Build Date: Sun Apr 27 20:20:25 2025 UTC
Disneyland is like an airport: a fascist subdomain of the general ecosphere.
-- Mr. Bad
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
2002-06-03 20:54:29
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards.
I can see why Gallup needs help. They posed such brain-teasers as "Have you attended live theater in San Francisco within the past 3 months?" Do you suppose that the Hustler Club and the Lucky Lady are supposed to count? I fear that I am skewing their results dreadfully.
But I also know that this 40-page questionnaire, shyly sent to me on the approach of my birth-day, is a mere smokescreen. The query they truly wished to pose to me, had they only the courage, is simply this:
Siduri, what is the point of your life? And what conclusions can we draw from this about humanity in general?
And Siduri divines:
Well Gallup, that's raaather a personal question, but I am a Sybil in the service of Truth and I never mind talking about myself. So I will tell you what the cards say.
The point of my life is apparently represented by the Three of Coins. This card is called Work. Associated with engineers and architects, it represents the transmutation of raw energy into something concrete. It is not in itself a card of vision or creativity, but it exists in service of these things: it reflects the Great Work of the hermeticists. It's an odd card for me, as I am a lazy, unambitious spendthrift and I hardly work at all, but I'd like to think it means I am Doing Something regardless.
Unfortunately for the rest of the teeming masses, the conclusions I drew for them are represented by the Ten of Swords, which is called Ruin. It indicates "pain, affliction, tears, sadness, desolation."
"It teaches the lesson which statesmen should have learned, and have not; that if one goes on fighting long enough, all ends in destruction."
Well, dear me. Sometimes the cards can be a bit of a downer. It is clear, Gallup, that through your questions about what time of day I watch TV, you truly intended to consider the great perils of individual effort, and to show how our easily our lifeworks can be shattered by the madness of politicians and zealots. It's true, isn't it, that in our choice of newspapers to read or financial transactions to pursue, we are each fighting in our own way against the crushing forces of Entropy and the knowledge that we will die alone and in pain. I choose to put my share of Earth's oxygen to use in drunken rants and in multiple visits to stripclubs, but all my careful labor could be easily overruled by a nuclear warhead. Sooner or later I and all my works will be forgotten — murdered impartially by a rioting sun at the best case, erased by my brothers-in-species at the worst.
O Gallup, why inquire too deeply into the human heart? Peer too far into the future, and the same vision will always confront you. Tears! Affliction! Sadness! Desolation!
Yet as Crowley reminds us, my lovelies, "disaster is a sthenic disease. As soon as things are bad enough, one begins to build up again. When all the Governments have smashed each other, there still remains the peasant. At the end of Candide's misadventures, he could still cultivate his garden." So you see that Work and Ruin devour each other. And I am nothing less than a dungbeetle in the radioactive rubble, pushing my little shitball in time to "The Circle of Life," as sung in chorus by Simba and Nyarlathotep.
I do admit to wishing it was my side that had the nuclear warheads. But the cards say you're on your own, my dear Gallup. Each of us to our own work, such as it is, and the earth to the cockroaches when the sky falls down.
So! Want a FREE tarot reading of your very own? Mail me your amusing tales of pain and bitterness at siduri@pigdog.org.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)