What The Hell is This?
2000-05-02 00:43:47

Mr. Bad's List
Journalism is fun. There's a lot of drinking involved.
-- Baron Earl


This week, Mr. Bad is taking some time off as he undergoes a radical new operation: having a second liver installed. Mr. Bad's List will feature guest writers Flesh & Abby…

In the late 20th century you could find in every home across America the sickening sweet, syrupy drawings or candles of two naked Keene-esque kids. Normally these drawings would feature the mutant children holding hands, giving flowers to one another, shedding tears on swings, or other situations that would make normal, law abiding citizens grab assault weapons to go on a justifiable shooting rampage.

Most of the Pigdog staff has had, at one time or another, been faced with the painful situation of having to try to explain to the uninformed layman what Pigdog is. Usually, this happens a few minutes before a recreational substance induced coma sets in. In an effort to try to make some sense of what in-the-hell is going on, we have flashed back to those innocent "Love Is…" days to paint a sweet picture for you. We would have supplied drawings to go with these, but our resident artist threatened torture involving moose antlers if we ever suggested it again. So you will just have to use what little imagination you have.

Pigdog is…

  • … voluntarily putting your liver through tortures last recorded in Spanish dungeons during the Inquisition.
  • … taking a person’s most painful, emotionally shattering moments of their lives, publicly releasing them and holding it against them - all for a cheap laugh. Nothing personal, y’know.
  • … releasing your unbridled, over-inflated, intoxicated ego on a bunch of innocent people.
  • … going out for a just a couple of drinks, and ending up 500 miles away in search of the best bowl of chili in the state.
  • … waking up in the storeroom of a Tijuana Cantina with a passed out hooker.
  • … spitting a mouthful of beer on trendy, faux hipsters as you are leaving the premises.
  • … sleeping in an adult video arcade.
  • … throwing full bottles of beer out the window of a vehicle on the Bay Bridge, because the beer sucks.
  • … getting arrested for attempting to break into your own apartment.
  • … going into the Mitchell Brothers Adult Theater, and having light saber duels with the flashlights.
  • … showing up in drag to meet friends and/or associates you haven't seen in several years and barely know.
  • … dropping acid in church with your mom.
  • … falling into either a K or E hole, and liking it…. REALLY liking it!
  • … never having to say you are wrong, even when you are.
  • … never having to say you’re sorry, even when you know you should.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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