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A Killer Meal (Literally)
1999-10-25 14:57:03


Dining At The Deathwave Grill
 
Oh crappity-crap. I spend all that time filling in all the questions, and now I guess they sent my report off to the fake email address I entered on the first page.
-- P A U L

 

It is well known. You cannot drink your way through life (though, believe me, we here in SMRL's Beverage Research Center have tried many times). You must eat sooner or later. And what you eat will play a great factor in your ability to KEEP MOVING.

Now is not the time to go shuffling off to just anywhere. You now require nourishment. So take a seat here in front of the grill, and prepare to savor our delightful gastronomic delight!

The Oakie-Doakie Dog

Anyone who has spent time in Los Angeles (longer than a week), or is a die-hard Germs fan, will no doubt be familiar with the cheap and thoroughly sickening fast food stand, known as Oakie-Dogs. Used to be that for just a few bucks, you could fill up on cheap food of questionable origin, and be ready to jump back into the chaos in no time. Sadly, not only is one of the two original stands gone the way of the buffalo, but I am told that the remaining one has upped their prices and serves food of much blander/less-filling quality.

What a shame. But here's the good news: Our crack team of Eastern European Eliminators was recently dispatched, and has recovered a copy of the original recipe for the award winning Oakie-Dog. Unfortunately, we did not know that this sacred recipe is under guard by a clan of female Mexican Ninjas living in the hills of Oakland, CA. So, in order to avoid another bloody battle, a treaty has been drawn up, and the recipe has been slightly altered.

But to insure that this is a dish we would not only be proud to serve & eat with you, but will also not kill you, the bartenders at the Deathwave Bar & Grill were force-fed this dish we present to you. And now. . .

The Oakie-Dokie Dog

Ingredients:

  • 2 Hotdogs. Preferably kosher, but any will do.
  • 1 Tortilla shell. Super jumbo size.
  • 1/2 to 1 can chili (spicier is better)
  • 2 cups American cheese- grated up
  • 1 jar Khatsa brand Tibetan Fire Sauce

Preparation:

  1. Cook hotdogs.
  2. Cook chili.
  3. Steam shell.
  4. Place tortilla on plate.
  5. Place hotdogs on tortilla.
  6. Slice hotdogs open.
  7. Spread liberal amounts of khatsa in hotdogs
  8. Dump chili on hotdogs.
  9. Dump cheese on chili.
  10. Wrap the whole works up like you are making a burrito.
  11. Eat.

[NOTE: Have Pepto or your favorite Spocktail standing by.... ]

Vegetarian version- There is none whatsoever. You ain't eating this for your health, boyo.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

xandria@pigdog.org


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