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I'm opting out for no particular reason than to just be difficult.
-- Johnnie Royale
More Pigdog Columns
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Henry Juszkiewicz Destroys Gibson Guitars
If you follow music industry news, or even just general business news, you're probably aware that Gibson Brands, Inc. is teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. There's every reason to believe it will fall over that edge by August of this year at the very latest, because it has, as Bruce Springsteen put it in at least two different songs, "debts no honest man can pay." (More...)
Shithole. If you cleaned it up some. Ness had been in worse though. He coughed—something cool and thick rose into the back of his mouth and he spat reflexively. A scurrilous wad of mucus tinged with blood landed heavily with a wet unsavory sonance to lie like a stillborn slug. The cough was accompanied by a searing pain in his chest, but the intimation of the mortality bearing down on him left no mark upon him. The viscid love letter from the cancer in his lungs quivered briefly and then was still. It seemed at home there among the refused and casually discarded constituency of debris. Shithole. (More...)
Running your mouth without engaging the clutch to your brain may result in laughter and finger-pointing ... (More...)
Microsoft finally admits it: Internet Explorer 6 is a shitty, shitty browser. According to the new Microsoft web site The Internet Explorer 6 Countdown: "Friends don't let friends use Internet Explorer 6. And neither should acquaintances. Educate others about moving off of Internet Explorer 6." By educate they mean "move to IE9", but why not give these poor IE6 users a real helping hand, and help move them to Firefox or Chrome? (More...)
Owner of 6 Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Arrested
Reefer madness or a government fabrication? (More...)
Ron Paul Loses, Anarchists Blame Media
Ron Paul has not secured many delegates after spending millions on his Republican campaign. Note that the opinions stated here are mine and not the opinions of the pigdog.org staff. (More...)
CIA "Family Jewels" More Like "Numb Nuts"
When I first heard that the CIA was about to release several hundred pages of previously classified material that would shed light on its various operations, I laughed hard enough to scare the clown next to me into a career as a mime. I'd seen declassified material before. Most of it involved pages with vast swaths of black redaction clouding any seriously useful information. Between the blackness were little glimpses of wretched wrongness that no one in their right mind would take credit for having engineered, funded, imagined, and/or perpetrated. Somehow, the thought of the Bush/Cheney White House permitting a whole new, potentially more incriminating disgorgement from the CIA was not only implausible but utterly ridiculous. (More...)
Google Maps Street View Bypasses the Hood
Today google maps unveiled "street view" which gives you a 360 degree camera angle view of the nice areas of some major cities. (More...)
Torture: It's not just for witches anymore!
During the second Republican Presidential Debate each of the candidates was given a hypothetical "impending doom from terrorists" scenario and asked if they would use torture to extract information from prisoners who might have some information about a possible imminent attack. The answers ranged from "yes" to "absolutely yes" to Mitt Romney's "yes, as long as we refer to torture as 'enhanced interrogation techniques'." John McCain was the lone dissenter stating categorically "no". Too bad John McCain doesn't know his history. Torture was used to stop terrorism here before there was a USA. In 1692 the town of Salem, Massachusetts was being terrorized, and they successfully used torture to stop the terror. (More...)
It was New Year's Eve and I wanted a signature drink I could hand to my guests. Something that they would accept with no fuss, drink quickly, and then want another. A drink simple enough that I could explain the recipe quickly -- thereby annointing each new guest as a bartender capable of making the drink -- and freeing me to enjoy myself. So I created The MAN-tini... (More...)
Christmas Claims Godfather of Soul
So, the other half of Christmas was the 5 Liberty bash, which was once again off the hood. Never mind the generous loot that befell certain perceptive, lucky, and quick-witted friends of yours. The company was sublime and kept me there until sometime after three-thirty. Somehow, I just wasn't ready to go to bed. (More...)
Watching the Republican retreat from the now undeniable failure that is Iraq's current pitiful condition is nothing short of a monumental disgrace to humanity. I'm not talking about "peace with honor," which was Nixon's shorthand for "Let's get the fuck out of here and keep our mouths shut." That his progeny don't even have the grace of Richard Nixon is difficult to imagine, seeing as how Nixon was an evil sack of shit whose soul will be receiving mail in hell long after our sun has gone nova. No. The modern breed of mean-spirited, venal cowards pipe up the rhetoric born of lowly insurance defense lawyers who have their eye on making partner by making assumption of responsibility seem like faux martyrdom. (More...)
It was all looking so good. The battle plan was another masterpiece, the minds out there just waiting to be manipulated towards another victory. Subtle pushes here, a few prods there, and voila!--another incompetent Democratic effort crushed on Election Day. Then came those damned teen tarts that serve as pages in Congress. (More...)
The Bush Administration fired its opening salvo in the coming Congression election war yesterday. Most liberal pundits seem to have completely missed this, judging by what I have seen and read in the intervening 24 hours. The two shots were seemingly disparate, yet they are as closely connected as Karl Rove and treachery. So take notice, boyz and goilz: these mindtricks are the ones that are going to kill the Democrats at the ballot box this November if people aren’t extremely careful -- and vocal. (More...)
Brother, Can You Spare a Backbone?
In the the Thirties, America was hungry. Soup lines stretched for blocks, families were forced onto the street, and an unimaginable desperation hung over everyone who wasn't already super-rich. During those times, the common line, "Brother, can you spare a dime?" echoed from the humbled egos on Wall Street, across the Dust Bowl and out to the Pacific. The real pity is that it took a global war to bail us out from that depression. (More...)
War on Terror produces excess inventory of doomsday ready laptops
The War on Terror has resulted in a rush of new technology useful to the general population. (More...)
People in my office chuckled a little last week when I told them I had the current winning bid for an old German u-boat that was being hawked on Ebay. (More...)
I would never have suspected that George Bush was a dime store Chuck Norris, waiting for the opportunity to bust a move on some random, unsuspecting foreign leader. Such has been the case as of late with the Bushwhacker's trip to the Subcontinent. Though vastly unreported in the conventional media, my well-placed sources in the Foreign Service Bureau say that Pakistani "president" Pervez Musharraf is undergoing emergency surgery this week to remove his testicles from his upper chest. (More...)
Software Piracy, Millenium Edition
Counterfeit software and the Russian mafia. Is WGA a myth? (More...)
Ooof. Man, I've been off the keys too long. There's been several attractive fruits out there, ripe for the picking and consumption, but realtime demands have kept me away from the farmer's market. Until now. Great to be back. So nice to see all of you lovely Gonzos. (More...)
Displaying PDF Files in Mozilla
At some point, my Mozilla browser stopped displaying PDF files. When I first installed it, I could view PDF files in a tabbed browser window just fine, but somewhere along the upgrade path viewing PDFs just stopped working. (More...)
Protest prompts George W. Bush to step down from office
San Francisco comes alive with protest on November 2nd, 2005. (More...)
"Do you believe that the Republicans even control the weather now?" (More...)
Bush Brain in Critical Condition
Sometime over the last 24 hours, George Bush Jr. had a stroke. You would never be able to tell. Bush continued giving speeches and making appearances, like the one at the FBI training academy. His photo ops have rolled right along, too. But despite these appearances, the man is profoundly ill. (More...)
Homies - figurines, submachine gunning fun.
Homies, 8-ball, cholo, gata puta... the homies is straight collectifyin' (More...)
“This Land Is My Land” – Ha, Sucker!
Cannibalism. Seems to me that this used to be an anathema in America. But convenience and desperation have a way of assuaging our revulsion. We want what we want, when we want it and need to maintain a certain standard of life no matter what happens to us. (More...)
Car technology reaches a new height with the introduction of the fuel efficient, two-seater, Bin Laden Hybrid SUV. (More...)
According to a new Harvard-affiliated study, taking tablets made from kudzu makes people drunker than just drinking alone. In the spirit of scientific inquiry, Pigdog Bevertology Labs™ obtained some raw kudzu leaves and created our latest Spocktail of the Week™: the Kudzu Kooler. (More...)
The King is dead! Long live the King! (More...)
Goddamn it! How could we let Bernard Kerik slip away from us like that? (More...)
It's that time of year again -- Burning Man Season -- and that means fresh SCIENCE! Here is a new lab experiment for the fruity hillbilly in all of us. (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
On a hot spring night after dinner and before the night's serious drinking begins, a Romulan Highball really hits the spot. (More...)
Back in December 2002 we reported on how the German cannibal Armin Meiwes found a willing victim on the Internet whom he slaughtered and ate -- with the victim's help. The trial just ended, the verdict is in, and the jurors have ruled that Meiwes is not guilty... of murder. (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
There’s a lot of hullabaloo right now over whether President George W. Bush and his administration lied to the American people about the evidence that Saddam Hussein had or was actively trying to obtain weapons of mass destruction, specifically ABC (Atomic, Biological, or Chemical) weaponry. To this I can only say, "Read his lips: he's a Republican." (More...)
That rumble I felt this morning wasn't caused by any kind of geological seismic displacement. Rather, it was the ripping wave of social change. In case you didn't feel it, or hear the resounding howl from the Castro, Greenwich Village, and Key West, the Supreme Court ruled that anti-sodomy laws are unconstitutional per a reasonable expectation of privacy. (More...)
"Revisionist history" is the big buzz term at the White House lately. Condi Rice fished this one from the post-Vietnam defeat archives and re-applied it to anyone questioning the "intelligence" reports used to justify our lighting war on Iraq. The Bushmeister has also latched onto the term, using it to conveniently silence and/or dispose of anyone who grills him on pre-war Weapons of Mass Destruction evidence. The Bush team wields this weapon like a giant claymore sword, almost as much as they used "patriotism" to browbeat any Congressional resistance to homeland security initiatives or the mobilization to Iraq. It's a classic emerging Bush-ism, clearly used for "us-or-them" effect. (More...)
My teeth nearly fell out a few weeks ago when I heard Ariel Sharon say that he was going to begin dismantling illegal Israeli settlements in the Occupied Territories as a means of getting the Peace Process back on track. Reciprocal promises by Mahmoud Abbas to crack down on factional terror strikes seemed almost as breathtaking. Could this be the moment I so longed for since the fatal blow to a nearly-realized dream three years ago? Would the bloodshed stop and period of reconstructive optimism commence? Oh, come on-this is Israel! Of course it couldn't be that easy! (More...)
Presenting: The Madonna, Mark XII
Wow. I bow down before the queen of media spin self-promotion. She may not be able to act her way out of a speeding ticket. However, there's no denying which bitch is on top when it comes to packaging controversy for her own benefit. Just when you thought she was too old and weak for the game, out comes the Material Girl, rapping about her latte and pilates boy-scoping diva life. She won't snap America out of its war stupor and into sensibility. She'll make plenty of money pretending to, though. (More...)
About a week ago, the House of Representatives passed a measure that decrees a national day of praying and fasting to please God. At the time, I was offended by yet another wild opportunistic lurch aimed at making America a corporate theocracy. Swish in Herr Bush's exhortation that we pray to God for our troops' benefit and you've got one treacherous brew that lightens the soul while excusing the crimes. But now that our troops have gone ahead and slaughtered a van full of Iraqi children, perhaps a day of national penitence is in order. God's likely to be pissed about this. (More...)
Sometimes we have to see ugliness in order to appreciate the beauty. Or is it that only by seeing beauty can we know horror? (More...)
Whatever happened to Grrrrrl Power? Did I fall asleep one night and wake up to tractable Southern women in their pre-Civil War form? Back in the social corsets of submission, seen and not really heard? Dangling before us like sugarplums, delicious and ripe, but lacking any real substance? Thanks to the Dixie Chicks, all these questions have been answered in a most ominous fashion. (More...)
More Lard With My Coke, Please
The Good Rev lays down the nitty-gritty on high-fat diets and their effect on the WAR ON TERRORISM! (More...)
This thing passed through my inbox today and it got me to thinking: I wonder what would happen if we all forgot to pay our taxes... (More...)
I mixed up this concoction a few weeks ago and can't get it out of my mind. It's green and sweet and delicious and looks great in a clear sports bottle, which won't spill when you pass out on the lawn after drinking the entire bottle through a Crazystraw. (More...)
Ready to put some Ho-Fucking-Ho in the new airline travel recommendations set out by our ever-friendly and uber-paranoid Transportation Security Administration? (More...)
Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas 2002
Beaujolais! Last-minute Halloween costume ideas from Mr. Bad! A last-minute column for the last-minute shopper! (More...)
Suru and I were at the local supermarket recently when we found ourselves in the booze isle, surrounded by rum. Banana rum, coconut rum, vanilla rum, unfiltered run, Jamaican rum, rum, rum, and more rum. We bought one of each and started experimenting... (More...)
Reality Has Gone Out On Strike
Of course the media can be trusted to tell you what you believe. (More...)
My experiment is a failure. Rockstar-and-Robitussin tastes like day-after-Halloween bile. I'm trying to choke down enough to discover the effects, but no matter what those are one thing is certain at the outset: what I have discovered is not a Beverage, but a pale green and angry iced abomination.
You were right: science is not for the weak of will nor stomach. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards. (More...)
"No, Daddy! I don't want to take any more G and let those perverts have another go at me!" (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
In which the Rev waxes nostalgic about "The Star Track," and we get some valuable insights into the youthful origins of everyone's favorite Pigdog columnist. (More...)
America. We like to project a certain image to the rest of the world. “Freedom” comes to mind because we brandy it so much before everyone else on the globe. This freedom includes the right to go out and take risks and make something for yourself because you had the necessary chutzpah. “The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward,” we say, and we encourage this even though some ventures will inevitably fail. Such has been the course of things throughout our history, and as a nation we generally look to the Oval Office for guidance on what risks we, as a nation, will take. (More...)
The City! Its lights, its sounds, its voices. This article has nothing to do with those things, but the Rev does lay it down on a new venue for you to do those things you do. (More...)
Alright kids, this is the column where you write in with the lurid details of your personal lives, and I put them on the Internet for everyone to snicker at. But also, I give you a free Tarot reading, so there's that. (More...)
Many kind readers have expressed a curiousity in what, exactly, boomshakalicious means. It is difficult to describe, but I'll try. It is so much more than just a word. It defines a certain Je Ne C'est Quoi or pizazz. It is a feeling, an attitude, a way of life. It's the thing that makes you dance to James Brown. (More...)
First, Let's Kill All the Accountants
There's a myth that Shakespeare liked lawyers, but he hated them. Yet, if he were alive today, he'd hate the lying, thieving accountants even more. (More...)
Negative Nancy, touring the gin joints of the world, sent us her latest Spocktail creation, The Inattentive Beachcomber, which she concocted and field tested somewhere in South East Asia. (More...)
Hang'em From the Highest Oil Derrick
The black sludge that has been oozing out of Enron for the past several months, contaminating everyone and everything it touches with the oily and unwashable stench of greed, corruption and more greed, has finally attracted the attention of even the most brain dead corporate lapdog reporters this month as the Bush Administration rushes to begin damage control and find some solvent to cut the muck they are now up to their eyeballs in. (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
The War on Terrorism is a success! I witnessed this Anti-Terrorism first hand last weekend on my way to an International Toy Distribution Convention. The Airline Industry Security Measures have virtually wiped out terrorism. There is just one minor drawback, you must fly nude. (More...)
Radical Islam Websites. News about Afghanistan & Osama Bin Laden
Pigdog's own paranoid FBI-tracked superuser has researched the web and found the best American-readable radical Islamic websites out there. Read on for the detailed report and feast your eyes+ears on textual and realaudio propaganda. (More...)
It just warms my racing heart when I see evil people get what they've so richly deserved for so long. So it was with great pleasure last week that I saw one of the most vile and greedy corporations in America get what was rightfully coming to it. (More...)
I have been sitting here looking that ridiculous French.... err... self-described Gonzo Journalism site, wondering how the fuck to respond to the request for a link exchange that their webmaster was proposing. I mean, I respect Gonzo Journalism and try to help out where I can, so I was trying to figure how to establish some sort of rapport. So I kept looking that the site and well my brain just couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. Then I read El Destino's article and I got a clue. (More...)
Ever since the music producers realized that they were behind a digital eight-ball, they've been scrambling to remain relevant in a post-analog world. However, their recent attempts to gain the legal authority to "hack" into computers solely on the belief that the computers are hosting inappropriate copyrighted material are completely obscene and absolutely scandalous. (More...)
Have you ever sat around a campfire enjoying some edifying cock talk with a couple of friends when someone starts to eavesdrop? You look in their direction and notice they are interested in your conversation. Decorum dictates that you introduce yourself and your friends. Next thing you know this social interloper is beckoning you with a beleaguered "What did they say?" at each conversational volley. "They said PROSTATE," you bellow. The stranger decides that paying attention to the conversation at large is too laborious, so they focus on you. And there is no better ice breaker in their arsenal than the question, "So what are you: gay, straight or bi?" (More...)
In America, there's usually two or three times a week when you think to yourself, "Now I've seen it all." Some obscene story on the news, some twisted fate in a situation you'd never be involved in, some new product pushed in an overtly sexual manner. It's always something. (More...)
Thank God, er--Allah, for the war! If it hadn't been for the Sept. 11th attacks, CNN might have succumbed to it's own pundit-heavy payroll and folded like a cheap al-Qaida tent. But thanks to AMERICA?S NEW WARTM and it's inevitable sequel, AMERICA STRIKES BACKTM, the AOL-Time Warner behemoth has one again leapt to the forefront of the media stage, albeit with questionable consequences. (More...)
There may not be a hot war yet, but the ice war is surely over, with old political glaciers dumping their contents into the propaganda machine. To add to the mess, I offer up inflammatory words that may make your blue blood bubble. (More...)
Hello, my name is Miss Conduct and I've been very, very bad. A terribly sick and disturbed part of me gets really excited when skyscrapers fall. It makes me feel dirty. (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)
Is Not This Rave a Crackhouse?
Glowsticks, pacifiers, and Dancesafe, oh my! (More...)
It is time to scrape your pipe for that resin glob, looks like Uncle Sam just fucked us over again. (More...)
Dr. Flufflay, or "How I learned to stop worrying and love the Marina"
The Good Reverend gives the lowdown on a recent laydown. (More...)
Picture a world in which criminals utilized powerful cryptography to do their everyday business... wouldn't that next ounce be cheaper? How about your RAM? (More...)
Last week I had eye surgery and it was certainly one of the least enjoyable episodes of my life. Eye Surgeons like their patients to be conscious enough so that they can move their eyes to the proper position during surgery. (More...)
A Fragmented Memory Regarding a Bearfight
Then there was that time when the huge hillbilly fought a doped-up bear. Author's note: I'm almost positive this really happened! (More...)
What's in, What's out - Version 2001
So yesterday George "Dubbya" Bush, took the oath of office and became the 43th President of the United States of America. Naturally a new administration in Washington means that there will be a lot of changes and so Pigdog is here to tell you what fads faded into the past with the retirement of Bill Clinton and what are now the hottest trends in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. (More...)
Cool Things To Put on Your J20 Protest Sign
Hey, going to a protest tomorrow but don't know what to put on your sign? Mr. Bad FEELS YOUR PAIN, so he's given you this list of FINE ANGRY THINGS to scribble in magic marker on your picket sign. So now you don't have an excuse to stay home! (More...)
egghead.com frightens millions of users with credit card fraud hoax. (More...)
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
Ins and Outs for the Year 2001
Whew! I bet you were worried Mr. Bad wasn't going to give you guidance for WHAT'S HOT and WHAT'S SNOT in the year 2001, weren't you! Hahaha! Oh ye of little faith! Mr. Bad will never, ever let you down. Trust in Mr. Bad to give you lists of futurist predictions and shit! Because that is what Mr. Bad does. He makes lists. That is his job. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE! (More...)
The Rev gives you the scoop on jamming the brain-radiation broadcasts and sending some bad waves back upstream. (More...)
Stuff I Love About the Holiday Season
Man, it's that time of year again. MAN, it's THAT time of year again. Is it ever. Gar! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Walk Among Us: The Blonde Clone Invasion Stops Here
What's going on in your home town? The Good Reverend gives you the scoop. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Well, it is official... there is no winner for the Office of the President of the United States. And, We the People are gonna have to spend the 74 days between Nov 7th and Feb 20th listening to the Democrats and the Republicans snipe at each other. Oh joy. (More...)
From the mixed up files of citizen 566-77-0776 (More...)
That's right Pigdog fans. Johnnie is thoroughly disgusted with the big money corporate run elections we have on Tuesday, I'm going to the polls drunk off my ass. (More...)
Johnnie Royale says Vote YES on Prop 36!
Election time rapidly approaches. Sadly, in the race for president this year the major parties have out done themselves in picking puppets that will do the bidding of their corporate masters. Still, there is much more at stake on Nov 7th this year in the State of California. (More...)
Last-minute Halloween Costume Ideas: MILLENNIUM EDITION
Check it out! More crazy Halloween costume ideas for you crazy freaks! Bwahaha! Yippee! Eat THESE keywords, search engine robot spider FUCKS! (More...)
I can't believe this country sometimes. It seems that some Texan sheriff in Tulia wanted to rid his town of drugs. So he brought in Tim Coleman to work uncover and discover all those "Bad People" selling drugs. At least that's the story the way the "Law" tells it. (More...)
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)
Extreme pimpin' under pressure ... how to tell a playa from a sucka ... keeping your hoes under control ... tips for mackin' success from Pigdog's own Terrordrone. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Get Elite credits from Process Tree
SETI@Home is not just ay-leen spacecraft anymore. Now you can get PAID in a major way for heatin' up your CPU. (More...)
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my! (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
The future sucks ass. Mr. Bad explains why. (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it. (More...)
This week, Mr. Bad is taking some time off as he undergoes a radical new operation: having a second liver installed. Mr. Bad's List will feature guest writers Flesh & Abby… (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
Make Your Own Electronic Music Genre
Tired of trying to detangle the mish-mash of electronic music factions out in the world today? Mr. Bad says: GIVE UP, and join the madness instead. Pull some brand-new genres out of your ass with Mr. Bad's Patented Electronic Music Genre Generator! (More...)
Boo-zho-lay for you, Pigdog reader! Another fine Spocktail of the week is available for you. And this week's offering is EXTRA special and fancy, since it celebrates the birthday of Pigdog's own STAR TWINS! (More...)
Learn how to construct your own empire! Like Intel, SGI, etc. (More...)
Another delicioso Spocktail from the grumbling belly of Spock Mountain Research Labs/Beverage Technology division! Go Spock-o! Go Spock-o! Get busy now! Go Spock-o! (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Informative guide to getting you con-artist business off the ground (More...)
Mobile Operations Machine, Multiuser Interactive Edition
ramble, rant, rave (More...)
Ever since the digitally-remastered Millenium PLATINUM KERDITIONS of the Star Track movies came out in 1997, the World Wide Web has been awash with RUMORS and FASCINATING STORIES about the "prequel" series. I don't care much, but I wish to capitalize on the fury by releasing some fabulous tidbits of my own! (More...)
Thom Stark gives a tribute to Art Hoppe, longtime San Francisco columnist and Professional Journalist in every regard. (More...)
Go Bowling on Superbowl Sunday
Mr. Bad gives you a TON of things to do on Superbowl Sunday! Screw the TV, let's go BOWLING. (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Beaujolais! Noted futurist Mr. Bad has plugged the time-space coordinates into his InAndOut-o-Tron 2000 to come up with a new set of INS AND OUTS for this New Year! Look on, ye mighty, and despair! (More...)
Just in time for New Year's Eve, this week's Spocktail is aptly named the Bashed Skull, which describes how most Pigdogger's heads will feel on the morning of 1/1/2000... (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
Cyberbilly Thanksgiving Traditions
Gluttony, family infighting, and monumental sloth -- these are all traditional Thanksgiving values that the cyberbillies of Spock Mountain Research Labs hold dear to our hearts. We hope you, too, will share these heartwarming cyberbilly Thanksgiving traditions. Think of it as Martha Stewart gone horribly, horribly wrong. (More...)
If you say "Long Beach" to people in California, you'll probably get a response similar to if you were to say "Hey what's with all the dogshit on your face?" But most people don't know that this rough-and-tumble working-class town has given the world one of the all-time greatest foods known: The Long Beach Chili Cheese Fries. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)
Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas
Creatively-challenged? Pressed for time in the busy holiday season? Too whacked out on NO2 to think of a costume for Saturday's party? Don't despair! Just pick one of the ROYALTY-FREE costume ideas off of this week's Mr. Bad's List! (More...)
It is well known. You cannot drink your way through life (though, believe me, we here in SMRL's Beverage Research Center have tried many times). You must eat sooner or later. And what you eat will play a great factor in your ability to KEEP MOVING. (More...)
MORE Totally Hot Chicks I Want to Get All Freaky With
I can't think of anything interesting to write about, but I can always think of HOT CHICKS! Mmmmmm... chicks! Gotta love em! (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The Stuff I Am Bringing to Burning Man '99
First time out it's a list; so what? Just read the thing. (More...)
It's an Old Country and They Like It That Way
I can't believe that I have been in England for nearly year - which, I guess by the way the English count things, a year is pretty meaningless. Hell, some of their cricket matches last that long - and let me tell you that there is nothing more meaningless then a cricket match. (More...)
First in a regular series! The Pigdog Journal Spocktail of the Week features recipes for EXCITING and DELICIOUS potions and tonics for your quaffing pleasure! Gulp down a whole lot TODAY! (More...)
Juggler Vain attempts to wrestle with the issues around the KPFA shutdown; Big-time wrestling ensues. (More...)
How to Tell You're Not a Webzine
Nobody agrees on a what a Webzine is, but Mr. Bad gives you the scoop on what a Webzine is not. Clip'n'save this handy chart! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
World's Funniest Mandrill Jokes
Mr. Bad does it again! The long-awaited list of the world's funniest mandrill jokes! Collect them all! (More...)
How Yo Git PPP T'Wawk on Yer Linux Box
Hell, ah used t'run a whole netwawk on over PPP wif a modem fo' years. It's real easy. I'll show yo' how right now. (More...)
Hey, folks! With the start of summer, Bar-B-Q season is upon us, and I bet you're looking for recipes for the backyard gourmand. Well, look no further! Here are Mr. Bad's favorites! (More...)
Juggler Vain Reviews SW1: The Phantom Menace
The inimitable Juggler Vain meets the immovable George Lucas. (More...)
Resolution Maximizes Productivity
Pao-Tzu reviews a clinical study of fatigue among workers using various resolution display media. (More...)
This week's list: "My Packing List for PigEasy 99, The Pigdog Journal Convention in New Orleans, LA." (More...)
Iraq Flashback -- The U.S. has been good at attacking easy targets this year. (More...)
These are all Bad People! All of them! BAD BAD BAD! (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Investigative Reporter extraordinaire Pao Tzu blows open the lid on an international travesty of justice. (More...)
Hey, every publication has to have them! This week's list is the traditional "Ins and Outs," eh. Actually, now that I think of it, I could use a little of the old in-n-out right up about now... (More...)
That's Black Gold... Texas Tea (More...)
This week: Thom 'Starky' Stark thinks about impeachment. (More...)
Totally Hot Chicks I Want to Get All Freaky With
Hey, read the title. (More...)
Please! I can't TAKE IT anymore! Make these bad things go away! (More...)
Pigdog Journal Gardening Columnist Pao Tzu describes how to make evil betel-nut concoctions in your own home. Powerful stimulants from an ugly palm tree!!! Nature is so fucking COOL. (More...)
Pao Tzu: San Pedro Mania Part II -- Dissection
Green Thumber, Pao Tzu, explains how to produce "shadow people" and other hallucinations by ruthlessly cutting open your pet cactus plants. Make a mess of your kitchen AND your brain! (More...)
New Pigdog Journal columnist Juggler Vain covers issues of little moment. And every moment has a little issue. Come and enjoy JV's lyric take on the world. (More...)
E. Coli Meets the Internet--This week Pao discusses the newest rage in high-speed networking: organo-servers and bacterial streams. (More...)
The Ogre Juggernaut Comments on Mr. Bad's Latest [sic] List
This week's list: guest columnist Tjames Madison provides expert analysis on a recent Mr. Bad's List, "Totally Hot Chicks I Want to Get All Freaky With." (More...)
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup
Went to one of the only really enjoyable outdoor concerts I can remember (maybe I didn't enjoy it enough). The finest in dirty hillbilly music: The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup. For those ignorants, Cross Canadian Ragweed is a horrendous allergan in Texas, and it's also a band. In a great show of humility, CCR was the worst major act in their line up. Fortunately, they have talented friends. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Datelined "Historic Mariposa," the fateful press release came in like an angry wind, announcing the release of a self-produced album, "Ordinary Hero," by occasional Pigdog contributor Thom Stark, in the language and tone of a Major Event, setting off a brief firestorm around the pigdog mailing list. (More...)
