Iraq Flashback

By Pao Tzu
Pigdog Staff Writer
 

The U.S. has been good at attacking easy targets this year. We already attacked Afghanistan "secret bases" to thwart their supposed involvement in the Kenya bombings... easy targets. Does anybody really believe that these bases were "secret"? Maybe to most folks, but to the U.S. intelligence cronies who set those bases up in the first place, the locations were quite easy to find. Who do you think taught Afghanistan how to sell heroin so good? The CIA? Oh yeah, it was them...

Then we bombed a Sudanese milk factory, or did we do that first? Same day, in any case. So we bombed their "secret" biochemical weapons facility. How did we know it was a bio-bomb factory? Could we have possibly been hooking them up with the technology so that we could add more VX-gas to our stockpile? Maybe.

OK, now we want to "inspect" Iraq's "weapon caches." So we can be sure that they get rid of all their nuclear and biological weapons. Huh. Wait, how do we know they even have them? The only thing they ever demonstrated was their mustard gas supply. Hell, I could make that stuff. Everybody in the world has had that kinda gas for the last half century. Does that have anything to do with Sudanese baby milk factories? Could the U.S. possibly have been hooking up Sudan to produce chemmy bombs to hook Iraq up with to use with all of those neat armaments the U.S. gave Iraq to kill Iranians? Um, didn't the CIA assassinate the democratically elected leader of Iran?

Oh, oh, I forgot, Saddam Hussein is obviously insane because his name rhymes with insane and George Bush called him a madman on TV. I still don't understand, wasn't he supposed to be our bro? Wasn't he supposed to use all those biological weapons on the Iranians? Maybe he couldn't dust the whole lot of them. So we put a trade embargo on Iraq for their inhumanity and violation of human rights.

Soon we'll be buying scuds off the Russians to corner the market just in case Iraq runs out. I'm in. You could make a pretty penny selling scuds.

And our president uses some cunt as a humidor. Whose mother saves a dress with a big cum stain on it. Doesn't she know about Didi-7?

OK, so Pakistan has nukes, India has nukes, we have nukes, east Africa has plastique, Clinton has an ugly dog, Israel has a million spy planes, Afghanistan has "secret" bases, Sudan has "secret" weapons facilities, Iraq has "secret" weapons facilities...

what is everybody worried about? Saddam Hussein isn't going to stick no cigars nowhere, there's a trade embargo, he can't even get cigars. Is this still about B.P.? They're all right, they give you a free lottery ticket with a full tank of gas. Besides, there's still Venezuela. If they get a leader who tries to raise the price of oil, just kill him. No problem. they have plenty of cigars in Costa Rica.

Oh, but Britain are the paranoid ones. They probably think America has been wheeling and dealing behind their backs. They want in on the goods. U.S. can take a stand, no way Britain. But America knows from experience that shooting Brits will just turn into a habit, so we'll pretend to wage war on some dictator.

But we have to be on the watch, Iraq might nuke Kuwait. Oooh, Kuwait. If they got taken out, what would happen to the CIA's white slave trade?