Build Date: Thu Jun 20 15:00:10 2024 UTC

My problem with spontaneous human combustion is that never seems to happen to the "right" people.
-- Johnnie Royale

Dead Man's Float

by Mr. Bad

2000-03-13 18:26:16

The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices.

This week's Spocktail, "The Dead Man's Float," is a delicious creamy concoction with hearty flavinoids of every type. I first tried the Dead Man's Float on the porch of a decaying bayou mansion in the swamps of Louisiana about 150 miles from New Orleans. On the run from a group of Canadia-loving Cajun paramilitary types, I wore a large red wig and stayed confined to the premises of this "safe house," run by a cell of Pigdog sympathizers.

There wasn't much to do in that place except hack Perl, shoot at endangered reptile species with a big, rusty blunderbuss, and drink Dead Man's Floats pretty much non-stop. Some of the boys would get so liquored up they'd put on virtual reality glasses and go wrestle with the gators swimming only inches from the front door. Crazy kids!

Made with premium ingredients only, the Dead Man's Float can cool off even the hottest heads. Use French vanilla is CRUCIAL, so don't skimp out! Mix up a whole batch of these puppies today! Beaujolais!

The Dead Man's Float


  • 1 pint Guinness Stout
  • 1 scoop French vanilla ice cream
  • 1 oz. bourbon whiskey
  • 1 sprig of mint -or- candy sprinkles


Pour the Guinness out into your favorite pub glass, leaving about 2 inches of room at the top. Pour in the bourbon, then top it off with the scoop of ice cream. Garnish with mint or sprinkles.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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