Build Date: Tue Jan 14 23:00:14 2025 UTC
But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had to stumble out into the past and look for busses. We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS.
-- Crackmonkey
The One Trump Conspiracy That Will Explain Everything
2017-05-18 06:50:41
I have a theory that President Trump wants to be impeached. Maybe it's a desperate cry for help...
Here's a man who's spent his entire adult life under a billion dollars in crushing debt. With banks refusing to lend to him, his only source of cash is Russian mob money (or other nefarious black market types). He himself has no choice but to get into business with bad hombres. (So of course he's not going to release his tax returns...)
For years he's been trying to escape, grabbing on to one desperate venture after another. (Trump casinos! Trump university! A reality TV show with Gary Busey and Sinbad!) But the reason he sells these get-rich-quick schemes is he's urgently in need of one himself. A friend even said Trump only ran for president because he hoped it'd help him negotiate more money for the next season of Celebrity Apprentice.
This lifetime of servitude could explain Trump's reckless impulsiveness, his whole "What do I got to lose" attitude. (Because whatever bad things could happen, crossing the Russian malefactors would be worse.) You could almost feel sorry for him if you imagine some horrific extortionistic putting-on-the-pressure. There's already Deep State sources warning that Trump cabinet members could be subject to blackmail. (That's what bad hombres do...)
When Clinton called him Putin's puppet, he shot back immediately "You're the puppet." It was almost reflexive. He couldn't let that stand unanswered; that was the rawest nerve of all. According to The Washington Post, even Trump's closest ally has already confided to Republican leaders -- last summer -- that Putin might be funnelling money to Trump.
Years ago Robert Altman directed a forgotten movie about Nixon. After resigning Nixon privately reveals that his whole career had been orchestrated by wealthy investors. That he'd wanted to stop the Vietnam war, but his war-monger investors wouldn't let him. So Nixon made it happen himself. He used campaign funds to hire burglars, then recorded himself having incriminating conversations -- discussing bribes to the co-conspirators, instructing his staff to lie to the FBI. And, he fired his attorney general (as well as his Deputy Attorney General).
Trump did exactly what Nixon did. He fired his attorney general -- 19 weeks after taking office. Then he immediately invited Russians to the White House, and divulged classified secrets. He's even started taping his own incriminating conversations in the White House.
Is he crazy like a fox? Or is it all just a desperate cry for help.
Is he trying to get himself impeached?
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
