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I love pornography. One of my biggest fears in life is that I'm gonna die and my parents are going to clean out my apartment and find that porno wing I've been adding onto for years.
-- Bill Hicks

Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas

by Mr. Bad

1999-10-27 13:52:32

Creatively-challenged? Pressed for time in the busy holiday season? Too whacked out on NO2 to think of a costume for Saturday's party? Don't despair! Just pick one of the ROYALTY-FREE costume ideas off of this week's Mr. Bad's List!

  • an evil, bong-wielding, levitating Telebubby
  • Lockergnome
  • Dylan Klebold
  • a pencil
  • Eric Harris
  • Richard Stallman
  • Elizabeth "Liddy" Dole
  • Former U.S. poet laureate Robert Haas
  • Aphex Twin
  • a pretzel
  • Fat Elvis
  • Tux
  • a potato
  • Krug
  • Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • a pencil shaped like a pretzel
  • the Bondage Fairies
  • Dwight Andreas
  • the Slashdot effect
  • Morrissey
  • "Dandy" Don Marti
  • HTML::Mason
  • Charlie Brown dressed like a potato
  • Fat Jake LaMotta
  • a mimosa
  • Carrot Top
  • L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg
  • John Stuart Mill
  • a lighthouse
  • the Bay Area BBS scene circa 1992
  • Dixie Carter
  • Evil Spock
  • a ghost
  • Electrowoman and Dynagirl
  • object database technology
  • Fat Boy Slim
  • a Flavr-Savr tomato
  • Mozilla
  • a fuckhead Internet startup business guy
  • the Fat Boys
  • the obsolete GIF graphics format
  • Marlene Dietrich
  • a troll
  • Dieter from "Schprockets"
  • dselect
  • the Crunchberry Monster thing
  • Paul Klee
  • Fat-free Jello Tapioca
  • the angel Moroni
  • SMIL "Boston"
  • Jar Jar Binks with a spear through his head
  • Del tha Funky Homosapien
  • Cherry Poptart
  • a cataract
  • Bill Bixby
  • Forth
  • General Ursus
  • Horace Greeley
  • lowercase "n"
  • Edward Scissorhands
  • a "Six Million Dollar Man" lunchbox
  • Java platform mascot "Duke"
  • My Pretty Pony
  • a Beowulf cluster computer
  • Art Agnos
  • Kibo
  • Howard Hughes (the good years)
  • Dan Rather
  • a witch
  • Bombay Sapphire
  • William H. Macy
  • the healing power of laughter
  • Howard Hughes (the bad years)
  • Paul Allen
  • a WinAmp skin
  • the Unknown Comic
  • oppressive software patents
  • Heather, Josh, and Mike
  • The TI 99/4 personal computer
  • Ed Anger
  • circus peanuts
  • Opus
  • a Subaru
  • NSA's top-secret Echelon project
  • Gerry Halliwell
  • Crash Bandicoot
  • Neil Young
  • "Rowdy" Roddy Piper
  • Solex
  • Waylon and Willie and the boys
  • Craig's List
  • the Best Buys price tag
  • the pets.com dog sock puppet
  • Jon Katz
  • Louie Prima
  • Mark Pauline
  • Morley Shafer
  • Jed Sanders, America's Favorite
  • Razor and Blade
  • T. Herman Zweibel
  • Cole Porter
  • Alan Keyes
  • an infuriated mandrill

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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