Build Date: Mon Sep 9 15:50:11 2024 UTC
The more I think about religion and people and everything that we have and have done, the more I'm convinced we're just monkeys with sticks.
-- Ragboy
Spock's Balls
1999-10-16 18:11:59
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved!
The magic of this spocktail is that repeated use leaves you in a state of STINKING DRUNKITUDE that you are physically incapable of sleeping off. The delicious spliciness of the ginger beer combines with the herbal blechiness of the smart drugs to ward off the faint of heart from this robust and adventurous spocktail.
The name originates in the fact that the ginger beer brand sounds an awful lot like "Cock and Balls" to folks who like to snigger about that kind of thing. PLUS! the near-hallucinatory effect is reminiscent of a 2-ton wrecking ball arcing at high speed through the mossy brick wall of your brain. PLUS! I like to name things after Spock.
I first had a Spock's Balls with Flesh and Johnny Royale at a warehouse party in San Pedro in 1994. We were hunkered down in the foreman's tiny office up on the catwalk, trying to get the hell out. In an irrational fit of pique, Johnny had used a gigantic portable hand drill on a Barracuda belonging to some Samoans that had cut us off in the parking lot. I was worried somewhat about the obese, flower-shirted Polynesians lumbering about like postmodern Gypsy bears in the flashing lights below, Xed out of their woolly gourds. They didn't seem to know yet about the violation of their machine, but they were still evincing aggressive behavior, such as ramming their heads through the corrugated aluminum walls of the warehouse. I was nervous.
Flesh mixed up 2 rounds of Spock's Balls while we tried to think. Johnny pointed out that we could climb up one more level of catwalks and leave through a skylight in the roof. Spock's Balls lower your inhibitions for such reckless schemes, but the drink also inhibits your gross motor capacity for executing them. I still have a really bad limp from the fall, and only two toes on my left foot. A Samoan drove me cheerfully to the hospital in his maimed convertible, gleefully burbling about the 18 months he lived in Ibiza. I didn't put forward any theories about who had fucked with his car.
Enjoy!
Spock's Balls
- 4 oz. Cock 'n Bull (TM) brand splicy ginger beer
- 2 oz. Everclear grain alcohol
- 1 capsule Metabolift (TM) brand trucker speed
Chill the Everclear in a highball glass 1/4-filled with ice. Add the ginger beer. Carefully open the Metabolift (TM) capsule and empty the powder into the drink (a Leatherman can be helpful in extracting the Metabolift if it is dryish and sticks to the gel cap). Stir carefully and serve.
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)
From the mixed up files of citizen 566-77-0776 (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
