Boy Howdy! That's some damn fine Pigdog!

     
 

El Destino vs. Comdex
2000-11-15 02:24:57


Consumers in Action
 
I'm getting out of Concord while the speed addicts on my block are still relatively few.
-- Master Squid

 

One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world.

Dateline: Excalibur Hotel, Room 14501, Las Vegas, NV

"Comdex wants you to know about prostate cancer... For every completed session evaluation returned, a donation will be made to CaPCure by Key3Media."

Yes, I'm at Comdex -- that Dante-esque sworl of geeks and marketing exhibits at edge-of-the-earth Las Vegas. It's a town so crazy, there's a billboard for vasectomy reversals. My room is at the Excalibur, past the Jester's Cafe and Sir Gallahad's Steakhouse, where Queen Guinevere and Merlin appear in a non-stop infomercial on channel 17 reminding hotel visitors of such handy features as the hotel's "gaming instructors," available 24 hours a day.

AdultExpo is next-door at the Tropicana -- but most of the other Vegas entertainment is eerily unappetizing. There's countless billboards advertising "The Rat Pack is Back" dinner show, even though it's on hiatus until next week -- but unfortunately, Siegfried and Roy are still in town. David Cassidy is at the Copa, and soon, Dokken will be appearing. It's all a little surreal. I don't understand why, but for some reason in the lobby of the Excalibur, they play adult favorites from the 70s and 80s. Tonight, it was Styx.

Savor the thrill of colliding cultures. Every cab driver spouts resentful diatribes during the entire ride. ("You FUCKING COMDEX people. I HATE COMDEX! They make us work FIVE DAYS A WEEK driving you geeks to COMDEX. I HATE COMDEX.") And most of the exhibits are about things I don't care about, while most of the people speaking in the educational sessions are saying things everybody already knew. The only real benefit is the increased job satisfaction you get from knowing your employer shelled out big bucks to fly you to a hotel next to AdultExpo.com. Sure, Palm loaned us all Palm IIIs to play with, but even then, I was disappointed by Vindigo's "sleazy" entry for Nightlife. "Larry's Villa?" Crap, there were people on the streets passing out coupons for sleazier joints than that.

The most educational thing I did today was go on the Star Trek ride at the Hilton. At first it seemed a little odd that they wouldn't let you use your cellphones on "Star Trek: The Experience," but I guess they're worried it would spoil the illusion. ("Larry? No, I can't talk now. Klingons are attacking. I'll call you later.") At the end of the ride, you're disgorged into the Star Trek gift shop, where a giant placard advises you to "Apply for the Star Trek MasterCard today."

Live long and prosper, O geeky merchants.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

yungstud@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

T O P   S T O R I E S

The One Trump Conspiracy That Will Explain Everything
by El Destino

No, Google Isn't Using Grand Theft Auto To Train Self-Driving Cars
by El Destino

Amazon's 'Dash' Button For Doritos Panned By Potheads
by El Destino

O'Reilly Auto's Site Now Sells Parts For Time Machines
by El Destino

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

03-31

Baron Earl

Creating a wall-hangable computer from an Ikea shadow box frame

More Quickies...