Build Date: Wed May 21 13:20:50 2025 UTC
Nature is a lazy Mother.
-- Anonymous
El Destino vs. Comdex
2000-11-15 02:24:57
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world.
Dateline: Excalibur Hotel, Room 14501, Las Vegas, NV
"Comdex wants you to know about prostate cancer... For every completed session evaluation returned, a donation will be made to CaPCure by Key3Media."
Yes, I'm at Comdex -- that Dante-esque sworl of geeks and marketing exhibits at edge-of-the-earth Las Vegas. It's a town so crazy, there's a billboard for vasectomy reversals. My room is at the Excalibur, past the Jester's Cafe and Sir Gallahad's Steakhouse, where Queen Guinevere and Merlin appear in a non-stop infomercial on channel 17 reminding hotel visitors of such handy features as the hotel's "gaming instructors," available 24 hours a day.
AdultExpo is next-door at the Tropicana -- but most of the other Vegas entertainment is eerily unappetizing. There's countless billboards advertising "The Rat Pack is Back" dinner show, even though it's on hiatus until next week -- but unfortunately, Siegfried and Roy are still in town. David Cassidy is at the Copa, and soon, Dokken will be appearing. It's all a little surreal. I don't understand why, but for some reason in the lobby of the Excalibur, they play adult favorites from the 70s and 80s. Tonight, it was Styx.
Savor the thrill of colliding cultures. Every cab driver spouts resentful diatribes during the entire ride. ("You FUCKING COMDEX people. I HATE COMDEX! They make us work FIVE DAYS A WEEK driving you geeks to COMDEX. I HATE COMDEX.") And most of the exhibits are about things I don't care about, while most of the people speaking in the educational sessions are saying things everybody already knew. The only real benefit is the increased job satisfaction you get from knowing your employer shelled out big bucks to fly you to a hotel next to AdultExpo.com. Sure, Palm loaned us all Palm IIIs to play with, but even then, I was disappointed by Vindigo's "sleazy" entry for Nightlife. "Larry's Villa?" Crap, there were people on the streets passing out coupons for sleazier joints than that.
The most educational thing I did today was go on the Star Trek ride at the Hilton. At first it seemed a little odd that they wouldn't let you use your cellphones on "Star Trek: The Experience," but I guess they're worried it would spoil the illusion. ("Larry? No, I can't talk now. Klingons are attacking. I'll call you later.") At the end of the ride, you're disgorged into the Star Trek gift shop, where a giant placard advises you to "Apply for the Star Trek MasterCard today."
Live long and prosper, O geeky merchants.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
