Build Date: Sat Sep 19 06:00:59 2026 UTC
You have come a long way from the Bloodthirsty, Beady-eyed news Hawk that you were in days of yore. Maybe you should try reading something besides those goddamn motorcycle magazines -- or one of these days you'll find hair growing in your palms.
-- HST
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Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
How much force does it take to pull out nose hair?
Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE? (More...)
Robotic Red Light District on the move
The next time you take a robotaxi in San Francisco, you may want to bring along some wet wipes, because San Franciscans love to get down and dirty in The City's robotaxis. With no driver to admonish you, or clean up after you, anything goes in the backseats of these love nests on wheels. (More...)
If you're looking for a way to make easy money, make sure that your con targets people who believe anything they hear and don't possess much in the way of critical thinking skills. That was the plan of a Colorado-based company operating under the names "Patriots Dynasty", "Patriots Future" and "USA Patriots" when they started selling "Trump Bucks" to MAGA loyalists. (More...)
Tightening of the scrotum is a new trend in plastic surgery. Although the procedure has been rapidly increasing in popularity, no one had thought to scientifically study men's and women's aesthetic preferences as to what makes a good-looking, visually-pleasing scrotum. That oversight has now been corrected, thanks to a study recently published in the Journal of Cosmetic Dermatology. (More...)
Cattle mutilations are up again
Six cattle died mysteriously in Texas, with their tongues removed, the hide around one side of their mouths gone and no blood spilled. In two cases, the animals' genitalia and anuses had been removed with a circular cut that the sheriff's office said had been made with the "same precision as the cuts noted around the jaw lines of each cow." This is obviously the work of aliens from another planet. (More...)
3D-printed Cheesecake Squirts from Tubes
This week engineers at Columbia University unveiled the world's nastiest-looking cheesecake. The engineers were very proud of their creation which used 3D-printing to squirt layers of goo into an approximately triangular shape that looks like something you will never willingly put into your mouth. (More...)
German Brewery Creates Powdered Swill
German brewery Klosterbrauerei Neuzelle has developed what it's calling "powdered beer". Add the powder to a glass of water and you get a glass of what looks and smells like beer. What they're not telling people are the serious downsides of their new beverage, drawbacks that offend the palate and sensibilities of beer drinkers everywhere. What they've invented is swill. (More...)
ISO-3533:2021 is a requirements document from the International Standards Organization that defines the design and safety requirements for products in direct contact with genitalia, the anus, or both. (More...)
Canadians just as stupid as Americans, study finds
The self-proclaimed Queen of Canada Romana Didulo, who claims that she secretly runs Canada "behind the scenes," recently issued royal decrees to abolish Canadian income tax and declare that water and electricity in Canada are now free of charge. She also told her 70,000 Telegram followers to stop paying their utility bills. (More...)
Florida Man files petition to ban Bibles from school libraries
The Republican majority Florida legislature recently passed the Stop WOKE Act (HB 7), which prohibits teaching Critical Race Theory in schools, and the "Don't Say Gay" bill, which bans any materials or class instruction involving gender and sexual orientation. Since last July over 200 books have been banned. Chaz Stevens wants to add book to the banned list which is even more dangerous to young, impressionable minds, The Bible. (More...)
Amazon HQ2 building approved by Arlington County
The Arlington County Board gave unanimous approval Saturday to Amazon's plans to build a unique, buttplug-shaped tower as the centerpiece of its emerging second headquarters in northern Virginia. The new Amazon headquarters design takes inspiration from the brief love affair between The Flying Bum and Jeff Bezo's Penis Rocket. (More...)
Kids are terrible artists. They have no experience, no technique, no understanding of perspective or scale. When it comes to seeing something and rendering it accurately or recognizably on a piece of paper their abilities are pathetically inadequate to the task. (More...)
At Pigdog we post links to the best crap on the Internet, but sometimes the premium crap is behind a paywall, there to block you from reading the crap we link to until you fork over some moolah for a subscription to their crap site, just so you can read more crap! The good folks over at 12ft.io have a solution -- a cyberladder that will scale a paywall, letting you climb right over and read all of the crap you want, without forking over anything. (More...)
Women arrested in Moscow for not speaking
A woman in Moscow speaks to a cameraman. "I'd like to ask your opinion," she says, "If I could just say two words." She then holds up a sign that literally says "Two Words" and before she can finish the sentence "Am I going to get arrested for this?" she is hauled off by five police in full body armor to a nearby police vehicle the size of a school bus. (More...)
In the days leading up to the Russian invasion of Ukraine there was a lot of speculation in the media that Russia would launch cyberattacks against Ukraine and any other countries that were helping Ukraine. Although some researchers dismissed such speculation as a lot of hype, one thing is becoming pretty obvious: There are a lot of web sites down right now -- Russian and Belarus web sites. (More...)
Want to help bypass Putin's news blockade and talk directly to real Russians? A Norwegian computer programmer has set up a site that allows you to send up to 150 emails from your own email account to random email addresses inside of Russia. You can send them whatever information you want, bypassing Russian information blockades. (More...)
If you're not satisfied with spamming every friend and follower with daily updates of your Wordle score, now you can annoy and irritate everyone you meet in real life as well with a 3D printed Wordle score you can wear around your neck. (More...)
Now they're drinking their own urine
Without a winking smiley face or other indication that you're joking, it is impossible to parody an anti-vaxxer in such a way that someone won't mistake a joke for something that a sincere anti-vaxxer truly believes. (More...)
QAnon idiot dies after being idiotic
Cirsten Weldon said that only idiots get vaxxed. She recorded videos of herself yelling at people standing in line to get vaccinated, which she posted to one of her on-line accounts where she spouted QAnon conspiracy theories to tens of thousands of followers. (More...)
Flesh-eating squirrel injures 18
Over a two day period a grey squirrel with a taste for human flesh attacked and injured 18 people in Buckley, Flintshire, Wales. (More...)
China's Yutu 2 rover has been slowly rolling across the lunar surface since landing in Von Kármán crater on the far side of the moon on January 3, 2019. On December 3, 2021, it logged a strange entry in its diary. It spied a cube-shaped object on the horizon and nicknamed it the "mystery hut". (More...)
Wayne County GOP canvasser William Hartmann dies from COVID-19
William Hartmann, one of the two Republican election officials from Michigan who initially refused to certify the results of the 2020 presidential election in Wayne County, outspoken anti-vaxxer and prominent knowledge-denier, is dead from COVID-19. Twitter was quick to respond with heartfelt messages of condolence. (More...)
Once upon a time, I worked across the street from a "special education" school. (More...)
It's Saturday Morning. Watch Some Half-Century Old Cartoons
"Grandpa, tell us what TV was like half a century ago?"
"Well, sometimes things got really weird...."
(More...)
Remembering 'Troubled' Former Disney Star Tommy Kirk
You know him as the Disney child actor who shot Ol' Yeller and turned into The Shaggy Dog. On the Mickey Mouse Club, he'd played one of The Hardy Boys. But in 1950s Disney America, Tommy Kirk had a mysterious secret all his own. He was gay. (More...)
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
Absinthe is making a come back for the Millennium. Even English people are slurping it down in pubs, eschewing their normal, healthy stouts and ales. And why not? Hell, if the planet is going to explode anyway, why not ride the DEATH WAVE in, and celebrate Y2K with the most entertaining and vicious elixir you can find? Come! Explore the "Absinthe Underground" with El Snatcher, Mr. Bad, and Splicer, as they interview the notorious absinthe bootlegger, Absinthia. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
