Build Date: Tue Apr 23 18:00:08 2024 UTC

In the future, as to not create any more controversy, I will limit my affection and genuine liking of people to a "High Five" or a head butt.
-- Amy

Grape-Ass Motherpucker

by Mr. Bad

1999-11-08 16:36:41

Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes!

The great things about the Grape-Ass Motherpucker are manifold. First, it's got a very cool name, if I do say so myself. Second, it's made with DeKuyper's crazy-ass schnapps beverage called Grape Pucker (TM), which is the INCREDIBLY WEIRD LIQUEUR. It looks and tastes like something that high-security prisoners smuggle out of the prison cafeteria and ferment in pots under their bed. It's INSANE STUFF. I love it! Thirdly, it's all sparkly and makes your nose tickle. Hee hee!

I first had a Grape-Ass Motherpucker with Taipan Enigma in his stately chinoiserie-laden temple high in the hills of Northern California. This top-secret compound, shaded by redwoods and encrusted with gilt dragons and blue jade tile, is a spiritual retreat for Culture Warriors to recharge their batteries before returning to the fray. T. Enigma often has his bodyguard Babu mix up a tray of Grape-Ass Motherpuckers for his guests to enjoy in the Cactus Garden. There they can quietly sip their drinks and contemplate the volcanic mists collecting around the head of the nearby extinct Mount Diablo, or meditate on the screeching cretinous mandrills that swing from tree to tree in the live oaks down the hill, or loudly chant the Lotus Sutra in Esperanto with the cybernetically-enhanced gargoyle monks in residence at the site.

I wish you pleasure in your Grape-Ass Motherpucker! May the peace of the Temple of the Screaming Electron always be in your heart!

Grape-Ass Motherpucker


  • 2 oz. DeKuyper Grape Pucker (TM) schnapps
  • 4 oz. brut champagne
  • 1 small chip dry ice


Mix schnapps and champagne in chilled champagne flutes. Drop in dry ice. Serve immediately.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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