Build Date: Thu Jul 18 20:00:22 2024 UTC

Work's a sucker's game. I'm looking into opportunities in the BANK ROBBERY sector of the economy.
-- Mr. Bad

Laughable Technology

Technology created by marketing people or stupid engineers.

Pigdog Journal Articles


3D-printed Cheesecake Squirts from Tubes
This week engineers at Columbia University unveiled the world's nastiest-looking cheesecake. The engineers were very proud of their creation which used 3D-printing to squirt layers of goo into an approximately triangular shape that looks like something you will never willingly put into your mouth. -- Baron Earl


Jeff Bezos' penis rocket locks onto target
The Airlander 10 aka "the flying bum", a hybrid helium airship built by Hybrid Air Vehicles in central England, will no longer schedule test flights when Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin Penis Rocket is shooting off. -- Baron Earl


Security hole in Windows 7 allows users to patch security holes
When Windows 7 reaches its end of life on January 14, 2020, only users that pay Microsoft Extra Money for Updates (EMU) will continue to receive security updates. -- Baron Earl


UK Ministry of Defense redacts classified info by changing background color to black
The UK Ministry of Defence released classified documents about its nuclear submarines. The documents were requested under the British Freedom of Information Act. Any still-classified information in the documents was supposed to be redacted, except that the government official in charge of releasing the documents didn't grasp that changing the background color to black does not actually remove any of the redacted text. -- Baron Earl


IE6 Down for the Count
Microsoft finally admits it: Internet Explorer 6 is a shitty, shitty browser. According to the new Microsoft web site The Internet Explorer 6 Countdown: "Friends don't let friends use Internet Explorer 6. And neither should acquaintances. Educate others about moving off of Internet Explorer 6." By educate they mean "move to IE9", but why not give these poor IE6 users a real helping hand, and help move them to Firefox or Chrome? -- Baron Earl


Mach 3 Power
So this is a review about a disposable razor. I suppose long-time PDJ readers might find that a bit strange...but then again, given the complete lack of new content over the past couple of years, the PDJ really doesn't have any more long-term readers. Maybe we can fix that and maybe this review will be on the main page for two years. Who knows? -- JRoyale


Microsoft's Shitty Software Fucks Up the Entire Goddamn Innernut
Hey, DUMBASS! Yeah, YOU! The one who's still running MICROSOFT SOFTWARE! I'd like to PERSONALLY THANK YOU for FUCKING THE ENTIRE INTERNET with your SHITTY SQL SERVER that's opened up to the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Thank you SO MUCH for SPEWING COMPRESSED UDP PACKETS of DUMBASS to every IP address on the planet. Way to go, HOTSHOT. I'll have you know that you've made it PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to DOWNLOAD CYBERPORN. -- Mr. Bad


An Eggcellent Idea!
Dr. Dick Wool, head of the University of Delaware's Affordable Composites from Renewable Sources program (ACRES), has produced a computer chip made from soybean resin and chicken feathers crafted into a composite material that looks and feels like silicon. -- Baron Earl


Asking Jeeves
A transcript of an actual search session from -- Siduri


The Toyota MR2 is Decadent and Depraved
It's ugly and weird and I won't ever set foot in one again. -- Tjames Madison


France Threatens to Reinforce US Navy in Middle East
As the fighting in Afghanistan ends this week, the French, in what I guess must be an attempt to restore some Gallic dignity have announced that the "pride" of their fleet, the nuclear powered aircraft carrier Charles de Gaulle will be sent to the Arabian Sea to "assist" the American fleet. -- JRoyale


Stop Microsoft from Embracing and Extending Your Home Page
In response to the geek media backlash, Microsoft seems to be backpedaling from its Smart Tag blitzkrieg of the Innurnet -- site maintainers can insert a meta tag at the top of their HTML to opt out. -- Dkr. Armand Geddyn


Stupid Security Tool for Stupid SysAdmins
As a clueful systems administrator, part of my job is to keep the 3v1l hax0rs out of my network. In fact, that's the reason why I got this job in the first place -- everyone knows computer security is dead sexy. The chicks fall all over you. -- Dkr. Armand Geddyn


Shitfire, This Site is Worth Checking Out!
PeaceFire is hip! Check them the fuck out! Elude the brain cops and expand your mind. -- Mr. Bad


Night of the Living Dead OS
Won't the Ameager ever DIE??? -- The Compulsive Splicer


Gnutella "Worm" written in... VBScript?
Oooh.... so there's a scary Gnutella worm out there giving nasty warning messages to Gnutella users. Eeeek! Scary virus like software makes me afraid to turn on my computer! -- The Compulsive Splicer


Counterfeit Counter-Espionage!
"My name is Banks. Agent Banks.

"My body is only six inches wide, but my eerie pupil-less blue eyes were paid for by your tax dollars..." -- El Destino


Disgusting Digital Stench Technology
Gah, this is the MOST HORRIBLE idea I've ever HEARD of! As a professional journalist, I review thousands of the retarded and ass-picking ideas that are floated by shysters, thieves, and sociopaths who are trying to milk the Internet gold rush for a bit of filthy cash. Yet NONE of these ideas STINKS as bad as DIGISCENTS.COM. And YES, you can quote me on that. -- Mr. Bad


Hey Mister, Bad News for DOS Fans
So DOS is like this TOTALLY CRAZY operating system, made by MICROSOFT of all people, and WHOA, apparently it was once the dominant OS on like ALMOST ALL COMPUTERS ANYWHERE! How did I miss out on DOS? -- Tjames Madison


I AM 3XTR33M, D00D
It's the latest fad that's sweeping the programming community by storm! EXTREEM PROGRAMMING! Wee-haw! Let's all go SKY SURFING and write some CODE! -- Mr. Bad


I Represent All of Christendom
FINALLY! The Catholic Church has recognized my leadership in the ecumenical world by granting me license to represent them on-line! My fabulous new email address proves it! -- Mr. Bad


Money for Almost Nothin
You've played Angband and Rouge and all those netty fantasy games, but check this out. Can you SELL your stuff on the open market? I'm not talking about to other MUD geeks for bits of virtual gold, but to REAL GEEKS for REAL MONEY. You can if you play Ultima Online or Everquest. -- Ragboy


Gross Homeopathic Linux Bigots!
Check out these freaks at Linux Mall! If you want a job with them (in a "simultaneously fun, laid back and high pressure mode,") you have to be some kind of WEIRDO who's not only not allowed to smoke or wear perfumes, but apparently not allowed to KNOW ANYBODY WHO SMOKES! -- Tjames Madison


Jeez, man. It's all about GIMMICKS in this big ol' crazy dot-com feverish world. But I got to say that I think WIMMIN'S SITES are, like, the weirdest gimmick of all. -- Mr. Bad


d00d!@ Rexx is the coolest thing ever! Write all your code in big REXX like you were a CONSULTANT at a BANK in 1988! Yay for REXX! -- Mr. Bad


An Open Letter to Tim Berners-Lee
Mr. Bad busts the Father of the Web over an egregious spelling mistake! -- Mr. Bad


What Part of 'Betamax' Don't You People Understand?
OK, folks, I'm just really amazed that this needs to be said, but here it goes: nobody wants Sony minidiscs. They're useless little slabs of plastic and thin film. It's a stupid and proprietary storage medium and they just suck. -- Mr. Bad


Unisys Is a Bunch of Retards
Remember way back when Unisys started enforcing their LZW patent, and everyone said that if you used GIFs on your site you'd have to pay a fee? And how that was wrong, it was only people who had software that MADE or SHOWED GIFs who had to pay a fee? Well, NOT ANY MORE! -- Mr. Bad


IBM Releases New Version of DOS!
After a five-year gap since the release of PC-DOS 7, IBM has announced the next release of the venerable Disk Operating System. These guys just don't know when to quit. -- The Compulsive Splicer


Tamagothi -- The Tamagotchi for Goths!
So I always used to see these mimes hanging out at the ice cream parlor on Third and Market here in San Francisco. The'd be dressed in their black clothes and their white face makeup and they'd just sit around and make dramatic gestures and never say anything. Then someone told me that they were goths! -- Crackmonkey


Red Herring must DIE DIE DIE
So anyone who works in the techno-techno industry knows that Red Herring is not just a magazine and not just a Web site. It's an evil MIND-SAPPING RADIO STATION that sends waves of STUPID into the BRAINSTEMS of MARKETING PEOPLE everywhere. They MUST BE STOPPED! -- Mr. Bad


Web Search Engines Are Falling Down on the Job!
Scientists say that all of the search engines -- AltaVista, Google, Excite, etc., etc., -- have absolutely MISERABLE performance, and they are getting WORSE. Not a single engine has indexed more than 16% of the Web's estimated 800 million pages. -- El Snatcher


Calculators that use 'Verbal' numbers!
Not "verbal" as in spoken, though. This guy has some interesting ideas on how to improve calculators. -- The Compulsive Splicer


Transfer Capacitor Storage Device
The American Computer Company produced a web page announcing its new Transfer Capacitor Storage Device that can store 90GB on a device the size of a poker chip. Unlike previous announcements that ACC has made, this one is ALMOST FREE of references to the Roswell saucer crash and alien technologies. -- Baron Earl

1999-06-29 = SELLOUT.ORG!
You knew it was gonna happen sometime, didn't you? has sold its community to the bucks boys for a mess of pottage. Har har har! The Dumb-Down Bundt continues its slimy slide! -- Mr. Bad


Electric Minds Isn't Dead Yet?! HA HA HA HA HA
I was pretty surprised when someone told me that Electric Minds was still around and kicking. I mean, this seemed like a real DUMB IDEA in 1996 or whatever. Why are people still doing this? -- Mr. Bad


All Browsers SUCK ASS; Film at 11
Ever try to make a commercial Web site? Then you know what kind of a royal PAIN IN THE ASS it is. You spend 20% of your time doing the real meat of the site, and 80% doing stupid BULLSHIT with JavaScript and frames and tables and this-doesn't-look-quite-right in Fuckhead Navisplorer four-dot-my-dot-ass. I HATE that! -- Mr. Bad


Third Voice Is COOLIO
OK, I -KNOW- it's a totally evil privacy-invading brain sucker, but I LOVE this software. It's like MST3K for the WEB! -- Mr. Bad


Linux Dot Gag
Just in case you were wondering at what point the Hacker Revolution ended, man, it's officially OVER. Turn off the lights, sweep up the confetti, and shed a private tear over the dumbing down of Linux. -- Mr. Bad


So-called 'Smart Browsing' Sucks
So, I have to say the dumbest technology I've seen in a while is the "What's Related" doohickey on Netscape Navigator 4.5. If you don't use 4.5, here's the scoop: there's a little button on the address bar that says "What's Related". When you click on it, it pauses a sec, and then it shows you the titles of about 4-5 sites that are somehow "Related" to the site you're looking at. -- Mr. Bad

Offsite links shared by staff writers




Flying Cars -- Baron Earl


Fat Masons Make Software
Fat, middle-aged Freemasons with poor Photoshop skills wax mystical on software, sacrifice goat in hotel room. -- Mr. Bad


Life with Peapod -- El Destino


Smiley Markup Language
At first I thought this site was going to be a cool paint fetish porn hole. But it turns out to be a way to make XML <gag /> that represents smileys <gag arity="double">. -- Mr. Bad


Send Me One Free Fish
You give them your name, they bring you a fish. Or something. No, I'm not going to try it first. YOU try it. -- Mr. Bad




"Virtu-Cone" VR enhancer -- El Destino



Visit E-Telegraph Avenue -- El Snatcher



More fun than you'd imagine
Robot Frank's page. As my friend April puts it, a kind of pre-futurama Bender in real life. Real Funny, though I'm not sure why. -- Patient Joab


Everyone wants to know how you feel.
What's really important is how YOU feel, right? Use crazy to broadcast your miniscule variations in emotional stature to an unfeeling audience of millions. -- Mr. Bad





Pet Peeve about HTTP
OK, I guess this makes me a small person, but the word "referrer" is misspelled in the HTTP protocol. I know, that's picayune, but it's used EVERYWHERE. And it's misspelled. Fuck. -- Mr. Bad


Linux Sux? Whatever you say, Microsoft.
Well, apparently Linux Sucks. At least, that's what Microsoft says, and why would they lie? -- Mr. Bad


Burn All GIFs Day -- Fuckhead


Crazy-Ass Neon Light Saber
Check it out! It's a crazy neon light saber, just like from that movie, "Star Track!" -- Mr. Bad


Wired on crazy Extro4 -- El Snatcher


Assholes at SRL unable to find venue for show
The folks at SRL are unable to find a venue for their performances. Could being total ASSHOLES have something to do with it? You decide. Har har har! -- Mr. Bad


BBC: Yugoslavs are creating a new 'cybernation'...
BBC: 'Birth of a Cybernation' -- Yugoslavs have created a bizarre virtual country that will 'go live' Sept. 9th. Anyone can be a citizen, and a minister. -- El Snatcher


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