Build Date: Wed Aug 13 23:54:18 2025 UTC
He had a very sort of, a strangely very attractive sort of pungent sort of gamey, sort of a venison or a lamb sausage... and a little bit of rosemary with a touch of ranch dressing.
-- James Spader, discussing the aroma of William Shatner
Cashing in your Cheetos
2021-04-12 05:27:44
Depending on whether you've smoked a bowl of some supreme weed, eaten some psilocybin mushrooms, or microdosed on LSD, a Cheeto can take on a life of it's own. Appearing to some as a duck or a character from Game of Thrones, rare Cheeto aficionados are taking their delicious miniature sculpted cheesy discoveries and selling them off on EBay to the highest bidder, raking in tens of dollars.
If you've ever opened a bag of Cheetos and been disappointed that none are shaped like a "Y", for a mere $50 you can buy one on EBay.
If you're more of a Spongebob Squarepants fan, you can go for the The McCrab, which looks a lot like the Y with a bit nibbled off, also only $50.
Speaking of being so ripped to the gills that you might buy a Cheeto on EBay, of course there's a Bong-shaped Cheeto. You can't smoke weed out of it, but you can spend $24.99 on it.
Can you tell the difference between The Revolver Penis ($25) and The Rocket Launch, aka "the space hard-on" ($50)? Professional Cheeto Appraisers know -- The Rocket Launch points up!
There's the "if you squint real hard you can see a man chugging a beer" Cheeto for $100 and the Statue of Liberty Cheeto (aka the saguaro cactus with spina bifida Cheeto) for $200.
If you're looking for something more collectable, try the Cheeto that does not look anything like the Lego pizza delivery man Cheeto for $50, the BLM hands up don't shoot Cheeto (aka Jesus with elephantiasis) for $25, and "this would look like Peter Dinklage if he was playing Joseph Merrick in an off-broadway, low-budget, musical version of The Elephant Man" Cheeto for $175.
And if that's too many Cheetos for you to choose from, there's always the Cheeto making the American Sign Language sign for "asshole". Only $100. Quantities are limited. Order now.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
