Build Date: Sun May 19 16:50:19 2024 UTC
If there's one thing Christianity is all about, it's sexy names.
-- Crackmonkey
Canadia Sucks
In fact, chances are that you found this web page because you typed "Canadia" into a search engine. Subconsciously you already believe that the country to the north of the United States should be called Canadia. Thank you for seeing things our way.
For those of you who went to public school in the U.S. and haven't heard of Canadia before, it's a small, third-world country just north of the United States. Once you learn to understand their peculiar dialect of English, it's not too hard to converse with Canadian natives.
Canadia is a poor and sparsely-populated country where up to 98% of the citizens are alcoholics. Most Canadian citizens have government jobs where they are paid to say "Eh?" all day long.
OK, here's the inside explanation for all of you Canadians who have, by now, worked yourself into a seriously indignant, perturbed, and self-righteous Canadanista fury:
There's an American stereotype known as the "redneck". A redneck thinks all foreigners are scary, threatening people who are out to overthrow America. A completely looney redneck would think that Canadians are a threat to the American way of life, when in fact Canadians have a hard time threatening beavers. By appearing to attack Canadians, we're actually making fun of an American stereotype -- fearful of outsiders, poorly educated, and patriotic to the point of stupidity. We're poking fun at Americans.
The fact that Canadians completely fail to understand this is an endless source of amusement to everyone on Pigdog. The flaming letters to the editor all wrapped up in Canadian patriotism -- complete with tales of hockey, health care, Molson beer, and Canadian peace-keepers -- are as unintentionally heart-warming as they are hilarious. It's hard to imagine that that kind of heartfelt innocence still exists these days, because here in jaded America, it doesn't.
Sweet, innocent Canadians, we salute you!
Pigdog Journal Articles
2022-05-18
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Offsite links shared by staff writers
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T O P S T O R I E S
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
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I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
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What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)