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This is a problem for which a chemical solution exists.
-- Johnnie Royale

We're Professionals, Dammit!

This isn't about journalism any more! Now it's gone PERSONAL! Reporting is what we DO! It's in our BLOOD.

Pigdog Journal Articles

2023-08-12

Tightening of the scrotum
Tightening of the scrotum is a new trend in plastic surgery. Although the procedure has been rapidly increasing in popularity, no one had thought to scientifically study men's and women's aesthetic preferences as to what makes a good-looking, visually-pleasing scrotum. That oversight has now been corrected, thanks to a study recently published in the Journal of Cosmetic Dermatology. -- Baron Earl

2018-03-26

Eavesdropping on Geeks: Did Anyone Like 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi'?
It's being released on DVD tomorrow -- but did anyone actually like Star Wars: The Last Jedi? That debate rages on at our sekrit headquarters... -- Lenny, Thom 'Starky' Stark, Geoffrey, Splicer, Baron, Destino

2017-10-19

Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: -- Thom 'Starky' Stark, Lenny Tuberose, 'Tricky' Rick Moen, Destino

2017-04-27

No, Google Isn't Using Grand Theft Auto To Train Self-Driving Cars
"Don't Worry, Driverless Cars Are Learning From Grand Theft Auto!" read a headline at Bloomberg News. And soon an urban legend took root. "Major companies such as Ford and Waymo have been using the game to teach their developing technology how to react in thousands of different driving situations," reports the British tabloid The Sun. There's just one problem with this story: it's not true. -- El Destino

2002-03-07

Swastikas and Maple Leafs and Hosers, Oh My!
Pigdog Journal gets a lot of email these days from Canadians displeased with our ongoing effort to inform the world just how much Canadia Sucks. It's pretty much the only thing the entire PDJ editorial staff agrees on... which is staggering considering that we normally have fistfights over trivial issues like who ate the last chocolate-covered old-fashion donut in the Break Room. It is also a rare day that a PDJ staff meeting doesn't end with automatic weapons fire. Trying to get agreement on anything in the staff room is worse then herding a pack of psychotic free-range feral cats. -- JRoyale

2002-02-26

Internet News Sources Are Poisonous Candy
In 1969, the Department of Defense, combined with various educational institutions and Al Gore, who was going by his full name "ARPA" at the time, invented the World Wide Web as a way for Bad People of the Future to scream about beer without risk of Communists stealing their thoughts. Then corporate fu><0rs started invoking weird laws like the DMCA, some kind of copyright thing, and anti-defamation laws to shut it all down, First Amendment Bedamned. And it's been working, until Chilling Effects rolled into town. -- Miles Standish

2002-01-21

Conservatives ponder Pigdog
"The future of e-zines may be in ratbag ventures such as Pigdog Journal," wrote a reporter in Toronto. And a conservative columnist with a strange moustache has a problem with that.... -- Tjames Madison

2001-12-22

Announcing the BRAND Spanking NEW PDJ Quote Daturbase Page
That's right folks, all of our collective witticisms are now available on one convenient page for your viewing pleasure. -- JRoyale

2001-11-16

PDJ: 10 Years of No Intelligent Life
Pigdog Journal Computers have passed the milestone of 10 years of CPU time working on the SETI at Home project at UC Berkeley. -- The Compulsive Splicer

2001-11-14

French gonzo wannabes -- and a clown
"We are the French revival of Gonzo Journalism !" their self-promoting email read. "Would you agree on a link exchange ?" -- El Destino

2001-09-11

Naked News-caster wears black
The attack on the World Trade Center triggered shut-downs across the nation. Airports, stock exchanges -- and even broadcasts from the web site The Naked News. -- El Destino

2001-06-27

CNN Goes Uncle Tom
John Lee Hooker died for your sins. -- Reverend CyberSatan

2001-06-08

Don't Let The Cyberdoor Hit You In The Cyberass On The Way Out
Man, I really shouldn't gloat about the demise of another Web magazine. I really shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But FUCK, I'm going to! Goodbye, Suck dot com! Patsy amateurs! Clear the FLOOR, the man is gonna DANCE. -- Mr. Bad

2001-04-15

China Humor -- the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
China, spy plane, blah blah blah. Is there anywhere you can get a fresh perspective? -- El Destino

2000-10-25

The October Suprise Revealed
We've waited on the edges of our seats for the so-called "October Suprise" to be revealed in this election year. What would it be? Where would it come from? Well, the waiting is finally over, and you won't believe what it is! -- Flesh

2000-01-20

Pirate Radio, MOTHERFUCKER
Beaujolais! Pirate radio is going ON THE AIR! Low power radio stations, bringing ANARCHY and GOOD MUSIC to the bad people of the world! All under the glowing and benificent eye of the FC fucking C! Is this a great century or WHAT? -- Mr. Bad

2000-01-10

Only the Strong of Heart Survive
I've been in the news biz for many a year, my friend, and I have to say that there is no SADDER SIGHT than seeing the FIRE in a YOUNG JOURNALIST's belly extinguished by the filthy lucre of R.U. Sirius. But what can you say? Some of us have backbones, some of us are men of honor, and others work for tabloid.net. -- Mr. Bad

2000-01-10

Two Giant Mounds of Crap Merge; Can Produce More Crap
Yippity doo dah fuck! AOL and Time Warner, two of the world's largest producers of shoddy and biased information, today announced that they would merge together into one giganto-hugic mound of bullshit-producing crap. Look on, ye mighty, and despair! -- Mr. Bad

1999-11-25

No-Talent Matt Drudge Sent Back Down to the Minors
Well, folks, it's the classic Faustian tale: a mediocre nobody whores out his wrinkly pink to the Devil and in turn receives fame, riches, glory. His head gets too big, and he starts thinking he EARNED it. From there, hubris and downfall. And the curtain's a-closing fast on the Matt Drudge story. -- Mr. Bad

1999-11-16

Dante's Showroom
Charged Pigdog hacks have penetrated the notorious London Arms Fair and penned this cynical and blatant HST plagiarism. -- Oliver Green

1999-08-24

Jeff Gerstmann Got a Posse
How cool is THIS: Veteran Pigdog Journalist Jeff "No Pants" Gerstmann is back in the ring to take another swing! And this time it's PERSONAL! -- Mr. Bad

1999-08-04

Psychopaths Do It Better
So, the thing is that journalism on the Web is way way way different from, like, following some dumb politician around or going out on Main Street to ask people how cold it is. It takes IRON WILL and BOWELS of STEEL to do reportage on this crazy medium. Few wishy-washy crossovers make the grade -- the Online Journalism Review knows that. -- Mr. Bad

Offsite links shared by staff writers

2020-03-24

2001-06-27

They saved Hitler's dog -- El Destino

2000-12-02

Drudge de-constructed. -- El Destino

2000-01-20

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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