Build Date: Thu Jan 15 06:30:15 2026 UTC
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
-- Homer Simpson
The One Trump Conspiracy That Will Explain Everything
2017-05-18 06:50:41
I have a theory that President Trump wants to be impeached. Maybe it's a desperate cry for help...
Here's a man who's spent his entire adult life under a billion dollars in crushing debt. With banks refusing to lend to him, his only source of cash is Russian mob money (or other nefarious black market types). He himself has no choice but to get into business with bad hombres. (So of course he's not going to release his tax returns...)
For years he's been trying to escape, grabbing on to one desperate venture after another. (Trump casinos! Trump university! A reality TV show with Gary Busey and Sinbad!) But the reason he sells these get-rich-quick schemes is he's urgently in need of one himself. A friend even said Trump only ran for president because he hoped it'd help him negotiate more money for the next season of Celebrity Apprentice.
This lifetime of servitude could explain Trump's reckless impulsiveness, his whole "What do I got to lose" attitude. (Because whatever bad things could happen, crossing the Russian malefactors would be worse.) You could almost feel sorry for him if you imagine some horrific extortionistic putting-on-the-pressure. There's already Deep State sources warning that Trump cabinet members could be subject to blackmail. (That's what bad hombres do...)
When Clinton called him Putin's puppet, he shot back immediately "You're the puppet." It was almost reflexive. He couldn't let that stand unanswered; that was the rawest nerve of all. According to The Washington Post, even Trump's closest ally has already confided to Republican leaders -- last summer -- that Putin might be funnelling money to Trump.
Years ago Robert Altman directed a forgotten movie about Nixon. After resigning Nixon privately reveals that his whole career had been orchestrated by wealthy investors. That he'd wanted to stop the Vietnam war, but his war-monger investors wouldn't let him. So Nixon made it happen himself. He used campaign funds to hire burglars, then recorded himself having incriminating conversations -- discussing bribes to the co-conspirators, instructing his staff to lie to the FBI. And, he fired his attorney general (as well as his Deputy Attorney General).
Trump did exactly what Nixon did. He fired his attorney general -- 19 weeks after taking office. Then he immediately invited Russians to the White House, and divulged classified secrets. He's even started taping his own incriminating conversations in the White House.
Is he crazy like a fox? Or is it all just a desperate cry for help.
Is he trying to get himself impeached?
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
