Build Date: Tue Apr 16 23:40:22 2024 UTC

I imagine I can last until the absinthe runs out; then, I'm afraid, I'll have to work.
-- HST

Special Ideas

Some ideas are good... some ideas are great... but these are Special Ideas.

Pigdog Journal Articles

2004-08-23

2003-07-29

Stop Buggin'
Once upon a time I was in a Laundromat with nothing to read. The only literature on the public news rack was the Berkeley Psychic Reader. It featured an article about how bugs in western culture, with the exception of possibly butterflies and ladybugs, get an unfair evil rap, whereas bugs in eastern culture are revered as symbolic icons. The article suggested ways we can access the Grand Message of the Inner Bug God from each creepin’ critter that crawls into our sphere of reference. -- Miss Conduct

2002-05-13

French Leapfrog U.S. with Amazing New Toilet Technology
The French are known for having unique ideas about bathroom hygiene. They invented and still use bidets, now recognized by environmentalists as a superior, earth-friendly solution. Now the French toilet industry has leapfrogged its U.S. counterpart with an amazing toilet that cleans itself. -- LiquorPig

2002-05-11

Things My Momma Taught Me
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. -- Siduri

2001-08-25

Hey, check out my crotch!
Back in the glory days of Silicon Valley, you couldn't be a libertarian hacker without owning a pair of Chi-Pants. Unfortunately, Loma Prieta took out the business and we've all had to wear uncomfortable, restrictive pants since then. Until now! -- The Compulsive Splicer

2001-01-17

A Modest Proposal
San Franciscan pedestrians are getting killed at a rate that's four times higher than the San Francisco murder rate. I've compiled a list of ideas for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors on how to solve this appalling problem. -- Baron Earl

2000-11-11

Whole Lotta Shakin Goin On
Yeah, that's a lame title, but everyone who writes a puff piece about earthquakes uses it, and as a Professional Journalist I feel obliged to submit to the tradition. (Just so you know, I will also use the word "temblor" later in this article). However, this puff piece is different -- it's not just about earthquakes as scary natural phenomenon, but earthquakes as a tool for VIOLENT SOCIAL CHANGE! -- Mr. Bad

2000-10-20

No Friction, No Profit. No Profit, No Job
This is a really good this piece by Scott Rosenberg over at Salon. He clearly identifies one of the major fundamental flaws in the premises that most e-Commerance sites are built on. -- JRoyale

2000-09-14

If I Only Had a Brain
These brave entrepreneurs have cornered an e-commerce market niche I never would have dreamed of. -- The Compulsive Splicer

2000-08-15

Get On The Bus!
Thinking about moving to Silly-con valley in order to become an overnight millionaire? Think again. -- Flesh

2000-06-28

Speed Racer Calls it Quits, Sells Car
It's not every day you can buy a car with 18" McCulla retractable pneumatic saw blades, a U.S. Navy PX18 periscope, an Airtronics remote control homing pigeon, and pneumatic auto jacks for jumping. Then again, there's only one Mach 5! -- Baron Earl

2000-06-03

State of Jefferson, Eh?
So, California is a BIG state. Like, a REALLY big state. There's just a lot of stuff here. A lot of people, a lot of land. And the folks in Jefferson want to take part of that away. Beaujolais for them! -- Mr. Bad

2000-05-18

Pigdog on paper
TeX formatted pigdog early release. -- Pao Tzu

2000-04-04

Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! -- Arkuat

2000-03-10

Americans ban use of the term 'menage a trois'
So, if you knew your language was becoming obsolete, what would you do? If you're the French government, you'd rage, rage against the dying of the light. Also, if you're the French government, can I borrow a few thousand bucks? American currency only. Thanks. -- Miles Standish

2000-02-21

Making Junk Mail Work For You
Although my e-mail inbox is regularly filled with unsolicited messages selling APL Compilers, Dutch pastry recipes, and Czech get-rich-quick schemes, my postal mailbox is full of even more nefarious spam. Here's how I deal with it. -- Crackmonkey

2000-02-14

Dont Forget! March 13 is St.Urpasian Day!
A few thousand years ago in Rome, February 14th was a big carnal love fest where boys and girls would hook up for a year of orgys and parties at the vomitorium. Around the same time this guy Valentine was beaten with clubs and beheaded by Claudius II. The poor persecuted party-pooping Xtians decided to sabotage the chick-picking party and replace it with there own platonic holiday-- Valentine's. -- Negative Nancy

2000-02-08

One Day Greenwich Times Is Bastardly Queer
Gene Ray, Cubic, explains it all for you! You see, since there's four midpoints to the day (mid-day, mid-night, sun-up, and sun-down), there are actually four days happening at once. That's right, a simultaneous 4-day time cube! Obviously, this means that god is an evil invention, education induces stupidity, and self-god is lowest human behavior. -- Miles Standish

1999-12-15

QUIT Etoys.com!
So, if you haven't heard already, there's a big hullabaloo about online toy retailer Etoys.com. They are the undisputed Kings of SUCKASS! They took the crazy Krafwerkian eurotrash art group etoy.com to court for having a name SIMILAR to theirs. Let us punish them with ELECTRONIC FRONTIER JUSTICE! -- Mr. Bad

1999-10-01

The Glass Bead Game
Crazy! Straight outta the pages of Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi come a whole shitload of Glass Bead Games! What's up with THAT? -- Mr. Bad

1999-09-14

Does your mother know?
Pop quiz: You're at a party, and some hottie comes on to you. And you are in the mood to the horizontal bop as they are. But they look rather young, so you ask them how old the are. As it turns out, they're under the age of 18. What do you do? -- Flesh

1999-07-14

Intergalactic Arcosanti
So, I first heard of this Arcosanti on "Real People" back in, like, 1978 or something. I think they sent that weird guy named "Skip" out to Arizona to harass these poor hippies who were building a new, ecologically sound and self-sustaining city. It came on right after the dog with three legs. -- Mr. Bad

1999-06-18

Kooky Chinese Use Condoms As Balloons!
Boy, you sure have to hand it to the Chinese when it comes to fun! China has taken our prophylactic technology and moved it one step further... -- Ms.BunnyPenny

1999-06-11

Wobbly but Still Strong
"I was a Wobbly... back when it meant something." Man, Matewan is a kick-ass flick! But anyways, so are the Wobblies! AND they're still wobbling around! -- Mr. Bad

1999-06-06

De' Sponge, She's Back
Girlfriend can't stand the pill and you hate wearing your "party" hat whenever you want some pussy. Well good news -- the Sponge is BACK. -- JRoyale

1999-05-23

On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! -- Patient Joab

1998-11-20

The Pat Boone Lounge Has Been Mustard Gassed
Are you still using that watered-down pepper spray crap to defend yourself against buggering, mugging, and whatnot? That stuff is no good. What you need is to get you some bear repellent!! -- Flesh

Offsite links shared by staff writers

2005-02-17

Microsoft sp1llz teh b34nz on hax0r talk
Your kid might be a k1dd1e if... -- Dkr. Armand Geddyn

2002-10-12

Is There A God? -- ICBINJ

2002-07-20

Smack the Raver -- Baron Earl

2002-06-19

All about Sporks -- JRoyale

2002-05-20

Don't Go Off Half Baked
Get feedback on your half-baked plan. -- Miss Conduct

2002-05-07

Let's Play Dress Up
Wanna play with my doll? -- Miss Conduct

2002-04-02

2002-03-28

How to Mark a Nuclear Waste Disposal Site For the Next 10,000 Years
'Images of dangerous emanations and wounding of the body.' -- Cynara

2002-03-14

Flags of the World, Judged and Found Wanting
It may come as a surprise, but "there is no international body responsible for upholding simple standards of vexillilic aesthetics." -- Cynara

2002-01-29

Minas Tirith Uber Alles
Let's all go to hobbit camp! -- Siduri

2001-08-14

I Brake For the d20-Compatible TimeCube RPG Rules!
There are two things important to me in life: The d20 Open Gaming License, and Nature's Harmonious Time Cube. -- Miles Standish

2001-08-12

2001-06-16

2001-05-27

2001-01-03

Cop Killa In Tha State Howse
New Hampshire legislator advocates killing corrupt rogue cops if they try to kill you. Everyone acts like there is something egregiously wrong with this. I dunno, it's kind of a head-scratcher. -- Mr. Bad

2000-10-16

Bitch Test -- Baron Earl

2000-10-16

2000-07-07

Kilgore Trout revealed -- Baron Earl

2000-06-22

2000-04-10

Propaganda! -- El Destino

1999-09-21

Monk use term "popping woody" -- Negative Nancy

1999-07-07

1999-05-28

Geek Gourmet -- El Snatcher

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