Build Date: Fri May 24 02:00:16 2024 UTC

Any REAL CREED has to mention Spock or it really isn't much of a CREED now, is it?
-- Johnnie Royale

Mr. Bad

Yo soy un pistolero!

Yo soy also un blogger-o...

Pigdog Journal Articles


We Don't Want Your Pantsless Duck
We don't want your stoned mouse without nipples. We don't want The Philadelphia Story, we don't want Bing Crosby, we don't want anything else you think you can squeeze a few extra pennies out of. You want 'em, you keep 'em. We're taking the rest, assholes.


Michael Moore R0X0RZ
Well, shitfire, man. We really haven't had a lot of WAR NEWS on the ol' PDJ of late, what with it being so mind-bogglingly insane and incomprehensible and wrong and foul. But the OSCARZ, well, y'know, that's a WHOLE NOTHER ISSUE, man. Whole nother deal indeed.


Justice And Sanity Kicked in the Balls by Wrong-headed Pig People
The world sits on the brink of disaster today: an insane war for oil half a world away fought over the broken bodies of long-standing alliances and the dream of international law and order. People all over the globe are considering what's gone so wrong that the American war machine can blaze gigagallons of radioactive bullsemen into the dying throats of Iraqi children and the hopes of decent folks for centuries. Well, I mean, _other_ people are thinking about that. Me, I'm thinking about the fuckheads at the Raspberry Awards and their unconscionable sleight against Christopher Walken.


Call Your Senator (an Ass-Sucking Bush-Wussy)
So, it's another Virtual March on Something -- this time on Washington, what with the INCIPIENT BLOODBATH coming any day now. The folks at Win Without War are organizing a big-ass mass-calling-mailing-faxing dealy, and you should be part of it, if only to cause mayhem and get people pissed off at you.


Microsoft's Shitty Software Fucks Up the Entire Goddamn Innernut
Hey, DUMBASS! Yeah, YOU! The one who's still running MICROSOFT SOFTWARE! I'd like to PERSONALLY THANK YOU for FUCKING THE ENTIRE INTERNET with your SHITTY SQL SERVER that's opened up to the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Thank you SO MUCH for SPEWING COMPRESSED UDP PACKETS of DUMBASS to every IP address on the planet. Way to go, HOTSHOT. I'll have you know that you've made it PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to DOWNLOAD CYBERPORN.


US Officials Stomp On Free Software In International Star Chamber
So, I'm sitting on this beach on Ko Samet in Thailand today, drinking a Big Chang beer and picking up some rays. Yay for Thailand! Yay for beer! But I made a crucial mistake that has fucked up my mental equilibrium and forced me into the nearest thatched Internet hut (no shit -- it's really a hut): I bought a copy of the Bangkok Post, and now I'm all hopping mad.


Can you believe it? We've been having this WACKASS CONTEST for FIVE YEARS. FIVE! That's a lot of years! To have a contest! About Christmas essays! I mean serious! And it's time once again (OK, a little past time, I agree) to do it to me one more time! For Christmas's fucking sake! Beaujolais!


Fuck. That Dude is BLUE. Fuck.
Well, I didn't think we were ever going to get a chance to do another "Y2K Madness" article on Pigdog Journal again, despite the fact that it's one of our finest categories EVER. And yet, this year's election cycle brings us a chance, with the story of the Montana libertarian dude what turned blue because of Y2K.


Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas 2002
Beaujolais! Last-minute Halloween costume ideas from Mr. Bad! A last-minute column for the last-minute shopper!


You Are Being Eaten By Invisible Vampires
So, anyways, did I mention that I learned toki pona? I learned toki pona. And as much as I loathe the vapid philosophy behind the Web site, I gotta say: I'm glad they have a link to


tenpo kama la mi toki pona
So, yeah, this is the part of Pigdog where Mr. Bad rants incomprehensibly about Esperanto, the Official Language of Bad People of the Future. Or where other Pigdog authors put up links to harsh critiques of Esperanto, or where El Snatcher puts up Protocols-of-the-Elders-of-Zion-style incomprehensible Esperanto conspiracy slurs. So what's the news in Esperanto-land? toki pona.


California State Senate Seeks to Throw Away Taxpayer Money on Unconstitutional Law
Wow! The California State Senate has sure pulled some boners in the past, but this one has got to take the cake. They are seriously considering a new bill -- passed UNANIMOUSLY by the State Assembly! -- that would try to enforce regulations that have ALREADY been ruled unconstitutional. Tell them not to waste your money!


What's Your Debian Package Name?
It's a "What's your name?" page for the techno-techno set! Find out what your Debian package name is, and you can put it on your home page or blog or journal and shit. And everyone will love you!


Goths vs. Dieters in the Streets of Montréal
Fucking hell. It's like the mind-bending last-war apocalypse in "The Prophecy" movies or something. I dunno what I'm gonna do here. I'm trapped in the street between Goths and Dieters and fucken Christopher Walken is going to bite off my head like a radish. I should just give up and get washed away in the tide of blood.


The US Must Deploy Turtle-Men To Afghanistan
News for today: world becomes slightly obviously stranger, suspiciously a big fat fucking joke. I can't believe I've fallen for reality this long.


Thuggish Cartoon Gauls Rampage In Internet's Bunghole
I only wish there was some new angle to this kind of story, I really do. Because it's the repeated story of the Internet, it's the story that we tell over and over again: superstrong midget barbarian and Gerard Depardieu attack German laptop Linux Web site. OK, well, kinda different, I guess.


d00d, Quit being a FUCKING ASS
MY GOD MAN!!! Do you realize what you're doing? DO you? What kind of HONEY BITCH TOOL have you become? Have you no shame? None at all?


Beaujolais Mozillur Dot Part-ay Number Something dot Oh!
So, it's finally happening again! The super-best fantastic Free Software party of history, long SUPPRESSED by its AOL-Time/Warner OVERLORDS, is now back and better than ever! In the DNA Lounge! In San Francisco! Beaujo to your cujo! I don't even know what that means, but I just made it up because I'm all excited and hyperventilating!


Mind-bending Braingames Torture Last Remaining Broomfield Survivors
Tossed and flayed on a hell-sea of crime, the last remaining residents of the blood-bathed mean streets of Broomfield, Colorado endure yet one more heinous torture flame from the furnace of crime: a mind-boggling scam game that toys with the victims' very understanding of right and wrong, up and down, death and very life.


Canadians Earn Olympic Medal for Whining, Poor Sportsmanship
Notorious sore losers Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, who have plagued airwaves and talk shows with their complaining and whining, were finally thrown a bone on Friday with the awarding of a "special lifetime achievement" gold medal for bitching, kvetching, and poor sportsmanship.


Kathleen Fent Read This Story
Kathleen, I wanted to do this in this most potentially embarassing way possible, and I figured doing it here and now, in front of a quarter of a million strangers (give or take) was as good a way as any. I think you're pretty much a babe and I know now that I want to spend my night with you. Enough rambling. Will you have some drunken, sloppy sex with me?


Cowardly Olympic Athletes Dodge Duty On War Front to Play in Snow
One might think that in time of national war the cream of America's youth, her most hale and hearty corn-fed offspring, would be giving every minute of their day to fight Osamur bin Laden and his demonous Al-Qaedur network wherever they were needed. One would be, in fact, wrong: America's finest are thousands of miles away from the front, playing children's games in the snow for the entertainment of humorless Mormons. How could this have happened? Have the terrorists already won?


In Your FACE, Ashcroft Nazi Fuck!
Beaujolais! Today is a good day for FREEDOM and LIBERTY and EXPRESSION and MAKING JOHN ASHCROFT look like the giant dumb FUCK that he is. Because one small corner of liberty has been RECOVERED from the forces of evil and bastardoism. It's like THE HOBBIT OF THE RINGS, people, only with Feds instead of Klingons and George Bush instead of Dark Vader!


Try Assman's First!
Once again, dredged from the slushpot of discarded Pigdog Journal article categories comes an old favorite made new again: THE ASSMAN AWARD.


So, if you're like me, you get in arguments all the time with people on the Innurnet. And when you get in those arguments, you like to have URLs to point to so that people know that you're really fricken serious about what you're talking about, and not just some big blowhard know-it-all bastardo, which in fact I am. So having around has preserved the illusion that you and I are not big assholes, which in fact is only partially true.


Ninjas: The Ultimate DEADLY THING
Top five things that make me fear and exult: 5) Amyl nitrate. 4) Car crashes. 3) Courtroom showdowns. 2) Sex in public. 1) the REAL ULTIMATE POWER of a full-on NINJA ATTACK. Suweet!


More Bullshit Fearmongering Over Ecstasy
Here we go again -- the anti-drug establishment has been picking up steam on the STOP ECSTASY issue, and a new bill in the California Legislature would bring even more dumbhanded shitpain on the people who know most about drugs in this country. Back once more into the breach, maties!


The Chilling Effects of Legal Threats
After 7 or 8 years of this World Wide Web thing, we've all come to know the story: a great piece of art, of news reporting, of critique or of satire goes up on the Web somewhere. It gets hits, it gets kudos, it gets involvement from the world. And then, one day, it's gone. Why? Where'd it go?


American Hero Shoots Self in Ass
Americans are enthralled with the heroic tales of Our Men and Women in Uniform coming in from Afghanistan -- swashbuckling stories of torturing Al Qaeda prisoners, clearing smuggling routes for heroin cartels, and carpet-bombing orphanages and hospitals into smokey piles of gristle and cinderblocks. But it's important to remember that there's other American Heroes -- heroes who have answered the call of homeland security and stayed right here in the USA, ready at any time to shoot themselves in the ass in defense of Freedom.


Desperate Measures Cannot Brake Broomfields Descent Into Anarchy
Faced with a brushfire disintegration of the moldy and tattered social fabric of their Beirut-like ur-city, Broomfield's desperate alderpersons took panicked measures to pull the urban motor home back from the cliff-edge of madness. Everyone said it wouldn't work -- and they were goddamned well right.


FUCK Your Bourgeois New Year! I Choose Liberty
Around the globe tonight bloated plutocrats and their lackeys celebrate the grinding wheel of a NEW YEAR of the OPPRESSOR rolling over the bones and sinews of FREE MEN everywhere. But for the true friends of FREEDOM, it's just another 12th of Nivose. Beaujolais to that!


Death and Destruction in Dieterland
It's been two long and shitty years, but I for one am STILL holding a goddamned grudge against the world for not blowing up into an kakocratic warlord deathscape on 1/1/2000. How dare the Earth not implode?! How dare civilization not collapse!? How dare it!?


Pigdog Journal FOURTH Annual Christmas Essay Contest
Beaujolais!! Can you believe it's Christmas time again? I really haven't been able to plan around it since we survived Y2K -- never saw that coming. Anyways, send in your essay submission and LAUNCH YOUR CAREER TO THE STARS.


Strike A Blow For Common Sense
Hey, folks. Gar gar gar. Crazed nutbags across America think that curbstomping the rights of Americans will somehow show those terrorists a thing or two. What, I dunno. But we need to put the nutbags in their place.


U.S. Navy Buckles Under Withering Fire From Pigdog Journal
Well, sometimes in this difficult journalism biz you just gotta feel like a big dumb hillbilly what doesn't know his own strength and keeps accidentally breaking chairs and staircases in his big dumb hands. You know what I'm talking about? Because, like, who'd a thunk the UNITED STATES NAVY would flee before the punishing barrage of criticism from Pigdog Journal?


Virtual Sit-In == Real World Hacktivism
Dig this shit, freaky peoples: virtual sit-in to protest the Navy bombing in Vieques. Tomorrow! Wed. Jun 13! Join the protest and meet some protest chicks! (Protest chicks are notoriously loose, by the way. Just so you know.)


Don't Let The Cyberdoor Hit You In The Cyberass On The Way Out
Man, I really shouldn't gloat about the demise of another Web magazine. I really shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But FUCK, I'm going to! Goodbye, Suck dot com! Patsy amateurs! Clear the FLOOR, the man is gonna DANCE.


Medical Mota: What's Next?
Direct democracy comes up head-to-head with lily-livered federal legislation. The Supreme Court says that the lily-livered ones get the prize. So, what next?


The Old Mine
So, like, there's this Old Mine.


Freedom Needs a Champion
Well, they've opened up the nominations again, folks. And once again FREEDOM needs your help. Just a second of your time, a brief email, and the shackles holding down the INNURNET can be BROKEN. Do your job for liberty!


Andrew Leonard is a Nutless Boob
Man, what a creep that Andrew Leonard over to the Salon Magazine is. Wickety-wack half-hearted TOOL of the MAN! Listen to my long vent on street demonstrations for Information Freedom.


San Francisco: A Tale of Two Office Markets
Noodling thoughts on SF Real Estate from Mr. Bad.


Goddammit! Where's the Info On Mozillur Party 4.0?
What the hell is going on over there at Mozillur Central? How come there's been no announcement for the next Mozillur Dot Party? How come why why why?


Meathead MPAA Thugs Accidentally Attack Austin Powers
Haha! Man, the MPAA must hire the dumbest thugs in the world -- off the back of the reject truck at the thug meat factory or something. How could they be such dumbclucks, man? Har!


Cool Things To Put on Your J20 Protest Sign
Hey, going to a protest tomorrow but don't know what to put on your sign? Mr. Bad FEELS YOUR PAIN, so he's given you this list of FINE ANGRY THINGS to scribble in magic marker on your picket sign. So now you don't have an excuse to stay home!


Crazy Freakfest In the Streets for J20
d00d! It's that time again -- another protest massive in the HEART of the MACHINE. Welcome in the Second Bush Era with a scream and not a whimper -- hit the streets on J20!


She's Crafty
Dig: it's called "Craft." It's a game like Warcraft, except it's not Warcraft and there ain't no orcs and shit. And it runs on Linux and it has little smart people that do smart things. It's fun and I like to play games so good.


Shitfire, This Site is Worth Checking Out!
PeaceFire is hip! Check them the fuck out! Elude the brain cops and expand your mind.

2001-01-02 Could Use Some of Your Money, Please
Hey, so, check it out: pretty much the best drug info site on the Innurnet is in need of some big fat sacks of cash. They're running a pledge drive, and YOU need to pledge, eh?


Ins and Outs for the Year 2001
Whew! I bet you were worried Mr. Bad wasn't going to give you guidance for WHAT'S HOT and WHAT'S SNOT in the year 2001, weren't you! Hahaha! Oh ye of little faith! Mr. Bad will never, ever let you down. Trust in Mr. Bad to give you lists of futurist predictions and shit! Because that is what Mr. Bad does. He makes lists. That is his job.


The Week Between
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE!


eLibrejo - La "e" Signifas "Esperanto"
Check it: a cool and useful library of works written in or translated to Esperanto. All available on-line, for you, the ravenous Esperanto reader. Bujholej!


Christmas On Spock Mountain
The return of a holiday favorite the whole family can enjoy! A charming saga of a bunch of drunk cyberbilly hyperscientists and their encounter with a VERY SPECIAL VISITOR on Christmas Eve. Read it with someone you love.


Stuff I Love About the Holiday Season
Man, it's that time of year again. MAN, it's THAT time of year again. Is it ever. Gar!


Better Go Buy Yourself Some Super-Big Hard Drives
Y'know, some days it just hurts to be a freedom fighter, man. You wake up thinking that you're just about to turn the corner on FREEDOM, and then some asswipe industry cartel puts a WWF leg-lock on your neck. Fuck, it's depressing.


They Need to Add "Bujholej" and "Gargar'!"
Yet more Esperanto fun for the crazy Esperanto set! You know who you are, you swingers you! I love the lot of you! Serious! I mean it! Let's do lunch and shit.


Delicious Demons
Yeah, I know, the XFL stories are running fast and loose all over the mainstream media and they're really getting kind of boring. Everybody thinks the XFL is just haw-haw-haw hilarious, and it's not. But I still feel a warmness in my heart for the home team San Francisco Demons.


Ladies and Gentleman, I Have A New Hero
First off, I'd like to point out that Bob Crane was bludgeoned to death in 1978 in a motel room in Arizona. I just found out about this in the last 24 hours and it's having a really deleterious effect on my blood sugar level. Apparently there was porno involved, and blunt object trauma and all kinds of bad juju. But this is ALL OK, because I don't need Hogan anymore. I've got a NEW HERO, and his name is William Leonard Pickard Jr.


Alex Bennett Burning Man Pictures From 1995
Man, I got another edition of the Ghost Sites of the Web newsletter today, which always makes me happy. And check it: ALEX BENNETT's 1995 Burning Man Pictures were featured in this issue. Alex Bennett! Burning Man!


Read Pigdog Journal on Freenet
At long last, the promise of PEER-TO-PEER PIGDOGGERY has arrived. Pigdog Journal is now mirrored in the Freenet for your viewing pleasure. The first major Web magazine to do so, by the by. But you knew that we'd be in there first, didn't you? Because we rock like Spock!


Third Annual Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest!!!!!!
That's right, folks! It's back again, better than before, like Rocky VI or some shit. The Third Annual Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest! You can practically smell the Christmas Magic!


Beaujolais Nouveau! Need I Say More?!
Can you believe it's here again already? It hardly seems that a year has passed since the BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU was last unleashed on an unwitting world. The shards of glass have hardly been swept up, the wounds have barely healed, and the DIABOLICAL WINEMONGERERS of the Beaujolais region are already going to flood us with bacchanalian vino! Where is the justice!?

You read it right, folks -- it's a dot-com to help folks who are the blood cells in the mass hemorrhaging of the Internet economy. Beaujolais, I just got fired!


Whole Lotta Shakin Goin On
Yeah, that's a lame title, but everyone who writes a puff piece about earthquakes uses it, and as a Professional Journalist I feel obliged to submit to the tradition. (Just so you know, I will also use the word "temblor" later in this article). However, this puff piece is different -- it's not just about earthquakes as scary natural phenomenon, but earthquakes as a tool for VIOLENT SOCIAL CHANGE!


The Numbers Show That There Are An Unusual Number of Nazis In Palm Beach
So check this out: This feller at CMU has done some VERY SIMPLE statistical analysis on voting patterns in Florida. And apparently either there's a lot of complete nutbag Nazi freaks in Palm Beach County, or something went wrong with that notorious ballot.


Software Patents, The UK, and You
OK, so, software patents, right? They suck ass. We have them in the US, but actually a lot of countries around the world think they're a bogus idea and don't honor them. Which, like, GOOD for THEM.


Fuck You, Bill Jones, My Vote Is STILL For SALE!
Goddamnit! It's like, every time you turn around, THE MAN is coming down on the Internet. You know what I have to say about that? "Fuck you, 'THE MAN'!" I don't care if you're Bill Jones or the Chicago Board of Elections, if you squash freedom of expression and the press, you have a fiery shit burrito with your name on it waiting for you in Hell.


Smile! You're on Fascist Camera
Wow! I've been all around this great big world, and I've seen all kinds of girls. But that's neither here nor there. What's up with SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS, man?


Three Words: Guerrilla Queer Bar
So, you're gayer than an Easter parade, you like to drink, you live in San Francisco, and you're sick of the constant dumbing-down of the Most Wonderful City Ever Invented. What do you do? You got it: Guerrilla Queer Bar.


Stop Bush! Eliminate Spoiler Candidates!
Man, I really really don't want to live in a country run by George W. Bush. Which will mean, essentially, EVERY country on Earth, if the big ol' evil dolt gets elected this year. Gar! [Note: All "Gars!" are property of Mr. Bad and do not reflect general PDJ editorial policy. We have no common opinion.]


Last-minute Halloween Costume Ideas: MILLENNIUM EDITION
Check it out! More crazy Halloween costume ideas for you crazy freaks! Bwahaha! Yippee! Eat THESE keywords, search engine robot spider FUCKS!


Steve Feuerstein, You ROCK!
d00d, I have to say that I really am not a big fan of O'Reilly and Associates or their many books. I dunno, they get a good rap from most geeks, but in general I find them tedious, convoluted, and pretty much lame.


Excellent Internet Radio in Esperanto!
Bujholej! I'm pleased to report yet another fine RealAudio Internet radio show. But this one is in ESPERANTO. Bonege!


Yet More Humongous Bullshit From Congress
Well, this shouldn't be too surprising: your Federal government is once again trying to trample any rights you might have on-line. I'm getting sick of writing these damn articles, people! Fucking fuck!


Imperialist Yankee Go Home!
Gar! It's fucking FLEET WEEK in San Francisco, and as usual I feel like fucking SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC in his secret bunker or hiding from NATO bombers or some shit. I hate this damn week!


Excellent Forth Magazine Online
Man, the Forth Interest Group (FIG) of the UK (U) is really pretty damn on top of things. Not only has their Web site been updated like 30 million times since the last update of, but they also publish their newsletter, "Forthwrite," on the Web. Which, like, coolio, eh?


I Guess Athletic Robots Must Wear Cups
Excellent! Are the Olympics over yet? I wasn't really paying attention, because I've been RIVETED by the TRUE FASCINATING trials and tribulations of the 22nd Century's greatest athletes, the simubots who participate in the ROBOCUP TWO THOUSAND!


Fine Coverage of Burning Man by Dr. Black
Well, as usual Pigdog Journal is lagging heavily in our coverage of the Fabulous Burning Man. For all anybody knows, we haven't been to the damn event in four years. But we really do go, honest! We do cool stuff, too! People love us!


Secure the Perimeter: A's and Giants Both in Pennant Races
Holy crap! It's happening again! The A's just clinched the American League West title yesterday, and the Giants have the National League West already sewn up. So that means both teams are in pennant races, which means POTENTIAL DISASTER!


A Nation Waits With Bated Breath
Wow! It's like the night before Christmas all over Encryption Land!~ Because just HOURS from now the Encryption Fairies at the National Institute of Standards and Technology will announce the Advanced Encryption Standard (AES), the new government-mandated way to encrypt your datur!


Talk to the Bot, the Face Isn't Listening
Wow! You know, using stupid instant messaging systems like AIM or ICQ has got to be the most inhuman and unresponsive means of communications ever invented by people. And just to show how amazingly inhuman it can be, somebody created AOLiza!


Burning Man 2000: What a Good Time THAT Was!
Well, it's only been a few months since the event, but already some of the photos from Burning Man 2000 are starting to appear on the World Wide Web. Some of the best coverage so far is from!


Won't Get Fooled Again
Hey, so, ever been burned buying drugs? I haven't, of course, but that's because Mr. Bad gets high on life. You kids should too. Say Ugh to Drugs and Nope to Dope and all that shit. This has been a public service announcement.


Stop HR 2987! Fucking Fucking FUCK!!!!!!
Gaaah! I HATE the goddamned Congress! Why must they step on our simple, easy FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN rights all the time!? What is the MATTER with these people! Fukkers! USA out of my stash box!!! is what I say.


Beat Box
Mister Bad reviews the SF-local "raparetta" called "Beat Box."


State of Jefferson, Eh?
So, California is a BIG state. Like, a REALLY big state. There's just a lot of stuff here. A lot of people, a lot of land. And the folks in Jefferson want to take part of that away. Beaujolais for them!


Why The Future Sucks Ass
The future sucks ass. Mr. Bad explains why.


"Rock and Roll is Very Sweet Here": Stereolab @ The Warfield 5/17/2000, San Francisco
Mr. Bad reviews the recent Stereolab show in San Francisco.


DMCA Protest At Stanford
Get up, get up, get busy, people now! It's time once again to don your freedom-loving apparel and head out to the latest coolio INTERNET PROTEST. Do it! Get ready! Get out there! Get funky now!


Two Large Scottish, Please
Jesus Christ, I don't know what to say about this thing. Uh, OK, here's what I'll say: go buy some FUCKBUCKETS now, BEEYOTCH!


CD Prices Are A Crime
Fucking FUCK! Who the HELL do the RIAA and the music companies think they are, bitching us out as "thieves" for sharing MP3s on the Internet? What kind of fucking GALL does that take, when they're charged with CRIMINAL COLLUSION to keep the price of CDs up?


Last Chance for Catastrophe
Well, SURE, Y2K came and went like a gentle lamb. Everything is running along just hunky-dory, civilization didn't collapse, and no one is rioting in the streets, more or less. But don't despair! Survivalist leaders say there's ONE MORE CHANCE for total destruction!


Enraged Bull Leaves Wake of Destruction in Helpless Spokane!!!
Spokane, WA has been the latest victim of an ANIMAL RAMPAGE in North America. A maddened 2,000-lb. bull, driven insane by the torture and taunts of a rodeo crowd, threw its rider, broke out of the ring and ran wild in the streets of Spokane!


Alt dot Culture dot Long dot Dead dot Good dot Riddance
Well, if you thought that content was KING on the World Wide Squirrel, baby, you need to think again. Colossal failures like the alt.culture Web site show that you can't make the big bucks gar-gar-garring about bogus hipster stuff till the cows come home.


Get One of Ours Onto the Patent Committee
Stupid software patents! Gar gar gar! Aren't you sick of the bullshit!? I know I am. So let's get one of OUR SIDE onto the government's Patent Advisory Committee.


It's 4/20! Smoke Em if You Got Em!
So, here's my big conspiracy theory that I just made up: why do so many baddy-bad things seem to keep happening on April 20th? Hmm? Why? The Waco fire, the Oklahoma City bombing, the little disturbance in Littleton -- what's the CONNECTION!?


Earth Days Were the Worst Days - Now We Drink Champagne When We're Thirs-tay
So, if anything in the world exemplifies the complete cooption of the environmental movement by nicey-nice milquetoasts and corporate stooges, it has got to be Earth Day. Blargh! Earth Day is the stupidest thing ever! FUCK Earth Day with a big sharp stick, is what I say.

2000-04-20 Is Pretty Damn Good
Hey, so there's this site with this guy's writing and some pictures and stuff like that, and it's pretty good. Ha! Man, some of that stuff is funny. Heh.


A Little Ditty About Mike and Diane
From the secret files of Pigdog Journal comes the long-forbidden story of a love that could not be. Mike and Diane! The teenage slut virgin fakes something something! Go see it today!


Make Your Own Electronic Music Genre
Tired of trying to detangle the mish-mash of electronic music factions out in the world today? Mr. Bad says: GIVE UP, and join the madness instead. Pull some brand-new genres out of your ass with Mr. Bad's Patented Electronic Music Genre Generator!


Fascist Judge Stomps on YOUR Freedom to Innovate with Steel-Spiked Jackboots!!!!!!
April 3, 2000 will go down in history as the darkest day EVER for free-market ethics and values. The Department of Justice has wrapped its clammy claws around the throat of American business, strangling it to DEATH! Hang your head in SHAME, Americans, because we have let the secret One World Government strip away our FREEDOM to INNOVATE!


Boo-zho-lay for you, Pigdog reader! Another fine Spocktail of the week is available for you. And this week's offering is EXTRA special and fancy, since it celebrates the birthday of Pigdog's own STAR TWINS!


I Use A Word That Don't Mean Nothing, Like "Loopid"
Hey hey hey! It's almost April 1, which means only one thing in this big crazy town: The Saint Stupid's Parade! Beaujolais for crazy stupid people!


Do-It-Yourself Legal System
Hey, sports fan! Have you just received a jury summons because you made the mistake of registering to vote in the 2000 primaries? And now you're all bummed and trying to make up an imaginary ill relative so you can squirm out of this odious task? Well, kwitcher squirmin', Worm Boy! This is your chance to MAKE SOME LAWS.


Last One on the Bandwagon Turn Out the Lights
I dunno why it's taken me so long to write an article about this Boycott Amazon crap. Usually I jump all over this kind of thing and make something out of nothing. But in this case practically everybody in the world is bitching out Amazon, and I'm way in the back of the crowd picking bits of wax out of my ear with my pinky. Metaphorically, of course.


Screamin' Jay Hawkins: He's My DAD
Sad to say, for all you freaks who've been too whacked out on goofballs to hear, but Screamin' Jay Hawkins is DEAD DEAD DEAD. But check this: a Web site has been set up to try and contact SJH's alleged 57 illegitimate kids so they can get a chunk of his inheritance. Now whaddaya think about THAT?


Yo!nk, and Away! *SMACK*
Well, just when you think FREEDOM is on it's way in, there's a huge pig industrial backlash from the sleeping pork giants. Napster,, gar gar gar are all getting slapped down by the MAN! Mother fuck. Well, let's see what happens with Yo!nk.


BOOJ! There It Is
Another delicioso Spocktail from the grumbling belly of Spock Mountain Research Labs/Beverage Technology division! Go Spock-o! Go Spock-o! Get busy now! Go Spock-o!


Rollin' Phillies, Actin' Silly, Cyberbillies
Man, it's a well-known fact that booming techno-techno is the official music of Bad People of the Future and shit. Like, when diamond-crystal symbiots land on PLANET Q13 in the Booga Galaxy and shit, it's obvious that they will be playing some dope-ass goa on their 12-dimensional CD player and stuff. But, at the same time, these cyberbillies are giving techno a run for its money, what with all their "old-timey" music. Beaujolais for that!


Pervo Paratroopers Rain Sex Juices On Unwitting Citizens
In the annals of pervert creepo history, no single group is more feared and loathed than the disgusting elite pervert strike force known as "The Mile High Club!" And this company, Fantasies Aloft, is enabling perverts to have their disgusting juicy trysts at 30,000 feet in the AIR! Look out below!


Dead Man's Float
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices.


Free to Be You and Me
So, here's the diddly-d0: the once titanic BeOS is now moving into the same boring space as other also-rans like SCO. They're going to be giving away the new version of their interesting operating system to all comers. Yippee for that!


Krazy Kraftwerkish Swedes Love Spocko!
It's true! Everybody loves Spock-o, of course, but nobody loves Spock-o like the crazy-ass citizens of the Kingdom of Sweden. And the Kraftwerkish lyrical stylings of silvery S.P.O.C.K just go to prove it!


Disgusting Digital Stench Technology
Gah, this is the MOST HORRIBLE idea I've ever HEARD of! As a professional journalist, I review thousands of the retarded and ass-picking ideas that are floated by shysters, thieves, and sociopaths who are trying to milk the Internet gold rush for a bit of filthy cash. Yet NONE of these ideas STINKS as bad as DIGISCENTS.COM. And YES, you can quote me on that.


Mozilla Dot Party Three Point Fucking Oh!
Damn! I can't believe it's been TWO YEARS since Netscape released the source code for Navigator at the Mozilla Dot Party on March 31st, 1998. CRAZY!


Neurofunk Fucking Radio
GodDAMN, I like the Neurofunk Radio station! It's the George Washington SHIT of online radio. You must go listen to Neurofunk TODAY, my friend! I insist.


Get in on the Ground Floor of FREEDOM
Ever wish you could go back to 1991 and get in on the ground floor of the World Wide Web? Well you CAN'T. It's not gonna happen. But what CAN happen, right now, is for you to get in on the start of FREENET. Freenet! Can you smell the freedom!?


Hacker Chic
Man, it's all about the CRAZY HACKER CLOTHES! Wear lots of them, and then hack things real hard! Hack hack hack!


Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH.


Pigdog Journal DeCSS Distribution Center
Do you want to fight the MPAA and distribute DeCSS as far as the eye can see, but you're too chicken of their trained steel-toothed attack lawyers to put the DeCSS code on your Web site? GOOD! Me too! That's why I'm distributing the OTHER DeCSS.


Exciting Star Track Rumors!
Ever since the digitally-remastered Millenium PLATINUM KERDITIONS of the Star Track movies came out in 1997, the World Wide Web has been awash with RUMORS and FASCINATING STORIES about the "prequel" series. I don't care much, but I wish to capitalize on the fury by releasing some fabulous tidbits of my own!


Am I a TOTAL Loser for Never Hearing of Ganglandnews Before?
So, I got this lame junk mail from Brill's Content today, trying to get me to buy a subscription. They used this stratagem of listing all these things you would know if you'd read Brill's in the last few months. The thing is that it was all BULLSHIT, for example: there's this site called IMDB where you can look up movie info. NO SHIT, BRILL'S CONTENT. So I was dumbfounded that they had a blurb about this Gangland News site that I'd never heard of. How did that slip by?


Smash the MPAA through DIRECT ACTION!!
2600 Magazine is taking the fight for SOFTWARE FREEDOM to the streets of America! Striking a blow against the INFORMATION HOARDERS where they live! Beaujolais to that!


Go Bowling on Superbowl Sunday
Mr. Bad gives you a TON of things to do on Superbowl Sunday! Screw the TV, let's go BOWLING.


First WebTV, Now WebVan
Man, the people of earth want to use the Web! It's crazy! First they put the Web on the television machine with WebTV, and now people are using this here Webvan thing to get the Web brought to their house. Beaujolais!


I AM 3XTR33M, D00D
It's the latest fad that's sweeping the programming community by storm! EXTREEM PROGRAMMING! Wee-haw! Let's all go SKY SURFING and write some CODE!


Linux + Esperanto = A Winning Combination!
It's the latest thing! Kerjillions of madmen and freaks are combining the universal interlanguage ESPERANTO with the universal operating system LINUX! Insanity, by definition, must ensue!


Jazilla R0XX
Speaking of JAVUR, how bout that there JAZILLA? It's a Mozilla browser, written in JAVUR. Talk about your SHITHOUSE CRAZY SCHEMES.


It's ADVERTISING! Using JAVUR! How cool is that!?! They even call it JAVERTISING, which I have to say is the coolio name of the century.


Thus Spake Zarathustra!
Check it out! The definitive Web site for traditional Zoroastrianists! With lots of crazy Zoroastrian parables and long treatises on various aspects of Zoroastrianism! Can you BEAT THAT, motherfucker? I thought not.


Beaujolais! Pirate radio is going ON THE AIR! Low power radio stations, bringing ANARCHY and GOOD MUSIC to the bad people of the world! All under the glowing and benificent eye of the FC fucking C! Is this a great century or WHAT?


Jethro Bodine is Shithouse Crazy
Dear holy FUCKANAUTS! Max Baer, the big lughead who played JETHRO BODINE in the hit series "Beverly Hillbillies" is building him a GIGANTIC CASINO in the sick, bitter little dessicated city of Reno, Nevada. It's gonna be TOTALLY SIDEWAYS! With BLACKJACK and HILLBILLIES! Gah!


To All My Friends!
Hey, so you know those dorky-ass instant messenger programs like AIM and ICQ and stuff? And how dumb they are? You know? Well, OK, they're only kinda dumb. OK, I use them a lot. THERE, I SAID IT.


Big Stills! Weehaw!
I have never been a big proponent of e-commerce in any way, shape or form. OK, well, actually, I like buying gray-market drugs on the Internet. And cyberporn. But besides, that, e-commerce blows. At least, that's what I thought until I saw COOLIO BOOZE STILLS!


Canadia, Land of Perverts
Well, apparently some institute or other has finally proved what I've believed all along: Canadia is a land teeming with disgusting female perverts of every stripe and hue. Is anyone surprised by this?


There Ain't No Justice; It's Just .us
Sure, the big ol' new DNS TLD rules mean that you can get a dumb ol' DOT COM from any of a number of big dickhead entrepreneur company. But did you know you can get a domain for FREE or ALMOST FREE from the coolio .us NIC? I bet you didn't. Well you should get one!


Only the Strong of Heart Survive
I've been in the news biz for many a year, my friend, and I have to say that there is no SADDER SIGHT than seeing the FIRE in a YOUNG JOURNALIST's belly extinguished by the filthy lucre of R.U. Sirius. But what can you say? Some of us have backbones, some of us are men of honor, and others work for


Two Giant Mounds of Crap Merge; Can Produce More Crap
Yippity doo dah fuck! AOL and Time Warner, two of the world's largest producers of shoddy and biased information, today announced that they would merge together into one giganto-hugic mound of bullshit-producing crap. Look on, ye mighty, and despair!


World's Most Fucked-with Little Boy Gets More Shit Dumped on Him
Man, I just don't know what to say about this Elian Gonzales kid. I mean, nobody deserves the crap this kid is getting. It's like a hole opened up in the sky and an endless stream of War Turds are raining down on him forever. Poor little bastard.


Ins and Outs of 2000
Beaujolais! Noted futurist Mr. Bad has plugged the time-space coordinates into his InAndOut-o-Tron 2000 to come up with a new set of INS AND OUTS for this New Year! Look on, ye mighty, and despair!


Yet Another Crazy OS That Never Went Anywhere
Oberon is this TOTALLY BITCHEN light-weight, highly portable operating system. It roxx like roxx in a boxx, or something. But it never went anywhere. What's up with that?


I Hate Everything in the Future Except the Parkway
I live in the year 2000, and let me tell you, the future SUCKS! I'm hungover all the time, and there are no personal jetpacks as previously promised, and most of my favorite techno artistes haven't made a new music crystal since LONG AGO. The only thing that is worth a CYBERSHIT in the future is the PARKWAY.


Evil Canadia Poisons The World
Damn! I was all depressed and hungover after this Y2K thing happened. Life just seems not worth living when you have a chompanyah hangover and civilization is chugging right along as usual. Then I found out that evil Canadia is doing much EVIL in the world! Beaujolais! Canadia-bashing is my favorite sport! So I have something to live for!


The Second Millenium - A Look Back
On the eve of the Millennium, Mr. Bad looks back over the last 1000 years.


Calm Before the Storm
Well, T'is the Day Before Christmas, and it's probably a good thing that you're dicking around on the Web rather than stressing over last-minute XMas shopping like I am. Enjoy it while you can, because next week is going to SUCK.


Pigdog Journal Second Annual Christmas Essay Contest
Hooray! It's that time of year again! The Season of Caring and Sharing! When all the people of the world come together in the Joy of the Season! And Pigdog Journal is so full of MAUDLIN COMMERCIALLY-MANUFACTURED EMOTION and SAPPY SACCHARINE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT that we're having YET ANOTHER Christmas Essay Contest!


Who Loves the Sun?
So, tonight around 11:45PM PST the winter solstice will occur. Beaujolais to that! And it's a full moon, too! Also Beaujolais! There's a bunch of other weird elliptic mathematical things going on, too, but who cares? Go enjoy the moon.


World's Most Evil People in Entire World
I know that in this Season of Sharing and Caring I should not call somebody "The World's Most Evil People in the Entire World," but I can't help it, because they really are. It's just the TRUTH, and TRUTH has no season!


I think that if I've got to see the ENTIRE WORLD COLLAPSE this holiday season what with Y2K and all, I want to do it SPOCK-STYLE! And now the man himself has a BOOK to EXPLAIN HOW!


So, if you haven't heard already, there's a big hullabaloo about online toy retailer They are the undisputed Kings of SUCKASS! They took the crazy Krafwerkian eurotrash art group to court for having a name SIMILAR to theirs. Let us punish them with ELECTRONIC FRONTIER JUSTICE!


I Represent All of Christendom
FINALLY! The Catholic Church has recognized my leadership in the ecumenical world by granting me license to represent them on-line! My fabulous new email address proves it!


Stupid Suck Parodies Stupid Slashdot
Har har har! I don't know who I hate more -- Stupid Slashdot-dot-org or stupid Suck-dot-com! The cool part is that they hate EACH OTHER! Haw! I'm glad to see them gnawing at one other's THROATS like belligerent DRUNKS at a VEGAS BUFFET!


Emacs dot org! Coolio!
Wow! Everybody's superfavorite editor now has its own fabulous community Web site! This is so great! Everyone should dig this!


I'm Proud to be GATT, Y'all, and that's a FACT, Y'all
Check it out! Weirdness and bizarre brainfucking from the WTO! Web devolution is the only solution! Freak out the squares! Beaujolais!


No-Talent Matt Drudge Sent Back Down to the Minors
Well, folks, it's the classic Faustian tale: a mediocre nobody whores out his wrinkly pink to the Devil and in turn receives fame, riches, glory. His head gets too big, and he starts thinking he EARNED it. From there, hubris and downfall. And the curtain's a-closing fast on the Matt Drudge story.


Cyberbilly Thanksgiving Traditions
Gluttony, family infighting, and monumental sloth -- these are all traditional Thanksgiving values that the cyberbillies of Spock Mountain Research Labs hold dear to our hearts. We hope you, too, will share these heartwarming cyberbilly Thanksgiving traditions. Think of it as Martha Stewart gone horribly, horribly wrong.


Stop the WTO!
So, the WTO is going to be meeting in Seattle from Nov 30 to Dec 3. And they're gonna get a FACEFUL of radicals and freaks screaming anti-New World Order propaganda and trying to break up Business As Usual. BEAUJOLAIS!


Dr. Megavolt
Hey, so, if you were at Burning Man 1999, you probably couldn't help but see Dr. Megavolt. Or, like, if you watch Sizzler commercials, you've probably seen him, too. Ha ha.


Zamenhofa Bluso
Hot diggity DAMN! I thought I'd seen everything, until I saw DAVID RADIKULO, Esperantist wiccan BLUESMAN! I FUCKING love this TOWN!


Echelon Watch! Watch Me Watch You!
Well, SHIT. I guess I can't go on thinking that Echelon is a myth anymore. Once the ACLU develops a watchdog organization, man, you just got to admit that the damn thing exists.


It's that time of year again, my delicieux friend! Yes indeed! The BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU is upon us! For the last time this CENTURY! And I must say, BEAUJOLAIS to that!!


SF Girls Are OK By Me
Hey, so, like, there's this web site called It's about, uh, GIRLS. In SF. For you who are not in the KNOW, that means San Fran Fucking CISCO, Baybee! Which is the City I love.


Analog Cafe! You MUST COME!
Wowsy wowsy woo woo! Everyone who is anyone in the San Francisco freak scene will be swinging and singing at the Analog Cafe this Saturday, 11/13. You MUST GO! YOU MUST!


FUCK the Elvis Stamp
Man, these guys at the Elvis Stamp site are PISSING ME OFF. They are HORRIBLE and do not honor even the BASE LEVEL STANDARD of Internet link exchange decency. I hereby DENOUNCE the Elvis Stamp!


My Name is Mr. Bad, and I am a Roguelike Junky
Man, I gotta say, I LOVE ROGUELIKE GAMES! They're ROCKIN like DOKKEN!


Grape-Ass Motherpucker
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes!


Tom's Rootboot is Cool
Hey, so, what kind of fun is Linux anymore? Like, it's got GNOME, it's got KDE, it's got flaks and marketing d00ds and evangelists and all that shit. Seems like it's time to move on, right? Well, maybe not. Like Feynman said, there's always room at the bottom.


Penny for the Guy?
Friday, November 5 is Guy Fawkes Day! Crazy! Go out NOW and burn this crazy 17th-century anarchist in EFFIGY!


Keep Your Quake III; I'll Just Play Zangband
Yeah, I know, I know. First-person shooters and real-time strategy games are big, Big, BIG! But I've got ADD and I get bored easy. Walking around a maze and shooting at the same 4 monsters over and over gets old quick. To keep me challenged, interested, and excited, man, I GOT to have a good Rogue-like game. And Zangband is the best.


Jeez, man. It's all about GIMMICKS in this big ol' crazy dot-com feverish world. But I got to say that I think WIMMIN'S SITES are, like, the weirdest gimmick of all.


Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas
Creatively-challenged? Pressed for time in the busy holiday season? Too whacked out on NO2 to think of a costume for Saturday's party? Don't despair! Just pick one of the ROYALTY-FREE costume ideas off of this week's Mr. Bad's List!


Hey, Maybe Matt McConaughey Isn't So Bad After All
Jeezus peezus! Crazy-ass Matt McConaughey is BUSTED in TEXAS! Which is a shitty place to get busted, let me tell you! Mother fuck!


d00d!@ Rexx is the coolest thing ever! Write all your code in big REXX like you were a CONSULTANT at a BANK in 1988! Yay for REXX!


RARS! Sounds Like "GARS!"
It's so cool! Robot auto racing simulations! Rocking the HOUSE, baybee!


I'm Fond o' Vonda
Sure, it's easy to sell Vonda Shepard short over her singing on the runaway hit TV show "Alley McBeal." But few people realize that "V.S." has been in the music biz for YEARS before that show. I, for one, have been a longtime appreciater of her art and work.


Brave GNU World
Hey, that's a real BAD PUN! I wish I'd thought of that!


An Open Letter to Tim Berners-Lee
Mr. Bad busts the Father of the Web over an egregious spelling mistake!


I Wish I Could Hate
Man, there's something about on-line music companies that just gets under my skin. I dunno know what it is. I wish I could hate, but I don't. Damn.


MORE Totally Hot Chicks I Want to Get All Freaky With
I can't think of anything interesting to write about, but I can always think of HOT CHICKS! Mmmmmm... chicks! Gotta love em!


Networking In a Post-Apocalyptic World
Hey, monkey boy! Know what the RAVENING HORDES are going to do with a scrawny good-for-nothing like you after Y2K? They're going to ROAST you and EAT you. Damn straight! That is... unless you find some way to make yourself useful.


Lernu la lingvon internacian, fekachkalkano!
Well, I just got finished writing a 12-paragraph rant about morning radio shows, and my browser crashed just as I was trying to submit it. I'm too pissed off to re-write it right now, so I'm going to punish all of you and put up another Esperanto link.


The Cautionary Tale of Plan 9
So, back in the day, this great group of uberscientists at Bell Labs (AKA Lucent Technologies) was working on this supergreat new operating system. It was supergreat, really. But it literally went to fucking hell.

1999-10-18! Fucking art fucking fucks!
Man, I've had this URL at the bottom of my basket for a LONG time. is a weird place. I just don't know. It doesn't make any sense, and everybody's already had a link to it. BUT I LOVE IT!!!!


Spock's Balls
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved!


Kill Baby 6 Billion!
So, by now you know that the 6 billionth person on planet Earth has been born some time today. And, you've also probably heard all the hand-wringing about the horrible things this child is going to do to the world. But no one has faced the hard facts and made the demand: We must kill Baby 6 Billion!


Man, you know people who FETISHIZE stupid TV shows beyond the point of cute and clever into the realm of FEVERISH and UNHEALTHY!? You know people like that? I hate them, don't you? And yet, I have become one. Augh, the tragedy!


Burn All Gifs Day ANNOUNCED!
Hey, it's finally official! 11/5/1999 is BURN ALL GIFS DAY! See what you can do TODAY.


dewdz! I finally found a good Forth tutorial on the WEB! Praise be to Jesus!


The Glass Bead Game
Crazy! Straight outta the pages of Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi come a whole shitload of Glass Bead Games! What's up with THAT?


While We're At It, Burn All MP3s, Too
So, I've been real interested in this Burn All GIFs Day thing coming up in October (ssh! that date is still secret! -- check out for more details). But I gots to say that I really hate the bullshite that's happening around MP3s, too. So, gar.


At Long Last! A GREAT Jake Busey Fan Site!
DamNATION! This has got to be the GREATEST DAY IN ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY! There's finally a REALLY REALLY GOOD Jake Busey fan site on the World Wide Web!


What Part of 'Betamax' Don't You People Understand?
OK, folks, I'm just really amazed that this needs to be said, but here it goes: nobody wants Sony minidiscs. They're useless little slabs of plastic and thin film. It's a stupid and proprietary storage medium and they just suck.


Pictures of Crazy People that Even Crazy People Don't Want
So, there's this thing called "The People's Photos" and it is the FREAK SHOW site of the YEAR. And I will now write a few paragraphs to tell you about it.


Tighten My Wig, Crazy Eddy
Hey, I'm sure everybody else in the world has seen this before, but I gots to say: I love the Indiana Drug Slang List!


Unisys Is a Bunch of Retards
Remember way back when Unisys started enforcing their LZW patent, and everyone said that if you used GIFs on your site you'd have to pay a fee? And how that was wrong, it was only people who had software that MADE or SHOWED GIFs who had to pay a fee? Well, NOT ANY MORE!


DJ Christ Superstar (a rock opera)
WOW! Mr. Bad interviews the makers of A RAVE OPERA at the Burning Man festival this year. This is gonna be GREAT! Jesus Christ, RAVE ON.


Wine Spockiodi
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH!


Jeff Gerstmann Got a Posse
How cool is THIS: Veteran Pigdog Journalist Jeff "No Pants" Gerstmann is back in the ring to take another swing! And this time it's PERSONAL!


Jenni, You Haven't Been There For Me
Dear JenniCam: there comes a time in every relationship where somebody has to lay the truth out on the line. I guess we've reached that point, baby. It all boils down to this, Jenni: you just haven't been there for me.


Bad Craziness at Impossible Speeds!!!
It's of VITAL IMPORTANCE that you check out IMMEDIATELY! DO NOT PASS GO! Do NOT collect two hundred dollars, bastardo! The time is now! This is the moment in which we can DO!


Chickenhead is Pretty Damn Funny
Hey, so this chickenhead dot com thing, right? You know what I'm talking about? Well it's funny, eh? Pretty DAMNED funny, in fact, I will have you know.


If It's Not Vaporware, It's Obsolete!
Wow! Acme Vaporware is my new favorite faceless destructive global corporation! Check out the crazy products they have up at the Acme Vaporware store! All this stuff, AVAILABLE REAL SOON NOW! I can't wait!


Unholy Abomination Uses Sexual Stratagems To Compete With Humans
GAAAAAH! I _TOLD_ YOU! I told EVERYONE that this Beowulf clusterfuck computing had gone TOO FAR! But nobody listened, and now these gooshy, group-grope computers have developed s00per-hUman intelligence with their sexy, disgusting genetic programming ways! You should have listened to me!


Trinux - Bad Hacker Linux! BAD!
Wow! I've talked before about bad Linux distributions, but Trinux might take the CAKE. It's the VERY BAD LINUX for VERY BAD HACKER PEOPLE. Beaujolais to that!


The Infuriated Mandrill
First in a regular series! The Pigdog Journal Spocktail of the Week features recipes for EXCITING and DELICIOUS potions and tonics for your quaffing pleasure! Gulp down a whole lot TODAY!


McKenna, 1990s Dying Real Bad
Damn. Well, sure, of course it was going to happen sometime, but I wasn't really sure that the 1990s were really going to end until I heard that Terence McKenna was super dead sick.


understand? if insane you ! then
I believe it was Ken "The Snake" Stabler who said, "I'm ashamed to live in a country where white slavers and drug smugglers go to jail, yet Forth programmers are allowed to walk the streets as free men." I concur! have been investigating the world's most BAD CRAZY programming language: FORTH, and I must say, it's REALLY GODDAMN EVIL.


The Collected Transmissions of Tokyo Rico
Put down your gun, GI! Don't volunteer for anything! Tokyo Rico is here to lower your morale and make you leave Burning Man!


Let GNU Privacy Guard Cover Your Ass
d00d, you HAVE to get GPG! The Age of Encryption is here! If you don't get some GPG, your VIRTUAL ASS will be hanging out in the WIND!


Coolio VNC! It's the MAN
All right, I know that remote-access software is not only insecure and bloatacious, but it's also REALLY OLD and BORING technology. But I don't CARE! I love VNC!


Lamb - Fear of Fours
Yet another music review from Mr. Bad! This one is about Lamb! Not the Sharry Lewis hand puppet. The OTHER Lamb.


Spock Has No PANTS
Hey! It's a movie on the Web with SPOCK! And he has no PANTS!


Do Your Part! Complain About Burning Man!
So, if you're a Burner and you got a complaint, it's your DUTY to let the people at the Burning Man Project KNOW about it!


Psychopaths Do It Better
So, the thing is that journalism on the Web is way way way different from, like, following some dumb politician around or going out on Main Street to ask people how cold it is. It takes IRON WILL and BOWELS of STEEL to do reportage on this crazy medium. Few wishy-washy crossovers make the grade -- the Online Journalism Review knows that.


Horrible Club Threatened with Closure
So, I really don't like this 1015 Folsom club here in San Francisco all that much. It's real gross with lots of muscleheads and big-hair suburbanites and stuff. But, well, you should help keep them from getting shut down.


Gar! It seems like it was just yesterday that SMRL was throwing a Giant Head of Spock into the fiery inferno that is the Burning Man. And now it's time for the whole shit shebang to happen again. But this time, EVEN CRAZIER!


The BudWHEIZZAH Weed Station is the coolio Internet radio station for the stoner set! Live Bonghits, ALL DAY LONG! This is what multicast is ALL ABOUT.


So, like, life's real weird and shit. Oh, and hey, check it out: our server's back up. Woohoo!


Webzine99 going on NOW!
Hey, check out the crazy action at Webzine99! Home away from home for Pigdog Journal and dozens of other Webzines for one day only!


How to Tell You're Not a Webzine
Nobody agrees on a what a Webzine is, but Mr. Bad gives you the scoop on what a Webzine is not. Clip'n'save this handy chart!


Crazy! More Old Skool HACKER MAGS on the Net
Computer Underground Digest! Is still! Being published! Weekly! Mother fuck!


Gimme a Phrack, I'll Phrack You Back
Man, remember the days when you could get your computer confiscated just for having a Phrack on your hard drive? Or so they said. God, those seem like simpler times.


Hey, so, these guys at pHreak don't really have a lot of space or bandwidth or what have you, but they are on the lookout for BAD CRAZY web sites to host. For FREE! So, fuck, how can you go wrong?


Red Herring must DIE DIE DIE
So anyone who works in the techno-techno industry knows that Red Herring is not just a magazine and not just a Web site. It's an evil MIND-SAPPING RADIO STATION that sends waves of STUPID into the BRAINSTEMS of MARKETING PEOPLE everywhere. They MUST BE STOPPED!


We Wook an Awful Wot Awike
I just kind of picture me and Michael Jordan on the phone in one of those crazy cartoon long-distance commercials, and he says, "Just because you're MISTER Bad, and they're SUPER bad, doesn't mean you're related." OK, that's kinda dumb, but you should check out anyways.


Stop the Decade, I Want to Get Off
Man, I just don't know what to say. The megalomaniacs of the Dumb-Down Bundt have declared this "The Slashdot Decade." Christ!


Intergalactic Arcosanti
So, I first heard of this Arcosanti on "Real People" back in, like, 1978 or something. I think they sent that weird guy named "Skip" out to Arizona to harass these poor hippies who were building a new, ecologically sound and self-sustaining city. It came on right after the dog with three legs.


World's Funniest Mandrill Jokes
Mr. Bad does it again! The long-awaited list of the world's funniest mandrill jokes! Collect them all!


Pacifica Radio and KPFA in BLOOD FEUD
This is COMPLETELY CRAZY, folks! Left-leaning Pacifica Radio and its flagship station KPFA have been having bad blood for the past few months -- but now it's gotten personal!


Naked Ladies with Bags on their Heads
This site is CRAZY! Naked ladies with paper bags on their heads! For REAL!


People of Earth: You Suck
Man, this site is the greatest! You can create a HATE DOMAIN within seconds, using the Web-based power of USUCK.COM!


Webzine 99 is July 24th - Rocking
Now is the time on Webzines when we DANCE! It's time once again for Webzine 9x, the Web zinemakers' confab and celebration. You should COME!


Bad Men in Orange Jumpsuits
So, we saw these eTOY guys at a freako SRL show last year. Yeah, the one under the freeway. And I am here to say that they are MAJOR NUTCASES!


Live 365 -- What the hell are they thinking?
Man, so Live 365 has some of the killerest Internet radio stations ever. Like, real real good stuff (I like Fastwater myself). But check this out: they want to give you 100 Mb of Web space FREEE!


This is some crazy Czech site. But it's COOL. Man! I don't even know what MUJWEB means, but I think I like it! MUJWEB! It's just fun to say "MUJWEB", isn't it?

1999-06-29 = SELLOUT.ORG!
You knew it was gonna happen sometime, didn't you? has sold its community to the bucks boys for a mess of pottage. Har har har! The Dumb-Down Bundt continues its slimy slide!


Electric Minds Isn't Dead Yet?! HA HA HA HA HA
I was pretty surprised when someone told me that Electric Minds was still around and kicking. I mean, this seemed like a real DUMB IDEA in 1996 or whatever. Why are people still doing this?


program a little robot
OK, so, maybe the people who say that Free Software is, like, 30-year-old technology kinda have a point. Because this GNURobots game is, like, real real real real low tech. And unless you're a total HACK-crazed maniac, it's gonna bore you to tears.


Down, Cato!
Few images remain as clear in the public mind from the O.J. Simpson trial as that of tanned SoCal surfer-cum-actor and perennial houseguest Cato Caelin in the witness stand, testifying in court about his night in Brentwood. A diligent public citizen, Caelin has found a way to turn his notoriety to good use: he's founded the Cato Institute, a conservative Washington-based think tank that deals with tax issues relevant to beach guys and struggling actors.


Is the Online News Association a PYRAMID SCHEME?!?!
Haw haw haw! What a bunch of EVIL ASS-SUCKING TWERPS! The Online News Association has got to be the stupidest SCAM I ever did see, now!


AWD Man Out
No, I'm not talking about Subarus or some Amiga group. AWD is to DANCE what DEMOLITION DERBY is to SPORT. Compare and contrast! These guys rock the cool checkit, gotta say.


Don't you know? It's the FLESH LAB
Hey, so check it out: Flesh Lab has a home page! Coolio! These guys rawk.


Upstart American Spirits Puts Ancient Wisdom in Every Pack
It's not often that a new face bursts onto the scene in the rough-and-tumble world of the tobacco industry. Mr. Bad covers the recent explosion of upstart tobacconists American Spirit.


All Browsers SUCK ASS; Film at 11
Ever try to make a commercial Web site? Then you know what kind of a royal PAIN IN THE ASS it is. You spend 20% of your time doing the real meat of the site, and 80% doing stupid BULLSHIT with JavaScript and frames and tables and this-doesn't-look-quite-right in Fuckhead Navisplorer four-dot-my-dot-ass. I HATE that!


I Never Metadata I Didn't Like
The Dublin Core sounds like a really cool Irish drum-and-bass group or something. But it's not! It's a crazy ass metadata specification for EVERYTHING on the Web. Crazy!


Bar-B-Q Recipes
Hey, folks! With the start of summer, Bar-B-Q season is upon us, and I bet you're looking for recipes for the backyard gourmand. Well, look no further! Here are Mr. Bad's favorites!


*BSD: Weirder than Linux?
I'm starting to waver. Are the BSDs -- FreeBSD, OpenBSD, NetBSD -- potentially filled with MORE BAD CRAZINESS than even Linux? Could such an OS possible EXIST? If it could, you'd find out on Daemon News.


Weblog *PERFECT* Gar English Gar
I don't know why, but my writing has become completely incomprehensible lately. It's scary. So I've vowed to myself not to use any stars or all-caps or anything in this link. Oh, and is a Weblog. End of Blurb, begin article now.


Crazy-Ass German Linux Distribution... with GUITAR
Hey! I always say that S.u.S.E. is the default weird Linux distribution, because it's got GERMAN CRAZINESS built into every CD. But now I'm not sure: MANDRAKE may be the new way to go!


Schemes and Plots
Dig it: XML is funky fat. Everybody knows this. But you can't DO anything with it unless you got a SCHEMA. You got a SCHEMA? I thought not. So, check out


Orbital - Middle of Nowhere
Orbital has a new album. This is a review. Gar gar gar.


Crazy News in Esperanto
Check it out! You haven't heard the news until you've heard it in Esperanto from Radio Tallinnin! Yeah, baby!


Wobbly but Still Strong
"I was a Wobbly... back when it meant something." Man, Matewan is a kick-ass flick! But anyways, so are the Wobblies! AND they're still wobbling around!


Third Voice Is COOLIO
OK, I -KNOW- it's a totally evil privacy-invading brain sucker, but I LOVE this software. It's like MST3K for the WEB!


Austin is ON FIRE
OK, so, if you live in Austin, and you missed Burning Flipside, you SUCK.


Mandrills Create Their Own Web Site!
Those Goddamned Mandrills are at it again! And this time they've got a WEB SITE!


Government Shutdown as Rabid Bats Swarm Northern Mexico
AUGH! Rabid bats are swarming over the villages and towns of Northern Mexico, carrying away infants in their dripping septic jaws!


Linux Dot Gag
Just in case you were wondering at what point the Hacker Revolution ended, man, it's officially OVER. Turn off the lights, sweep up the confetti, and shed a private tear over the dumbing down of Linux.


Zine in a Box
Tired of working till all hours of the night to create independent and interesting content for your Web zine? Worry no more, digital frontiersman! Zine in a box is HERE!


You See Apocalyptic Storms of Blood, We See a Healthy Challenge
Now, I don't know how many times this has to be said, but I'm gonna say it again: the Y2K problem is NOT a technical problem. The technical stuff is easy. It's the roaming mobs of starving maniacs that's a little hard to deal with.


More Sick Clustering Bastards
MOSIX is the hot new thing for cluster-building perverts. It's, like, a way to make a cluster that's even more biological and incestuous and juicy and disgusting than the old ways. There's lots of gross stuff that MOSIX does. Beaujolais!


Only YOU Can Stop the Madness
OK, so by now each and every one of us has seen the new Star Track movie featuring little blond Analkin Skywalker guy. And, like, people who worry about this kind of stuff are already ruminating and declaiming about who'll play Angry Young Man Analkin in the NEXT Star Track movie, "Star Track II: Search for Spock," in which Analkin'll be about 20-someodd and swashbuckling around with his light sabers and killing clones on planet Gwelf and vigorously impregnating the Queen of Naboo (a planet, not a deviant practice) with many little tow-headed babes and commiting other such pirate misadventures in the Movie! Event! of the Year!, said year being of course 2002.


...And STEP on It!
MORE and MORE trampling and stompling fun! You haven't lived till you've had a 4-inch heel digging into your CHEST, man!


Rus the Surfin' Squirrel
Check it out! Your federal government is using a SURFING SQUIRREL to infect your children's minds with socialist claptrap! Subversive ideas like RURAL ELECTRIFICATION! With YOUR TAX DOLLARS!


I'm Open to Anything
Open Source software has innumerable examples that prove by existence that the concept can work. Hell, I'm not even going to insult you by giving the typical Ziff-Davis freelancer list of successful free software projects. However, there hasn't been equal support for the idea of Open Content, the extension of Open Source into the world of documentation, literature, music and art. Maybe will change that.


Put the BOOGIE in your Butt
Well, I have to admit that I've never found enemas particularly sexy. I mean, I didn't find them sexy until I found this COOLIO SITE,! Damn!


Beowulf Underground Subverts Decent Way of Life
The Beowulf Underground is an evil subversive group bent on destroying everything we hold dear and sacred as computerists. Instead of nice, compartmentalized machines that send terse and appropriate messages over thin wires, they want to have big MONGOLIAN CLUSTERFUCK computers with Aqualube and Free Love and Open Source and gooey money shots of data splurting EVERYWHERE. To them I say, Beaujolais!


Use Your Home Computer to Hunt, Kill Ay-leens
The SETI@Home project is finally up and running. You, too, can help LOCATE aliens across the galaxy. Scientists will use this information to destroy their nests with pinpoint accuracy! "I want to kill bugs, sir!"


No Tits, Techno
Hey, I've been a big fan of JenniCam since way way back. Hell, I even like JedCam. But I've got to tell you, I'm now hooked on Here and Now.


My Packing List
This week's list: "My Packing List for PigEasy 99, The Pigdog Journal Convention in New Orleans, LA."


Welcome to a fucking WORLD of WONDER
After months of agony and anticipiation, we've FINALLY come to the point where we have something we WANT TO SHARE with you, our beloved public. What is it? The NEW and EVER-IMPROVING PIGDOG JOURNAL. WEE-HAW! SPOCK GOT GAME! You can even eat the DISHES.


It's My Party, I'll Code If I Want To
'Two thousand zero zero, party over, out of time! So tonight we're gonna party at Mozilla 99!' OK, that's pretty stupid. But the Mozilla party is a blast, and no matter how lame you are, you should come.


The Gold Standard
I've gone over and over trying to figure out a good way to describe this site, and I just can't. All I can say is that it illustrates one of the REALLY BEST things about the Web -- frantically obsessed people collecting huge passels of information not available anywhere else, and PUBLISHING it, and then getting more info from readers, and publishing that, etc. It's a totally cool model for JOURNALISM and just plain REFERENCE, and when the subject of RESEARCH is the FABULOUS SOLID GOLD DANCERS (!!!!!), you're in for nothing for pure sexy informative fun, baby.


Lord Jesus, Lovingly Guide my Arrow Through That Bear's Brainpan
Hey, you know, everybody loves bow-hunting, right? There's nothing like it. Woo-hoo! A hedonistic bloodbath of flowing booze, unwashed men, half-crippled mammals and, best of all, the great outdoors. But after propelling your 300th high-velocity carbon-fiber death-stick into some furbag's ribcage, causing an explosion of gore, bile, and lifeblood, well, you gotta think, what's this all about, anyways? And that's where the Good Lord comes in. You can let Jesus into your heart to give a purpose to your otherwise pointless bow-hunting.


Linux, You Can Drive My Car
So, I give German Linux advocates a lot of flak, since they are almost by definition the weirdest users of Linux ever. They do all the freaky Linux dances! But I gotta say that this research group at the University of Parma in Italy has them beat by a long shot. I mean, there's a world of difference between using Linux to play MP3s on your car stereo and USING LINUX TO DRIVE THE CAR.


World Network TV Premiere of Humiliating Monkey Movie
Perhaps there is nothing more ego-deflating in the world for an actor than having to do a movie with a monkey. I find it particularly pleasurable that even at the height of the mania about the 20-something TV show "Friends," the best that co-star Matt LeBlanc could get out of Hollywood was "Ed," a movie about a monkey that plays baseball. Haw haw haw!


Please, No More
Please! I can't TAKE IT anymore! Make these bad things go away!


LinuxWorld Turns to Experienced Pigdog Journalist to Ensure TOTAL COVERAGE
Let's say you're the editor of LinuxWorld and you want to make sure that you get the HIGHEST QUALITY coverage of your fancy Weird Linux event LinuxWorld Sexpo. Who are you going to call to make sure you get TOTAL COVERAGE?! The answer is clear, my friend: a man with the proven track record at a prestigious online journalism outlet, of course. That's why the editors chose NICK-O MOFFITT to give the detailed journalism to their coverage. Damn straight!


Intel Uses Sock Mandrill as Shill to Sell Stupid New Chip
In other non-news today, Intel has made a desperate lunge at the young and hip in order to sell more of their SHITTY NEW CHIPS. Their ploy? A new animated television commercial featuring a red-assed mandrill made out of socks. HA! Like _that's_ gonna work.


Swedish Man Names His Rabbit After Spock
OK, so, there's this guy in Sweden. And he has a rabbit and shit. And he named the rabbit after SPOCK!!!! Isn't that CRAZY?!?! Don't you think? Kinda? OK, fucking give me a break, it's a slow news day.


OK, NOW I'm Pissed
OK, I'm really starting to hate links-to-links-to-links Web sites. They really are bugging me! is OK, y'know, but FUCKING HELL, I'm just getting sick of these things.


Ink-stained Wretches
Hey, so, Ink Blot Magazine, eh? It's a Web zine about music. They have lots of music stuff, and really amateurish hacked-up Photoshopped GIFs of, like, Marilyn Manson with the head of Klinger from "M*A*S*H". Ha ha.


Brad, The Game
Let's do an exercise: imagine that you are in an open field west of a big white house with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here. Now, imagine that you are also fucking your sister. Welcome to Brad, the Game.


Memepool Has Links -- a links-to-links-to-links site by a bunch of freak-os from Carnegie Mellon and the IRC #perl channel -- has a whole buncha links. I mean, like, a lot. Yeah, really, a Web site by IRC freaks (and people from CMU (and some other people)). Serious!


Gilman St. In Trouble
OK, so, if you're not from the San Francisco Bay Area, you may not know about the Gilman St. Project. It's the seminal club around here for the punk resurgence of the late 80's/early 90's. Hell, it's where GREEN DAY started! Woo-hoo! Anyways, it's in trouble.



CamWorld has Links
So, I must say, "Ooh Ma Ma, there are a fuckload of links to links to links to links web sites out there now." And the reason I must say it is that it's true! And CamWorld is one of them.


Blast from the Past at Last
Java and XML and CORBA and all that fancy crap have got me down. I was pining for the days when Microsoft second-sourced a UNIX for the 286, and RDBMS's were the hottest new technology. Then I found "The Xenix Chainsaw Massacre". Ah.


To Arms!
Caught in an embarassing flame war with a ridiculous moron about some trivial subject like techno music or furbiling? Want to settle the issue once and for all, in a way that preserves everyone's dignity and honor? Well, then, my friend, the answer is clear: ROSHAMBO for it!


Spock Club on the Web
Everyone loves SPOCK. That's a given, right? So why aren't you looking at the Spock Club Page RIGHT NOW!!?!?!


Ins and Outs for 1999
Hey, every publication has to have them! This week's list is the traditional "Ins and Outs," eh. Actually, now that I think of it, I could use a little of the old in-n-out right up about now...


More Pigdog Christmas Wish Lists
OK, well, more Pigdog staffers came in with Christmas wish lists over the weekend. I don't know what these are supposed to prove, but I'd be remiss not to report them -- if only to publicly record their dreams, so when they're dashed on 12/25/1999, we can all laugh at them.


Furbiling Trend Rises to Disturbing Levels
Hospital workers at San Francisco General have reported a 15th emergency-room case involving the deviant sexual practice of "furbiling". City health officials have formed a task force to raise public awareness of this problem.


Pigdog Christmas Wish Lists
We realize it's getting a little late in the game for you to get presents for the Pigdog Journal staff like you really should. But some of us are a little disappointed with this year's take and we thought we'd give the Fat Man one more chance to come through with the goods. And, no, we don't mean J.L. McCabe.


Christmas On Spock Mountain
Once again we present the story of "Christmas on Spock Mountain", wherein a band of hillbilly cyberscientists receive a midnight visit from an unexpected guest.


OK, here's one classic example of poor re-use of military technology: NORAD, AKA the Nuke Spooks, are using your tax dollars to supposedly "track" Santa Claus through the Northern Hemisphere. What a crock of shit!


Cool Shit
"Cool Shit!" What do you THINK it means?


Big Ass Smotherland Smash!!!!
Perhaps there is no more common fantasy among men than to have 2000 lbs. of fat ladies sitting on your head. Oh, yeah! That's the life, BAYBEE! Look here to find your dreams of smotherhood fulfilled.


Justification -- The Wacky Spokesman Game
Lacking access to genuine mouthpieces of power in Washington, we've had to resort to making up our own, fictional government spokespersons. We've posited our main questions about the current bombings in Iraq to our highly fictional foil; the illuminating conversation ensues.


Pigdog Journal SCOOPS the Big Boys
Well, I'm not usually one to toot our own horn, but I have to crow about this: our coverage of the LinuxBierWanderung beats all the FAT, LAZY BIG DINOSAURS by a mile! Can you say, "scoop"? How about, "Ooh, that HURTS?"


Bad People
These are all Bad People! All of them! BAD BAD BAD!


Linux + Beer = Bad Craziness
Electric Lichen is planning the Linuxbierwanderung, a WEEK-LONG Linux-and-Beer hiking extravaganza in the hills of Bavaria. The plan: walk and hack Linux all day, drink big beer in the beer halls all night!


Pigdog All Licketysplit
New music review on Pigdog Journal: _Solex_vs_Hitmeister_, fabulous evil technostravaganza from evil Dutch mastermind Solex.


Frozen Food: Space-Age Nourishment of the Future
I know many people may find this to be pie-in-the-sky science fiction insanity, but apparently some wackos in California are pushing the concept of FROZEN FOOD. Primarily of use to moon-men and uranium miners, FROZEN FOOD provides delicious, healthful snacks and meals, but FROZEN. Imagine it! A meal on a stick! I don't think this will ever catch on, but if you've got an eye to the future, strap on your personal jet-pack and zoom on over to the FROZEN FOOD COUNCIL's Web page.


Mozilla Will Stagger On
Well, this has been reported elsewhere, BUT, it's worth noting that the people at have come out and said that Mozilla will continue as an Open Source project no matter what happens with Netscape and AOL. They interpret the Netscape Public License (NPL) to mean that the AOL-driven Netscape zombie will not be able to do evil things like re-privatize the code for Mozilla. This sounds cool, but I'm still holding out reservations that the Biggest Ever Commercial Product To Go Open Source will not be saddled with evil restrictions by bad AOL people. See Jamie Zawinski's rant for details.


Last Resort: Boycott Everything
Adbusters is once again sponsoring BUY NOTHING DAY this Friday, November 27th. That's the day after Thanksgiving, which is traditionally the most frantic consumer-schlock-acquisition day of the year. Buy Nothing Day is an excellent way to say "Fuck You" to the architects of an economy based on people like you and me going into crippling debt in order to buy glitzy useless shit.


German Linux Users Plan dada Beowulf Insane-a-thon
Man, I love German Linux users! They are sweaty, lolling-tongued madmen! Here in America, Linux advocates are busy doing boring crap like trying to get The Man to accept Linux. Meanwhile, the Germans are doing shit-crazy things like building the world's largest computer cluster on national TV!


Mars Demands Pigs!!!!
Didn't know whether to file this under 'Pigs' or 'Science', but anyways: we have initial reports of PIG CLONING going on in Great Britain somewhere. Probably somewhere very boring and sanity-threatening, because this is an INSANE thing to do. England needs _no_ more pigs, for fuck's sake! Anyways, this was forwarded from some bad Extropians, who are a pretty disreputable lot, so I can't vouch for this 'BBS' news organization. Take it all with a grain of salt, eh?


Happy Beaujolais Day, Baby!
It's finally here! Beaujolais Day! The third Thursday in November is by tradition Beaujolais Day, the first day you can buy the latest vintage of Beaujolais (called "Beaujolais Nouveau"). All around the world, time zone after time zone, as the clock hit midnight, closely-guarded bottles of Beaujolais were opened and tasted for the first time. Hooray for that!


World's Only Jake Busey Fan Site
I dunno. I just really don't know. It seems to me that with all the resources we've got on this big ol' World Wide Web, all the talent and creativity we have at our disposal, that someone, somewhere, could make a Jake Busey Fan Page that's worth a goddamn. But I guess that's not the case.


Report from Webzine 98
OK, so, a field team from Pigdog Journal was dispatched to this Webzine 98 craziness in order to cruise and schmooze. I can't speak for the entire team, but I have to say on my part that a good time was had.


Buddhist Monk RIOT!
Man, riots are in the news a lot lately, have you noticed? CNN is reporting crazy fighting among Buddhist monks in Korea over some kind of crazy leadership-election nuttiness. I heard on BBC radio that the monks were attacking each other with fire extinguishers like crazy frat boys. Anyways, I guess they're just living by that ancient Buddhist doctrine: "Power comes from the barrel of a fire retardant cannister system."


Club Med RIOT!
Tabloid-dot-net reports that striking waiters and maids at the Club Med in Martinique have gone shithouse crazy. They're setting stuff on fire and throwing rocks at police and stuff. The French army had to intervene to get hundreds of pasty, Bermuda-shorts-wearing tourists to safety from the mob. Hell, if I worked at Club Med, I'd be pretty edgy, myself. Kinda puts a new twist on Club Med's 'Antidote to Civilization' slogan, doesn't it?


Slobbering Over Cartoon Vixens
Crazy-funny site! This guy goes into explicit detail of all the ways he wants to freak cartoon girlies like Josie and the Pussy Cats, Peppermint Patty, and Sailor Moon. Well worth the browse, although it *is* one of those horrible Geocities thingers with all those annoying porn-site-style pop-up windows and crap.


Webzine 98 Blah blah gar gar gar!
OK, so, Cool Event of the Week is the Webzine 98 thingy. I'd think it was a horrible blech gar-gar-gar-fest, except the exceptional people at Unamerican Activities are sponsoring it. And they are so cool it makes my neck sweat.


Orange You Glad You're Alive?
The San Francisco Bay Guardian is reporting on a Florida biochemist who's developed THC-bearing oranges. Since oranges are not illegal (yet), you could theoretically get high from your morning glass of Sunny Delight. Unfortunately the Bad Guys have come down on this guy and stopped him from distributing his orange seeds to dopeheads until they have time to make it illegal.


Send Them Your Love -- Spock Style!
How many better ways are there to tell someone that you love them than to send them a poem by Spock?! None! That's how many!


So-called 'Smart Browsing' Sucks
So, I have to say the dumbest technology I've seen in a while is the "What's Related" doohickey on Netscape Navigator 4.5. If you don't use 4.5, here's the scoop: there's a little button on the address bar that says "What's Related". When you click on it, it pauses a sec, and then it shows you the titles of about 4-5 sites that are somehow "Related" to the site you're looking at.


The Room -- Magic Woo-woo Powers of the Web
Yippee! Another crazy interactive arty soft-porn Web thingy. I love this kind of thing, but I wish there were some naked people.


TKH - Oriental Enema Museum
This venerable institution provides schoolchildren throughout the Orient their first look at the fascinating world of enema technology. Now you, too, can browse the Oriental Enema Museum from the comfort of your own home with this fabulous interactive multimedia tour. It's like the Louvre, y'know?


Hey Poe my Bro, Where You Wanna Go?
OK, maybe I'm the only person in the world who's never seen this, but fucking hilarious! The Telebubbies qualify as horrible, horrible people! El Snatcher and Master Squid think they are Communists or something, but I think they're just _CRAZY_ and bad. Make your own decision by checking out the copyright-violation-skirting Telebubbies page. Heh heh heh!


Ninja in San Francisco Deflects Sheriff's Bullets!
The San Francisco Chronicle reports that when SF Sheriff's deputies tried to evict a man in SF yesterday, they were greeted at the door with a sword-wielding ninja! In San Francisco cop tradition, they started firing first, but the ninja was wearing body armor, and the bullets did no harm. The dark assassin then ran out into the street, where he was gunned down by more deputies. They found tons of bows and blades in the guy's home. Crazy NINJAS!!!


Check Out These 24-Inch Pythons!!!!!!
The End Times are upon us. If you had any doubt, foolish mortal, consider this: the Governor of the State of Minnesota is Jesse "The Body" Ventura, former professional wrestler. Apparently his first act as Governor-elect has been to challenge Governor Tommy Thompson of Wisconsin to a "No-holds-barred grudge match of the century!" According to "The Body", "You've been talking big lately, Tommy Thompson. A little TOO big. But I'm gonna show you what being governor is all about. Check out these 24-inch pythons!!! Grrr!! Grrr!!! Watch it, Tommy Thompson, you're messing with 'The Body'!!!! Grrrr!!!" Anyways, go checkout Jesse's Web site and see if you can take on The Body in a grudge match from hell.


Flakes Deserve To Vote, Too
So, ironic as it is, one of the few places in this ugly world that bad people's voices can be heard is in the voting booth. Go in today and vote for bad people with horrendous agendas. Vote for evil people so society collapses faster. Or vote for good people so that everyone knows that we exist. But, ESPECIALLY, vote on propositions and initiatives -- corrupt and evil as they are, this is the embryo of direct democracy. If you flaked hard and don't even know where your polling place is, go to SmartVoter and find it, eh?

Offsite links shared by the author


If You Don't Like This Country, Go Back To Libraria
Goddamn Protesters! If you don't like this country, why don't you go back to Libraria?


If You Don't Like It Here, Go Back To Unitaria
Goddamn protesters! If you don't like the way our country works, go back to Unitaria!


Rands Vegas System
Finally! A brilliant Vegas enjoyment system by a boner-gobbling cartoon alien. Area 51 unfortunately not mentioned.


janchor is cool
Janchor is cool. Receive RSS updates by Jabber! That's so cool.


Mozilla dot Party dot Montreal dot qc dot ca
Beaujolais for Mozilla dot Party dot Montreal dot qc dot ca! I can have fun Mozilla time with all my friends!


Translation, Please
If someone could please send me email telling me how to translate the word 'Dieterfest' into Quebecois French, I'd really appreciate it.


Couscous Weekend
Person I don't know and who has no relation to Pigdog Journal travels to Morocco; Muslim madness materializes.


Smiley Smile
It's like Bowling for Dollars, except you're mostly whackin' off, and you don't get to keep the dollars. But you get to keep the orgasms! So that's not so bad. But none of my friends are going to pay me to beat off, I'm sure.


C.W. McWho?
Tales of the Four-Wheel Cowboy: a Tribute to America's Greatest [sic] Story-Teller


Rocking Under Satan's House
Living there, you'll be free, if you truly want to be.


Satan's Henchman Reveals Secret Plan for Last Days
Holy Jeebus! Some bubblehead at Applied Digital wants to implant SECRET CHIPS in the GENITALS of foreigners visiting the US to track their WHEREABOUTS. Thank God it's just for FOREIGNERS... right?


Olympic Judges Conspire Against Hapless Canadians; World Laughs Heartily
Egregious misconduct on the part of Olympic judges has dashed the gold medal dreams a pair of young hopefuls. But, since they're Canadians, everyone's laughing and calling them shitbags. Ha!


Stupid RIPOFF Sqrat Movie
This is a dumb movie that Rupert Murdoch's asshole fascist company Fox made. It looks like they hired the same cheap-ass Korean animators who did Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" video. Woohoo, COMPUTER ANIMATION. They mention a goddamn sqrat, they misspell it, and fuck them sideways. God, I hate that goddamn Fox.


Wil Wheaton Sweeps Bloggies
HAR HAR HAR! There's something called the BLOGGIES! And they had an awards thing! And WIL WHEATON WON EVERYTHING! Man, I love Web logs.


Death of Clinton Dog "Strictly an Accident"
Bill Clinton's dog dies in traffic; Police assure skeptical public that Fosteresque death was "strictly an accident." Uh-huh, suuuuuuuuuuuuure it was an accident.


New Definition of Weird
I'm no Bible-thumper, but I actually found this article kind of touching.


Fat Masons Make Software
Fat, middle-aged Freemasons with poor Photoshop skills wax mystical on software, sacrifice goat in hotel room.


Lisp Is Faster Than C++ and Java
Lisp: provably faster than Java and C++. Coolio on that!


Pray for George Bush!


Smiley Markup Language
At first I thought this site was going to be a cool paint fetish porn hole. But it turns out to be a way to make XML <gag /> that represents smileys <gag arity="double">.


Titties on Canvas
Boobie painting! "A Celebration of Breast Art in Everyday Life and Nature"!! Bwahahahaha!


Lego Porn: Now More than Ever
Lego porn: an idea whose time has come.


CarveZine! -- the online magazine for people who like to carve.


The Ultimate Taxi
Holy cripes! Crazy fucking DRUGHEAD taxi in Aspen, CO with wireless Webcam. It's insane! I wanna go to Aspen! I want a citywide Wireless LAN here in SF, too.


Send Me One Free Fish
You give them your name, they bring you a fish. Or something. No, I'm not going to try it first. YOU try it.


Raising the Red Maple Leaf
The Right Honorable Lester Bowles Pearson announces the new flag of Canadia. "May the land over which this new Flag flies remain united in freedom and justice; a land of decent God-fearing people."


Every Bite is a Thousand Islands of Flavor
A thousand islands of flavor in every bite! The history of thousand island dressing.


Cop Killa In Tha State Howse
New Hampshire legislator advocates killing corrupt rogue cops if they try to kill you. Everyone acts like there is something egregiously wrong with this. I dunno, it's kind of a head-scratcher.


Revolting, Yet Somehow Mesmerizing!
"Revolting, yet somehow mesmerizing!" This page has the best animated psychedelic mandrill butt on the Web -- BAR NONE.


Thank You For Calling Me A Cunt
Cuntfest 2000! "Thank you. Thank you for calling me a cunt."



Fuck You and Your Street Cred
*Fuck* you and your street cred, man. If being cool means I can't watch the No Doubt "Bathwater" video, I DON'T WANNA BE COOL.


I Have to Admit That This Is Particularly Satisfying
I have to admit that this is particularly satisfying.


Your Dot-Com is Dying
First aid for the dying dot-com.


Air Slammer, Road Jammer
It's a car that runs on air. No batteries or gas in there!



Cybernetic Parrot Sausage
The fact that "Cybernetic Parrot Sausage" is not some fhreaky 60s psychedelic band, but an actual CYBERNETIC PARROT SAUSAGE, is just too cool for words. I mean, truth in advertising, for once, eh?


Pat Buchanan Slurps Infant Brains Through Skull
EXCLUSIVE: Pat Buchanan drills hole in skull of infant, sucks out soft unformed brain matter!


Chef Juke's Music of the Week
Chef Juke knows his music. And he puts new stuff up each week. I just listened to "Tie Me Kangaroo Down" and I'm pretty happy.


Topless Protest -- Making Protests More Fun
Bare-boobed beauties protest logging practices in Northern California. OK, they were bare-boobed hippies, but that doesn't sound as good.


Li Jhonglas Kvin Pilkojn
A Canadian math student who juggles, rides a unicycle, and is fond of 'pi'. I dunno, I just like this one. In Esperanto, of course!


I Have It on Good Authority
I have it on good authority that it was actually EL SNATCHER who let the dogs out.


Crazy Japanese girls make funny faces.
Fuck, I don't have fuckall idea what this site is about, but these crazy Japanese girls sure make some funny faces.


World's Weakest Burning Man Coverage in Businessweek
Here it is: the world's weakest Burning Man coverage. Right in Businessweek, where you'd expect it. Fuck, at least they didn't talk about dot-com networking and shit.


New, Marginally Navigable Burning Man Web Site
There's a new, marginally navigable Burning Man web site. It's actually fairly easy to find stuff. Huh.


Stop the Rave Menace in Your Community
Mr. and Mrs. American Citizen and all the ships at sea! Do your part to stop the rave menace in your community!


You, Too, Can Be A Cyberbilly
You, too, can be a cyberbilly -- if just for a day! Go check out this auction for the full haps!


Buy Some Creativity
Jesus, Man! I think up like 30 of these things before breakfast. Wish I had known that I could get PAID for it.



Stupid Ravers
Haw haw! Raves and ravers are stupid. Don't go to raves, kids. Gimme those drugs; Mr. Bad will dispose of them properly.


I Bought A Toothbrush, Some Toothpaste, a Flannel for My Face
I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a flannel for my face.


Lingua Ravia
The dictionary you need for those difficult raver terms. Luvly.


Dammit, I'm Pissed
I can't tell you how disappointed I am that the Salt-N-Pepa Clubhouse has closed its doors. Fucking hell! Like the man says, 'Take care of each other - Salt-N-Pepa would want it that way!'


A Brief History of Smoking
Coolio! A history of smoking, from way back to right now. Yippee.


I don't know if this one is true or not...
The real, honest-to-God, low-down story of the Rocket Car. No spam, no Darwin, just the truth. Or so it seems. Either way, it's a hell of a good read.


Cool Words Page
Cool pages for word freaks. Nifty!


Burning Eddie!
Wow! Check out the cover of the new Iron Maiden CD. Burn Eddie! Pagan satanist coolness!


I'm In Love With Your Girlfriend
Check it! Mojo Nixon gots a posse. Go look at the live Web cam of Mojo moanin' with your mama.


The Sound and the Fury
Fabuloso new Web log from longtime Internet commentator Kevin "Stone" Fox. All genius stuff -- the only bummer is he uses that dumb word "blog." GAR!


Pillsbury Doughboy Loves Model M
The Pillsbury Doughboy Loves Model M!


Cintra Wilson Is a Bad Ass
I adore you Cintra! I will do whatever you want. I am sending 10 million dollars American to buy many copies of your book so you will love me. (P.S. Where are the nekkid Cintra pitchers?)


Really, this is just stupid. Folks, get a grip. Oh, and get a Trackball Marble, while you're at it.


Now available on eBay!
Likes: big wheel, Batman. Dislikes: federal agents with guns.


Everyone wants to know how you feel.
What's really important is how YOU feel, right? Use crazy to broadcast your miniscule variations in emotional stature to an unfeeling audience of millions.


Hack On!
Excellent story about online activism and/or hacktivism. Beaujolais!


Smoke Em If You Got Em
Wise, crinkly and mystical merchants of death use Flash to annoy, educate their addicted public.


Secret Room of Ancient Porno -- Unlocked at Last!
Woo-hoo! A secret stash of Greco-roman wank art has been revealed at the Italian Museum in Naples. Crazy Italians were gouging the doors with their nails, scratching to get in! So they finally opened em up. Look on, ye mighty, and despair!


King of Africa
Man, how depressing. This guy is the same age as Tjames, and he's King of Africa or some shit. I fucking hate overachievers.


Spock With Tits
Seven of Nine: Is she Spock with tits? YOU decide!!


Adopt a Retarded Canadian Maple Leaf
Adopt a retarded Canadian maple leaf. Fuck, don't ask me.


More Sucka MCs
Brutally boring. Another Sucka MC production.


Banging Trance & Goa MP3 Station
Philosomatica -- Crazy-ass Goa and Trance, 24x7 and shit. Yeah, it's all hippy-raver crap, but dig the BOOMING BEAT.


DOJ Dos and Don'ts for Kids
Hey kids! Don't be bad on the Internet! Learn how to be a good little brain-dead consumer like Mom and Dad.


LA Burns
Burning the Cross, Burning the Man


Snootchie Bootchies
Get the Jay and Silent Bob action figure. Geronimo FUCK!


New Radiskull and Devil Doll!
Now it's time to KICK IT SOME MORE! Go see the new Radiskull and Devil Doll show!


World's Greatest ASCII description
Man, this is the greatest! More than you never wanted to know about the history of computer code systems (like ASCII).


Gross Pagan Wu Name
Gah! Go find your Pagan name! Blech!




Out of the Gray
Check it out! Everything you never wanted to know about ay-leens! Expecially that they look like My Pretty Pony!


Woz/Not Woz
So, shouldn't Steve Wozniak have something better to do? Really? If you think about it?


Welcome to the Future!
The future is so cool! Check out this new Gravitron 2000 anti-gravity machine!


The Heart of Darkness -- Canadia's Asbestos Institute
Look on the Heart of Darkness and despair! It's Canadia's Asbestos Institute, shadowy poison-mongering puppetmasters of the Frozen North!


Give me FONTS, Dammit!
Give me FONTS, Dammit! [thx to DG!]


Not many of these .int domains around.
You could probably count the number of these .int domains used on one hand.


Another Esperanto Course
Hey, it's another beginner's Esperanto course on the Web. This one is more conversational and phrasey and shit.


Under Construction
An excellent history of constructed languages. Don Harlow ROCKS.


Learn to make meat black and smoky
Want to learn to make dead flesh all black and smoky, with the vital juices gooshing around inside? Then you should view this Cyberbilly meat-maker tutorial!


Mmm! Pizza!
Yum! Pizza! Give me LOTS!


Creepy Bad Plane
Man, this is sick shit. Thank you, Michael Bakunin.


Man, this e-commerce affinity marketing thing has gone TOO FAR.


Pet Peeve about HTTP
OK, I guess this makes me a small person, but the word "referrer" is misspelled in the HTTP protocol. I know, that's picayune, but it's used EVERYWHERE. And it's misspelled. Fuck.


Linux Sux? Whatever you say, Microsoft.
Well, apparently Linux Sucks. At least, that's what Microsoft says, and why would they lie?


The Early Burn
A story about the DPW and the early Burn in the Bay Guardian.


Blair Family Circus
FUCK! Those guys at Brunching Shuttlecocks, are funny, man. You gots to check out "Blair Witch Family Circus Project."


Burning Squirrel
Uh, I guess these guys set a squirrel on fire. And call it "Burning Squirrel." It would have been cool if theyda used a SQRAT instead.


Michelle Gienow -- Hillbilly Hyperphotographer
Coolio photographs from Miss Paranoia herself! She's cool, SMRL sympathizer and Pigdogtress extraordinaire. Check out her snaps.


Crazy-Ass Neon Light Saber
Check it out! It's a crazy neon light saber, just like from that movie, "Star Track!"


Assholes at SRL unable to find venue for show
The folks at SRL are unable to find a venue for their performances. Could being total ASSHOLES have something to do with it? You decide. Har har har!


Joab Jackson, Flunkey for the Man
Patient Joab, FLUNKY FOR THE MAN, covers Webzine99. Splicer, where's that damn report!? Gar! We look l4m3!


Coolio Annotated XML Spec
If you read the XML spec as much as I do, you'll think this annotated version -- with comments by Tim Bray -- is really really cool.


Well, Fuck me Sideways! They DO have a Web site!
Well, gooooooollly! They DO have a Web page for the Mystery Spot! (Note: this site best viewed by tilting your head kinda sideways)


Wall Drug!
Hey! It's that place with the bumper stickers. I wonder if The Mystery Spot has a Web site.


Another cool Web Radio Station
Technostate: good music for BPotF. Check 'em out!


Understanding Comics and the Web
Cool interview in Web Review with Scott McCloud, author of "Understanding Comics", just about the coolest book about graphics + text ever.


Free Hansen Email!
You can get free email with the Hansen name. And POSTCARDS! COoliO!


Mr. T: Bad Day for Wesley
Check out this crazy comic about Mr. T and Wesley Crusher. HAW HAW HAW! (Cool Pigdog link, too.)


Wow! They live in a HOUSE!
This group of men and women live in a HOUSE! And they use the INTERNET! Whoopety-fuckin-DOO!


We Don't Need Another Hero
I went looking for MasterBlaster and instead I got Dutch RAVERS. Is there life beyond THUNDERDOME?


Check it out! The British Monarchy web site! Let's GET NAKED and go check it out!


Crazy-ass Japanese cyberbillies create cheap knockoff ROBOT DOGS in imitation of Spock Mountain Research Labs!


Virgin Shaglantic
Get ready... once this movie's out, everyone's going to be making that dumb Austin Powers accent all the time all over again.


George W. Bush: Man de la Mancha
This brilliant parody hack site makes fun of stupid George W. Bush. Haw haw! He's DUMB!

Canadian chyx are, like, all liberated and shit. But they still put out.


LoudFactory KICKS ASS
Groove to the hippy-trippy techno beautality of Loud Factory! Rockin.


Join the Pigdog SETI@home team
If you're doing SETI@home, you've GOT to join the Pigdog Journal team!


If you're using Linux on your bitchen Alpha machine, or you think maybe you want to, check out

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