Build Date: Fri Jul 19 19:00:12 2024 UTC

I've been told that I had a great time.
-- Donkey Hotey

Bush Brain in Critical Condition

by Reverend CyberSatan

2005-07-14 08:40:20

Sometime over the last 24 hours, George Bush Jr. had a stroke. You would never be able to tell. Bush continued giving speeches and making appearances, like the one at the FBI training academy. His photo ops have rolled right along, too. But despite these appearances, the man is profoundly ill.

A critical blood vessel burst, leaving lingering clots along critical arteries that block vital blood flow, and no cure is forthcoming. Ladies and gentlemen, the President will be brain dead shortly, leaving only his mindless husk to wander from summit to meeting to photo op without the slightest idea where he is headed for the remainder of his term.

Everyone knows that the body cannot function without the brain, and in Bush's case that brain belongs to someone else. Namely, Karl Rove, the President's Deputy Chief of Staff and principal political planner. It was Rove who engineered the Texas governorship for the former alcoholic cokehead. And when George Junior went national, "Turd Blossom" Rove was right there, cranking out the fertilizer that produced the flowers lining the Washington D.C. streets during the inaugurals. It was Rove who re-made Bush as a down-home populist who was more user-friendly than the mechanical Gore. Perhaps Rove's greatest achievement was in long-range engineering a massive conservative turnout in the last election by making gay marriage a pivotal agenda piece throughout the nation. For all his hard work, the evil little bastard was promoted to a Cabinet position, so he could sit at the table with the grownups during every meeting.

Any brain pumping that hard for that long is going to have a breakdown sooner or later. Particularly when the brain has consistently churned out work that indicates rotten and diseased frontal lobes. The disease most often associated with such high-level success is hubris, which often leads to a rotting of the associated arteries. There is no official medical term for this type of stroke, though they are often easier to name per their cause. In Rove's case, the stroke would be known as a Plame. A "Plame" occurs when a high-level presidential official outs a covert CIA intelligence operative as a means of exacting revenge on her less-than-cooperative husband.

A couple of years ago, when the media finally got around to examining the actual "evidence" proffered by the Bush Administration as our justification for storming into Iraq, cracks in the Administration story developed. One of the deepest and most damaging of those cracks was former ambassador Joseph Wilson IV. Wilson was dispatched to Niger in February 2002 to investigate claims that the government there had sold uranium yellowcake to the Saddam regime in the late 1990s. Wilson wasted no time in debunking these claims and briefing the U.S. Embassy staff in Niger, as well as the C.I.A. and State Department as to his findings. Done with his work, Wilson returned home. However, it wasn't until Wilson wrote a now legendary piece in the New York Times ( that things turned sour. Wilson publicly came out and said that assertions made by the Bush crew regarding the uranium sales from Niger to Iraq were completely false.

A few days later, Wilson's wife, Valerie Plame, was outed as a covert C.I.A. operative by syndicated columnist Robert Novak. Wilson wasted no time in alleging that this was political payback for his Times article. The message was clear: "You didn't play ball, and now your wife's life is at risk." Wilson was not quiet about his suspicions as to who gave up his wife. All along, he's said the same thing: Karl Rove. Since then, an investigative probe into the leak has landed one New York Times reporter in jail for failure to cooperate, and forced the hand of a Time correspondent who was due to go to jail but who suddenly felt "free" to work with investigators. In the week since the Time reporter came forward, the President's brain suffered its stroke.

Since Rove's involvement has become public, the Bushmeister has shut down his mouthpiece, too. Apparently, Scott McClellan is now so respectful of the investigation that he no longer trumpets Rove's absolute innocence. Rove's lawyer has offered the flimsiest defense by saying that Rove didn't outright provide Plame's name to the reporters, but only identified her as Wilson's C.I.A.-employed wife. Right. Kind of like how Clinton never "had sexual relations with that woman," yet managed to score some impressive blowjobs from her anyway. The way the White House corps is circling the wagons around Rove, the President's brain is on intensive care life support.

So if the Brain dies and the Body lives, what will it all mean for the nation, the world, and the future? I wish I could sit here and say all the news was good, but I can't. Certainly, Rove's removal from the presidency will incise a dangerous cancer from an already ailing patient. But that operation alone will not correct other lethal maladies suffered by the President. What will be gone is Bush's ability to twist public support around to his liking. Rove has served as a master spin doctor throughout Bush's career and no one, not even Karen Hughes, will be able to step into Rove's black hole socks. The worse news will be for Bush's successor (who has yet to be named). Rove could be a powerful asset to any candidate riding Bush's coattails. But if he resigns or is fired from the Administration or gets indicted, then he becomes the kind of skunk that no one wants anywhere near them for at least two or three terms. After that long, the offending weasel should have sufficiently aired out enough to be useful again to an even more despicable, immoral administration.

The best thing about watching Rove squirm is that the little fucker has had this coming for the longest time. So has the Administration. Together, the Brain and the Body have wreaked more havoc on the Western World than their last three predecessors combined. They exemplify the complete lack of actual leadership that is critical at this juncture in history, and serve only as a horrendous warning sign of what to avoid at any cost. With half the Gruesome Twosome out of the picture, things inside the frame go from pitch black to at least dark gray. That may not be much of an improvement to you realists out there, but in the abstract, it scores as a win.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

T O P   S T O R I E S

Decriminalize Nature

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G