Build Date: Fri Jul 4 03:41:40 2025 UTC
To me, Pigdog is all about Universal Love, and how it frequently requires semiautomatic weapons and very, very large guard dogs.
-- Jeff Gerstmann
Cyberbilly Thanksgiving Traditions
1999-11-24 21:00:39
Gluttony, family infighting, and monumental sloth -- these are all traditional Thanksgiving values that the cyberbillies of Spock Mountain Research Labs hold dear to our hearts. We hope you, too, will share these heartwarming cyberbilly Thanksgiving traditions. Think of it as Martha Stewart gone horribly, horribly wrong.
- Genetically-enhanced Cy-bur-Turkee (TM) with multi-faceted insect eyes, 8 drumsticks/tentacles and a built-in video screen to see if the stuffing's cooked
- Sqrat races
- Watching 8 hours of Hillbilly Robot MegaFootball on the wide-screen hologram TV
- pumpkin-flavored martinis
- Bonghits in the bathroom with your cousins just before dinner
- "Turkey day" MST3K marathon on Comedy Central
- Cranberry-yage sauce
- Keeping warm and cozy by Burning All GIFs
- Bobbing for smart drugs
- Emailing virus-laden "Hapy Thanksgiving!" animations to clueless Windows users
- Toasting marshmallows on the Tesla coil
- Squash lager
- Sam Donaldson's Thanksgiving Sing-A-Long Holiday Banjo album
- Sweet potatoes glazed with molasses and trucker speed
- Ritual vomiting-for-distance onto cloying Norman Rockwell prints
- Listening to Uncle Jake's drunken rambling stories about eating 30 lbs. of raw bear meat on Thanksgiving of '08
- Pilgrims-and-Indians porn
- Mashed Spock-a-tatoes and Hyperwhiskey gravy
- The traditional cyberbilly grace prayer: "Good food/Good meat/Good God/It's MOVING!!! That damn thing's STILL ALIVE! Boys, get my LASER RIFLE, and QUICK!"
- A hangover as big as all outdoors
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Juggler Vain attempts to wrestle with the issues around the KPFA shutdown; Big-time wrestling ensues. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
