Build Date: Fri Jul 4 15:00:18 2025 UTC
You're just mad because you're up in Washington and have to import wine from a good state, like California. We eat like kings here.
-- Ratsnatcher
Juggler Vain Reviews SW1: The Phantom Menace
1999-05-23 14:21:55
The inimitable Juggler Vain meets the immovable George Lucas.
Force is bad. "The Force" is good.
The "Chosen One" will bring Balance to The Force. Darth Vader -- Jedi Apprentice to Obi-Wan -- is that chosen one.
I remember when Bad Vibes descended onto the second installment of Back to the Future. Because of the sleaze...
... Darth Vader was conceived by an immaculately focussed intensity of The Force expressed by a mitochondrian analogue... which mitochondria-like presence in all (?sentient) life animates the corpus...
... may be Lucas's shield against blasphemy might be a Roman legend of just sufficiently prechristian antiquity to lever even against Jesus' divinity.
May be, too, that the planet of death and betrayal just happens to sound like "Navoo"...
... where a Dreamer died; and his successor commenced to sculpt a cult of peculiar and independent saints into The Most Patriotic Church in America.
And then there're Pirate Capitalists who sound really, ahhh... Chinese, actually.
But the nascent Emperor -- whom the very Queen of Naboo catapults into power -- talks like an Englander.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
