced the revised SSSCA under a new title - Consumer Broadband and Digital Television Promotion Act, or CBDTPA. After a quick read through it appears just as horrible as many technical people have been predicting.

2002-03-21

Canadia to Return to Normalcy in 2004?
As long-suffering readers of the PDJ know, there is something dreadfully wrong with our northern neighbor, Canadia. Most civilized nations would have long ago diagnosed their own cultural paranoia, social malfeasance and general lack of significance, but not Canadia - which as you've probably already guessed - is filled with Canadians. No, Canadians are instead quite proud of their little commune in the tundra and in fact can get down right nasty defending that caribou infested nation.

2002-03-18

European Galileo Green Lighted
Europe, thumbing its nose at the Bush Administration and its collection of inbred whackos, thieves, corporate boot lickers, thugs and con men, today approved Galileo, a new space based competitor to the American GPS system.

2002-03-17

The Ins and Outs of a Very Sucky 2002
Ever since the Supreme Court selected our current half-wit President, an ill wind has whipped this noble attempt at self-government, straining our will to persevere and chilling our resolve.  Large and very duplicitous forces are conspiring to reduce this nation into a bunch of mindless morons, braindead zombies and marketing whores, incapable of anything more then unquestioning obedience to the dictums of our self-anointed rulers.  Don't believe me???  Just look at the Ins and Outs of 2002 and tell me things haven't gone from bleak to horrible lately.

2002-03-07

Swastikas and Maple Leafs and Hosers, Oh My!
Pigdog Journal gets a lot of email these days from Canadians displeased with our ongoing effort to inform the world just how much Canadia Sucks. It's pretty much the only thing the entire PDJ editorial staff agrees on... which is staggering considering that we normally have fistfights over trivial issues like who ate the last chocolate-covered old-fashion donut in the Break Room. It is also a rare day that a PDJ staff meeting doesn't end with automatic weapons fire. Trying to get agreement on anything in the staff room is worse then herding a pack of psychotic free-range feral cats.

2002-03-02

Keep Your Hands Off of My PC
In a screeching rant that would make any PDJ author proud, Thom Greene of The Register rips into Senator Hollings (D - SC) and his ludicrous "dog and pony" SSSCA hearings Hollings held early this week.

2002-02-28

The Limericks of Gor
The buxom young girls of Gor,

2002-02-16

What's Tjames Doing in Europe?
In a move that has baffled most major Wall Street and Defense analysts, Tjames has apparently invaded Europe, establishing a presence and even planting a flag. The analysts have all been stunned into silence and collectively provided no comments, while off the record "claiming" to have never heard of America's favorite usenet personality.

2002-01-23

Hang'em From the Highest Oil Derrick
The black sludge that has been oozing out of Enron for the past several months, contaminating everyone and everything it touches with the oily and unwashable stench of greed, corruption and more greed, has finally attracted the attention of even the most brain dead corporate lapdog reporters this month as the Bush Administration rushes to begin damage control and find some solvent to cut the muck they are now up to their eyeballs in.

2002-01-22

Super Russian Torpedo
A fascinating link that details the possibility of the Russian Navy developing a 230 mph super cavitating torpedo called the Squall, which, if true, would quickly alter the balance of naval power around the world.

2002-01-03

The Life of the RIAA Has Been Greatly Exaggerated
2001 was a banner year for the RIAA - its crusade to stamp out all "illegal" music managed to score several big victories. They also had a couple of minor set backs, but for an organization that just last year was being declared obsolete by industry pundits, the RIAA turn around was forcing those very same talking heads to rethink their obituaries.

2001-12-22

Announcing the BRAND Spanking NEW PDJ Quote Daturbase Page
That's right folks, all of our collective witticisms are now available on one convenient page for your viewing pleasure.

2001-12-21

Lawrence Lessig Interview on Slashdot
You may have never heard of this guy, but he is quickly becoming one of the most important voices trying to defend our hallowed and beloved 1st Amendment rights from the increasingly determined corporate lobbyists bent on maximizing their master's profits in this digital age - free speech be damned. Lawrence Lessig is a Law Professor at Stanford University and is the author of several well written and well received books on the subject, including his latest The Future of Ideas.

2001-12-17

Santa's 2001 Official FAA Flight Clearance
As most people are aware, War against Terror and Drugs and other Bad things has resulted in a monumental shift in American security precautions as we now face the threat of military trials and executions for disobeying President Bush and Attorney General John Ashcroft. This heightened security also threatens to cancel Santa Claus' annual delivery of presents -- many people who are paid to worry about such things were concerned about just how much damage a sleigh filled with 50,000,000 toys could do if it missed a roof top and plowed into the side of a building.

2001-12-17

France Threatens to Reinforce US Navy in Middle East
As the fighting in Afghanistan ends this week, the French, in what I guess must be an attempt to restore some Gallic dignity have announced that the "pride" of their fleet, the nuclear powered aircraft carrier Charles de Gaulle will be sent to the Arabian Sea to "assist" the American fleet.

2001-11-14

Thank you El Destino
I have been sitting here looking that ridiculous French.... err... self-described Gonzo Journalism site, wondering how the fuck to respond to the request for a link exchange that their webmaster was proposing. I mean, I respect Gonzo Journalism and try to help out where I can, so I was trying to figure how to establish some sort of rapport. So I kept looking that the site and well my brain just couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. Then I read El Destino's article and I got a clue.

2001-11-12

Coming Soon to a Sky Near You - Leonid Meteor Shower Nov 17/18
Every once in a while, the earth passes through the debris left by a comet that has recently visited our neck of the solar system.

2001-11-11

So Gore Could Have Won
Immediately following the fiasco of the Florida Presidential elections late last year, many of the top news organizations in the lull that occurred between Clinton's dick and the apocalypse of 9-11, funded a study to recount the votes in Florida.

2001-11-10

Ernie's House of Whoop Ass
Ernie has it down and he's serving up some major Internet Whoop Ass at his humble little site. There certainly is a lot to see and do at EHoWA - you can spend several hours browsing through this extensive collection of hard-core-in-your-face-just-fuck-off and-die-because-I-don't-care-what-you-think material.

2001-11-07

Thursday Night Is Pigdog Night at American Astronaut
Hey look folks... a new category... all about drinking on Thursday. Check out this week's adventure to the American Astronaut. The TNiPNaZ Rules page is also up... located here.

2001-11-07

Official Rules of TNiPNaZ
Offical Rules of TNiPNaZ

2001-10-22

The King of Poop
After blessing the entire world with six years of relative silence, the self-anointed King of Pop, Michael "I Love Myself" Jackson is back to torture us all with a new album - Invincible.

2001-10-19

Get Rid of Spyware
Spyware is the new and mostly unknown evil that silently installs itself on your computer, then tracks your every move and reports it to a central database where your personal information is sold to the highest bidder. It is amazing how quickly spyware has become almost de rigueur for most Windows computers these days and sadly most people don't even know they installed this horrible crap on their system.

2001-10-19

Net Flotsam
A lot of humorous stuff rolled in off the web today and since I'm tired of looking that feature about the Free Dimtry Hearing on September 24th I'd thought I'd smash them all together sort like they do on Slashdot every once in a while and see how it goes. Enjoy.

2001-10-18

Porking bin Laden
It in move of what most rational people would consider very poor PR, the leaders of the terrorist organization that everybody loves to hate, Al-Qaida, announced today that the bodies of any American troops it captures will be dragged through the streets of Kabul.

2001-10-17

Boom... Now What's a Lefty To Do?
It is rare these days when I so completely agree with someone else's viewpoint. But it just happened when I read Marc Cooper's column in today's LA Times.

2001-10-16

Hack "This" RIAA
Ever since the music producers realized that they were behind a digital eight-ball, they've been scrambling to remain relevant in a post-analog world. However, their recent attempts to gain the legal authority to "hack" into computers solely on the belief that the computers are hosting inappropriate copyrighted material are completely obscene and absolutely scandalous.

2001-10-16

Wag the Fucking Dog Man, Wag the FUCKING Dog
As if things aren't weird enough these days, it seems that the one million dollar audit of the Florida presidential vote that the major news services paid will not be picked up.

2001-10-13

Tolkien on Evil Swedish Site
In this Shockwave game, fantasy fiction master J. R. R. Tolkien is sitting by himself in a dark Swedish woods and needs your help.

2001-10-09

Evil Bert and Evil Bin Laden
This one is creepy. Bert (of Sesame Street fame) is talking to evil terrorist mastermind and all around bad guy Osama bin Laden on what appears to be posters used during pro-Taliban rallies in the Middle-East.

2001-09-14

Next Dimtry Hearing is Scheduled for September 24
Our focus on freeing Dmitry Sklyarov has been muddy lately - both by BurningMan and the traggic incidents that occurred on Sept 11.

2001-08-18

Court Hearing for Dmitry - Aug 23rd - POSTPONED!!
Dmitry might be out on bail, but certainly isn't free as he remains the first (and hopefully only) person criminally charged under the DMCA. He still needs our support and we need to show the Judge and the Government that we are watching.

2001-08-18

SMRLJuice
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere...

2001-07-28

Holy Fucking Shit... the Economist Calls for Drug Legalization
The solidly conservative and very British Economist magazine has just called for the legalization of drugs in their oh so upper-class manner. Citing the impossibility of winning the War on Drugs, the horrible costs of the War and the Right of People to do anything that doesn't impinge someone else, the Economist concludes that society as a whole would be better off if illegal drugs were regulated like alcohol and tobacco.

2001-07-18

Russian Programmer Imprisoned for DMCA Violations
Yesterday the U.S. busted a Russian programmer Dmitry Sklyarov for breaking the infamous DMCA act. It is not really clear to me if Dmitry was jailed (and he is currently sitting in a Las Vegas jail) for writing a piece of code that defeats Adobe's PDF file encryption schema or for talking about it at the notorious hacker convention, Defcon, held this year in Las Vegas.

2001-04-19

Serial Killing Seal
Normally, in an Animal Rampage stories you get them pesky, but dangerous critters attacking humans. Those animals that are trying to skip a couple of eons of evolution and jump right to the top of the food pyramid.

2001-02-27

Courtney Loves Loves MP3s
I've been doing some research on MP3s and Open Source and such and came across this slightly dated Salon article covering a speech that Courtney Love gave last June.

2001-02-26

Redhat's Retort to M$: "P~~~~~~~~~~~~"
In a somewhat childish response to Microsoft's claim last week that Open Source Software is "Un-American", that matched Microsoft latest round of immature attacks and speaks to Microsoft in a language that they understand - that of a 3rd grade schoolyard bully.

2001-02-22

This Tiger Don't Take Shit
We've done a lot of Animal Rampage stories on the PDJ.

2001-02-21

Pig Eats Man's Head and Balls
Fuck, what is with the world these days.

2001-02-17

Open Source Destroying America
... according to Microsoft's Jim Allchin, one of those "suits" that Microsoft employs to convince people that overpaying for software is now the "American Way".

2001-02-17

The Sedated Pirate
Last week I had eye surgery and it was certainly one of the least enjoyable episodes of my life. Eye Surgeons like their patients to be conscious enough so that they can move their eyes to the proper position during surgery.

2001-01-21

What's in, What's out - Version 2001
So yesterday George "Dubbya" Bush, took the oath of office and became the 43th President of the United States of America. Naturally a new administration in Washington means that there will be a lot of changes and so Pigdog is here to tell you what fads faded into the past with the retirement of Bill Clinton and what are now the hottest trends in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

2000-11-13

The "Radical" Middle of American Politics. It Ain't Pretty (in more ways then one)
Ya know, one of the great things those on the margins of American politics is that they at least know how to fucking mount a protest. Like those WTO protestors in Seattle. They sure raised a HELL of a ruckus.

2000-11-10

74 Days of Media Hell
Well, it is official... there is no winner for the Office of the President of the United States. And, We the People are gonna have to spend the 74 days between Nov 7th and Feb 20th listening to the Democrats and the Republicans snipe at each other. Oh joy.

2000-11-09

News FLASH!!! Demos Assured of a White House Victory
Democrats have secret weapon in race for President.

2000-11-08

Surfing Safely with SafeWeb
Tired of having your boss know which porn web sites you are surfing?

2000-11-07

$3 Billion and Look at the Mess it Bought. I Want a Refund.
The Washington Post today calculated that the amount of the money raised by politicians for the upcoming election will over 3 Billion Dollars. GAG!

2000-11-07

Score This One As a Win
Finally, a verdict that makes sense. The 9th Circuit Court ruled today that a prosecutor can't tell a jury that god wants the defendant dead in a death penalty case.

2000-11-06

I'm Drunk and I'm Voting
That's right Pigdog fans. Johnnie is thoroughly disgusted with the big money corporate run elections we have on Tuesday, I'm going to the polls drunk off my ass.

2000-11-01

Stop Prohibition in Space NOW!!!
Today marks the first day of the permanent occupation of the International Space Station (ISS) as one American astronaut and two Russian cosmonauts move in for a planned 115 day stay.

2000-10-31

Bush Calls Gore a Liar
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I love it when a liar calls another liar a liar.

2000-10-31

VoteSwap2000 Ordered Off the Net by Cal. State Sec
Bill Jones, the California State Secretary ordered Los Angles based VoteSwap2000 to shut down or face massive legal action. Not having a huge corporate legal department and fearful of the wrath of the State, the owners of VoteSwap2000 have complied with the order.

2000-10-30

President Strom Thrumond?
Man, doesn't that phrase give you the willies.

2000-10-28

Sleeping Lawyer is A-OK in Texas
I sometimes wonder why they even bother with trials in Texas in death penalty cases. They should just shoot the defendant and save all the time and money spent on a trial.

2000-10-27

Johnnie Royale says Vote YES on Prop 36!
Election time rapidly approaches. Sadly, in the race for president this year the major parties have out done themselves in picking puppets that will do the bidding of their corporate masters. Still, there is much more at stake on Nov 7th this year in the State of California.

2000-10-27

Michael Moore Says... Vote Nader
Ok, so this isn't such a big surprise. Moore is like this super big, super old time progressive.

2000-10-26

Time to Vote...
Ever wonder how your favorite (or least favorite) PDJ editor is gonna vote come this Nov 7th. Well, we'll tell ya.

2000-10-20

No Friction, No Profit. No Profit, No Job
This is a really good this piece by Scott Rosenberg over at Salon. He clearly identifies one of the major fundamental flaws in the premises that most e-Commerance sites are built on.

2000-10-17

Help NASA Find Their Spacecraft
Earlier this year, NASA, forgetting to convert feet to meters somewhere, managed to send the wrong instructions to the Mars Polar Explorer. So instead of entering a nice safe polar orbit around Mars, it was set plunging straight into the Mars landscape where it made an unfortunate and very expensive new crater on Mars.

2000-10-16

And You Thought All You Had to Worry About Was H-bombs
Discover Magazine has developed a list of 20 potential ways the world could end. Some of them are pretty cool. Others are Sci-Fi clichés. They obvious had to stretch to make it to 20.

2000-10-16

Annotated Dennis Miller
Now, old Johnnie isn't a big sports fan anymore. I used to be until all the major sport leagues went on strike and the salaries went through the roof.

2000-10-16

$100 Million for a Bike Lane
That's right, according to this report in the SF Comical (the entertainment newspaper of the Greater Bay Area), the extremely loud, very persistence, and incredibly small minority of people that bicycle in SF have pretty much convinced the powers that be to build a bike lane on the western span of the Bay Bridge.

2000-10-16

SDMI Head Says
Leonardo Chiariglione, head of the infamous SDMI Organization (boo hiss) when questioned about the Salon claim that SDMI has been completed hacked, says that "When a publication makes such a completely wrong, unfounded, anonymous slander, I think it deserves a very strong answer,"

2000-10-16

They Fought the Man... and Won!!
Fuckin' A, you got to finally hand it to those Serbs. After a 1/2 century of abuse and piss poor leadership, they got off their asses and kicked the bums out.

2000-10-16

Ethnic Cleansing, Texas Style
I can't believe this country sometimes. It seems that some Texan sheriff in Tulia wanted to rid his town of drugs. So he brought in Tim Coleman to work uncover and discover all those "Bad People" selling drugs. At least that's the story the way the "Law" tells it.

2000-10-13

Boring Gore Nearly Talks Boy to Death
Earlier today, during a stump speak in Grand Rapids, Iowa, Al Gore nearly talked a 10 year boy, Blake Riffel, to death.

2000-10-12

Squirrel Porn0
It appears for every fetish that exists, there is a web site to cater to it. If your particular fetish is Squirrel Sex then we have the site for you.

2000-10-12

SDMI Hacked
This is just in and has not been confirmed, but it appears according to this Salon article that ALL of the horrible SDMI encoding schemas have been broken. All of them!

2000-10-11

We Got Mail
We get a lot of mail here at the Pigdog Journal World Headquarters, Pub and Fortified Compound. We used to have the energy to put it in our mai l bag, but we're too lazy for that now. Mr. Bad blames the booze, but I think we're just getting old.

2000-10-10

Pigdog Tracks Down Mr. T
For those Pigdog readers that came of age in the early 80's, you'll remember the TV series the "A-Team". It was a show about 4 Vietnam vets on the run from the Army for a crime they didn't commit - forced to make a living in the LA underground as mercenaries righting wrongs.

2000-07-08

1 Million Raving Germans Can't Be Wrong
When those Germans party... they party hardy. Over a million German techno fans took to the streets of Berlin this weekend to have a rocking good time (or is that a raving good time these days).

2000-07-03

The Spockmopolitan
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my!

2000-05-09

GAR - More Bad People of the Past
This is so Bad People of the Past it just makes me sick to my stomach. Like this country/world doesn't have enough problems without dumbasses like these running around loose.

2000-05-08

DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! SPAM ASSAULT APPROACHING!!
Fuckinnnnn' A. Jupiter Communication says that there will be 7.3 billion dollars - that's $7,300,000,000.00 dollars spent on email advertising in 2005 in the US.

2000-05-06

The Vulcan Highlander
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it.

2000-05-06

Howdy Doody in Huge Paternity Suit
Most readers of the PDJ are probably too young to have viewed the original Howdy Doody show... including this author. But like the Mickey Mouse Club, The Howdy Doody show defined a generation. And these bozos are arguing about who owns Howdy - who isn't working much these days. But, since he is a piece of Americana, an and ex-TV star, apparently he is worth something. I don't get it, but then I don't get most things. Still, money is money and Howdy = $$$, and since this is America, everyone and their brother is bringing in their legal goon squads.

2000-05-01

Missing Parts of Planet Earth
Those crazy physicists have re-weighed the Earth and found it missing a few pounds -- 6,000,000,000,000,000 metric TONS to be exact!!! And I don't know about you, but that seems like a FUCK OF A LOT OF WEIGHT TO ME.

2000-01-29

Red - It Will Get You Drunk
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red.

2000-01-29

More Dumb Criminals
You just got to wonder how these people feed themselves as they must use what few brain cells they have maintaining respiration.

1999-08-18

It's an Old Country and They Like It That Way
I can't believe that I have been in England for nearly year - which, I guess by the way the English count things, a year is pretty meaningless. Hell, some of their cricket matches last that long - and let me tell you that there is nothing more meaningless then a cricket match.

1999-08-18

Better Make that a Double Spocktail...
Sometime early this month an iceberg the size of our smallest state left Antarctica and headed north... which when you think about it is the only way it could go...

1999-08-18

Planet Hollywood Collides with the Asteroid of Reality
This is certainly just desserts. And the moral of this story is that if you serve really, really, bad food, have a waitstaff that is total inattentive to customers and charge ridiculously high prices - it doesn't matter if you park your restaurant in priciest and most famous addresses available, get big name Hollywood actors to invest and fill your shop with cheap Hollywood trinkets... you'll still end up in Chapter 11.

1999-06-18

Baby Got Track!
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it!

1999-06-17

Dead Snakes Are Just Faking It
That's right, just because you've killed that rattlesnake doesn't mean it can't kill you. Sort of like Dawn of the Dead where the snake comes back from the grave to claim its revenge.

1999-06-16

No Refund for Dead Subway Rider
A corpse was found on the New York Subway after the morning rush. Police believe that the ex-rider started his final journey some four or five hours before his fellow New Yorkers realized he was dead.

1999-06-12

Army Bewitched
Say you're a practicing witch and you want a career with the military... you're screwed right? Wrongo... maybe in your father's army, but not in today's Army. That's right, in the U. S. Army of today you can not only travel the world meeting strange new people and then kill them - but you can do it as a witch or a warlock.

1999-06-12

Ay-leens Infiltrate Livermore Labs!!!
Un-fucking-believable. Not only has the U.S. Gov't allowed those sneaky Chinese to make off with all of our national secrets - but now they are installing an Ay-leen starship in the heart of one of our most high tech and sooper-secret weapons labs.

1999-06-11

Hide the 'Shine Ma - Here Come the Revenuers
Police hit a moonshine jackpot behind Douglas Bethune's single wide trailer outside of Benson, North Carolina (pop. 2810) last October -- finding and destroying 6,400 gallons of white lightnin' with a street value of $16,000.

1999-06-11

Arkansas Hillbillies Speed Up
Methamphetamine have become the drug of choice for people that live in the Northwest corner of Arkansas - according to a two part special report published in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette and posted on Arkansas Online.

1999-06-06

De' Sponge, She's Back
Girlfriend can't stand the pill and you hate wearing your "party" hat whenever you want some pussy. Well good news -- the Sponge is BACK.

1999-06-04

Girls, Please Keep the Signs Dry
I love America. If you can't find the fetish of your choice here, it doesn't exist. And to prove my point, this guy is getting half nakid, horny chicks to climb all over the company signs of some the biggest hitters in the world famous Silicon Valley -- home of the digital revolution.

1999-06-03

Would You Like a Bible With That Beer?
In an attempt to swell the ranks of God fearing, beer swilling, football watching, church skipping Englishmen, the CoE (Church of England) has purchased a pub in Northern England - The Cock and Bottle snicker, snicker.

1999-06-03

Strong Enough For a Man, but Made For a Woman
Apparently, women view the world in a different way then men and so they need their very own "special" Y2K page.

1999-05-12

Get a Life, Get a Job
These dumbasses have not only been waiting in line to see Star Wars - Episode One - The Phantom Menace (Sheesh, could George have made that any longer?) for over a month and they still got nearly a week to go. All to watch a two hour movie that will play all fucking summer long. And they got gonads to put their silliness all online for the world to see.

1999-01-12

Australians Lick It Up
Once again the Australians lead the way in high tech alcoholic packing as the Boys Down Under have managed to freeze it into Popsicles. - or Icy Poles as the Aussies apparently call them. And although at only 6% ABV, necessitating the consumption of an entire box for a buzz, the Australian's climate obliges with millions of square miles of desert.

1999-01-11

Lucas isn't God
...declares CNN movie reviewer Paul Tartara in a scathing OP-Ed in which he states that the Star Wars zealots have no right to bitch that now non-deity Lucas is going only make six of the planned nine movies in the series. The article is sure to inflame the wrath of the Faithful Followers of Han and Luke and Leia, already reeling from the news that the series is now half over.

1999-01-08

'Take That; You Bad Old Gov't' - Tweety Bird
The United States' ridiculous attempts at restricting encryption technology suffered a major blow today when RSA announced a new and wholly owned subsidiary based in Australia and staffed entirely with non-Americans. Also announced was RSA-Australia's first product - BSAGE SSL-C, which is a development toolkit for creating SSL enable applications.

1999-01-04

An Ethologist's Notebook
That's Black Gold... Texas Tea

1998-11-29

Wil Shipley Quiet
For the first time since the tragic breakup with his long time lover and net-celebrity Kim Rollins, the jilted Internet Casanova and founder of Omni Group, Wil Shipley, did not post anything about the break up on the web yesterday.

1998-11-25

Alligators Miss Late Night Snack
A 77 year old client for the Darwin Awards sleep-walked his way into a swamp filled with alligators waking up face to face with a 3 footer and surrounded by a dozen more of the big lizards. He was able to fight them off with his cane (which he apparently needs for sleep-walking) until help arrived and avoided becoming gator bait.

1998-11-24

Perfidy Soars In Non-humans
That's right, infidelity is common in the wild with supposedly monogamous mammals fucking every chance they get. Damn, these animals act just like us humans and you can just about see them hanging out at the local "meat" market just waiting to bang some bitch and then heading home to the wife and 2.5 kids. With all of this "Monkey Business" going on, can it be long before the Moral Majority seeks to legislate the behavior of all "great" apes?

1998-11-08

Mayor McHat McCreamed
Wille "four thousand dollar suit" Brown, San Francisco's outspoken ... mainly cause he out speaks everyone ... Mayor gets nailed with three cream pies. While it couldn't have happened to a "nicer" guy, there are some of us here at Pigdog that think Da Mayor probably arranged to be the target of so called attack simply for the publicity.

1998-11-07

Micro$oft - AntiChrist of High-tech
Micro$oft tops CNN list of high-tech Sinners - the FTC poster boy for out-of-control monopolies - picks up the dubious distinction of heading CNN Hall of Shame for 1998. Micro$oft not only lost points for being an 800-pound gorilla trying to become a 1600-pound gorilla, but also for releasing software whenever the hell they felt like it that was strewn with gaping security holes and laced with bugs. You just got to believe the M$ marketing folks are running around Redmond wondering just what in the fuck they gotta do to get some good press these days. Netscape, on the otherhand, is CNN's golden boy. Check it out.

1998-11-07

Micro$oft Exposed
Ok, we admit it... we hate Micro$oft... with the passion of thousand exploding supernovas. That relentless march to a single OS controlled by the Boys in Redmond. Designed with but only one thing in mind - to line Bill Gates pockets with even more money - consumers be damned. But now M$ is running scared because of that the champion of Freeware - Linux.

1998-11-06

Newt Scoots
Republican Bad Boy and Speaker of the House, Newt 'the Grinch' Gringrich, announced he will be resigning from office shortly. A man who is a far better critic and obstructionist then a leader or a visionary. A whinny little hypocritical bastard that enjoyed berating and moralizing to people, only to get busted with his hand in the cookie jar himself.

1998-11-04

Spock Got Game!!!
If you missed the Spock Mountain Research Labs Tour at this year's Burning Man here's your chance to hear a copy of the tour tape. Unfortunately, those wizards at SMRL (leaders in the field of beverage research and leisure technology) haven't yet figured out how to deliver HyperWhiskey (TM) via the web - so we here at Pigdog advise you to drink massive quantities of alcohol and stand outside in the blazing sun for six hours before you listen to the tape.

Offsite links shared by the author

2011-03-13

The Best Water Balloon Breaking Ever
The Best Water Balloon Breaking Ever

2011-03-03

2003-06-08

Distorted Intelligence
They are finally starting to speculate in the mainstream press that if BushCo misused or distorted intelligence data to build their case for war, it could be an impeachable offense.

2002-09-26

2002-06-19

2002-05-17

Shamrock Shake Site
Hey, look at this... some moron wants McDonalds to bring back the horrible Shamrock Shake.

2002-04-22

Pussy Lovers
Come on in Pussy Lovers. If we don't got it, you don't want it. (Flash)

2002-04-11

These Caibou Will Be Held Accountable
Now make NO mistake, these caribou will be held accountable (Flash)

2002-04-09

Nixon Running for Office
Richard M. Nixon running for Alabama State Agriculture Commissioner

2002-03-18

A kick in the balls
Your very basic kick in the balls (wmv/avi)

2002-03-15

Guinness Eyes Are Smiling
Guinness eyes are smiling.

2002-03-05

WP Editorial on copyright
Washington Post slams Disney for "Mickey Mousing" with US copyright laws. Free the Mickey NOW!!!

2002-03-03

Lung sucking bomb
New US "thermobaric" bomb sucks air from deep caves and lungs. Al Qaeda members said to be deflated.

2002-02-21

Big Boobs from EHOWA
Oy Vey, this is pair of boobs. Big BIG boobs. (WMV)

2002-02-20

Enron Voicemail
Listen to the voicemail of Enron, "the world's greatest company". Flash/Audio only

2001-11-19

2001-10-10

Dog Shoots Man
Dog Shoot Man

2001-07-24

2000-12-15

2000-11-13

ABC Cans Drudge
ABC Cans Annoying Internet Muckracker Drudge's Radio Show.

2000-10-12

Hate Scrats
Do you hate Scrats? Check out the anti-squirrel web ring.

2000-06-22

2000-05-28

Italy Invades Sweden
Feather-Headed Italian Soldiers Invade Sweden

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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