Build Date: Thu Dec 7 06:40:23 2023 UTC
Knowing what a bunch of capitalistic swine you guys are, I'd bet you'd rent that guy the inflatable sheep by the hour.
-- Johnnie Royale
Robotic Red Light District on the move
2023-08-14 16:20:43
The next time you take a robotaxi in San Francisco, you may want to bring along some wet wipes, because San Franciscans love to get down and dirty in The City's robotaxis. With no driver to admonish you, or clean up after you, anything goes in the backseats of these love nests on wheels.
The most popular taxis for fucking in are Cruise vehicles. Reporters couldn't find anyone who had sex in a Waymo.
"We're working hard to make sure our service is safe, clean, and open to everyone, and riders agree to do their part when they sign up to use our service," a Cruise spokesperson said. To clean spillage from the seats would imply that Cruise knows when someone just had sex and that they send the car for cleaning afterwards. Since the car's forward-facing cameras can tell the difference between a stop sign and a homeless man, it shouldn't be too hard to program in the interior cameras to tell the difference between a passenger sitting quietly and a passenger getting their cream pie all over the leather seats.
According to the Cruise web site, "We record video inside of the car for added safety and support. If something happened during your ride, we might review the recording to better understand what happened. We only record audio during active support calls." If you're interested in seeing these videos yourself, just check Pornhub. If they're not there yet, they soon will be.
Scientists saw this coming. A study titled Autonomous vehicles and the future of urban tourism, published in the January 2019 edition of the Annals of Tourism, predicted that "prostitution, and sex more generally, in moving CAVs (connected and autonomous vehicles), becomes a growing phenomenon. For instance, 'hotels-by-the-hour' are likely to be replaced by CAVs, and this will have implications for urban tourism, as sex plays a central role in many tourism experiences (e.g. Carr, 2016). While SCAVs (shared CAVs) will likely be monitored to deter passengers having sex or using drugs in them, and to prevent violence, such surveillance may be rapidly overcome, disabled or removed. Moreover, personal CAVs will likely be immune from such surveillance. Such private CAVs may also be put to commercial use, as it is just a small leap to imagine Amsterdam’s Red Light District 'on the move'."
In addition to Cruise employees watching soundless videos of passengers getting on and getting off, anyone on the street or a nearby car can also see inside the vehicle and see what's going on, which is part of the thrill for Cruise's exhibitionist passengers.
"In one instance, an individual outside of the car, in another car, looked in and basically had an understanding of what was happening—and he smiled," a recent passenger said. "It was not like a negative reaction; it was almost humorous. Certain people have a different threshold of concerns about public situations."
T O P S T O R I E S
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
A group of self-righteous assholes converted exactly zero people to their cause by blocking the highway to Burning Man this week. The group, which used a flimsy trailer, some lengths of chain, and a few folding chairs to block the road, put up signs including "Burners of the World Unite," but none of the burners stopped in traffic wanted to unite with them for anything. (More...)
How much force does it take to pull out nose hair?
Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE? (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)