Build Date: Sat Apr 20 00:50:10 2024 UTC
Coors Light is not a beer... it is crime against humanity.
-- Johnnie Royale
I'm Drunk and I'm Voting
2000-11-06 02:18:30
That's right Pigdog fans. Johnnie is thoroughly disgusted with the big money corporate run elections we have on Tuesday, I'm going to the polls drunk off my ass.
With Bush's 170 million dollar campaign and Gore's 130 million dollar one, the fucking Secretary of State might as well be honest and print the GM, ATT and Ford logos on the ballot, as this election is brought to you, sponsored by corporations, for corporations. It makes me want to throw up.
Well, I'm not planning on doing that in the voting booth, tho' it is a distinct possibility. Instead, I'm gonna live by my new motto, which is, Vote Early, Vote Drunk.
My new strategy is, after a big breakfast, start mixing drinks around 10am Tuesday morning. Then sometime around 1pm, stumble over to the Quaker church (how ironic) two houses down the street with election pamphlet and a flask of whiskey. Then in the voting booth I will choose. It might take me a while, and I'm bring one of my old ten sided AD&D dice in case I run into a stumper, like which lame ass to vote on to the board of the Central Contra Costa Sanitary Distinct. Ugh.
Still, I figure this process will completely defeat the nearly billion of dollars that have be raised and spent by corporate America to sway my vote. And if it doesn't... well, I'll be to numb to care.
Then after I vote, I will retire my computer where, with a generous supply of booze, I shall watch the election results roll in and cry into my beer that my country has seen fit to elect such losers.
You might fault me, dear Readers, for my insolence about the process of deciding our future... but when you think about, I'm staying true to my beliefs. Can you say the same?
Remember folks, VOTE EARLY, VOTE DRUNK!
T O P S T O R I E S
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
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Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
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Canadians Not So Different After All
Nobody wants to be prejudiced. But sometimes you can be biased and not even realize it. I think many Americans are biased in this way against Canadians. I never really stopped to think about it, but I myself used to be this way. I guess I thought that Canadians were "stuck-up" — you know, smarter and better cultured than us. But then I got educated about Canadia. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
