Build Date: Wed Nov 12 10:40:15 2025 UTC
She looks really unhappy. Maybe she should be on Pigdog.
-- Johnnie Royale
| Mr. Bad's List -- Reported 1999-03-23 12:18 by Mr. Bad | |
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This week's list: The Ogre Juggernaut Comments on Mr. Bad's latest [sic] list Editor's Note: This week we're honored to have a special celebrity guest columnist, Tjames Madison, provide a rebuttal to Mr. Bad's previous column, Totally Hot Chicks I Want to Get All Freaky With. Editor's Additional Note To The Ladies: Mr. Tjames does not always look like a degenerate desert FREAK. I just picked this image because he looks so evil in it. "Parker Posey" Yeah, I guess so. But she's apparently dopey. And once she made that "Party Girl" movie, it was just a question of when the incessant overexposure would catch up to her. And now it's 1999, and this is like picking Cheryl Ladd in 1985. "Beth Orton" Had to look her up. What is your problem? She has enormous teeth. "Cookie (the daughter from "Blondie")" Not bad, but I go with the daughter from "Hagar the Horrible". "Lauren Bacall" Lauren Hutton! "Maid Marian" You're such a suck-up. "Toni Collette" Ooh, the smoky look. The smoky pseudo-Keaney waify look, without having to deal with the fact that she's Winona Ryder. The "look at me, I mentioned someone suitably obscure" look you're making right now. "Kristi Yamaguchi" Plus a free lifetime supply of Campbell's Soup! "Samantha Stevens" The TV witch or the porn star? "Lady Miss Kier" Yeah, maybe in 1994, I guess. "MAJ" Awwwwwwww. That is just so cuuuuuute. "Kim Rollins" Hey, it's your list. "Leah Garchik" Well-trained psychologists can cure this problem. "Ezri Dax" Is this some Star Track thing? NERD! "Me'shell Ndege'Ocello or whatever" See Collette, Toni. "The dark-haired, leather-clad singer from AWD" Oh yeah? Well the cute one in Luscious Jackson! You know what one I'm talking about! "Marilyn vos Savant" Brrrrrr. Better wear a thermal condom. "Queen Latifah" "Hi, my name is Mister Bad, and I just think up names at random and write them down." "The Star*Kist Tuna mermaid" Ariel from "The Little Mermaid" "Exene" Only if she's wearing cateye glasses. "Marie Osmond" Thank you. I will send you the bill for my therapy. "Mon Mothma" Nerd II: The Quickening "Scary Spice" While I appreciate the originality involved in picking nobody's favorite Spice Girl, how about just NOT PICKING Spice Girls? "Emma Thompson" She's a lesbian, you know. "Gong Li" Leslie Cheung "Cindy Wilson" FINALLY, we agree on someone. "This totally babe girl from my high school who I had a painfully secret crush on and I still many years later have erotic dreams about" (cont.) "...and now I stalk her on the net and I know where she works so I'm gonna go hang around there next week and look at her when she comes while I hide behind some stuff." "The Solid Gold Dancers" The Fly Girls from "In Living Color" "KTVU Anchorwoman Diane Dwyer" You could not be more disgusting. "Ann Magnuson" There's two we agree on. |
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Put the "Life" Back in SF "Nightlife"
The Man is putting the hurting on San Francisco clubs, but some people are fighting back. Beajolais! Flesh interviews Leslie Ayers of the San Francisco Late Night Coalition. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
Pigdog Journal's crack interview team gangs up on avant-garde Dutch musician SOLEX; bad craziness ensues. Yet another fabulous PIGDOG INTERVIEW. For REAL. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
