Build Date: Wed May 21 14:50:20 2025 UTC
We've gotta get out of here. I have The Fear.
-- Dr. Gonzo
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
2000-05-27 10:41:30
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report?
The area where I now reside is remote. In some cases, a maintained dirt road is considered a luxury. A trip to the local drinking establishment is an excursion that must be carefully planned. So you are left with only two alternatives: stock up well on supplies, or get to know your nearest neighbors really well and hope they consume as much as you do (if not more) and have rations to spare/share. In most cases, you end up doing both - stocking up, and then inviting like-minded folks from around the county to come over, have a few drinks, get naked and howl at the stars.
In doing this, we've found a nice tasty recipe that'll put hair on your back. We call it the "Johnny Royale Stopped In Customs & Given a Full Body Cavity Search Because Someone Called The Narcs & Said He Was Smuggling Three lbs. of Smack Into The Country" or it's short name:
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Ingredients
- 1 Bottle of Spicy Jamaican Ginger Beer (the spicier the better)
- 1 Measure of Georgia Moonshine
- (optional) big squeeze and/or wedge of lime
Directions
Put measure into a chilled (important) tumbler with three ice cubes. Pour in ginger beer. Hit it with the lime juice. Drink.
Two to three of these will have you braying at the moon. But that's OK. Everyone else will be as well.
Warning: the next morning, you will feel like someone's shoved their entire arm up your rectum, and used your spinal cord as a bell rope.
T O P S T O R I E S
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
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Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
