Build Date: Fri Aug 7 00:40:19 2026 UTC
It's not Gonzo journalism until you're eating rubber tires to
the tune of "Flight of the Bumblebees."
-- Miles Standish
I'm Drunk and I'm Voting
2000-11-06 02:18:30
That's right Pigdog fans. Johnnie is thoroughly disgusted with the big money corporate run elections we have on Tuesday, I'm going to the polls drunk off my ass.
With Bush's 170 million dollar campaign and Gore's 130 million dollar one, the fucking Secretary of State might as well be honest and print the GM, ATT and Ford logos on the ballot, as this election is brought to you, sponsored by corporations, for corporations. It makes me want to throw up.
Well, I'm not planning on doing that in the voting booth, tho' it is a distinct possibility. Instead, I'm gonna live by my new motto, which is, Vote Early, Vote Drunk.
My new strategy is, after a big breakfast, start mixing drinks around 10am Tuesday morning. Then sometime around 1pm, stumble over to the Quaker church (how ironic) two houses down the street with election pamphlet and a flask of whiskey. Then in the voting booth I will choose. It might take me a while, and I'm bring one of my old ten sided AD&D dice in case I run into a stumper, like which lame ass to vote on to the board of the Central Contra Costa Sanitary Distinct. Ugh.
Still, I figure this process will completely defeat the nearly billion of dollars that have be raised and spent by corporate America to sway my vote. And if it doesn't... well, I'll be to numb to care.
Then after I vote, I will retire my computer where, with a generous supply of booze, I shall watch the election results roll in and cry into my beer that my country has seen fit to elect such losers.
You might fault me, dear Readers, for my insolence about the process of deciding our future... but when you think about, I'm staying true to my beliefs. Can you say the same?
Remember folks, VOTE EARLY, VOTE DRUNK!
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
