Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy ``Psilocybe fanaticus''
2000-05-16 00:51:59

Pao Tzu: On The Beat
On two concert I'm should've collective photo, but such small fat bald-headed technologist be insane.
-- Boris, as quoted by Henry Rollins


Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home.

Growing your own hallucinogenic mushrooms is as easy as sitting around and watching a rotting pile of dirt says expert Pao-Tzu. Sorry if you do not live on the Pacific Coast of the United States of America. Go waste money on those internet scam spore kits or whatever - this guide will not work for you.

Buy a bunch of shallow rubber pots (4-5" high, 1' long) and Douglas Fir wood mulch at your local nursery. Take a road trip to some part of the world where Psilocybe cyanescens grow rampant, like near roadsides along highway 101 all the way up the Northwest Oregon. Gather not just Psilocybe but whole mounds of dirt from the locations. Cut this with the rottenest compost you can find (your own backyard? neighbor?)... I mean rotten when I say rotten. Make sure there is already some kind of nasty fungus growing in the compost you use.

Mix the pots as such - 1/2 natural mushroom groundscore, 1/4 fresh wood chips, 1/4 nasty compost. Put flat rocks so that about half of the surface area is covered. If it is not early in the rainy season (October) when you begin, use a drip system over the rubber planters. I cannot stress that you should not under any circumstances soak the planters, this will promote the growth of unwanted flowering plants and grasses.

After the pots have lost some of their original stink, transplant Lycopodia (moss) into the planters. Make sure to use specimens big enough for the rocks to lay on. Wait 2 months.

HELLO. Cool coastal fog, frost, and buckets of rain should guarantee the mass of the planter in fresh basidiocarps each month. For a given investment, this means many many handfulls of mushrooms to clip.

10 planters should yield about one oz. dried Psilocybe cyanescens/month. 20 planters, 2 oz... Your entire backyard stacked on shelves (approx 300 planters) should yield 5-10 kilograms of mushroom per growing season (September - June). This is really not that many trips though if you consider any real mushroom addict will make super-potent tea.

Super-potent tea can be made easily by steaming mushrooms for 3 minutes in any conventional steamer (yes, you can make one out of tinfoil), boiling the steamed product for an hour, straining out mushrooms and simmering the rest for 3 hours to make a highly-concentrated dark brown liquid.

Alternatively, finely chop dried mushrooms and fill a coffee filter chock full. Staple the coffee filter shut and steam the filter for 3 minutes and let sit in boiling water for 30 minutes. This should be strong enough but is a slight waste of material. But who cares when you have 8000.

Killing your mushroom culture is easy. If you have to move and you are too paranoid to drive around with a full-scale shroom growing operation in your vehicle, simply douse each planter with vinegar and turn them over onto the ground. Note that the mushrooms will not rot quickly this way as the fungus which would rot them is kept at bay by the acidity.

Much easier to start, collect, and dispose of than some big ass aquariums, spore syringes, and kerr jars.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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