Build Date: Tue Jul 1 09:10:14 2025 UTC
If Zach dropped a bottle of $69 dollar liquor, I think I would kill him.
-- Johnnie Royale
El Destino vs. Comdex
2000-11-15 02:24:57
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world.
Dateline: Excalibur Hotel, Room 14501, Las Vegas, NV
"Comdex wants you to know about prostate cancer... For every completed session evaluation returned, a donation will be made to CaPCure by Key3Media."
Yes, I'm at Comdex -- that Dante-esque sworl of geeks and marketing exhibits at edge-of-the-earth Las Vegas. It's a town so crazy, there's a billboard for vasectomy reversals. My room is at the Excalibur, past the Jester's Cafe and Sir Gallahad's Steakhouse, where Queen Guinevere and Merlin appear in a non-stop infomercial on channel 17 reminding hotel visitors of such handy features as the hotel's "gaming instructors," available 24 hours a day.
AdultExpo is next-door at the Tropicana -- but most of the other Vegas entertainment is eerily unappetizing. There's countless billboards advertising "The Rat Pack is Back" dinner show, even though it's on hiatus until next week -- but unfortunately, Siegfried and Roy are still in town. David Cassidy is at the Copa, and soon, Dokken will be appearing. It's all a little surreal. I don't understand why, but for some reason in the lobby of the Excalibur, they play adult favorites from the 70s and 80s. Tonight, it was Styx.
Savor the thrill of colliding cultures. Every cab driver spouts resentful diatribes during the entire ride. ("You FUCKING COMDEX people. I HATE COMDEX! They make us work FIVE DAYS A WEEK driving you geeks to COMDEX. I HATE COMDEX.") And most of the exhibits are about things I don't care about, while most of the people speaking in the educational sessions are saying things everybody already knew. The only real benefit is the increased job satisfaction you get from knowing your employer shelled out big bucks to fly you to a hotel next to AdultExpo.com. Sure, Palm loaned us all Palm IIIs to play with, but even then, I was disappointed by Vindigo's "sleazy" entry for Nightlife. "Larry's Villa?" Crap, there were people on the streets passing out coupons for sleazier joints than that.
The most educational thing I did today was go on the Star Trek ride at the Hilton. At first it seemed a little odd that they wouldn't let you use your cellphones on "Star Trek: The Experience," but I guess they're worried it would spoil the illusion. ("Larry? No, I can't talk now. Klingons are attacking. I'll call you later.") At the end of the ride, you're disgorged into the Star Trek gift shop, where a giant placard advises you to "Apply for the Star Trek MasterCard today."
Live long and prosper, O geeky merchants.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Robert Helms makes a living volunteering for medical experiments. Though Helms — and almost all guinea pigs — get paid for their participation in medical trials, they are still "volunteers" according to a byzantine legal code. They are compensated for their time, not paid to ingest medicine. He and "guinea pigs" like him have learned the intimate art of taking catheters in their veins, tubes in their intestines, EKG electrodes on their nipples. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)