Build Date: Sat May 31 23:20:25 2025 UTC
Subliminal messages inserted into Muzak may not work, but they've cranked them up at a couple of local stores in my area. I walk in the door and my head starts to buzz and my skin starts to crawl. Then again, maybe that's just my reaction to American consumer culture.
-- Baron Earl
Spock's Balls
1999-10-16 18:11:59
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved!
The magic of this spocktail is that repeated use leaves you in a state of STINKING DRUNKITUDE that you are physically incapable of sleeping off. The delicious spliciness of the ginger beer combines with the herbal blechiness of the smart drugs to ward off the faint of heart from this robust and adventurous spocktail.
The name originates in the fact that the ginger beer brand sounds an awful lot like "Cock and Balls" to folks who like to snigger about that kind of thing. PLUS! the near-hallucinatory effect is reminiscent of a 2-ton wrecking ball arcing at high speed through the mossy brick wall of your brain. PLUS! I like to name things after Spock.
I first had a Spock's Balls with Flesh and Johnny Royale at a warehouse party in San Pedro in 1994. We were hunkered down in the foreman's tiny office up on the catwalk, trying to get the hell out. In an irrational fit of pique, Johnny had used a gigantic portable hand drill on a Barracuda belonging to some Samoans that had cut us off in the parking lot. I was worried somewhat about the obese, flower-shirted Polynesians lumbering about like postmodern Gypsy bears in the flashing lights below, Xed out of their woolly gourds. They didn't seem to know yet about the violation of their machine, but they were still evincing aggressive behavior, such as ramming their heads through the corrugated aluminum walls of the warehouse. I was nervous.
Flesh mixed up 2 rounds of Spock's Balls while we tried to think. Johnny pointed out that we could climb up one more level of catwalks and leave through a skylight in the roof. Spock's Balls lower your inhibitions for such reckless schemes, but the drink also inhibits your gross motor capacity for executing them. I still have a really bad limp from the fall, and only two toes on my left foot. A Samoan drove me cheerfully to the hospital in his maimed convertible, gleefully burbling about the 18 months he lived in Ibiza. I didn't put forward any theories about who had fucked with his car.
Enjoy!
Spock's Balls
- 4 oz. Cock 'n Bull (TM) brand splicy ginger beer
- 2 oz. Everclear grain alcohol
- 1 capsule Metabolift (TM) brand trucker speed
Chill the Everclear in a highball glass 1/4-filled with ice. Add the ginger beer. Carefully open the Metabolift (TM) capsule and empty the powder into the drink (a Leatherman can be helpful in extracting the Metabolift if it is dryish and sticks to the gel cap). Stir carefully and serve.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
