Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot

by Baron Earl

After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)

Bull is my co-pilot

by Baron Earl

If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)

How much force does it take to pull out nose hair?

by Baron Earl

Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE? (More...)

Robotic Red Light District on the move

by Baron Earl

The next time you take a robotaxi in San Francisco, you may want to bring along some wet wipes, because San Franciscans love to get down and dirty in The City's robotaxis. With no driver to admonish you, or clean up after you, anything goes in the backseats of these love nests on wheels. (More...)

MAGA cultists are easy marks

by Thym Colander

If you're looking for a way to make easy money, make sure that your con targets people who believe anything they hear and don't possess much in the way of critical thinking skills. That was the plan of a Colorado-based company operating under the names "Patriots Dynasty", "Patriots Future" and "USA Patriots" when they started selling "Trump Bucks" to MAGA loyalists. (More...)

Tightening of the scrotum

by Baron Earl

Tightening of the scrotum is a new trend in plastic surgery. Although the procedure has been rapidly increasing in popularity, no one had thought to scientifically study men's and women's aesthetic preferences as to what makes a good-looking, visually-pleasing scrotum. That oversight has now been corrected, thanks to a study recently published in the Journal of Cosmetic Dermatology. (More...)

Cattle mutilations are up again

by Baron Earl

Six cattle died mysteriously in Texas, with their tongues removed, the hide around one side of their mouths gone and no blood spilled. In two cases, the animals' genitalia and anuses had been removed with a circular cut that the sheriff's office said had been made with the "same precision as the cuts noted around the jaw lines of each cow." This is obviously the work of aliens from another planet. (More...)

3D-printed Cheesecake Squirts from Tubes

by Baron Earl

This week engineers at Columbia University unveiled the world's nastiest-looking cheesecake. The engineers were very proud of their creation which used 3D-printing to squirt layers of goo into an approximately triangular shape that looks like something you will never willingly put into your mouth. (More...)

German Brewery Creates Powdered Swill

by Baron Earl

German brewery Klosterbrauerei Neuzelle has developed what it's calling "powdered beer". Add the powder to a glass of water and you get a glass of what looks and smells like beer. What they're not telling people are the serious downsides of their new beverage, drawbacks that offend the palate and sensibilities of beer drinkers everywhere. What they've invented is swill. (More...)

Safety Standards for Sex Toys

by Ersten Wiles

ISO-3533:2021 is a requirements document from the International Standards Organization that defines the design and safety requirements for products in direct contact with genitalia, the anus, or both. (More...)

Pigcicle

by Baron Earl

It's hot out, time to cool off with a frozen slab of smokey, hot-dog flavored gelato on a stick, Oscar Mayer's newest fresh-from-the-freezer treat, the Cold Dog. (More...)

Canadians just as stupid as Americans, study finds

by Baron Earl

The self-proclaimed Queen of Canada Romana Didulo, who claims that she secretly runs Canada "behind the scenes," recently issued royal decrees to abolish Canadian income tax and declare that water and electricity in Canada are now free of charge. She also told her 70,000 Telegram followers to stop paying their utility bills. (More...)

Florida Man files petition to ban Bibles from school libraries

by Baron Earl

The Republican majority Florida legislature recently passed the Stop WOKE Act (HB 7), which prohibits teaching Critical Race Theory in schools, and the "Don't Say Gay" bill, which bans any materials or class instruction involving gender and sexual orientation. Since last July over 200 books have been banned. Chaz Stevens wants to add book to the banned list which is even more dangerous to young, impressionable minds, The Bible. (More...)

Amazon HQ2 building approved by Arlington County

by Baron Earl

The Arlington County Board gave unanimous approval Saturday to Amazon's plans to build a unique, buttplug-shaped tower as the centerpiece of its emerging second headquarters in northern Virginia. The new Amazon headquarters design takes inspiration from the brief love affair between The Flying Bum and Jeff Bezo's Penis Rocket. (More...)

Kids art is freaky as fuck

by Ersten Wiles

Kids are terrible artists. They have no experience, no technique, no understanding of perspective or scale. When it comes to seeing something and rendering it accurately or recognizably on a piece of paper their abilities are pathetically inadequate to the task. (More...)

Paywall no more!

by Baron Earl

At Pigdog we post links to the best crap on the Internet, but sometimes the premium crap is behind a paywall, there to block you from reading the crap we link to until you fork over some moolah for a subscription to their crap site, just so you can read more crap! The good folks over at 12ft.io have a solution -- a cyberladder that will scale a paywall, letting you climb right over and read all of the crap you want, without forking over anything. (More...)

Women arrested in Moscow for not speaking

by Generalissimo Fresh-n-Fruity

A woman in Moscow speaks to a cameraman. "I'd like to ask your opinion," she says, "If I could just say two words." She then holds up a sign that literally says "Two Words" and before she can finish the sentence "Am I going to get arrested for this?" she is hauled off by five police in full body armor to a nearby police vehicle the size of a school bus. (More...)

All Quiet on the Eastern Font

by Generalissimo Fresh-n-Fruity

In the days leading up to the Russian invasion of Ukraine there was a lot of speculation in the media that Russia would launch cyberattacks against Ukraine and any other countries that were helping Ukraine. Although some researchers dismissed such speculation as a lot of hype, one thing is becoming pretty obvious: There are a lot of web sites down right now -- Russian and Belarus web sites. (More...)

Person-to-person

by Generalissimo Fresh-n-Fruity

Want to help bypass Putin's news blockade and talk directly to real Russians? A Norwegian computer programmer has set up a site that allows you to send up to 150 emails from your own email account to random email addresses inside of Russia. You can send them whatever information you want, bypassing Russian information blockades. (More...)

3D-print your Wordle score

by Ersten Wiles

If you're not satisfied with spamming every friend and follower with daily updates of your Wordle score, now you can annoy and irritate everyone you meet in real life as well with a 3D printed Wordle score you can wear around your neck. (More...)

Now they're drinking their own urine

by Baron Earl

Without a winking smiley face or other indication that you're joking, it is impossible to parody an anti-vaxxer in such a way that someone won't mistake a joke for something that a sincere anti-vaxxer truly believes. (More...)

QAnon idiot dies after being idiotic

by Baron Earl

Cirsten Weldon said that only idiots get vaxxed. She recorded videos of herself yelling at people standing in line to get vaccinated, which she posted to one of her on-line accounts where she spouted QAnon conspiracy theories to tens of thousands of followers. (More...)

Flesh-eating squirrel injures 18

by Ersten Wiles

Over a two day period a grey squirrel with a taste for human flesh attacked and injured 18 people in Buckley, Flintshire, Wales. (More...)

Moon Hut Mystery SOLVED!

by Thym Colander

China's Yutu 2 rover has been slowly rolling across the lunar surface since landing in Von Kármán crater on the far side of the moon on January 3, 2019. On December 3, 2021, it logged a strange entry in its diary. It spied a cube-shaped object on the horizon and nicknamed it the "mystery hut". (More...)

Wayne County GOP canvasser William Hartmann dies from COVID-19

by Baron Earl

William Hartmann, one of the two Republican election officials from Michigan who initially refused to certify the results of the 2020 presidential election in Wayne County, outspoken anti-vaxxer and prominent knowledge-denier, is dead from COVID-19. Twitter was quick to respond with heartfelt messages of condolence. (More...)

Eat a bowl of fuck!

by Flesh

Once upon a time, I worked across the street from a "special education" school. (More...)

It's Saturday Morning. Watch Some Half-Century Old Cartoons

by El Destino

"Grandpa, tell us what TV was like half a century ago?"

"Well, sometimes things got really weird...." (More...)

Remembering 'Troubled' Former Disney Star Tommy Kirk

by El Destino

You know him as the Disney child actor who shot Ol' Yeller and turned into The Shaggy Dog. On the Mickey Mouse Club, he'd played one of The Hardy Boys. But in 1950s Disney America, Tommy Kirk had a mysterious secret all his own. He was gay. (More...)