Build Date: Thu Oct 9 01:11:05 2025 UTC
Snort the dried blood of Keith Richards!
-- Binky
A Slew of Holiday Favorites!
1999-12-20 04:31:28
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help.
Just like Martha Stewart, we've got ideas for you to use. Unlike Martha, they all involve evil combinations of alcohol and public drunkeness. Here are a few of our favorite holiday Spocktails:
The Elven Astronaut
- 2 parts Everclear
- 3 parts TANG
Pour in the TANG first, then the Everclear. Stir slowly, with
great caution. Thorougly wash hands of Everclear residue and keep away
from open flames. Garnish with mistletoe. Drink furtively
(underneath
desk or concealed behind partition or locked door,) discard glass
immediately.
Keep bucket handy, cross fingers and prepare for blast-off. Make
"vroom vroom" noises as appropriate.
The Jolly Helper
- 1 shot Wild Turkey
- 2 shots Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
- 1 12 oz. bottle of Sierra Nevada Ale
- 1 whole grapefruit
In comically oversized glass, mix in first three ingredients.
Smash grapefruit with heavy object or tinker's hammer and squeeze
juice into glass. Sip slowly, while griping about what a shithead
that Santa Claus is.
The Clever Christian
- 1 fifth bottle Boodles English Gin
- 1 fifth bottle Herradurra Gold Tequila
- 1 fifth bottle Ouzo
- 1 2-liter bottle Coca-Cola
Obtain volunteer job ringing bell for Salvation Army. After
a long day of annoying holiday shoppers with bell, remove donations from
bucket and obtain above ingredients from nearest liquor store. Mix
all ingredients in bucket, drink to the gills. Enter nearest mall.
Serves: everybody right.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
